独立写作求狠批---Governments should focus their budgets more on environmental

liukai1990UID: 3296878

求狠批~~~~~~~~

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

try this https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1455555-1-1.html
and this https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1450941-1-1.html

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus their budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.

With the development of science and technology, people tend to spend more time and energy dealing with their daily lives, in order to better live in the modern society. When it comes to whether governments should spend more money on environmental protection or on economic development, people get into a dilemma. This debate is about more than just words and numbers on a page;/: (A comma here will make this a run-on.) it is about the kind of society we want. As far as I am concerned, I hold the view that the administration should dedicate more money to the environment.(I don't see how the very first sentence of this paragraph is relevant to the rest. Unless you mean 'dealing with their daily lives' and 'better live in the modern society' are in some way related to 'economic development'..but then you didn't really articulate any connection between these ideas so I really can't tell.)

Firstly, living in a pollution-free (You say the environment is free of 'pollutions', not free of 'polluted' -> an environment is 'pollution'-free, not 'polluted'-free.) environment can benefit people a lot. People can feel relaxed, happy, free and healthy in such a condition. In the past decade, the cities (If you say 'the city', it is the abstract, generic idea of something that we can term as a city, but not any particular physically existing city.), whether in developing or developed countries, had witnessed a booming economy, a flourishing civilization, and unfortunately, a ballooning destruction of the environment. Almost all city dwellers complain that the pollution (If you meant to say that air pollution, water pollution, etc. are examples of 'the pollution', then it should be 'the pollutionS'. Otherwise, you're expressing a general condition called 'the pollution', meaning the overall state of being polluted, and usually you don't exemplify a generic idea with 'such as', since it's, well, generic...) of our living space such as air pollution, water pollution and noise pollution has greatly affected their lives and studies. People cannot breathe fresh air, drink clear water or live in a silent place any more, which does great harm to an individual’s health. So the government should take actions immediately to improve our environment, thus guarantee we can live in a better and comfortable society.(If only 'the cities' are so badly polluted then are you saying those countries with few or no cities e.g. many small island states have no or little pollution and they can sit back and relax?..hmmm..think about it.)

Secondly, environmental protection is the requirement of sustainable development (I think it would be more like, 'A requirement', rather than 'THE requirement', since 'THE requirement' means it is the one and only requirement, but of course that could actually be what you mean, so I can't conclude whether you're right or wrong on this.). We should not just focus on the development of economy at the cost of the environment. And this will cause irreversible destruction to our future. (If you say 'and this', it is ambiguous as to what 'this' means. It could mean anything from 'the environment' to the whole sentence before the 'and this' phrase.) Once our trees, water and resources are exhausted, we cannot repair (Even if they are not exhausted, you can't 'repair' them, because you can't 'repair' resources anyway..) them any more. It is an evident fact supported by the young and old, rich and poor, disabled and not disabled.(WHAT does disability have to do with the discussion at all??) According to a survey conducted by the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, more than 90 percent of people from one representative sample indicate that the government should care more about the environment to make sure our next generation do have a bright future, to make sure that our economy can make progress in a sustainable way. (I won't comment on fake statistics but the fact is in real social science you seldom get anything solidly >90%. But of course TOEFL examiners won't care about whether the data is real or fake in your essay..)

What’s more, a good environment can promote the growth of economy, and conversely with the development of economy, we acquire more money to protecting our environment. For example, last year the CEO of an international company came to my hometown to explore the investment environment of our city. Once he went off (You are speaking from the perspective that he is 'coming' to your hometown to visit, so it should be 'came off' the plane.) the plane, he was absorbed by the beautiful scenery. It did not take him too much time to make the decision of investing in our city. And this benefits our city’s economy a lot. Imagine if the environment is awful, no one will be willing to invest money in my hometown.(Good point.)

In sum, even though the development of economy is important in our modern society, we should focus more on the protection of the environment. And only in this way, can we not only benefit ourselves, our society, but also benefit our next generations.

总结：

总体上没什么大问题（虽然编造的数据不会影响托福作文评分但是看到了还是忍不住要吐槽 – 千万不要因为不影响考试就让编数据变成习惯，嘛。。）。语法上请注意单复数。

liukai1990UID: 3296878

mpromanus 发表于 2012-11-9 07:22
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus their budgets more o ...

那个数据举例容易上手就直接用了~嗨嗨~谢谢老师点评~