求大神评分指导习作，三战

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小生一直为作文7而烦恼，考的两次都是6，求大神指点迷津，这是刚写的一篇作文。

题目: Some people think children should learn to compete, but others think that children should be taught to cooperate. Express some reasons of both views, and give you own opinion.

    The issue of whether competitive approach or cooperative approach yields a more successful educational achievement has sparked off an intense controversy in the society. In this essay, I aim at discussing both sides of the problem and put up my own opinion.

    On the one hand, advocates of cooperative learning hold that it is more effective for student to adopt teamwork-oriented approach to study. Since current method of incorporating knowledge for children is to learn it by solving the problem given by the teacher， while some of the problems are too difficult for individual to tackle alone, cooperation does lay a basic foundation for children to aggregate their own wisdoms to attack challenging problems, which is more successful and more time saving compared with the studying alone.

    On the other hand, however, teamwork is by no means a perfect way to incorporate knowledge. Opponents argue that cooperation more or less yields free riding incentive among schoolmates, thereby decreasing the overall achievement of cooperation in turn. Moreover, altruism in education is a intrinsic dilemma when considering the current evaluation system of students academic performance quantified by test score. Since high requirement of some excellent educational institutions, such as high GPA, hinder some smartest students to share their ideas with others because they want to keep their advantages over others by solving some problems that others cannot. Therefore, compete-oriented approach popularizes among schoolmates.

To conclude, I reckon that cooperation does benefit children to foster their own learning ability. Nevertheless, I am convinced that since the model of evaluation student system preserves unchanged, allowing students to study competitively outweigh the former view.

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5

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是因为模板问题吗？ 版主

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一部分是沿用了模版文章里的词汇和思路，一部分是有口语痕迹，属于非正式文体

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但是你很有潜力，上6分不难