【独立写作】yhggg作业贴

yhgggUID: 3399477

SYNCIA 发表于 2013-2-3 23:45
楼主，我这几天不能用电脑看作文，就用手机看了你的作文。 主要说说你的论点发展哈 第一个论点，其实可以说 ...

恩恩，懂了。谢谢斑竹！！

芥菜粽UID: 3344214

2月2~ 2.2.doc (27.5 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2013-2-4 20:39:44 上传

下载次数: 4

芥菜粽UID: 3344214

2月4日作业好了~ 2.4.doc (28 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2013-2-5 17:31:21 上传

下载次数: 5

yhgggUID: 3399477

芥菜粽 发表于 2013-2-5 17:31
2月4日作业好了~

谢谢 加油↖(^ω^)↗

bookchenUID: 3051527

楼主不错，坚持很好

yhgggUID: 3399477

bookchen 发表于 2013-2-5 20:36
楼主不错，坚持很好

还有20天就考试了，每天写写但愿有提高~

芥菜粽UID: 3344214

2月5日的好了~ 2.5.doc (30 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2013-2-6 22:52:35 上传

下载次数: 2

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Do you agree or disagree with the statement?
All scientific discoveries should be shared among all scientists all around the world; the government and businesses should not keep any discoveries in secret.

With the advent of the technologically advanced society, the science plays an increasingly important role in our society. So recently a controversial issue that has given rise to much debate is whether all scientific discoveries should be shared among all scientists all around the world, and whether (The original question has two sentences, and you can't roll them into one with a comma. Note the original question used a semicolon, not a comma.) the government and businesses should not keep any discoveries in secret. It seems that the inventions belong to its creator and has its (Your subject so far is 'inventionS', a plural, not that 'it' at the beginning.) right to be protected, which gives people an illusion that the government and businesses should keep it (What is 'it'? I thought you were talking about 'inventions'.) in secret. Yet as for myself, I cling to an unshakable belief that the sciences are belong ('belong' is a verb by itself. It is not an adjective. You can't say 'they are belong' just as much you can't say 'I am eat'. Do not get distracted by your Chinese 科学-是-属于-全世界的, where 属于全世界的 is a whole adjectival phrase.) to the whole world and the entire individual (Not sure what this means. Doesn't even come close to a translation of 全人类..) not only to the government and businesses. It should be shared rather than kept in secret, for the two primary reasons I will outline below. (Again: you can't connect two sentences with a comma in English. And you can't leave a phrase like 'for the two primary reasons I will outline below' alone as a sentence either.)

First and foremost, sciences, just like the music and knowledge ('sciences' and 'music' are both disciplines of studies, but 'knowledge' is not. I don't see why you are parallel-ing them.), haven't boundaries (In proper formal writing, this kind of negation cannot be contracted, i.e. you have to say 'have no boundaries). The majority of the scientific inventions (A word of caution: the question asks for scientific 'discoveries', not inventions. This is the kind of tangential discussion you'll get by equating science with technology..It's not absolutely off-topic but it's dangerous.) are created by scientists from several countries, rather from the only one country. They are the achievements by the all of those countries instead of the country those scientists live or work in. For example, myriad scientists are gravitated towards America because of its advanced technology and scientific conditions. However, when these scientists engage some devices ('devise' is a verb. 'device' is the noun. And to 'engage' a device is not to create it. It means to arm/activate/lock the device, especially a piece of machineary, for some action to happen, like 'engage the cylinder for pumping'.), it's a combination of all the countries' scientists talent (Now this is quietly obviously a translation of 所有国家的科学家的才华 or something close to that in Chinese. In English you don't form complex noun phrases in the same way – you pile the descriptions to the right of the main noun, i.e. 'the talents of all the scientists from different countries', not to the left as you'd do for Chinese.). In this way the device belongs to all those countries. On the other hand, countless inventions are succeeding based on the former scientific gains from other countries. Those achievements derived from the others's failures and experiments. A case in point is the gravitation created by Newton (Newton did not create gravity. Gravity has always existed. Newton merely discovered its existence and proposed a theory of it.); he always said that he was standing on the shoulders of giants. It is widely acknowledged that the development of science is ascribed to the previous trials and researches from all over the world. So the scientific discoveries definitely should be shared.

Also, sciences serves as a catalyst to promote the development of the world, and should be shared among all scientists around the world for the sake of gaining a more gigantic ('gigantic' itself already means 'super huge', so it's really not necessary to add 'more' to it..) achievements. As my first point said, all scientific discovers are derived from the former researchers and trials. Only via sharing all the scientific discovers can offer all the scientists better settings to gain more achievements, and make the science developed quicker (This sentence doesn't have a subject.). It is undeniable that we really need more advanced sciences especially for some aspects, for example the treatments of cancer or Aids (In formal writing, it's AIDS, not Aids.) etc. We cannot cure those kinds of illnesses, so we need scientific discoveries to tackle them. Obviously, cooperation of scientists from all over the world will make it easy. By the same taken, by the virtue of efforts scientists from all over the worlds we can solve the environmental problems, resource problems (Again, such phrases make sense in Chinese because Chinese is known to assign 'default' meanings to such generic phrases, and that's why you sometimes hear people describe Chinese as 'vague'. Do you know what exactly what the 'problems' are in 'the environmental problems'? In English there's no agreed default meaning for such a phrase, so just saying 'the environmental problems' out of the blue makes no sense.) quicker.

Granted, I concede that keeping the scientific discoveries in secret has certain merits which deserve some words here. Governments and businesses keeping the scientific discoveries in secret can protect the scientists’ rights; also those scientists can gain more profit by their inventions, which will inspire them to pursuit more achievements. However, compared to making more contributions to the whole world, and the entire individuals (Again this rather odd phrase which I think probably means 全人类 or something like that. But even as a translation it doesn't make sense.), it pales.

Having considered all the arguments above, I reinforce my stand point that the scientific discoveries should be shared among all scientists around the world rather than kept in secret by the government or businesses. Only via sharing the most advanced inventions can our world gain gigantic developments.

总结：

其他方面还好，但请特别注意语法。定冠词各种滥用。复数名词不需要定冠词可以直接用作generic的意思，然后正好这个问题和论述很多时候都是generic的复数名词，于是被各种加不必要的定冠词。。另外分句混乱，该用句号分句的地方用逗号，该用逗号联句的地方用句号各种。。还有就是单复一致啊动词时态一致啊这种长句里很容易出现的过了一个分句就忘了自己这个句子主语是什么时态是什么了的问题。。

dolphin_wbyUID: 3408651

2.6(1).doc (35 KB, 下载次数: 3)

2013-2-7 15:19:57 上传

下载次数: 3

有改的不对的地方还请告诉我

classgrassUID: 2986786

改好啦。

范特西Fantasy_UID: 3410554

2.7，请多指教~【鞠躬——】

grace黄UID: 3410877

改好了，能力很强啊，掩面~改得不好，望多指教
2.8yhggg revised by grace黄.doc (37 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2013-2-9 17:20:49 上传

下载次数: 6

芥菜粽UID: 3344214

2月8日来晚了不好意思…… 2.8.doc (26.5 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2013-2-10 11:56:14 上传

下载次数: 2

yhgggUID: 3399477

grace黄 发表于 2013-2-9 17:20
改好了，能力很强啊，掩面~改得不好，望多指教

没有啊， 得写好久呢。。。相互学习！！

yhgggUID: 3399477

芥菜粽 发表于 2013-2-10 11:56
2月8日来晚了不好意思……

木事~~