请各位狠批小女子的作文

lilileeUID: 150784

又一篇，请各位狠批。
Topic19,some people like to communicate by telephone, other people like to communicate by letter. How do you prefer to communicate by phone or by letter. Use the specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

With the introduction of communicating by phone to the modern world, Letter writing, a traditional communication way, is more and more challenged. People often face the dilemma of choosing on communicating by phone or by letter. With all aspects carefully considered, I warm to the way of phone communication.
One of the most important social developments that helped to make possible a shift in thinking about the role of communication was the efficiency of phone. Why do not we use the emergent addresses instead of emergent numbers. When we face the things that need to transmit as the information immediately. There is no one but wants to make call as it is the most speedy communication form.
The efficiency of calling is some people’s major concern. While for humanity, what we should care most is environment protection. It is universally acknowledged that paper is the main medium to letter writing, and paper producing has a great influence on our forest. We should do our utmost to use the paper as less as possible in order to save our limited natural resource. Compared to letter writing, communicating by phone can do nothing harm to the environment.
Unlike writing letter, an old-fashioned communication way that leaves much to be desired in transmitting the affection only by the writing symbols. Communicating by phone may express your feeling through the tones beside the words. It may be said without fear and exaggeration that the phone call can make our intercommunication more direct, more true, and more emotional.
Using the letter to communicate, certainly, have its own merits. By long-standing convention, people have reasons for cherishing it. Not only can it save money, but also it can keep the message at long term. However, in the context of extreme competitiveness and dizzying social change, communicating by phone, presenting so many merits and possibilities, can be more reasonably treated as a wiser choice.

ballackxjjUID: 134855

我觉得你用词应该从简单开始，感觉有不少词用的不是很合适。词语的准确性和合理性的提高不是一天两天的功夫。建议楼上的自己把语言重新整理一遍

真切的对你再说几句，我也是像你这样过来的。看看下面的链接。那是我的第一篇文章，很烂。但经过努力我觉得我的语言已经基本过关了。相信你也可以的。你的基础还是不错的。但切忌急功近利，一步一步来。踏踏实实的走，成功其实不远。跳跃而行，反而容易错过

https://bbs.gter.net/showthre ... 2%D0%C4%D1%AA%BF%B5

yadcxUID: 93144

在TWE中语言的表达并非关键，重要的在于文章的论证结构和层次。楼主的文章结构不够清晰，看不到很明确的层次，而语言运用中有堆砌辞藻的感觉，但是论述的并不清楚。
建议想清楚论点，论证点，论据和结论的组织结构然后再组织具体的语句，先从简单的句子结构写起，然后慢慢修改出适合自己的结构和句型套路。

tomatopotato1UID: 141440

我觉得语言很重要的吧！

yadcxUID: 93144

结构比语言更重要

ballackxjjUID: 134855

想拿高分一定讲究语言

如果只想拿个过得去的分数可以降低一点语言的要求。看自己的目标了

zysznUID: 134535

4.5

zysznUID: 134535

Your sencentence pattern is much too complex, preventing to encourage your potential readers.

yadcxUID: 93144

最初由 ballackxjj 发布
[B]想拿高分一定讲究语言

如果只想拿个过得去的分数可以降低一点语言的要求。看自己的目标了 [/B]

那是当然！偶也木有否认语言滴说，呵呵：）

clearingUID: 138825

楼主注意下介词的准确使用，感觉这方面的问题不少