Issue6 我觉得这篇写得很牵强，改了半天也没什么成效，是不是思维定式了，请指教

四月的迷迭香UID: 154552

Issue6
“The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of youth.”

The arguer advocates that the most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth. From my point of view, this standpoint is to some extent reasonable, since the youth who are exposed to a culture that is more diverse and sophisticated than ever before, are inclined to assimilate the diversity and are more adapted to changes. Thus they are an important part of the constitution of the modern society, taking an indispensable place in the current world. Nevertheless, to have a full insight of concurrent culture solely relying on the trends of the youth may limit us in a narrow field and lead to a partial understanding.

With the rapid social and technological transformation leading the world more open and changeable, our life are charged with inventions and new conceptions, to which sometimes people are too busy to response. The youth, the group with active energy and innovative inherent nature, are prompt to curiously unearth new things. Thus young people, rather than the old ones, are more likely to lead the trends of the modern life. According to the latest statistics, the overwhelming majority of persons who purchase commodities on Internet are the youth. Internet shopping, a burgeoning means of buying things without going outdoors and digging in shops, is marking a new epoch in consuming behavior because of its convenience and efficiency, both of which are the preferences of the youth when choosing their life style. So young persons are willing to accept Internet shopping as a novel fashion, while older ones may reject it with the preservation of traditional consuming conception.

The pace of modern life is great speedier than ever before, which is the consequences of the increasing stress and challenges in the social competition. Younger people are more capable of adapting themselves to the swift pace than old ones. They attach much attention on the efficiency of work and life, and are forming some new fashionable ideas that are typical of the day and are fundamentally different from the conventions. For instance, more and more Chinese young persons now prefer to eat fast-food introduced from abroad rather than the Chinese food that take time to prepare and cook. Another example is the peculiar phenomenon of DINK family, that is, Double Income No Kids. Under the great pressure of earning money to support families and the difficulties of raising children, a fraction of young couples who both have jobs decided not to have babies. These examples that clearly illustrate some traits of the contemporary culture are all among youth individuals.

On the other hand, viewing the intricacies and complexity of culture, not only the youth but also many other factors and other generations should be taken into account if we want to have a better appreciation of the contemporary culture. The youth has an innate character to be anxious to do something unconventional and unorthodox to repudiate its predecessor. However, since the adults and senior people are the witnesses of the develop process of the society and the culture, we can not neglect their effects and contributions. Many scientists who made great success are mid-aged persons, for they have rich experience and a deep perspective in academy. Also, the older people are more mature and more dispassionate than the younger ones who tend to be subjective and passionate when dealing with some problems. Admitted that contemporary culture has changed a lot from conventional culture, under no circumstance should we negate the importance of tradition. As time passes by, the culture inherent many merits from former culture and abandon some shortages. Consequently certain traditions, such as Chinese Spring Festival, have been conserved and are of great significance to the contemporary culture.
        In general, we should pay much attention upon the effect of the youth on influencing the modern culture, while not focus exclusively on them. A broaden perspective is needed to help us better and fully understand our culture and society.

recyUID: 154709

Issue6
“The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of youth.”

The arguer advocates that the most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth. From my point of view, this standpoint is to some extent reasonable, since the youth who are exposed to a culture that is more diverse and sophisticated than ever before, are inclined to assimilate the diversity and are more adapted to changes. Thus they are an important part of the constitution of the modern society, taking an indispensable (好词！！) place in the current world. Nevertheless, to have a full insight （用perspective更好些？） of concurrent (该词的词义似乎意味着所指的事物是两个以上，用today’s, contemporary, current可能更好) culture solely relying on the trends of the youth may limit us in a narrow field and lead to a partial understanding.
语言丰富，观点清晰，但有时似乎为了多用新词忽略了个别词汇的用法。

With the rapid social and technological transformation leading the world more open and changeable, our life are charged with （什么意思？） inventions and new conceptions, to which sometimes people are too busy to response. The youth, the group with active energy and innovative inherent nature, are prompt to curiously unearth new things. Thus young people, rather than the old ones （the senior ones比较得体）, are more likely to lead the trends of the modern life. According to the latest statistics, the overwhelming majority of persons who purchase commodities on Internet are the youth. Internet shopping (We also use “Online shopping”), a burgeoning means of buying things without going outdoors (out) and digging in shops, is marking a new epoch in consuming behavior because of its convenience and efficiency, both of which are the preferences of the youth when choosing their life style (kind of awkward, what about “according to their life style”?). So young persons are willing to accept Internet shopping as a novel fashion, while older ones may reject it with the preservation of traditional consuming conception.
这段指出了年轻人比老年人更能接受新生事物，应该把这个观点放在最前面，否则开头给人感觉有点消极。而且把时尚信息由年轻人传达这个特点与题目所说的contemporary culture联系在一起，会让人感觉更加紧凑。

The pace of modern life is great speedier than ever before, which is the consequences of the increasing stress and challenges in the social competition （bred by the fierce competition of society）. Younger people are more capable of adapting themselves to the swift pace than old ones. They attach much attention on (to?) the efficiency of work and life, and are forming some new fashionable ideas that are typical of the day and are fundamentally different from the (去掉) conventions. For instance, more and more Chinese young persons （我觉得用people就好） now prefer to eat（去掉） fast-food introduced from abroad（abroadàADVERB） rather than the(去掉) Chinese food that take（takes） time to prepare and cook. Another example is the peculiar(慎用！如果这种情况越来越多，就不应该叫peculiar) phenomenon of DINK family, that is, Double Income No Kids. Under the great pressure of earning money to support families and (overcome) the difficulties of raising children, a fraction of young couples who both have jobs decided(时态？) not to have babies. These examples that clearly illustrate some traits of the contemporary culture are all among youth individuals.
是否加一个topic sentence使段落意思更明确？好像和前一段的观点差别不是很大，尽管细细品味还是能看得出来

On the other hand, viewing the intricacies and complexity of culture, not only the youth but also many other factors and other generations should be taken into account if we want to have a better appreciation of the contemporary culture. The youth has an innate character to be anxious to do something unconventional and unorthodox to repudiate its predecessor. However, since the adults and senior people are (both) the witnesses of the develop process of the society and the culture, we can not neglect (either of ) their effects and contributions. Many scientists who made great success are mid-aged persons, for they have rich experience and a deep perspective in academy. Also, the older people are more mature and more dispassionate than the younger ones who tend to be subjective and passionate when dealing with some problems. Admitted that contemporary culture has changed a lot from conventional culture, under no circumstance should we negate the importance of tradition. As time passes by, the culture inherent many merits from(of) former culture and abandon some shortages. Consequently certain traditions, such as Chinese Spring Festival, have been conserved and are of great significance to the contemporary culture.
        In general, we should pay much attention upon the effect of the youth on influencing the modern culture, while not focus exclusively on them. A broaden perspective is needed to help us better and fully understand our culture and society.

    挺不错的，全文避免了中国学生经常遇到的问题：无限重复使用同样的词汇。但结构上还可以在斟酌一下，后面的反面观点在举一些“他因”？这样可以使文章更饱满，更具说服力，也会使读者一目了然，感到脉络清晰，言之有物。