issue160 木耳&dawnspeaker点评

ylyhahaUID: 147021

160. "The most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives. Any leader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will accomplish little."


Framework:
1/什么是有效的领导者：能通过各种有效的手段领导下属有效的完成预定的目标。如果原则目标时时改变，如何使下属忠诚地跟随并积极的工作？会使他们无所适从。
2/大众的观点往往只代表一部分人的意见，并且代表了他们的短期利益，而一个团体的原则目标会顾及全局，不断的为大众意见所影响容易患“近视”。
3/但无可否认的是，无论大众还是领导人的看法都会存在不全面性，领导人应该经常听取公众的意见，以审查自己的行为。
The question “how to be an effective leader”have commanded people’s attention from early times.From the river of history, we can see many celebrated leaders,to countries or just to companies,for example,Clinton&Welch，have showed the world sparkle of wisdom of leadership.Besides other factors,it is admitted that the ability of remaining consistently committed to particular principles and objectives is one of an essential qualities of an effective torchbearer. The following reasons and examples provide materials to well back up this suggestion.

To discuss the issue ,the perception of”effetive leadership”must be taken into account first. Although few can accurately define this item,the conmmon character ,existing in the art of leadership, that a leader should shepherd and associate with his or her underlings to follow some particular priciples and then accomplish the intending target efficaciously  should be widely accepted.One can be easily aware that if a bellwether quickly chang his or her mind influeced by popular opinion without thinking a lot,then how can the underlings catch up with such a “fickle-minded”one?And how can they be loyal and effectual enough to achieve the goal?Obviously,having not consistent priciples and objectives would make them at loose ends.

Moreover,popular opinion is sometimes considered to be either standing for minority or reflecting something shortdated while leading priciples and objectives is usually deemed to be insightful and far-sighted.Thus,frequently changing one’s particular policy,which have been justified ,will lead to accomplishing nothing.For instent,when a country is under the atmosphere of deflation,in order to keep economic balance,the government will tend to take inflationism;but this policy will cause a rise in prices to some extent----the status which common people are unwilling to see.Then some people may try to give opponent voice to the leaders of government by various channels.Can the leaders easily shift their action so as to satisfy the people’s temporary interest?Of course not!Although the policy seems to be improper to some persons,it is a proper action with an eye to the whole.So once a leading opinion is correct,it shoiuld be insist on.

However, nothing will always to remain right.For one hand,neither popular opinions nor the lesding ones are absolutely considerate.There must be some aspects that can not be thought over since both sides are thinking from different positions.For another, it is impossible for everyone to keep up with situation for it is changing every second. Therefore,as an effetive leader,he or she must listen to different kinds of voice with hunility and ajust something to meet a new requirement with mature reflections.Otherwise,a leader may lose support from people and be washed out by times.

To sum up,opinions of both sides are not completely conflict.An effective leader should not hesitate to persist in principles and objectives----which is like a beacon light towards suceed,once they are proved to be right Also,an leader must be broad-minded enough to receive different suggestions,which make decisions more perfect.

斗胆在gter上发表烂文，知道这里牛人多，使劲批吧！！
写完以后第一个感觉就是觉得自己例子太少，不知道怎么改进？
呵呵，大年初一祝各位杀G成功！

dawnspeakerUID: 152586

The question “how to be an effective leader”have commanded people’s attention from early times.From the river of history(这个比喻有点chinglish, 不是中国人就会莫名其妙), we can see (we can see 不好，主观性太强且口语化The human history has witnessed...)many celebrated leaders,to(这个to是什么用法？) countries or just to companies,for example,Clinton&Welch，have showed the world sparkle of wisdom of leadership.(这儿例子只能起负面作用了，第一段一般不使用举例，而且这儿没有例子也完全可以)Besides other factors,it is admitted（这儿应该是是表明文章的立场，用it is admitted 不好吧——仅仅是表明存在这样一种立场而已） that the ability of remaining consistently committed to particular principles and objectives is one of an essential qualities of an effective torchbearer. The following reasons and examples provide materials（这个materials不是标准书面语） to well back up this suggestion.

To discuss the issue ,the perception of”effetive leadership”must be taken into account first（first放错地方了）. Although few can accurately define this item,the conmmon character ,existing in the art of leadership, that a leader should shepherd and associate with his or her underlings to follow some particular priciples and then accomplish the intending target（goal更好些） efficaciously should be widely accepted.One can be easily aware that if a bellwether quickly chang his or her mind influeced by popular opinion without thinking a lot,then how can the underlings catch up with such a “fickle-minded”one?And how can they be loyal and effectual enough to achieve the goal?Obviously,having not consistent priciples and objectives would make them at loose ends.关于例子：感觉你不是找不到例子，而是没有用例子的意识。这样子长篇的reasoning既费时间有让人一头雾水，毫无逻辑性可言。如果没有现成的名人例子的话，大可以就造一个。比如，“我舅舅的朋友的朋友的邻居是一家公司的老总，……”发挥想象力吧
猴年第一天，先改一半

木耳UID: 123036

160. "The most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives. Any leader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will accomplish little."


Framework:
1/什么是有效的领导者：能通过各种有效的手段领导下属有效的完成预定的目标。如果原则目标时时改变，如何使下属忠诚地跟随并积极的工作？会使他们无所适从。
2/大众的观点往往只代表一部分人的意见，并且代表了他们的短期利益，而一个团体的原则目标会顾及全局，不断的为大众意见所影响容易患“近视”。
3/但无可否认的是，无论大众还是领导人的看法都会存在不全面性，领导人应该经常听取公众的意见，以审查自己的行为。
The question （of）“how to be an effective leader”have（单三型式has） commanded（这个词不好。是不是改成called?） people’s attention from early times.From the river of history,（英语中有这样的说法？） we can see many celebrated leaders,to countries or just to companies,for example,Clinton&Welch，have showed the world sparkle of wisdom of leadership.（这句话读着很别扭，尤其是to那个短语）Besides other factors,it is admitted that the ability of remaining consistently committed to particular principles and objectives is one of an essential qualities of an effective torchbearer. The following reasons and examples provide materials to well back up this suggestion.（用point of view好一点）

To discuss the issue ,the perception of”effetive leadership”must be taken into account first（place）. Although few can accurately define this item,the conmmon character ,existing in the art of leadership, that a leader should shepherd and associate with his or her underlings to follow some particular priciples and then accomplish the intending target efficaciously should be widely accepted.One can be easily aware that if a bellwether quickly chang his or her mind influeced by popular opinion without thinking a lot（carefully）,then how can the underlings catch up with such a “fickle-minded”one?And how can they be loyal and effectual enough to achieve the goal?Obviously,having not consistent priciples and objectives would make them at loose ends.

这一段你首先提出the perception of effetive leader这个概念很好。但后面就像dawnspeaker说的，没有实在的例子，只是说理。只是在说如此这般不好，但并没有说清楚前因后果，没有说清为什么。并且你所说的情况也不能一概而论。审时度势，与时俱进也是必需的。

Moreover,popular opinion is sometimes considered to be either standing for minority（少数？少数的又怎能popular?这样说有问题） or reflecting something shortdated（好像没有这个词吧？） while leading priciples and objectives is(are) usually deemed to be（删掉deemed to be） insightful and far-sighted.Thus,frequently changing one’s particular policy,which have（has） been justified（which has been proved to be justified） ,will lead to accomplishing nothing（lead to accomplishing nothing感觉不好）.For instent(instance),when a country is under the atmosphere of deflation,in order to keep economic balance,the government will tend to take inflationism;but this policy will cause a rise in prices to some extent----the status which common people are unwilling to see.Then some people may try to give opponent voice to the leaders of government by various channels.Can the leaders easily shift their action（还是用policy好一些） so as to satisfy the people’s temporary interest?Of course not!Although the policy seems to be improper to some persons,it is a proper action with an eye to the whole.So once a leading opinion is correct,it shoiuld（拼写错误） be insist on.（carried on）

这段的例子还不错。
However, nothing will always to remain right.（there is nothing to be always crrect是不是好一些？）For one hand,neither popular opinions nor the lesding（拼写错误） ones are absolutely considerate.There must be some aspects that can not be thought over since both sides are thinking from different positions.（后半句表述的不清楚）For another, it is impossible for everyone to keep up with situation for it is（it 指代不明） changing every second. Therefore,as an effetive leader,he or she must listen to different kinds of voice with hunility（这个词什么意思？写错了吧？就算你要写humility，用在这里也有问题:confused:） and ajust something to meet a new requirement with mature reflections（？with mature reflections?不太明白）.Otherwise,a leader may lose support from people and be washed out by times.

To sum up,opinions of both sides are not completely conflict.An effective leader should not hesitate to persist in principles and objectives----which is like a beacon light towards suceed（拼写错误）,once they are proved to be right Also,an leader must be broad-minded enough to receive different suggestions,which make decisions more perfect.

总的来说写得不错，段落层次比较清楚；格式很好，也有提纲。不过问题也不少：

1 注意例证的运用
2 注意遣词造句，一些句子读起来有些别扭
3 注意拼写

还有一点就是关于对题目的理解：
指出题目中的几个关键词：most essential, effective, any, in popular opinion
不知怎么，再我看来总觉得有一点点跑题， :p

第一次写已经很不错了，加油！

ylyhahaUID: 147021

谢谢两位高人的指点，前几天一直不在家，没有来得及回复。
发现我太粗心，拼写上的问题给大家带来不便实在对不起，以后会多加注意的。
关于例子的运用，举自己身边的例子可以吗（即使是瞎编的），应该怎么表述比较恰当？
还有跑题的问题，怎么理解？
谢谢，也想帮别人改改作文，但恐怕水平不够

imongUID: 140258

身边的例子当然可以，只要贴切而客观就好。

最近几天跑题的文章也不少，不妨自己翻翻。

改作文的话，只要你动手，最后受益的肯定是自己。