issue39 偶是菜鸟,这是偶的第一篇ISSUE,大家来捧场~~~~

scannerUID: 140886

The intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated; most people could learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than by pursuing a university or college degree.
  
  In education, discussions centers around weather school education or self-learning after high school graduating being superior to the other are warming up in recent years. The author asserts that it would be more beneficial for the graduates to choose to study all by oneself. However, although being an undergraduate in a university, I am on the author's side believing that a independent four-years’ study will do more good than a diploma offered by the university.

  The chief reason for my view is that being able to make the time schedule and the curricular arbitrarily, one could arrange his studying process designed for himself effectively. Self-directed learning provides advantages far beyond the imagination of the traditional university students who are busy cramming before their deadlines. We know ourselves better than anyone else, we know exactly what we need. Time squander never exists, for one have the chance to put all his heart into the fields one indeed interested. As the saying goes "Interest's the best teacher", thus, we could at least learn more than the forced learners. Bill Gates’ ceased his education in Harvard University, and then continued to study all by himself and win the smile of the fortune goddess. Some may say that it is not the case we discuss, however, it justify that success is not limited to the degree got in the university. Still some computer hackers who never got high education in any schools, hacked down the U.S ‘s security system from time to time. And this is what they have learned out of the classroom, out of the university, but all by themselves.

Another reason for my view is the suspicion that when more and more students are rushing into the campus, weather the quality of education in universities could maintain the same standard as when only the much fewer attend. It seems to be the tidal wave that universities absorb more and more students every year while the teaching resource still remains unvaried. The ratio between students and teachers is the fundamental factor of education quality. However, to accommodate the exceeded students, universities are busy building new dormitories, expanding the dining-halls, and setting up more in-school supermarkets, but strangely enough, they never bother to enhance the teaching resource. What can we expect from a education system focus their very eyes right on the financial interest rather than education. However, when a door is shut by the god, he will always open a window for you. Self-learning may be the way to survive. No worry for the tuition, no anxiety of the crowd classroom, and most importantly, free from the deteriorating education.

  Some may argue that teachers or professors are there to provide the students the guidelines or orientations, without which it would be extremely difficult for one get through the abysmal courses. Yet, in so a informationalize world that almost everything can be find through Internet, why not take the advantage of these precious, mostly charge-free resource. Still others may cast doubt on the liberate self-learning process that how could the students guarantee that there will be no  time-abuse during their self time-management. And what I want to pointed out is that anyone void of continence would never be a successful man, anywhere, anytime.

  In conclusion, I concur school-education bolds some merits. However, self-directed learning not only serves the purpose of education, but also eliminates the deficiency of recent policy in many universities.

genie05UID: 30358

The intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated; most people could learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than by pursuing a university or college degree.

In education, discussions centers(?) around weather(?) school education or self-learning after high school graduating being superior to the other are warming up in recent years. The author asserts that it would be more beneficial for the graduates to choose to study all by oneself. However, although being an undergraduate in a university, I am on the author's side believing that a independent four-years’ study will do more good than a diploma offered by the university. (开头点明了自己的观点，不错，不过是不是还是考虑不要太套用模板，ANYWAY，自己慢慢摸索吧，反正是第一篇。还有写完以后先自己仔细读，不是用WORD改完就可以了，开头是最重要的，你第一句就两个错误，搞笑啊。)

The chief reason for my view is that being able to make the time schedule and the curricular arbitrarily, one could arrange his（不要只写HIS，写HIS OR HER） studying process designed for himself effectively（不通吧）. Self-directed learning provides advantages far beyond the imagination of the traditional university students who are busy cramming before their deadlines. We know ourselves better than anyone else, we know exactly what we need. （两个句子可以这样连接吗？）Time squander never exists, for one have（？） the chance to put all his heart into the fields one indeed interested. As the saying goes "Interest's the best teacher", thus, we could at least learn more than the forced learners. Bill Gates’ ceased his education in Harvard University, and then continued to study all by himself and win the smile of the fortune goddess. Some may say that it is not the case we discuss, however, it justify that success is not limited to the degree got in the university. Still some computer hackers who never got high education in any schools, hacked down the U.S ‘s security system from time to time. And this is what they have learned out of the classroom, out of the university, but all by themselves.（例子的作用是要论证你的论点，你再考虑一下你这个段落例子的作用。你的论点是要说明可以安排合适自己的进度和内容是吧。可是你的离子在证明什么？证明自学也可以成功？可能是我的理解不太准确，你再斟酌一下。建议看这个帖子https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?threadid=148356）

Another reason for my view is the suspicion that when more and more students are rushing into the campus, weather （？）the quality of education in universities could maintain the same standard as when only the much fewer attend. It seems to be the tidal wave that universities absorb more and more students every year while the teaching resource still remains unvaried. The ratio between students and teachers is the fundamental factor of education quality. However, to accommodate the exceeded students, universities are busy building new dormitories, expanding the dining-halls, and setting up more in-school supermarkets, but strangely enough, they never bother to enhance the teaching resource. What can we expect from a education system focus their very eyes right on the financial interest rather than education. However, when a door is shut by the god, he will always open a window for you. （God's Open Door Policy There's this old Christian saying that goes "God doesn't close a door withoutopening a window." What this means is that god doesn't close off one opportunity without making a new one.这种表达要准确，如果没有把握就不要用）  Self-learning may be the way to survive. No worry for the tuition, no anxiety of the crowd classroom, and most importantly, free from the deteriorating education.

Some may argue that teachers or professors are there to provide the students the guidelines or orientations, without which it would be extremely difficult for one get through the abysmal courses. Yet, in so （？）a informationalize （？）world that almost everything can be find through Internet, why not take the advantage of these precious, mostly charge-free resource. Still others may cast doubt on the liberate self-learning process that how could the students guarantee that there will be no time-abuse during their self time-management. And what I want to pointed （？）out is that anyone void of continence would never be a successful man, anywhere, anytime.（wherever,whenever…）

In conclusion, I concur school-education bolds some merits. However, self-directed learning not only serves the purpose of education, but also eliminates the deficiency of recent policy in many universities.

1,不是用WORD修改完就可以了，写完以后要自己看一下，再反过来仔细想想。以你的英语水平犯上面的一些语法错误是不是太夸张了啊。
2，英语水平来说是没有问题的，可是在论证的把握上还有欠缺。
3．一些主观性的词语的使用最好可以避免。当然你这篇里其实不多，不过提一下。
4，在论证上，如果不好把握，你先谢谢中文提纲，看看说服力如何。这样比较容易理解。

头晕死了，前面死了一次机，好多东西都没保存下来。偶明天再看一遍好了，现在看论证实在是。。。。。。看不下去。对不住了。
PS，一篇文章一顿饭。自己算吧。:D

genie05UID: 30358

我看你这个写了很多嘛，还说没有办法下笔。
不过可以看看这两个帖子
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?threadid=132225

https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?threadid=131745

genie05UID: 30358

还有这个
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?threadid=126074

scannerUID: 140886

The intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated; most people could learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than by pursuing a university or college degree.
  
  In education, discussions center around whether school education or self-learning after high school graduating being superior to the other are warming up in recent years. The author asserts that it would be more beneficial for the graduates to choose to study all by themselves. However, although being an undergraduate in a university, I am on the author's side believing that an independent four-years’ study will do more good than a diploma offered by the university.

  The chief reason for my view is that being able to make the time schedule and the curricular arbitrarily, one could efficiently arrange his/her studying project. Self-directed learning provides advantages far beyond the imagination of the traditional university students who are busy cramming before their deadlines. It is common sense that people will always do a much better job with enthusiasm rather than with depression. And the flexibility of time management enables one to concentrate on compulsories when it is desired, and one the other hand, to entertain while enthusiasm evoke from one’s heart deep inside. “Man is born free” could also be an axiom justifiable in the field of education. We thirst for freedom, as we dread slavery, and for the same logic, we desire to be independent in education process rather than being encumbered by the ossified curricular.

Another reason for my view is the suspicion that when more and more students are rushing into the campus, whether the quality of education in universities could maintain the same standard as when only much fewer attend. It seems to be the tidal wave that universities absorb more and more students every year while the teaching resource remains unvaried. The faculty/student ratio is the fundamental factor of education quality. However, to accommodate the exceeding students, universities are busy building new dormitories, expanding the dining-halls, and setting up more in-school supermarkets, but strangely enough, they never bother to enhance the teaching resource. What can we expect from an education system focuses their very eyes right on the financial interests while casts the purpose of education to oblivion.

  Some may argue that teachers or professors are there to provide the students the guidelines or orientations, without which it would be extremely difficult for one to get through the abysmal courses. Yet, in such an informational world that almost everything can be found through Internet, why not take the advantage of these precious, and mostly charge-free online resource. Still others may cast doubt on the liberal self-learning process that how could the students guarantee that there will be no time-abuse during their self time-management. Concerning the issue of self-regulation, study in the university seems no advantageous than the other case. And what I want to clarify is that anyone void of continence would never be a successful man, wherever, whenever.

  In sum, I highly recommend self-directed education out of university for in one hand, the outgrowing of the liberal study is the flexibility of time management which will improve the efficiency of in the process. And in the other hand, deteriorating education quality in universities obliges the students to find a way out.

scannerUID: 140886

看了你的评论后再看文章,我也看不下去了,说第二段逻辑混乱一点都不为过啊~~~
偶把那些硬凑上的例子砍掉了,进行了一点说理,表面上看起还将就,你看再找点什么东西出来批一下撒,自己发现问题对偶来说是很有难度滴!
至于你说再看一便,那就免了吧,看这篇改过的可以让我良心稍微好过点^_^
还有就是找例子实在是太BT了!!!例子倒是多,但能用的几乎没有~~~残念~~~
至于应该怎样展开论证偶也不大清楚,偶看那些6分范文们的论证怎么越看越觉得在跑题??

scannerUID: 140886

最重要的反倒搞忘了
genie ,谢了哈!!!!!!!!!!

genie05UID: 30358

范文的那个问题可以参考一下这个帖子
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?threadid=133527

genie05UID: 30358

The intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated; most people could learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than by pursuing a university or college degree.

In education, discussions center around whether school education or self-learning after high school graduating being superior to the other are warming up in recent years. The author asserts that it would be more beneficial for the graduates to choose to study all by themselves. However, although being an undergraduate （in a university罗嗦）, I am on the author's side believing that an independent four-years’ study will do more good than a diploma offered by the university.（作者的论点可不是四年哦。）

The chief reason for my view is that being able to make the time schedule and the curricular arbitrarily（这里用它合适吗？自己查一下）, one could efficiently arrange his/her studying project.（这样又怎么了？继续写完，不要把一些你认为很显然的东西就直接忽略了） Self-directed learning provides advantages far beyond the imagination of the traditional university students who are busy cramming before their deadlines. It is common sense that people will always do a much better job with enthusiasm rather than with depression. And the flexibility of time management enables one to concentrate on compulsories when it is desired, and one the other hand, to entertain while enthusiasm evoke from one’s heart deep inside. “Man is born free” could also be an axiom justifiable in the field of education. We thirst for freedom, as we dread slavery, and for the same logic, we desire to be independent in education process rather than being encumbered by the ossified curricular.

Another reason for my view is the suspicion that when more and more students are rushing into the campus, whether the quality of education in universities could maintain the same standard as when only much fewer attend. It seems to be the tidal wave that universities absorb more and more students every year while the teaching resource remains unvaried. The faculty/student ratio is the fundamental factor of education quality. However, to accommodate the exceeding students, universities are busy building new dormitories, expanding the dining-halls, and setting up more in-school supermarkets, but strangely enough, they never bother to enhance the teaching resource. What can we expect from an education system focuses their very eyes right on the financial interests while casts the purpose of education to oblivion.

Some may argue that teachers or professors are there to provide the students the guidelines or orientations, without which it would be extremely difficult for one to get through the abysmal courses. Yet, in such an informational world that almost everything can be found through Internet, why not take the advantage of these precious, and mostly charge-free online resource. Still others may cast doubt on the liberal self-learning process that how could the students guarantee that there will be no time-abuse during their self time-management. Concerning the issue of self-regulation, study in the university seems no advantageous than the other case. And what I want to clarify is that anyone void of continence would never be a successful man, wherever, whenever.

In sum, I highly recommend self-directed education out of university for in one hand, the outgrowing of the liberal study is the flexibility of time management which will improve the efficiency of in the process. And in the other hand, deteriorating education quality in universities obliges the students to find a way out.


实在看不下去。SCANNER对不住了。
哪位斑竹帮可忙吧。
头大。

imongUID: 140258

第一段论述比较空，缺乏有力的正面回答
第二段至少也得交待背景，美国可不扩招
第三段的反驳some may argue缺乏力度，Concerning the issue of self-regulation 一句话就打发了？不应该。

用词上，why not take the advantage of these precious, and mostly charge-free online resource.这句似乎缺点儿主语还是其他什么成份的样子。同时cast doubt on的精彩表达也有。有部分优点，但问题更多一些。用词上得学习学习别人。

提几个主要问题。另外，欢迎尽快参与到作文版的掐架活动中来。

genie05UID: 30358

谢谢IMONG帮偶解围啊。
感动ING。
:D

scannerUID: 140886

imong,你所说的正面论述是指什么??是例子的缺乏还是论证的深度或角度?看了你对coherence的讨论后,我倒是觉得这方面做的的确不好!!
至于第二段,加上背景就OK,还是不能这样做?能否用国内ETS不熟的东西做论据?
第三段再展开会不会显得累赘?
最后在谢一下 呵呵~~

GENIE, 解围是什么意思??
偶的文章真的这么不堪入目??拜托不要这么打击一个新手~~~
不管怎样,还是谢了,哈!!!!

genie05UID: 30358

不要误会，我那天看不下去，头痛而已。没有别的意思。
你的英语比偶牛，怎么敢打击你嘛。