issue94 欢迎大家狠批，不用给我面子了

roy_wengUID: 142453

自己改过了一遍，又用word纠正了一下写错的字，不知道发的格式对了没有。希望大家能提提意见，比如理由是否充分，用词是否恰当，结构是否合理？
自己觉得开头写得有点不够充分，麻烦大家给看看，批评批评，辛苦大家了！\bow
Issue 94“College should require students to take various courses outside their own field of study because acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.”

Students should be required to take various courses outside their own field of study to become truly educated, as the speaker stated. I strongly agree with this statement, considering the meaningfulness of a real education, while I don’t think the reason provided by the author is complete, even though acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines can be viewed as a key factor contributing to a successful education as well.

There are several elements constituting in the real sense an education, or successful education. Of these I’d put to the first portion that: a good discipline of merits valued by the whole society, merits like respect, loyalty to country, family, friends, diligence and so forth. It’s desirable for universities to teach or reinforce the education of those basic common values, considering that the role of a university in a society is to help prepare a well-educated generation to bring about a better world. Unfortunately, however, such important merits or values are not always involved in the course of giving knowledge, especially in the process of learning one’s own academic field, or major. In most case, students have a good chance to receive a professional discipline of academic knowledge, while they fail to obtain an even iota instruction about certain common values. Its disastrous results and even irremediable can be spotted everywhere .
Moral corruption, increased figure of criminality, waste of resource like water, food, irresponsible pollution of the environment and so forth aer the very examples. Accordingly, it has become increasingly urgent for university presidents to take action to pay more attention to the teaching of commonly shared merits, even merely some basic ones can benefit the whole society immensely.

In addition, a sound and thorough education should also includes factor for training minds. It should be noted that a capacity of logical thinking and creative problem solving is also essential contributing to one survive and hence thrive in such a competitive society when he or she grows up. Nevertheless, such ability can not be taught in all majors, even if some , like mathematics, indeed offer a perfect to an opportunity to cultivate these faculties. Many courses in art liberal, say history, for example, only provide sufficient knowledge about this course itself, disregarding the training of minds. It’s likely that a student might know well about what happen in 1861, but he or she was still ignorant on why they happened. It’s a pity given that they lack such elemental capacity of thinking, let alone anglicizing certain similar issues in contemporary society with his or her knowledge. Consequently, it’s universities’ imperative job to demand students to take various courses to receive education of mind training.

Finally, giving knowledge plays a vital role in educating a college student in a proper way. Knowledge knows no bound, nor should we impose any to it. To get knowledge, students should not confine their minds to certain field (although some deep research in certain specific area is necessary to both individual and society), but swim in the vast ocean of human knowledge. Only in this way can prevent one’s narrow-mindedness and shortsightedness or blindness of the whole picture. Moreover, a comprehensive intake of knowledge widens one horizon immensely and hence the increased probability of success or breakthrough in his own field.

In sum, a variety of factors contribute to a true education, including the discipline of common values, the training of minds, and comprehensive process of giving knowledge. Therefore, students should be encouraged and, if necessary, required to take different kinds of courses to become truly educated, instead of merely those of their own field or major.

fortitudesagUID: 139374

先看看置顶的帖子，怎样发文章。看过了，再通知大家给你改。

roy_wengUID: 142453

thank you very much for your reminding. I know what i should do, and i`m so sorry about what i`ve done

fortitudesagUID: 139374

Students should be required to take various courses outside their own field of study to become truly educated, as the speaker stated. I strongly agree with this statement, considering the meaningfulness of a real education, while I don’t think the reason provided by the author is complete, even though acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines can be viewed as a key factor contributing to a successful education as well.( while 和 though 都是让步作用，可以使在一个句子里吗？我没见过。建议使用介词 ）

There are several elements constituting in the real sense an education, or（用一个表示递进的词，或一个破折号） successful education. Of these I’d put to the first portion that: a good discipline of merits valued by the whole society, merits like respect, loyalty to country, family, friends, diligence and so forth. It’s desirable for universities to teach or reinforce the education of those basic common values, considering that the role of（played by 更合适？) a university in a society is to help prepare a well-educated generation to bring about a better world. Unfortunately, however, such important merits or values are not always involved in the course of giving knowledge, especially in the process of learning one’s own academic field, or major. In most case, students have a good chance to receive a professional discipline of academic knowledge, while they fail to obtain an even iota instruction about certain common values. Its disastrous results and even irremediable(中心词呢？） can be spotted everywhere . （首句是中心句吗？several elements怎么就说了一个the first portion 就结束了？最好围绕中心句develop，我认为这一段的中心意思并没有在第一段表达出来。）

（建议用一个phrase 概括下面一组词，不然显得有一点散。）Moral corruption, increased figure of criminality, waste of resource like water, food, irresponsible pollution of the environment and so forth aer（ARE） the very examples. Accordingly, it has become increasingly urgent for university presidents to take action to pay more attention to the teaching of commonly shared merits, even merely some basic ones can benefit the whole society immensely. （这一段仍然没写中心句，两句话靠不上边，一句似乎给二段的反面举例，二句似乎在发倡议。建议先写提纲，在围绕develop。至少ETS 的sample1给出了中心句。）

In addition, a sound and thorough education should also includes（情态动词后原型，word查不出来吗？我没试。） factor  for training minds.（factor for 可以去掉） It should be noted that a capacity of logical thinking and creative problem solving is also essential contributing to（contributing to我只见过前面名词，后面名词-------你的前面形容词，后面一个没有引导词的句子的用法我没见过，你再查查） one survive and hence thrive in such a competitive society when he or she grows up. Nevertheless, such ability can not be taught in all majors, even if some , like mathematics, indeed offer（这不能用原型） a perfect（a后怎么能只有形容词） to an opportunity to cultivate these faculties. Many courses in art liberal, say history, for example, only provide sufficient knowledge about this course itself, disregarding the training of minds（mind你用了好多遍，我觉得不太合适，thinking ability or style 也不合适，你再想想）. It’s likely that a student might know well about what happen in 1861, but he or she was still ignorant on why they happened.（对不起，我真的不知道1861哪件事，你能说的详细一点吗？也许是个好例子。） It’s a pity given that they lack such elemental capacity of thinking, let alone anglicizing certain similar issues in contemporary society with his or her knowledge. Consequently, it’s universities’ imperative job to demand students to take various courses to receive education of mind training.

Finally, giving knowledge plays a vital role in educating a college student in a proper way. Knowledge knows（has好吗？） no bound, nor should we impose any to it. To get knowledge, students should not confine their minds to certain field (although some deep research in certain specific area is necessary to both individual and society), （在这里让步，又没有support，只有一个作用就是impair自己的论证，建议去掉，要么放在段尾，说完了，批它一下。）but swim in the vast ocean of human knowledge. Only in this way can prevent one’s narrow-mindedness and shortsightedness or blindness of the whole picture. Moreover, a comprehensive intake of knowledge widens one horizon immensely and hence the increased probability of success or breakthrough in his own field. （感觉支持不强，缺乏说服力，可以多采集一些资料在动手写）

In sum, a variety of factors contribute to a true education, including the discipline of common values, the training of minds, and comprehensive process of giving knowledge. Therefore, students should be encouraged and, if necessary, required to take different kinds of courses to become truly educated, instead of merely those of their own field or major.

总的来说，语言，论证，思想都有问题。建议先搞定论证，语言方面可以多背一些文章，孙远的书就可以，可以培养一些思想。
多写写很又必要，也给别人改改文章，这样才能学会给自己改，然后提高就快了！
你第一次贴文章吧，新手有优惠，当天就可以有修改，下会就靠你积极参与了，给别人改的时候，不要怕改错，发现错误才能进步嘛！
继续努力，加油啊！！

david_ganUID: 142106

欧也是新手，改一篇大家不介意吧？呵呵…^_^
Students should be required to take various courses outside their own field of study to become truly educated, as the speaker stated. I strongly agree with this statement, considering the meaningfulness of a real education, while I don’t think the reason provided by the author is complete??, even though acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines can be viewed as a key factor contributing to a successful education as well.

There are several elements constituting in the real sense an education, or successful education. Of these I’d put to the first portion that: a good discipline of merits valued by the whole society, merits like respect, loyalty to country, family, friends, diligence and so forth. It’s desirable for universities to teach or reinforce the education of those basic common values, considering that the role of a university in a society is to help prepare a well-educated generation to bring about a better world. Unfortunately, however, such important merits or values are not always involved in the course of giving knowledge, especially in the process of learning one’s own academic field, or major. In most case, students have a good chance to receive a professional discipline of academic knowledge, while they fail to obtain an even iota instruction about certain common values. Its disastrous results and even irremediable can be spotted everywhere. Moral corruption, increased figure of criminality, waste of resource like water, food, irresponsible pollution of the environment and so forth aer the very examples. Accordingly, it has become increasingly urgent for university presidents to take action to pay more attention to the teaching of commonly shared merits, even merely some basic ones can benefit the whole society immensely.
(偶觉得题目讲的是acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines，注意academic一词，学术学科。第一段讲了思想道德政治教育，似乎有跑题嫌疑。）

In addition, a sound and thorough education should also includes factor for training minds. It should be noted that a capacity of logical thinking and creative problem solving is also essential contributing to one survive(？for one to survive?) and hence thrive in such a competitive society when he or she grows up. Nevertheless(and之后主语不一致）, （such大写，另起一句）such ability can not be taught in all majors, even if some （？？）, like mathematics, indeed offer a perfect to an opportunity to cultivate these faculties.（一句话有两个谓语，can和offer） Many courses in art liberal, say history（？？）, for example, only provide sufficient knowledge about this course itself, （分词结构用法有点问题）disregarding the training of minds. It’s likely that a student might know well about what happen in 1861（？？）, but he or she was still ignorant on why they happened.（我也很puzzled of what happenned in 1861) It’s a pity given that they lack such elemental capacity of thinking, let alone anglicizing certain similar issues in contemporary society with his or her knowledge. Consequently, it’s universities’ imperative job to demand students to take various courses to receive education of mind training.

Finally, giving knowledge plays a vital role in educating a college student in a proper way. Knowledge knows no bound, nor should we impose any to it. To get knowledge, students should not confine their minds to certain field (although some deep research in certain specific area is necessary to both individual and society), but swim in the vast ocean of human knowledge. Only in this way can prevent one’s narrow-mindedness and shortsightedness or blindness of the whole picture. Moreover, a comprehensive intake of knowledge widens one horizon immensely and hence the increased probability of success or breakthrough in his own field.

In sum, a variety of factors contribute to a true education, including the discipline of common values, the training of minds, and comprehensive process of giving knowledge. Therefore, students should be encouraged and, if necessary, required to take different kinds of courses to become truly educated, instead of merely those of their own field or major.

有些小词很生僻。但用的很好。但总的语法错误太多，让人很难读懂。
论证选取角度有待商妥。
感觉不是太好。

fortitudesagUID: 139374

to yinet:
不许在作文版灌水，再灌让版主封你的ID.

roy_wengUID: 142453

来晚了，真不好意思。非常感谢各位的热心修改，我一定会好好修改，争取早日解决那些问题。
再次感谢!
\bow

roy_wengUID: 142453

真没想到我会这么幸运,一来就有两位热心的朋友帮忙指正。有一个问题想请教一下,
是关于结构的：我在孙远的作文工具箱里看到过一篇名为 "Knowledge and Wisdom"的文章，它的论证部分的第一段用了There are several factors that contribute to wisdom. Of these I should put first a sense of proportion:..........然后在这段里就只提了一个factor，然后在论证部分的后面几段又分别写了其它几个factors。我想问的是，这种结构是否合理？
谢谢！

roy_wengUID: 142453

修改了一些，不知道有没有好些
先说一下我的观点：
我同意让学生多选一些本专业以外的课以获得真正的教育，但认为作者提的理由不够全面。
我的理由：
1.真正的教育应该包括价值观的教育。
2.还要有训练思维的作用
3.最后要能让人获得全面的知识
Students should be required to take various courses outside their own field of study to become truly educated, as the speaker stated. I strongly agree with this statement, considering the meaningfulness of a real education, while I don’t think the reason provided by the author is complete, even if acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines can be viewed as a key factor contributing to a successful education as well.

Several elements constitutes in the real sense an education,----successful education. Of these I’d put to the first portion that: a good discipline of merits valued by the whole society, merits like respect, loyalty to country, family, friends, diligence and so forth. It’s desirable for universities to teach or reinforce the education of those basic common values, considering that the role played by a university in a society is to help prepare a well-educated generation to bring about a better world. Unfortunately, however, such important merits or values are not always involved in the course of giving knowledge, especially in the process of learning one’s own academic field, or major. In most case, students have a good chance to receive a professional discipline of academic knowledge, while they fail to obtain an even iota instruction about certain common values. Its disastrous and even irremediable results can be spotted everywhere . For example, moral corruption, increased figure of criminality, waste of resource like water, food, irresponsible pollution of the environment and so forth are the very examples. Accordingly, it has become increasingly urgent for university presidents to take action to pay more attention to the teaching of commonly shared merits, even merely some basic ones can benefit the whole society immensely.

In addition, a sound and thorough education should also include training minds. It should be noted that a capacity of logical thinking and creative problem solving is also essentially contributing to one's surviving and hence thriving in such a competitive society when he or she grows up. Nevertheless, such ability can not be taught in all majors, even if some , like mathematics, indeed offers a perfect opportunity to cultivate these faculties. Many courses in art liberal, say history, for example, only provide sufficient knowledge about this course itself, disregarding some elemental discipline for creative thinking. It’s likely that a student might know well about the Civil War of 1861, how long it lasted, how many soldiers were involved,and so forth, but he or she was still ignorant on why they happened. It’s a pity that they lack such basic capacity of thinking, let alone anglicizing certain similar issues in contemporary society with his or her knowledge. Consequently, it’s universities’ imperative job to demand students to take various courses to receive education of mind training.

Finally, giving knowledge plays a vital role in educating a college student in a proper way. Knowledge knows no bound, nor should we impose any to it. To get knowledge, students should not confine their minds to certain specific field , but swim in the vast ocean of human knowledge. Moreover, a comprehensive intake of knowledge widens one horizon immensely and hence the increased probability of success or breakthrough in his own field. Albert Einstein, for instance, have achieved so much ,not just because he had a large amount of knowledge of physics, but also his equally sufficient knowledge of mathematics.

In sum, a variety of factors contribute to a true education, including the discipline of common values, the training of minds, and comprehensive process of giving knowledge. Therefore, students should be encouraged and, if necessary, required to take different kinds of courses to become truly educated, instead of merely those of their own field or major.

正如 fortitudesag 朋友说的，我的文章缺乏有说服力的例子，和让人信服的论证，我相信我会在以后的练习中多加注意这方面的训练的。

fortitudesagUID: 139374

最初由 roy_weng 发布
[B]
是关于结构的：我在孙远的作文工具箱里看到过一篇名为 "Knowledge and Wisdom"的文章，它?.

以下省略...... [/B]

回答问题：
我认为合理，第二句也可以作为主题句，但要有主题句。

roy_wengUID: 142453

哦，明白了，谢谢