作文贴一枚。。2012年10月27日，求斧正

sereanUID: 3292168

谢谢。。
题目:  In the past young people are more depended on their parents in making decision. Today, young people are better able to make decisions in their own lives.

Currently, the issue of young people making decisions has become of great concern to a point where a wide discussion has been aroused. Some people maintain that young was more not depended on their parents in making decisions in the past than they do today. However, to a large extent, I am on the opposite side of the claim and reckon than this claim is rife with holes and assumptions.

Firstly, in the past the productivity level was low and many people led a miserable life who needed to face the danger of starvation. The young people in a common rural family were forced to work in an early age in order to earn money to support their family. So there was little chance for them to make their own decisions. What they did was just planned by their parents. What is worse, they cannot even choose the woman who would become his wife. For instance, in ancient China the hierarchy was so strict that sons must obey to their parents and it was never allowed for sons to violate their parents which was illegal. Therefore whenever young people made a decision they had to ask for their parents' agreement. Sometimes their parents had already made decisions for their instead of young people themselves making decisions. As a result, in the past young people depend to a large extent on parents in making decisions.   

However, when in modern society, we are not worried about the scarcity of materials with high productivity level. So there will not exist the situation that young people are forced to work in an early age to support their family. At the same time, the modern people strive for freedom and liberty since people are satisfied with the ample materials. Thus the strict hierarchy only existed in the past and is gone as time goes by. What young people today are more concerned about is to display their own characteristics and they are more independent than past. Therefore young people prefer to make decisions on their own rather than relying on their parents.  In additionally Parents also encourage their children to deal with issues dependently, cultivate and improve their independence. As a consequence, youths are better able to make decisions in their own lives in today.

ZTreeUID: 3165682

太啰嗦了，还是没走出为了长句而长句为了表达而表达的问题

EnolateUID: 3283311

手机，就稍微说一下
有几处语法错误，比如obey to, in additionally，这个要注意，考场上注意检查避免这种错误，多了会扣分的
用词上有一些不恰当，比如were forced，我觉得用must好一点
句子有的问题比较大，因为太长了嵌套多了容易出问题，比如obey to 那一句的which用得不对，还有娶妻那一句表达也不对，前面好像还有个代词指代不明。避免的方法是不要写太多复杂的句子，用完代词which什么的想想它的指向是你想指的那一个吗
表达上很多句子不必要，第一段就太长，和后两段比太罗嗦。第二个论证段的逻辑不好，论证不给力。整篇文章的论证偏弱，有点流于表面点不到即止的感觉--加强分析和事例。考试的时候不要翻来覆去说一句话，多分析分析

祝好运