请求 作文好的托友帮我改改作文啊。

Gyps_rueppelliiUID: 3340085

As we all know, university is a significant period during our lifetime. We will work after graduation as for most students. Hence, here comes a discussion that whether colleges should provide students for a better job preparation before they start working. Some opponents deem that it will disturb the study plan of students and other drawbacks. On the contrary, some people believe that it can benefit students a lot when working in the future. From my perspective, it is a good idea for students' development. The elaborate reasons are as follows.

Admittedly, campus is a place to study. And every students should concentrate on their study works such as doing research, taking notes, preparing examination, etc. If we spend much time preparing future works, it will take on our studying time which is very stressed enough so that we cannot accomplish our study that is the foundation during study very well and it will give us more pressure. Otherwise, what we get from the preparation can be learned easily when we get start to work. So it is not only occupying our precious studying time but also not very necessary.

However, what we all know is that going to university is for the sake of achieve successes in jobs. Therefore, if universities offer us job preparation, we will be more prominent possibly. Because we can find out what areas we are interested in, as a result, we can strive for the aim. As a Chinese proverb goes: the target is the direction of success. For example, the creator of Facebook, Mark Zuckberger, found out that he liked computer very much through the job advisors in Harvard university. And this is the corner stone of his achievement in internet.  So it can be more convenient for students to study their interested courses.

Further, it can be beneficial to the efficiency of studying for students. If universities want to teach job preparation, they must make students be involved in the real working conditions, which can help students check their knowledge studied in classes by experiencing the practice. As a matter of fact, people learn the knowledge more effectively through practice than just listening and writing. What is more, it can facilitate the curriculums setting and management of students of university when students can search for their interested works through job preparation. Hence students can try their best to learn the courses that they like and that is related to their future jobs. In that case, students need not waste time learning what they will not take into reality.

In a nutshell, although it may be some deficiencies in some degree, students can simplify their school study and also can struggle for aims which are set through job preparation. Balancing the advantages and drawbacks, I will be the advocator who advocates universities should supply job preparation for students.

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

作文题目是什么
第一点赘余
要简洁

Gyps_rueppelliiUID: 3340085

题目是  colleges or universities should offer students a job preparation before they start working!   谢谢啊     真是不好意思    忘记题目了      哎

Gyps_rueppelliiUID: 3340085

再求改啊     谢谢啦         第一篇谁帮我改一下啊

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

Toefl的作文注重写的清楚
楼主的长句子很多，很拖沓
开头段，论点迟迟不出来
论述的第一段，也没有实质性的举例子等

俺的意见就是甩掉长句子 注重内容的体现，比如一个小论点，加一个例子，再总结一下

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

怒顶楼上啊！:lol

Gyps_rueppelliiUID: 3340085

谢谢啊，     可是  不是要长短句结合啊？？    那如果甩掉长句，就只剩短句了啊？？
开头段 那我就换一种风格罗， 嘻嘻    我昨天晚上看了一些别人的讲座， 确实是 段落里面要有 小论点。
明白啦           谢谢斑竹啊！

Gyps_rueppelliiUID: 3340085

the friends that you can have fun with is more important than the friends that you can get help from

As we all know, friends are the most inevitable and significant part of our lifetime. The always play a great role around us. But have we thought about waht kind of function our friends have on us  is more important? Some people may say that funny time our friends bring to us is more important. However, from my perspective, I insist that the help getting from our friends is more consequential. The elaborate reasons are as follows.

First and foremost, If we get into trouble, we must get help from our friends rather than receive happiness. It is undoubt that we will experience a large quantity of problems furing our lifetime, and we cannot solve them alone in most time. Even we can resolve by ourselves, under the assisstant of our friends will be better indisputably. Take my best friend Hanna Chen who is a very brilliant girl for example, at one time, he met a matter about her family when I was around her. At that time, I do not know how to express my care to her. So I tell her some jokes that I think is very funny, which lead to a bad situation that she was annoyed. She told me that what she wanted was assisstant from me, but I even did not realize. So in light of this experience, I really understand that what a person really want from his or her friends is a true help.

Further, Friends should act as persons who comfort people who is very frustrated or unhappy even due to some unknow reasons. As a matter of fact, people are willing to find peers as their friends on account of peers knowing each others a lot. Since friends is the one who realize one a lot, then friends must try to know what happened when we are unpleased. Consider a student who I meet accidently when I took part in a party for example, he was very upset at that time,  and he even drinked wine. Therefore he tell me a lot, and according what he told me, I know that one crucial reason is that no his friends know why he is unhappy and they even did not ask him whether he wanted help. So under no friends gave him a favor, he had to go to a party to drink alone. I start to really know that friends should try their best to realize their friends and cheer them up when they not happy.

What is more, we have to get help from friends even when we success. Because we need their supportion to encourage us make progress. Sometimes, a sentence said from our friend will make a big difference, and their sustain will give me big favor. For example, the creator of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, get a lot assistant from his friends whom he made in Harvard when he successed in internet. His friends designed many ideas which improve the quality of his production and always encourage Zuckerberg in life. So I have to say that friends are a very important element in our way in success.

In a nutshell, there is no doubt that the help getting from friends is more pivotal than funny. Not not can we lead a more wonderful life but also can schieve success under the help of our friends.


再次请教啊             请好心人改改啊，谢谢     这个题目实在是难写啊