issue122 please check for me, thanks!!

fortitudesagUID: 139374

17. "We owe almost all our knowledge not to people who have agreed, but to people who have disagreed."

12:11
There is a fierce debate on whether our knowledge is from people who have agreed or from those who have disagreed. Some people might believe sincerely that We owe all our knowledge to people who have agreed because of the harmony on the ideas would promote the formation of them, while other people would hold the opinion seriously that only through the intensing discussion could the truth appear on the front of people. In my opinion, though the knowledge which is accepted by the most people, especially the students, is from the consensus of the majority of the expert in certain field, the process of pursuing the truth would be one which is fraught with enormous conflicts.

As we all know, the knowledge which is learned in the most primary and secondary schools would have been accepted by the majority of the experts in relevant domains. Though there is really some change on the knowledge in the primary and secondary schools' textbook in different countries, the change is slight. For example, when we graduate from the university and happen to see the new version of textbook in the bookstore concerning the primary school course, we would be surprised to find there would be some change in the external appearance but little change in the content of them. Why does this phenomenon appear? The main answer would be that the knowledge which is acquired on the textbook is those through careful selection as the commonly accepted theory rather than those which would still remain in hot debate.

However, we must confess that there really are enormous conflicts in the different fields of science and technology which might promote the forward progress of the society. Consider the above example to a further extent. If we have a look at the textbook of the undergraduate or graduate students, we would find that their textbook would contain so many different things in the content as well as the external appearance in a time interval about five or ten years, and that this change would be in a trend of less and less time interval. The reason which would contribute to the change in the textbook of those higher education students might be like that the higher education the students accept, the closer the students would be with the unknown world, and thus the more debates they would find remain to be solved. Therefore, it is easy to understand that, in the process of pursuing the real knowledge, our knowledge would to a great extent rely on the exploration of those scientists who have different opinions.

Simply put, without the existence of these conflicts, people would find it difficult to achieve so much rapid progress like the society today. Examples which would lend strong support to this point abound in the overall history concerning the exploration the nature of the human being. Copernicus launched the fierce conflicts with the Inquisition on the issue of what is the center of the world - the earth or the sun. As a result of this conflict, the heliocentric theory comes into being, and thus the modern astronomy would prosper like today. If Copernicus had not set a conflict with the Inquisition, people might still have been slaved by the dark Inquisition, and the modern civilization is best left unsaid.

To sum up, I strongly agree that, though the knowledge learned by the common people is wide accepted by the majority of the experts of certain domain, the progress on knowledge would still demand fierce debate among those scientists and other researchers who hold different opinion. Furthermore, in order to promote the development of the entire society, it is the responsibility of educators and the learners to keep their own opinions without giving in unless the opinions have been proved less reasonable by solid evidence.
12:56 (636 words)

imongUID: 140258

请注意发帖格式！在置顶的帖子里面早有说明！
这次我替你改过来，下一次请自己注意！

并且这个题目是issue122，请注意你手中的题目编号的版本。

修改稿一会儿贴上来。

imongUID: 140258

17. "We owe almost all our knowledge not to people who have agreed, but to people who have disagreed."

12:11
There is a fierce debate on whether our knowledge is from people who have agreed or from those who have disagreed. Some people might believe sincerely that We owe all our knowledge to people who have agreed because of(去掉of) the harmony on the ideas（the harmony on the ideas表达得不明确） would promote the formation of them(their formation更加简洁), while other people would hold the opinion seriously that only through the intensing（the intensing --- > intensive） discussion could the truth appear on the front of people.(chinglish expression) In my opinion, though the knowledge which is(which is可以省略) accepted by the(去掉the) most people, especially the students, is from (from前面似乎添一个动词更舒服)the consensus of the majority of the expert in certain field, the process of pursuing the truth would be one which is fraught with enormous conflicts. 单独从开头可以看出来：你的英语功底不错，肯定是背过单词，但是表达上chinglish的痕迹仍然很强，用词比较流畅但是不够自然，有语感的底子。开头按照目前流行的说法叫做太罗嗦，没有必要说这么多，只要说清楚就行。

As we all know, the knowledge which is（which is可以省略，第二次！） learned in the（去掉the，也是第二次！） most primary and secondary schools would have been accepted by the majority of the experts in relevant domains. Though there is really some change on the knowledge in the primary and secondary schools' textbook in different countries, the change is slight.（weak expression with awkward wording order.好一点的版本是：The change in the textbooks for primary and secondary schools, though discernable, are always slight and gradual. 怎么组句子的问题，去精华区看看，然后再看看最近的精华帖子） For example, when we graduate from the university and happen to see the new version of textbook in the bookstore concerning（concerning可以用介词on代替） the primary school course, we would be surprised to find there would be some change in the external appearance but little change in the content of them. Why does this phenomenon appear(标准chinglish.换成occur)? The main answer（reason?） would be that the knowledge which is acquired on the textbook is those through careful selection as the commonly accepted theory rather than those which would still remain in hot debate.例子的关联度并不高啊，跟主题扣不上太大关系的样子？用词组句上，进一步体现了，英语功底不错，但是如果真得想把句子写的有味道，必须加以针对性地练习，同时加强阅读，提高语感，提高写句子的感觉。

However, we must confess that there really are（there really be的用法有，但是似乎不如the do v.的结构更为常见，建议使用there do exist或者类似表达） enormous conflicts in the different fields of science and technology which(that) might promote the forward progress of the society. Consider the above example to a further extent(Is this expression applicable?). If we have a look at the textbook of(how about “for” instead of “of”?) the undergraduate or graduate students, we would find that their textbook would contain so many different things in the content as well as the external appearance in a time interval（use “period” instead of “time interval”） about five or ten years, and that this change would be in a trend of less and less time interval.(…confusing…) The reason which would contribute to the change in the textbook of those higher education students might be like that the higher education the students accept（一般都用receive）, the closer the students would be with(to) the unknown world, and thus the more debates they would find remain(remain在这里非常不合适) to be solved. Therefore, it is easy to understand that, in the process of pursuing the real knowledge, our knowledge would to a great extent rely on the exploration of those scientists who have different opinions.

Simply put, without the existence of these conflicts, people would find it difficult to achieve so much rapid progress like the society today. Examples which would lend strong support to this point abound in the overall history concerning the exploration the nature of the human being. Copernicus launched the fierce conflicts with the Inquisition on the issue of what(which) is the center of the world - the earth or the sun. As a result of this conflict, the heliocentric theory comes(came) into being, and thus(thereafter?) the modern astronomy would(would?!!) prosper like today. If Copernicus had not set a conflict with the Inquisition, people might still have been slaved by the dark Inquisition, and the modern civilization is best left unsaid.小心不要滥用冠词。回去查一查语法书。

To sum up, I strongly agree that, though the knowledge learned by the common people is wide（widely） accepted by the majority of the experts of certain domain, the progress on knowledge would still demand fierce debate among those scientists and other researchers who hold different opinion. Furthermore, in order to promote the development of the entire society, it is the responsibility of educators and the learners to keep their own opinions without giving in unless the opinions have been proved less reasonable by solid evidence.最好不要在最后一句往外发挥，毕竟是analytical写作，这样写等于提出新观点，又没有给support（因为是最后一句了），虽然现在没有证据表明会砸锅，仍然建议不要这样做。
可以看得出来，语言功底不错，但是chinglish痕迹较强，用词不够地道，自然。综合起来考虑，尤其考虑到语言功底，是很有潜力的。本文的论证并不好，没有扣住题目，行文到body的时候感觉不到到底在论证什么，感觉不到论点和题目的联系。这一点是构思上的失误，例子举得不够贴切，或者没有能够“扯”道题目上。

建议你可以来给别人改改文章，这样可以充分发挥你在语言功底上的优势，并在对比中加以强化，同时通过其他方向的努力使表达更加自然，地道，脱离chinglish的模式。同时学习别人论证的手法，思路也是很有帮助的。热心帮助他人的网友会优先得到斑竹和顾问们的关注哦。

angeikimUID: 4857

请你以后注意每天发文章得篇数，多帮别人修改，节省一下大家的精力。
互相帮助才能继续提高。

谢谢

fortitudesagUID: 139374

我一定注意，每天发一篇可以吗？至少修改一篇，如果有新稿的话。

angeikimUID: 4857

我昨天看错日期了，把三个文章都看成一天的了~~结果后来睡着就忘记修改了。。^_^ 对不起

一天发1~2是没关系的。。只要多帮别人修改都好了~~

谢谢你呢~~