【独立写作】taniax 作业贴

2006201652UID: 2496703

已经改好

niewenjuan123sdUID: 3262544

加油

森野夜UID: 2728302

10.11已改. 加油哦!!

森野夜UID: 2728302

LZ记得要改我10.11的作文哦:)

baxiacandyUID: 3203456

不好意思 上传晚了

taniaxUID: 3380703

baxiacandy 发表于 2012-10-17 23:13
不好意思 上传晚了

木事~ 感谢修改啊，我也觉得我写的单薄的很。。。各种词语堆砌。。。没啥实质性内容。。。。

niewenjuan123sdUID: 3262544

加油

wuxiang0220UID: 3354608

已改

FlaviapqUID: 3131238

不好意思啊，这久太忙了，这么晚才给你传~~已改~~:):)

mpromanusUID: 2565872

taniax 发表于 2012-10-7 21:50
10.17：which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends. A. Joining a sports tea ...

10.17

Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends. A. Joining a sports team b. Participating in community activities. C. Traveling.

When students finally get admitted into a university or college, the first question that comes up to them is usually how to make some new friends. Various people have different kinds of ways to encounter friends. In my opinion, compared with joining a sport team and traveling, participating in community activities performs as the best way to make new friends for a student.  

First of all, community activities reveal its privilege of the distance ('privilege of distance' actually means 'being distant/very far is a privilege'. What you wanted to express, on the other hand, is more likely 'advantage of proximity'.). People live in the same community or nearby have more opportunities to know each other: we see each other more often so that chances of getting familiar rise let alone (This means 'not to even mention', very often in a rather negative connotation, and it has to be used in a more or less parallel construct: 'He is not even good enough for a 2:1 class, let alone (being good enough for) a first.' In your case, the part after your 'let alone' is not really precisely placed as to what it parallels with. But I can make a guess like 'we see each other more often so that there are already more chances of getting familiar, if we do community activities there'll be even more such chances.' So, my point is that, if you want to use a fancy 句型, learn to use it correctly and stick to the contexts that it usually applies to..) participating in community activities. Everyone has some similar experience that after seeing one person several times, we begin to say hello or even chat with each other and that is how a new friend walks into our life. Taking myself as an example, I study in France now. At the very beginning, I didn't dare to speak to my neighbor because of my low level of French. However, after doing the voluntary work together regularly in weekdays, we started to become familiar with each other. Now we are really good friends and she has helped me a lot in my daily life. This merit of community activities cannot be shared with the others two ways. (Very good. Would be excellent if you can point out why the other two ways do not have this merit, e.g. 'to join a sports team or go travelling with her is not a natural thing to do when we don't even know each other, but community activities don't have this awkwardness.')

Besides, there lie some reasons for which I disagree with the idea of making friends by traveling or joining a sports team. As for traveling, students are usually those people who don't have much money to afford travelling.(I know you're trying to pump up your essay and use fancy clauses, but sometimes it does get a little over the top – why don't just say 'students don't usually have much money to afford travelling'? You don't really have the absolute need to use a relative clause here..) What's more, traveling usually demands a great deal of time which students should spend more time in taking classes and studying. That's the reason why I don't think it is a great idea for students to make friends by traveling. Admittedly, when it comes to doing sports, people get to know each other better. Nevertheless, the most efficient way of making friends is communicating and interacting with people in words. That's also why speaking is considered as the essential way to bound people together. (A very good effort at comparison but this final sentence has pretty much gone off the track. What does speaking has to do with the question? Remember to go back from here to your point about comparing community activities and the alternatives – 'there's more chance to speak to people during community activities than in sports so it's more efficient for making friends', something along this line.)

In conclusion, for a student, the most efficient way of making new friends is to participate in the community activities which provides more conveniences to know people and greater chance to make friends.

总结：

论述真的有很大提高哦~笑~但是要注意不要虎头蛇尾哈~（这还真是高标准严要求。。）另外请注意各种小语法错误哈~