3个小时写的作文。。。

顽石。小舟UID: 2828444

工作时间偷偷写了个作文 花了三个小时  第一次写独立写作   请一个国外朋友改了一下  有的地方改的很自然  有的地方用我们的语法解释不通  大家给些建议怎么能拿高分 尤其是考过的同学  

相似的段落 第一段是我写的 第二段是改过的 （想用颜色区分 可颜色板点不开）

Topic: People think it is more enjoyable to work three days a week for long time than work five days a week for shorter time


Do you want to enjoy a four-days weekend every week? Nowadays, we are facing more intense competition and higher pressure in daily work. No matter in mentality or body, the traditional two-days weekend is not enough for us re-charging. Therefore, some specialists of sociology suggest that we should have a longer weekend instead of the traditional two-days weekend, accordingly, working hours every day are prolonged too. It seems this proposal solves the problem mentioned just now, but in my point of view, its disadvantages outweigh the advantages

Do you want to enjoy a four day weekend every week? Nowadays, we are facing more intense competition and higher pressure in daily work. Whether it be mentally or physically, the traditional two day weekend is not enough for us to recharge. Consequently, some sociology specialists suggest that we should have a longer weekend instead of the traditional two day break, together with longer working hours during the week. It seems this proposal solves the problem mentioned above, but from my point of view, its disadvantages outweigh the advantages



Firstly, we do not have own time in those working days. Apparently, if people want to enjoy the extended weekend, four or five hours needed to be increased in the three working days. Counting in lunch/dinner time and the consummation on the way, only seven or eight hours left for us, which is shortage for sleeping, let alone to deal with our own businesses. This is particularly tough for a mother to take care of her baby.


Firstly, we would not have any free time during those working days. If we want to enjoy the extended weekend, we would need to work an extra four or five hours per day during the three working days. Taking into account the time taken for lunch/dinner time and odd snacks, only seven or eight hours would remain free, whichwould be too short a time for sleeping, let alone dealing with our own affairs. This would be particularly hard for a mother who has to care for a baby.


In addition, prolonging daily on-clock time makes us more tired. Working ten even twelve hours continuously exhausted us completely. Li Gang, one of my friends, who works in a IT company. After working eleven hours one day, he lost sight suddenly. Although his eyes recovered one week later, it is a dangerous signal that too long working time do harm us. Furthermore, as we know, excess fatigue often accompanies an accident, would you like to take a bus whose driver has worked for ten hours?  

In addition, prolonging daily working hours would make us more tired. Working ten even twelve hours continuously would exhaust us completely. Li Gang, one of my friends, who works in a IT company lost his sight suddenly after working eleven hours in one day. Although his eyesight recovered one week later, it was a dangerous signal that working too many hours at a stretch is likely to harmful. Furthermore, as we know, excess fatigue can cause an accident. Would you like to take a bus whose driver had been working that day for ten hours?  


Last but not the least, we are hard to shift to working state rapidly when backing from a long holiday. I do not deny a four days break is an attractive thought, people can have a big party with families or friends, even a short journey. However, I believe everyone has the experience that concentrating on working in Monday is a little difficult. This is because our brains and bodies are still in relaxing state. According to a survey from National Science published in 2009, the working efficiency of Monday is only 75.2% of Tuesday’s. Undoubtedly, the figure would be worse if we take a four-days weekend.

Last but not the least, it would be hard to adjust quickly to working such long hours after returning from a long holiday. I do not deny a four days break is an attractive thought, people can have a big party with families or friends, or even a short journey. However, I believe that everyone has the experience that concentrating on work on Mondays, after the weekend, is somewhat difficult. This is because our brains and bodies are still in a relaxed state. According to a survey from National Science published in 2009, the efficiency of people working on a of Monday is only 75.2% compared with that on a Tuesday. Undoubtedly, the figure would be worse if we took a four day weekend.

From what we have discussed, a longer weekend has prominent effects on people’s adjustment, entertainment and relaxation. But it is undeniable that harm is more than good. I strongly appeal to keep the current work schedule – working five days a week for shorter time.  

From what we have discussed, a longer weekend would have profound effects on people’s adjustment, entertainment and relaxation. But it is undeniable that it would be more harmful than good. I strongly appeal that we should  keep the current work schedule – working five days a week for shorter time.

顽石。小舟UID: 2828444

除了小转接词外  基本没用模板的套话  句式好像比模板套话简单  

不知道是好事坏  这是我最担心的

顽石。小舟UID: 2828444

没人吗