Issue119 郁闷郁闷郁闷 每篇都要贴3便以上才有希望抓到人家眼球吗？不管了 厚脸皮ing~

alexandra8204UID: 138807

第一次记时 超时一点点吧 比想象中的好点 感觉看看工具箱 积累点到处都能用的例子句子还是很有用的 请大家帮忙给改改评评 谢谢大家

119. "When research priorities are being set for science, education, or any other area, the most important question to consider is: How many people's lives will be improved if the results are successful?"

With the stunning high rate of the technological development, our major research attention has been more and more focused on science, education, and other areas.Given the increasing complicated tasks accomplished by our human being,we cannot help but ask,what's our research for?The total number of people's live that will be improved by this, or is there anything else we have to consider?

We are really proud of all our accomplishement especially these days like space travel,miracle medicine,computers and etc.They all gave us a big surprise that were totally incredible in the past days and improved the way in which we live quite a lot.The more available scientific technology makes almost everything possible.For example,the advent of mobile phone made you easily contact with any people you want at any time;our computers can administrate almost everything what we can think of,such as surfing the Internet and getting whatever information you want,releasing us from so many boring and awkward repetitive caculations;also being used as a educational tool called CAI and etc.With today's educational development,our kids seem to be more healthy,decent and strong and everybody seems to be more understandable and amenable.These great blossom of our sociey and the fabulous improvement of our people's lives are just what we expect our voluminous amounts of researches to give us.No one can argue that these great results are all undeniable successes,because the extent to which our life improved is almost the most important part of the yardstick to which we evaluate our research.All the successful researches origin from the benifit that can bring to our life.

But does that mean that the most important question we are facing now is how many people's lives will be improved by those terrific researches?I am afraid not. There are still some serious things we cannot neglect or we should pay more attention to.Sometimes,it is just because we are too eager for the benefit our reseaches can give us that we make some inerasable huge mistakes like pollutions and other environmental pressures.Our chemical experiments and applications have polluted so many rivers and lakes,and we have killed enough animials for our "new idea" experiment.Maybe we will receive the avengement of the nature and have to pay for all these someday.Let us take some other spetacular examples that maybe in everybody's mind at present especially these days:the holocaust threaten of our nuclear power,the ethical life prolonging or clone technical skills through the highly developed genetic engneering and etc.They are merely a few of so many we can call on.What we need more now maybe just some clear clarification of what our research really for and what is actually the good part and then we can choose the right direction to follow.Maybe some researches that aim at what to do to save our environment and nature are far more successful.Afterall,they are our living basis because we can live without the cell phones,without all the computers,without all the planes,cars,trains,but we cannot live without environment and animals.We have to live together now and forever.

Hence,on the one hand,We have to support the urgency to the continuing the development of our reseach because they really do a big favor to our whole human beings.On the other hand,we have to steer all our research towards a healthy and uninjurious direction.Consider more,not only for our way of life,but also the whole environment and all the active lives.

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-6-24 18:23 编辑 ]

paisleyUID: 64183

well written article!

You can write fluently and correctly, expressing your ideas very clearly. And the points in your article are also good!

A suggestion that is different from your point of view: Many science subjects and Art disciplines donot have immediate effect or benefit on humen beings but they have long-run (or even long long run) effects. They can never be ignored. so the question raised in the title does see this side of the matter. maybe you can discuss it in your article.


why your article doesn't catch others' eyesight is because you don't show up in our BBS frequently enough. You should make some contributions to others so that your essays will get many suggestions next time.

gambellUID: 122696

With the stunning high rate of the technological development, our major research attention has been more and more focused on science, education, and other areas. Given the increasing complicated tasks accomplished by our human being, we cannot help but ask, what’s our research for? The total number of people's live(??感觉有点问题吧) that will be improved by this, or is there anything else we have to consider?

We are really proud of all our accomplishments especially these days like space travel, miracle medicine, computers and etc. They all gave us a big surprise that were totally incredible in the past days and improved the way in which we live quite a lot.（这样也可以，但个人觉得时态在能一致的时候尽量一致，后面也一样） The more available scientific technology makes almost everything possible.(用强调句型前面应该是it is 吧) For example, the advent of mobile phone made you （这是客观的论述文，切忌出现主观词汇，如us, you, your有时候we, I 可以见到，但以少为妙）easily contact with any people you want at any time; our computers can administrate almost everything what we can think of, such as surfing the Internet and getting whatever information you want, releasing us from so many boring and awkward repetitive calculations; also being used as a（an） educational tool called CAI and etc. With today's educational development, our kids（这个词太口语话，用children 都好一点） seem to be more healthy, decent and strong and （重复用and还不如分句）everybody seems to be（seems to be是看起来像，好像多用在后面要转折的地方） more understandable and amenable. These great blossom（blossoms 或 this） of our society and the fabulous improvement of our people's lives are just what we expect our voluminous amounts of researches to give us. No one can argue that these great results are all undeniable successes, because the extent to which our life improved is almost the most important part of the yardstick to which we evaluate our research. All the successful researches origin from the benefit that can bring to our life.
用词很丰富，但行文感觉有点罗嗦，好些句子拼命的拉长反而效果不好，使得说理的力度就小了

But does that mean that the most important question we are facing now is how many people's lives will be improved by those terrific researches? （感觉和前面的转得太大了吧？？）I am afraid not. There are still some serious things we cannot neglect or we should pay more attention to. Sometimes, it is just because we are too eager for the benefit our researches can give us（also 比can好吧） that we make（句式有点看不懂了）some inerasable huge mistakes like pollutions and other environmental pressures. Our chemical experiments and applications have polluted so many rivers and lakes, and we have killed enough animals for our "new idea" experiment. Maybe we will receive the avengement of the nature and have to pay for all these someday. Let us take some other spectaculars examples that maybe in everybody's mind at present especially these days: the holocaust threaten of our nuclear power, the ethical life prolonging or clone technical skills through the highly developed genetic engineering and etc. They are merely a few of so many we can call on. What we need more now maybe just some clear clarification of what our research really for and what is actually the good part and then we can choose the right direction to follow. Maybe some researches that aim at what to do to save our environment and nature are far more successful. After all, they are our living basis because we can live without the cell phones, without all the computers, without all the planes, cars, trains, but we cannot live without environment and animals. We have to live together now and forever.
例子比较充足，论证也还不错，就是感觉4段式很容易造成两面论述，立场不明的情况，其实你可以适当减少2段的内容，第三段散开在写一段，在逻辑上就会更清晰。

Hence, on the one hand, We have to support the urgency to the continuing the development of our research because they really do a big favor to our whole human beings. On the other hand, we have to steer all our research towards a healthy and uninjurious direction. Consider more, not only for our way of life, but also the whole environment and all the active lives.

你的标点打得也很有问题，到word例自己查差吧

老让别人改文章，必须也要替人家着想，自己先改改，还要改改别人的，互助的气氛才能出现。不能一味索取，而不回报。

alexandra8204UID: 138807

世上还是好人多啊 谢谢楼上的两位
因为我在分类写呀 才写好两类科技和教育 对其他类型还没研究 而大家似乎写这两个的还不太多 而且怕自己水平不够给人家改错了 所以没好意思帮别人改
谢谢指点 一定接受建议
鞠躬了！