【寄托No.1】杀G小组 第5次作业 A69

琼央UID：3236722

@绿豆  今天早上就看完了，不过晚上才上网捏，久等了~

dandelionttUID：2852417

额，倒点水来。

asahiUID：2437498

17# dandeliontt
给斑斑端一杯茶，好边品茶边拍我的作文。见笑了

greenbeanmeimeiUID：2854957

6# 琼央
总体上来说，小央的这篇很不错，语言很精练，斜体的那些都是我个人很赞赏的，向你学习:handshake
一些拼写的小问题依旧存在，要仔细哦：）用红笔都标注了。:)
逻辑批判的点很独到，但是要深入，不是很convincing，至少不深入想阅卷人也许不是很明白你想表达的是什么。

In this passage, the author recommendsusing Zeta instead of Alpha for the new building project. With several reasonsto explain why Z provides better service, thepassage has
pointedout some valuable pieces. However, some evidence given is rifed (应该是rife) with holes, and thus more thoughtful work is needed to make a convincing suggestion. (第一段很好)


First of all, to make sure that the energyconsumption of Zeta building indeed has been lower than Alpha's every year, weneed to find out whether or not the building itself is a well-builtconstruction and thus can save lots of energy. If it is true, then Zeta hasreally great benefit (这里是要说advantage吗？benefit应该也是可以的) in constructing. But if is not, it may turn out to besome other factors that helpcontrol the energy consuming rate
.For instance, the Z building couldhave hired professional group to run the energy system efficiently, or,(逗号可以省略) workers in the building may be well educated and have strong self-responsibility to save energy at work. All these factors mentioned above should be taken into consideration in order to make amore warranted judgment.


Second, to tell whether or not the expenses formaintaining the Zeta building is cheaper than that of Alpha's, it's vice ？wise吧
for the author to give clear answersabout the yearly cost of two companies .The evidence of last month is notadequate. In case that the Alpha kept requiring less money most during the pastdecade but suddenly raised its level last year, the Alpha still might be seenas preferable. In another situation, it's likelythat the total cost of the Z building has already outnumbered its opponent.Only by displaying more information, say annual data of every both of (each of every company) the companies, can we make validconclusion about which company of the two charges fewer expenses formaintenance.

Third, we need to find out to what extend do the stability of workforce of thetwo companies link with the construction performance. Employees of a companyshare so many similarities cells incommon with the human body, small but fundamental. Without them, not anyoperations in modern times can exist. However, it's the employers who steer the direction and control the building processin the company. In other words, the employees come and gone may not necessarilyimpact the quality of the construction work. If a stable workforce reallymatters, more details should be shown in the passage.(这段内容不错，但是有点牵强，建议较大程度上展开)


To propose using Zeta rather than Alpha for the new building project, theauthor certainly has done some research on both sides of the two companies, as canbe seen in the passage. But with questions above remaining unsolved, it’s still too early to come to a solid agreement.



加油！有志者事竟成！
by greenbean绿豆