issue3 第一篇哦，恳请批评指正

bbnhnUID: 139287

issue3
A nation should require all its students to study the same national
curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different
parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer."

The speaker would perfer that all the students study a set of standard curriculum before college , rather than granting the privilege to parts of the nation to determine the academic which courses to offer.(I partly agree with him.)Admittedly,this will set up a  education system with uniform interface between the academy and college across the nation.However,this brings problem too,this kind of education system supplies fewer education chances to bring up  different types of experts.

Firstl of all,a standard curriculum is necessary for a nation.a civilized society needs higher education , so colleges and universities appear.Moreover,generally speaking these higher education institutions needs the support of the central government to some extent in finance , stuff , policy and so on , this is unfeasible for the parts of the nation,and the student source of the universities is nation wide .It is such colleges that play a important role in advance the society and science.Query whether the universities opening to all over the country can get proper quantity and quality of students , given that different parts of the nation have the freedom to determine which academic courses to offer.The national curriculum supply the facility that student have the knowledge foundation to enter any higher education institution .For example , one need look no further than China which has an only national wide curriculm.In china , students are more than the education chances supplied ,so they take a examination based on the only national curriculun ,then the universities pick up students accords to the the performane.I consider this method so far the best one for it is relatively fair.Here,we can get a conclusion that an only national curriculcum not only lets the students choose the proper the higher school for him or her but also benefits the universities,which get the sutdents suitable for the teaching level there.In the microeconomics view , this get the education resources  uesed more properly.If there isn't a uniform curriculum but different parts use their individual ones , the student can only continue their study in the local education institution,this evidently contradict the thought of opening and globalization which is admitted by the modern world.This tells us the necessity of a standard national curriculum before university.

However,we can not ignor an historical phenomenon that the most of outstanding musicians and athletes begin to develop their talents when they are very young.Their splendid professional life is a result of the talents as well as the hard working on their field.we still have youngsters with great genius in some subject,as for them, the only national education pattern seems like an obstacle in their way to success as a specialist,which occupy them too much times,I don't think Beethoven spent more time in chemistry or physics or something else than working on music,if so,he mignt be a chemist or a physicist but he mustn't be a musician.Also,only by practising hardy every day can the genius athlete get the honor of being a champion.Letting a genius study the same curriculum as others is a kind of waste , a waste of the great talent and a waste of  the education resources which is used to bring up a ordinate person to be an expert who the genius should be. Therefore , the only national curriculum is not the perfect solution to all the students.It impede more specilists' appearance.(It have some disadvantages in bring up more specilists.)

On balance , taking the necessity of a standard national curriculum and the existence of the very talents into account , we could set a uniform curriculum with some special treatment or exception as a solution , in which ,the special treatment and the exception is set for those who have been detected to have the outstanding genius.(After all , one of the purposes of education is to develop more generalists and more specilists.In the view of microeconomics,to bring up a genius to be expert will save some resources than do so to a ordinary one.)I think this is a better solution than the only standard curriculum.

括号里的是我修改时感觉不想要的了
写完了睡觉前想想观点似乎有问题，恳请大家帮助！

paisleyUID: 64183

issue3
A nation should require all its students to study the same national
curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different
parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer."

The speaker would perfer（拼写错误） that all the students study a set of standard curriculum before college , rather than granting the privilege to parts of the nation to determine the academic which courses to offer.(I partly agree with him.)括号里的话的确可以去掉。Admittedly,this will set up a education system with uniform interface between the academy and college across the nation.However,this brings problem too,这里应用句号this kind of education system supplies fewer education chances to bring up different types of experts.

Firstl（拼写错误） of all,a standard curriculum is necessary for a nation.a civilized society needs higher education , so colleges and universities appear.（这个因果关系成立吗？另外，这句话其实没有给出什么信息量，作为总起句是不合适的）Moreover,generally speaking（moreover和generally speaking取一即可） these higher education institutions needs（主语是复数，这里应用need） the support of（应是from） the central government to some extent in finance , stuff（staff吧？） , policy and so on , this is unfeasible for the parts of the nation（这半句话是什么意思？）,and the student source（硬从中文翻译过去的，很别扭） of the universities is nation wide （前面说学校需要政府的援助，后面说生源范围广，这两句之间也没有什么关系吧？不应放在一起。）.It is such colleges that play a important role in advance（应用ing形式） the society and science（你这就错了。你前面并没有限定你说的只是中国的大学。你可知道美国的大学最优秀的都是私立大学，他们的资金来源都来自校友捐款和各大公司的捐赠，只有极少部分才来自政府。要真是play a important role的，其实是这些私立大学。）.Query （？什么意思呢）whether the universities opening to all over the country can get proper quantity and quality of students（quantity and quality of students实在别扭，qualified students或者 exellent students好了） , given that different parts of the nation have the freedom to determine which academic courses to offer.The national curriculum supply the facility（supply the facility也极别扭，assures好了） that student have the knowledge foundation to enter any higher education institution .（如果大家各采用不同的课程，是否就不能保证质量了呢？说不定各自的教材比全国统一教材还难呢？这里论证不到位。）For example , one need（应是needs not look further）look no further than China which has an only national wide（wide可去掉） curriculm（拼写错误）（中国的教材并不是全国统一的，各个省的教材是不同的，只是这些教材必须经过国家审定而已。尤其这几年教育改革，几个经济发达的省和直辖市在教材改革上已经走得相当远了。）.In china , students are more than the education chances supplied（你这句话会让老外不知所云。 应说There are fewer higher education opportunities than the number of middle school graduates） ,so they take a（应是an） examination based on the only national curriculun （拼写错误）,then the universities pick up（用select更准确） students accords（是according） to the the（多余） performane（拼写错误）.I（尽量避免出现I ） consider（别扭，regard好些） this method so far the best one for it is relatively fair.Here,we can get a conclusion that an only（an only？有这种搭配吗？） national curriculcum not only lets the students choose the proper the higher school（高校不能叫school） for him or her but also benefits the universities,which get the sutdents （拼写错误）suitable（应是suitable students，suitable不合适，合适的词汇请见上文） for the teaching level there.In the microeconomics view , this get（少s） the education resources uesed （拼写错误）more properly.If there isn't a uniform curriculum but different parts use their individual ones , the student can only continue their study in the local education institution（当地的高校一定就适合当地中学的教育吗？这个立论是否站的住脚？）,this evidently contradict（少s） the thought of opening and globalization which is admitted by the modern world.This tells us the necessity of a standard national curriculum before university.

However,we can not ignor（拼写错误） an historical phenomenon that the most of outstanding musicians and athletes begin to develop their talents when they are very young.Their splendid professional life is a result of the talents as well as the hard working on their field.we still have youngsters with great genius in some subject,as for them, the only national education pattern seems like an obstacle in their way to success as a specialist,which occupy them too much times,I don't think Beethoven spent more time in chemistry or physics or something else than working on music,if so,he mignt be a chemist or a physicist but he mustn't be a musician.Also,only by practising hardy every day can the genius athlete get the honor of being a champion.Letting a genius study the same curriculum as others is a kind of waste , a waste of the great talent and a waste of the education resources which is used to bring up a ordinate person to be an expert who the genius should be. Therefore , the only national curriculum is not the perfect solution to all the students.It impede more specilists' appearance.(It have some disadvantages in bring up more specilists.)

On balance , taking the necessity of a standard national curriculum and the existence of the very talents into account , we could set a uniform curriculum with some special treatment or exception as a solution , in which ,the special treatment and the exception is set for those who have been detected to have the outstanding genius.(After all , one of the purposes of education is to develop more generalists and more specilists.In the view of microeconomics,to bring up a genius to be expert will save some resources than do so to a ordinary one.)I think this is a better solution than the only standard curriculum.

请多注意标点的格式，标点紧跟上一句话，标点后面要空格。你几乎都没注意到。还有你的拼写错误实在是很多啊。另外对第三人称单数加s的规则似乎也不敏感。麻烦你下次自己先多检查几遍，看到WORD里红红的一片应该自己先动手吧。 后面几段没有给你详细改了。

你立论比较随便，没有经过仔细的思考。下次请你想一想，如果你写的这段文章被拿来做ARGUEMTN的题目，你会怎么驳倒它？通过这样逆向思维可以改善你自己的思维。在思维逻辑性方面，你还有待提高，字数太少是表面问题，关键是你脑子里"存货"不多，对这些问题没有思考过，没话可说. 解决办法，一是多参与大家的讨论，二是多看书多思考。这篇帖子也很值得一看http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=166754
建议你看看精华区的范文，分析他们是怎么说理的。还有这篇文章里讲的思路，非常值得学习。https://bbs.gter.net/showthre ... =%BD%CC%C2%DF%BC%AD

你的语言上问题还很多，用词非常不准确，许多地方令人费解。你可以花短时间写一篇文章，但是要用很长时间去修改它。我给你修改的这些地方其实你自己是可以做到的，比如如何用更恰当的词汇，如何用更准确的表达句型。

你这篇文章，类似的和相关的文章已经有许多前人写过，或者还有范文。你可以搜索一下，对照一下这些文章。 或参照该帖：《在本版找前人作文的方法》http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthr ... hlight=%CC%E2%BA%C5

bbnhnUID: 139287

真的很感谢，其实我检查过的，实在是差的太多了。
真的十分感谢！！！