【独立写作】roger 作业贴

roger_UID：3380877

fsi045662 发表于 2013-3-18 22:46
不好意思楼主这几天忙，这么晚才能给你改好

谢谢你的建议　

roger_UID：3380877

后界精灵 发表于 2013-3-17 22:34
LZ写得好长！

受益匪浅　　3q

roger_UID：3380877

4.16
Which contributes the most to an enjoyable vacation? Good food, good location, good friends to travel with?

Different people enjoy different things on their vacation. Some must think good location plays a important role on a enjoyable vacation, others may hold that traveling with good friends contributes the most. Personally speaking, even though both of good location and good friends to travel with act as the indispensable parts to an enjoyable vacation, however, good food is the most crucial to me. I will give my reasons below.
Firstly, good food offers you a good mood and a good day. Compared to a bag of biscuit and cold milk, a bowl of oatmeal with honey and raisins plus one boiled egg and two pieces of bacon bring you a energetic beginning of a day. Meanwhile, preparing lunch and dinner delicately not only can make you control your life far away from sluggish and staying in bed all day, but these delicious food can lead a positive style of life. You can not picture what horrible day it gonna be if you always stay up late and facing your computer with a packet of instant noodles for meal. Furthermore good food can relieve stress and sweep negative and depressed things out. Hence, in short, good food will lead a good and meaningful vacation.
Additionally, good food brings you a special experience about other culture and custom. When you are in a foreign country, local special cuisine contributes the most to experience about the culture and custom of a place, especially for people who do not read a lot or knowing little about the country, such as Indian food, Thailand food. You can list a sheet of famous food for your trip instead of landscape, and that must brings you a unforgettable trip . Even you just stay at home, foreign food will also give you a moment of different sense of life.
Nevertheless, i can not say that going to a good location and tripping with good friends is not important and enjoyable. Regardless of food, going to a good place you can enjoy different kinds of scenary, for example, if you born in south of china, Harbin’s icy sculpture and snowy world will feast your eyes; if you born in north, you may like the scenery of sea. Moreover, going abroad you can experience the foreign culture and custom, especially for lady who can shopping in a foreign store. Traveling with your friends is also enjoyable.  You can share your joy on the trip with your friends, or watch a football match and something another you will not do alone.
In sum, in spite of going to a good place and tripping with your friends are enjoyable, i think good food is most crucial to my vacation.

qwe1__rty2UID：3399223

roger_ 发表于 2013-4-17 12:18
4.16
Which contributes the most to an enjoyable vacation? Good food, good location, good friends to ...

Different people enjoy different things on their vacation. Some must [删must]think good location plays a important role on a enjoyable vacation, others may hold that traveling with good friends contributes the most. Personally speaking, even though both of good location and good friends to travel with act as the indispensable parts to an enjoyable vacation, however, good food is the most crucial to me. I will give my reasons below.
[考试时两段之间最好空一行。]Firstly, good food offers you a good mood and a good day. Compared to a bag of biscuit and cold milk, a bowl of oatmeal with honey and raisins plus one boiled egg and two pieces of bacon bring you a energetic beginning of a day.[词汇很丰富！] Meanwhile, preparing lunch and dinner delicately not only can make you control your life far away from sluggish and staying in bed all day, but these delicious food can lead a positive style of life.[你看看这样改会不会好一点：Meanwhile, we can benefit a lot from the delicious food because the regular process of preparing food help keep us away from the lazy lifestyle.（这里positive style of life是什么意思？是不是跟前面不整天待在床上重复了，如果是重复的话就不宜使用not only ...but ）] You can not picture what horrible day it gonna[不太正式。] be if you always stay up late and facing your computer with a packet of instant noodles for meal. Furthermore good food can relieve stress and sweep negative and depressed things out. Hence, in short, good food will lead a good and meaningful vacation.[这句话有点突然，你前面一直在说lifestyle的问题，这里直接就转到vacation，是不是最好来一个铺垫？？]
Additionally, good food brings you a special experience about other culture and customs. When you are in a foreign country, local special cuisine contributes the most to experience about the culture and custom of a place, especially for people who do not read a lot or know little about the country, such as Indian food, Thailand food. You can list a sheet of famous food for your trip instead of landscape, and that must brings you a[an] unforgettable trip . Even you just stay at home, foreign food will also give you a moment of different sense of life.

Nevertheless, i[I] can not say that going to a good location and tripping with good friends is not important and enjoyable. Regardless of food, going to a good place you can enjoy different kinds of scenary, for example, if you born in south of china, Harbin’s icy sculpture and snowy world will feast your eyes; if you born in north, you may like the scenery of sea. Moreover, going abroad you can experience the foreign culture and custom, especially for lady[ladies] who can shopping[shop] in a foreign store. Traveling with your friends is also enjoyable.  You can share your joy on the trip with your friends, or watch a football match and something another[删] you will not do alone.
In sum, in spite of[改成although比较好] going to a good place and tripping with your friends are enjoyable, i[I] think good food is most crucial to my vacation.[注意：going to a good place, tripping with your friends和good food 这三者不是并列关系。]

总体写得还不错，所有语言上的问题都在批注中指出来了，不再细讲。

不过我觉得你在写作文的时候好像只说了good food为什么好，没有说为什么good food比friends和place更好，也就是没有进行比较（我的那篇也有这个问题，自己写的时候就有点纠结），这样不是特别切题。

另外，第二段中讲了很多为什么good food能够对我们的lifestyle有帮助，但最好强调一下对vacation有好处，不然可能会让rater觉得你有一点偏题。

个人意见，欢迎讨论，加油！

或者LZ可以看这里：

qwe1__rty2UID：3399223

呃。。。。。突然发现我看错分组了。。。。。

roger_UID：3380877

qwe1__rty2 发表于 2013-4-17 13:10
呃。。。。。突然发现我看错分组了。。。。。

qwe1__rty2UID：3399223

roger_ 发表于 2013-4-17 16:53

是这样：之前我帮你改好了（看错了分组），回了帖，贴子被系统删了，我重发给你吧：

roger_UID：3380877

4.18
Do you agree or disagree with the statement？ University should spend a lot of money on the social activities to attract more students.

With the development of science and technology, as an significant and indispensable role on this process, social activities become much more important. Luxuriant social activities spark lots of good ideas not only on science but on society. Hence, some radical reformers hold the belief that our university should spend a lot of money on social activities to attract students. However, personally speaking, I do not agree with that opinion. And i think ,even though social activities indeed important for us students and we should invest much more money on it, we ought to still put adequate money on academia. I will give my reasons below.

Firstly, overmuch social activities may divert students’ attention. Overmuch social activities may engage students in communicating with others and organizing lots of events. Thus, student just have a little time to adjust themselves on studying, and this is hard to be done. Meanwhile, it may always disturb their study plan even make their lose attention on study. However, as we all know, especially for students who major in science or engineering need sufficient time to learn, to review, to use it skillfully, even going deep. So university should still put attention on students’ research and study but on social activities, and also do not put excess money on it.

Additionally, spend a lot of money on social activities means left less money on research. As far as i know, university is a place where people put all available resource on research. So university should spend most money on it but on social activities which are the duty of government. Moreover, if only left a little money on research which means that a lot of work can not be done, part of them may very significant. And some activities about research and some activities to promote it can not be organized because lack money.

However, invest adequate money on social activities to attract more students is crucial. Nowadays, social activities become more and more important  not only on social life but on research. At first, social activities generate lots of significant incondensible such as physics and philosophy, sociology and biology. Then at these social activities which you may meet a lot of people who come from all over the country even all over the world can blow your mind and inspire your imagination. Meanwhile, participate some social activities is very helpful to students who may find their direction of life and it looks good on their resume. Every coin has two sides, so social activities is also indispensable for students.
In sum, social activities is very crucial today and we should put sufficient money on it but university, at the same time, should still put mainly attention and money on research.         

划线句子好像有问题   是不是应该改成  使学生注意力转移      或转移注意力到 ...上

欣儿7777777UID：3424144

LZ昨天的作业呢？我们是一组的哦，麻烦帮我批改一下哈