issue61 第一篇作文，请大家多给意见。thanks!

doismeUID: 21264

Some people assert "high profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition." however, I disagree with the claim which seems somewhat convincing at fist glance for some obvious reasons which I will list in the following paragraphs.

For one thing, the high profile awards which only few people deserve are really necessary to our society, for the high honor is a stimulating to the people who do the best and gain a breakthrough in their field. And these people’s works change our society thought-out and make our life easy and convenience. For instance, Einstein, one of the greatest scientists, gain the Nobel Prize for the discovery of photoelectric effect in 1921, and in the following years, he developed the special and general theories of relation which is the most important theory in the nearest 200 years. If there are no the Nobel Prize or any other high profile awards, the work of Einstein would not be recognized an even more Einstein would be frustrated and maybe the special and general theories of relation would never be developed. Because of these famous people and their brilliant work, we can live in much more better society than our ancestors, so they deserve the highest honor and we should give the high profile awards to them.

For another, the high profile award can only frustrated the coward, the people who valiant and craving success will never to shrink back for only few people can gain the highest award. For example in the field of painting only few people can become famous painter, some people give up some people insist. The best example is Vincent (Willem) Van Gogh who is poor and indifferent by most people all his life but never given up, and now considered one of the greatest painters. The example of Gogh suggested that though only few people deserve the high profile awards, but it would never damaged the society.

Last but not the least, if there are no the high profile awards, the will not competition; if there are no competition, nobody will be the eager beaver; if there are no eager beavers, the progresses of the society advancing will very slow and the society efficiency will very low.

For the reasons above, we can reaching the conclusion that the high profile awards such as Nobel Prize will never damage society and it is very important to our society, we should never cancel these awards.

scannerUID: 140886

我强烈建议你把题目不在前面,否则斑猪们可不太可能买你的帐,而偶这样的菜鸟虽然有心却是无力~~
残念~~

木耳UID: 123036

Some people assert "high profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition." however, I disagree with the claim which seems somewhat convincing at fist glance for some obvious reasons which I will list in the following paragraphs.

For one thing, the high profile awards which only few people deserve are really necessary to our society, for the high honor is a stimulating(stimulation) to the people who do the best( great contribution好一些) and gain(gain?这个词好像不好) a breakthrough in their field. And these people’s works change our society thought-out（其实他们对世界的改变未必是well planed。很多时候是出人意料的） and make our life easy and convenience.（make our life eaier and more comfortable）   For instance, Einstein, one of the greatest scientists（theory physicist）, gain the Nobel Prize for the discovery of photoelectric effect in 1921,（and后另起一句吧） and in the following years, he developed the special and general theories of relation(relativity) which is(are) the most important theory(复数) in the nearest 200 years(from 18th century)r. If there are no the（删掉the） Nobel Prize or any other high profile awards, the work of Einstein would not be（用虚拟时态：woulld not have been recognized） recognized and even more Einstein(用复数) would be frustrated and maybe the special and general theories of relation would never be developed.（这样讲有些不好吧。毕竟这样的是没有发生，不能随便讲。而且绝大多数科学家做研究也并不是冲着奖去的。还有相对论最后也没有拿奖） Because of these famous people and their brilliant work, we can live in much more better society than our ancestors, so they deserve the highest honor and we should give the high profile awards to them.

这段的论点是好的。举的例子前面还好，但到后面就不对劲了.

For another, the high profile award can only frustrated the coward（这里用coward感觉不好。这里应该用个贬义词）, the people who valiant and craving success will never to（删掉） shrink back for only few people can gain the highest award. For example in the field of painting only few people can become famous painter, some people give up some people insist. The best example is Vincent (Willem) Van Gogh who is（用过去时） poor and indifferent（？感觉用得不好） by most people （In）all his life but never given up, and now considered one of the greatest painters.（后面这半句是什么意思？很突兀。和前面也重复） The example of Gogh suggested that though only few people deserve the high profile awards, but it would never damaged the society.

例子不错。不过整段还是显的单薄了一点，也许是语言还不够丰满

Last but not the least, if there are no the high profile awards, the will not competition; if there are no competition, nobody will be the eager beaver; if there are no eager beavers, the progresses of the society advancing will very slow and the society efficiency will very low.

排比用得挺有气势。不过是不是和上一段有些矛盾？你在这里指出奖金促进竞争，可上面又讲people who valiant and craving success will never to（删掉） shrink back for only few people can gain the highest award

For the reasons above, we can reaching the conclusion that the high profile awards such as Nobel Prize will never damage society and it is very important to our society, we should never cancel these awards.

总的来说思路挺清楚，能让读者明白你的意思 。 不过有些地方有些小的矛盾。例子再多一些会使论证更充分一些。还有就是例子和论点之间多一些推理的句子会更严密严谨一些。

不过更大的缺点在语言上。整篇文章词语比较贫乏，行文也平淡，没有出彩的句子。这个就要好好积累了。版上有不少文笔不错的，比如wondermaker。

还有，关于这个题目的破题立意以前有过比较深入的讨论，你可以去issue综合参考区中的题目讨论板块找一下

加油 :)

木耳UID: 123036

对了，以后一定要抄题

tigervUID: 153356

This essay has very clear points .I like it.However, this author needs to be careful of some little grammar faults.Some of them are very obvious !

doismeUID: 21264

谢谢大家尤其是木耳的详细批改/