Issue45 请大家指教

DriverEntryUID: 143979

45"Government officials should rely on their own judgment rather than unquestioningly carrying out the will of the people whom they serve."

Abraham Lincoln once said, (and I paraphrased), the government should be of the people, by the people and for the people, which laconically describes the relationship between the government and the people. Whereas government and the people usually have the same opinions on most questions, they at times do have conflicts upon some concrete problems. When dealing with these conflicts, whether government officials should rely on their own judgment or on the will of the people should depend on which is more beneficial to the people.

From a society level, nowadays government and the people have almost the same purpose, to develop the country into an independent, prosperous, democratic one, therefore the government officials’ judgment is often the same as the will of the people. In the 1970's in China, people were tired of endless interclass struggles as well as poverty, and they were anxious to be more wealthy and free. With understanding of this will, Chairman Deng announced that the focus of the government was to develop the economy by reforming and opening. As soon as the policy was announced, it received a warm welcome among the people. More than 30 years later, we now live in a wealthier and more democratic society.

Admittedly, government officials' judgment sometimes may differ from the will of people, especially on some concrete problems. In such cases, whose judgment is better should be determined by whose judgment is more beneficial to the people. On the one hand, the will of people will not be always apposite for the government to carry out at once. For instance, during 1990's, there was a trend in Chinese to encourage the government to manufacture or purchase an aircraft carrier in order to protect our neighboring sea more strongly. Many people agreed that an aircraft carrier would improve our military power on sea dramatically, and there also appeared a tempting slogan that if every Chinese donated one penny, our government would have enough money to manufacture an aircraft carrier. However, the government did not follow the people's advice at last, and they had more convincing reasons for not manufacturing one, such as that the maintenance expenditure of an aircraft carrier would be great, and that our navy could protect our sea well without it. We should admit that people's will is always good, but their advices are not always reasonable, for most people are not experts in some fields and that many people have not an original mind but only follow others' opinion. In such cases, the government should explain the reasons of their decisions to the people and gain mutual understanding between the people.

On the other hand, we should also be alert to some politicians who only care about their political power regardless the will of the people. Such politicians are not very less in history. Many dictators in ancient China regarded them as God and the people as the servants, and sometimes (or always) oppressed the will of the people. Emperor Qin in Qin dynasty is a case in point. After Emperor Qin united the whole China by defeating other six counties, he carried out a policy to enhance his governance, it was to prohibit other thoughts (which might endanger his governance) by burning their books and slaughtering the researchers who agreed with that thoughts. As a result, thousands of valuable books disappeared and hundreds of thinkers died. What's more, many wonderful crafts were also lost. This event is one the most serious tragedies in Chinese history. Although such kinds of events are much less in nowadays society, they do not disappear completely. For example, some officials in poor counties would like to build some luxury hotels and official buildings rather than build more apartments for ordinary people to live better.

All in all, in most cases, the government officials should carry out the will of the people, but on some concrete problems, they have the right to carry out their own judgment. What is the most important is that their judgment should be base on the benefit of the people rather than on their own.

crusadeUID: 149710

Abraham Lincoln once said, (and I paraphrased), the government should be of the people, by the people and for the people, which laconically describes the relationship between the government and the people. Whereas government and the people usually have the same opinions on most questions, they at times do have conflicts upon some concrete problems. When dealing with these conflicts, whether government officials should rely on their own judgment or on the will of the people should depend on which(个人感觉应该是what,就是judgement which的缩略) is more beneficial to the people.(第一段用”三民”开头,这个例子好像成了这个论坛的经典例子了呃,不过的确不错)

From a society level, nowadays government and the people have almost the same purpose, to develop the country into an independent, prosperous, democratic one, therefore the government officials’ judgment is often the same as the will of the people. In the 1970's in China, people were tired of endless interclass struggles(阶级斗争?不知道老美看不看的懂呃) as well as poverty, and they were anxious to be more wealthy and free. With understanding of this will, Chairman Deng announced that the focus of the government was to develop the economy by reforming and opening. (好像Reform and Open更好一些,这好像是个约定的翻译了)As soon as the policy was announced, it received a warm welcome among the people. More than 30 years later, we now live in a wealthier and more democratic society.(这一段讲了在社会层面民主政府是遵从人民的意愿办事)

Admittedly, government officials' judgment sometimes may differ from the will of people, especially on some concrete problems. In such cases, whose judgment is better should be determined by whose judgment is more beneficial to the people.(总觉得这句话有点不太对) On the one hand, the will of people will not be always apposite for the government to carry out at once. For instance, during 1990's, there was a trend in Chinese to encourage the government to manufacture or purchase an aircraft carrier in order to protect our neighboring sea(领海是这么讲?好像是marginal sea,我有空去查查,要是错了可是有侵略倾向的啊) more strongly. Many people agreed that an aircraft carrier would improve our military power(还是force更好?)on sea dramatically, and there also appeared a tempting slogan that if every Chinese donated one penny, our government would have enough money to manufacture an aircraft carrier.(这句话好像多余了,在本段中有没有都无所谓啊,陈述性语句,又不是必须的反而削弱论证的力度) However, the government did not follow the people's advice at last, and they had more convincing reasons for not manufacturing one, such as (such as 后面好像都跟短语,我没见过跟从句的)that the maintenance expenditure of an aircraft carrier would be great, and that our navy could protect our sea well without it. We should admit that people's will is always good, but their advices are not always reasonable, for most people are not experts in some fields and that many people have not an original mind but (如果是not, but的结构,那么这句话有点谓语不一致的问题,或许可以改成do not have but follow)only follow others' opinion. In such cases, the government should explain the reasons of their decisions to the people and gain mutual understanding between the people. (这一段讲政府不能盲目听信人民的意见,基本上论证的比较充分了)

On the other hand, we should also be alert to some politicians (politician是政客,西方理念里玩政治的人,未必有多大权力,觉得不太妥,个人以为还是governor 或是leader更好些)who only care about their political power regardless (of)the will of the people. Such politicians are not very less (建议rare)in history. Many dictators in ancient China regarded them as God and the people as the servants(好像people前那个regard不能省吧), and sometimes (or always) oppressed the will of the people. Emperor Qin in Qin dynasty is a case in point. After Emperor Qin united the whole China by defeating other six counties, he carried out a policy to enhance his governance, it was to prohibit other thoughts (which might endanger his governance) by burning their books and slaughtering the researchers who agreed with that thoughts. As a result, thousands of valuable books disappeared(?消失了?这个用词不太好吧) and hundreds of thinkers died. What's more, many wonderful crafts were also lost(这个结论有点跳跃论证了,中国人还好理解,老美可能想不通了,烧书和手艺失传有什么关系?). This event is one the most serious tragedies in Chinese history. Although such kinds of events are much less in nowadays society, they do not disappear completely. For example, some officials in poor counties would like to build some luxury hotels and official buildings rather than build more apartments for ordinary people to live better.(个人感觉这个例子没必要举,因为理解这种例子要一定的中国社会知识,老美可能觉得在穷地方造宾馆有什么不好?拉动旅游嘛. 只有我们知道这是当官的为捞政绩不顾百姓死活.所以不讲清楚容易造成误解,本来你论证的差不多就可以收了,没必要画蛇添足来这么一笔) 这一段讲只依靠政府官员可能带来的坏处.总体觉得这段句子结构(包括上段后半部分开始)weak了不少啊,基本全是简单句,而且很多it, them之类的其实都有点指代不清

All in all, in most cases, the government officials should carry out (好像你也犯了用词太重复的毛病呃,数数这是第几个carry out啦, :p )the will of the people, but on some concrete problems, they have the right to carry out their own judgment. What is the most important is that their judgment should be base (based) on the benefit of the people rather than on (the interests of )their own.

总体感觉还是可以的,逻辑结构比较清楚,例证也充分.感觉文章的后半部分句子结构开始松散,简单句太多,当然简单也是一种美,但这种美要有强力的logical backbone支撑的, 现在你的句子彼此关系有点零乱,给人一种句子结构上支离破碎的感觉.(可能是累了吧,hehe) 你也改过我的文章,知道本人水平有限,意见仅供参考. :D

DriverEntryUID: 143979

多谢老兄的悉心修改，很多建议十分中肯。有些地方我解释一下：
1、提造航母口号的那个地方。你说多余的那句是为了证明这个确实是老百姓的一个意愿，也许还不够直接？
2、那个NOT，BUT的地方不是并列，就是用BUT连接一个句子。
3、politician这个词既有政治家的意思，也有政客的意思。我也很难说老美看到后最先想到的是哪个意思。：（
4、disappear这个词是应该用incinerate的。当时记得背过这么一个词，不过怎么拼实在想不起来了（都是老俞教导的）。所以权且用disappear代替了。
5、最关键的一个问题：我不知道封建社会的那个政权能否叫政府？政府是不是专指民主制度出现后的政体？如果这个意思混淆的话，我哪个秦始皇的例子就得改了。呵呵

最后，再次表示感谢！：）

crusadeUID: 149710

呵呵, 我还是再说一点我的看法
politician无论是在新东方上课还是以前学校上课,我记得都强调过在西方这是一个贬义词,主要做政客解,虽然我们的字典里也把它翻成政治家,其实真正说的上政治"家"的好像应该是statesman

至于政府是否一定要指民主政府,我觉得这倒不一定,不过我也觉得你的文章里讲中国的例子太多,我一直担心,在文章里举中国的例子好不好,要是碰上反华的阅卷人怎么办?

DriverEntryUID: 143979

呵呵。关于中国的例子，我只对这些比较熟悉啊，美国的哪些又不是很熟。不过我觉得问题不大。孙远的一篇范文就是全部举中国例子的。再说政治类本来就是敏感话题呀，TOEFL都不涉及的说。
不过下次我试试写美国的例子吧。就怕写完被老美笑话。：）