【独立写作】LINDY620作业贴

lindy620UID：3395656

adrian小豆 发表于 2012-11-26 17:02
改了

谢谢啦~:)

mpromanusUID：2565872

11.21 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  Teachers should update their teaching contents every five years.

With the development of technology and economy, the technology advancements are increasing fast in the modern society (I'm not sure why exactly you mentioned 'technology' advancements/development twice since they are basically saying the same thing..). These phenomena lead some people to think that teaching contents should be updated in every five years (This phrase is actually in your question.). In my opinion, I agree with the idea of updating teaching contents idea (In Chinese you can simply stick all modifications and qualifications in front of the main noun to form complex noun phrases e.g. 年度工作先进经验与错误教训总结报告, but you just can't use the same word order in English.). The reasons for this are as follows.

First and foremost, teachers should teach students something new. New things can attract students’ attention more than old things. For example, a new research about biology is a complete success: (You can't connect two independent sentences with just a comma.) the results solve a mystery which people have no idea about it. If teachers update their teaching contents with the research results, that students will understand some natural phenomena more easily than before. (This example is so vague that it's effectively the same as having no example at all. It doesn't specify any detail. Of course nobody expects you to flaunt biology jargon but at least say something that is adequately informational, that it makes some sense to an average reader, like 'the research proves that allergy is generic', instead of 'the research solves a mystery'. Think about it this way: if someone asks you what you had for dinner, an appropriate answer would be 'steak and carrots'. The example you gave here, on the other hand, is more like saying 'I had food' when someone asks you what you had for dinner. It's not wrong, but it's not useful at all.) Moreover, some old knowledge in text books is wrong message or incomplete result (Or, 'some old textbooks contain wrong information or incomplete results'. Even in Chinese you say 课本里有些陈旧的知识是错误的, rather than 课本里有些陈旧的知识是错误的信息..). So, updating the teaching contents will fix all those problems.

In addition, the new things could change the old teaching mode.(Your vocabulary seems to revolve around a few very generic terms like 'thing', 'some'. When you use the word 'thing/things' frequently in your essay, it's a sign that you need to build up on vocabulary or you need to start actively vary the words you use in essays..) Old teaching modes requires students to read a lot of books and researching some parts all by themselves. For instance, some experiments requires high quality of materials and most of schools cannot to afford such a experiments like that for each class.(I don't see how this relates to your previous sentence about students having to read a lot of books and do researches of their own.) But with a new method of the same experiment, only spend a lower price to finish the experiment as well as the old method (This sentence doesn't have a subject. And 'as well as' means 'too', not a comparison.  What you wanted to say is more likely 'a school spends less money on the experiment compared to using the old method'.). There is no doubt that students do not have to watch their teachers to show the short movies (I thought you are talking about experiments. What do short movies have to do with experiments?), and they would to have the chance to run the experiment by themselves (Again, I don't see how this sentence relates to the previous one, primarily because I don't know what 'short movies' are doing here.).

Last but not least, updating the teaching contents would to deepen and to complete the knowledge for nowadays the modern ('nowadays' is an adverb like 'now'. You can't use it like an adjective, just like you can't say '..complete the knowledge for now education system'.) education system. Most of the textbooks for higher education's text book have words like "Scientists still work hard on it." or "It is being to researched from the 20th century until now.", and to spread a message about the incomplete things. So people cannot emphasize the importance of updating the teaching contents too much.(..I think I can guess you meant to say something like 'because textbooks are often about researches that are still incomplete or in-progress, it's important to keep up with these researches, therefore teaching contents should be updated regularly', but the way you write is more describing things rather than reasoning for your argument..)

All in all, teachers should update their teaching contents every five years. Updating the teaching contents would increase the quality and even the inside of education (..I have no idea what an 'inside' of education is..you probably meant 'internal structure' or something along that line..).

总结：

你的论点其实是不错。。但是全篇各种语法错误，尤其是动词的使用，而且越到后面越感觉力不从心哈。。请仔细研读每一处红色和灰色（代表删除）的修改，搞清楚为什么错，正确的使用是什么。如果有不懂的请给我短消息。不过，虽然看起来很可怕，但是语法是可以恶补提高的，所以请不要过于担心哈~加油~

lindy620UID：3395656

mpromanus 发表于 2012-11-27 10:43
11.21 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?  Teachers should update their teaching  ...

:)谢谢RO老师~~

凯子啊哦UID：3397376

已改~

adrian小豆UID：3395053

皮哥大脚UID：3399152

文章已改

惟妙惟肖UID：2984321

11.29 不好意思，昨天有点忙，改晚了。

龙泽皮皮UID：3394123

写的很好:handshake

mpromanusUID：2565872

12.2 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working.
Use specific reasons to support your answer.

With the development of the modern society, more people focus on the education problems (This phrase has no actual meaning. A problem in education can be anything from lack of teaching material to poor quality of teachers to inadequate support for disabled students: which 'problems' are exactly 'the' education problems?). Some people think that students should get a better job preparation from colleges or universities before they start work. Personally, I totally agree with them. The reasons for that are as follows.

First and foremost, companies need the employees who have specific experience for the jobs. Most of students have no chance to get an internship job in the area which they are interested in. For example, my major is bioengineering. Most of my classmates are only able to do some part-time jobs. It is obviously that these jobs have nothing to do with our major. Thus, students are hardly able to get the jobs in bioengineering area during their school time (I don't see how this sentence has a 'thus' relationship with the previous one. It's basically saying the same thing as the previous sentence, not a consequence of it.). If schools offer students the opportunity to accumulate the experience, it must be helpful for their future working.

In addition, most of students have no idea about their future jobs. It makes them hardly to decide (I'm not sure why you keep using 'hardly' as an adjective. It is an adverb, and it does not mean 'hard'. You use this word like this: They are hardly able to decide..) which kind of job they want to do. For instance, most of my college classmates are working in different areas, but only a few of them are able to work in bioengineering field. Because, only a small number of them have the chance to get in touch with several different job fields which have connections with our major, such as, cosmetics production, medicine production, and so on. The more opportunities they get, the easier for them to make the decision. According for those phenomenons (1. it is 'according to'; 2. the plural of 'phenomenon' is 'phenomena'; 3. I don't know what 'those phenomenons' refer to, because you only talked about one thing – students don't know enough about their future jobs when they study.), colleges or universities should create more chances for students to get good preparation for their future jobs. So, that is able to make a student's college major more useful.

Last but not least, everyone has his dream job, and he would do every contribution to get a chance to be hired. However, sometimes working harder and harder is not the only condition for companies to hire new employees. The most important condition is that assess, which is from other companies, and that would able to show others a person's abilities and also the sprite of teamwork.(1. 'assess' is a verb. The noun is 'assessment'; 2. I have absolutely no idea what you mean by 'assess' in this paragraph. Do you mean something like 'recommendation letters' or 'references'?) So that, colleges or universities should offer students the opportunity to get a good assessment for their job preparation, and them, it will make them to get their dream to come true more easily. (Your grammar, especially on verbal phrases, is not solid enough for a sentence this complicated..keep to shorter sentences.)

All in all, students should have more opportunities to do preparation before they start working, or even (I don't see why you need 'or even' here. What exactly needs 'or even'-ed on context. In your context, it should be '..before they get their dream jobs, or even start working'.) to get their dream jobs. There is no denying that they will get all conditions (Conditions for what?) they need from the job preparation.

总结：

论述不错。表达上请注意避免直接翻译。。语法上请特别注意单复数和词性。

yyyforUID：3283701

LS已经改得够清晰了。。我的也供你参考参考哈。。
加油

themaxmeUID：3187493

加油～

frozensmileUID：3362752