第一次杀G，22号考，求互改

橙子君UID: 3488515

青氧一合 发表于 2013-12-20 19:03
咔咔，你准备得怎么样了？你人现在就在南京吧？
AW的话，保佑自己能争取A4.5，I3.5。
不管咱是不是鸭子 ...

799605182 加油加油 反正还有下一次！

橙子君UID: 3488515

小硕鼠 发表于 2013-12-18 21:44
帖子列表第一页还有人求批改，你俩可以互批

版主能不能帮忙看下这篇我俩改过的argument有没有“大”的问题 有没有一些要求没有达到~
This recommendation is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. By making a direct link between profit loss and the leadership of the president, the argument for appointing a new president in order to increase profit would hold water.

However, the manager fails to provide any evidence whatsoever to support the bold assumption blaming the profit loss on the president. Basically, there are so many alternatives for a company to lose profit that run out of the president’s control. For example, poor performance of a company could affect another company because of their business contact. When the company eventually bankrupt, the mayhem may soon trigger a chain reaction. Also, the manager had better count in the whole global economic situation. What if the company is undergoing the financial crisis in 2008? Likewise, what if the company is a local enterprise in Greece, which is trapped in the European debt crisis? Then the president is free from the blame on his leadership---no one can make it.

Even if the profit loss was actually due to the president, there is a big flaw when the manager jumps to the conclusion that the president should resign. If the president is in fact trying to reform certain aspects of the company, profit loss in a short period could boost huge profit in the long run, just like what the leaders of China have been doing now. Therefore 3 quarters is not an adequate time frame to judge a resignation of a president, and the company will probably drive back on the track anyway.

At the end of his recommendation, hopefully yet unfoundedly, the manager believes that everything will be fine as long as a new president comes. While not too risky of the new president’s adaptation to another company, this replacement may render the situation no better but rather grow worse. Toys are not jewelry. Chances are that the president has never deal with toys, thus the company has to pay a lot for her final yet uncertain and small success in a distant future.

Overall, the reasoning behind replacing the president with a new one seems logical as presented above since the manager is acting in the company’s best interests and hope to increase profit. However, before any final decisions are made about the position replacement, the HR manager and the board of Fancy Toy Company might as well evaluate all possible causes for the profit falling and the rationality of the personnel change.

ShurenQUID: 3492102

青氧一合 发表于 2013-12-20 19:03
咔咔，你准备得怎么样了？你人现在就在南京吧？
AW的话，保佑自己能争取A4.5，I3.5。
不管咱是不是鸭子 ...

A  和 I 只有 1 2 3 4 5 6 分  没有.5的情况出现  总分的.5 是平均出来的

小硕鼠UID: 3411565

橙子君 发表于 2013-12-20 22:20
版主能不能帮忙看下这篇我俩改过的argument有没有“大”的问题 有没有一些要求没有达到~
This recommend ...

我回复过你吧，寒假可以帮你提提建议，我自己AW也不好

小硕鼠UID: 3411565

ShurenQ 发表于 2013-12-24 13:44
A  和 I 只有 1 2 3 4 5 6 分  没有.5的情况出现  总分的.5 是平均出来的

你跟你楼上的互改吧

ShurenQUID: 3492102

小硕鼠 发表于 2013-12-24 18:00
你跟你楼上的互改吧

ok

青氧一合UID: 3485739

ShurenQ 发表于 2013-12-24 13:44
A  和 I 只有 1 2 3 4 5 6 分  没有.5的情况出现  总分的.5 是平均出来的

噢噢，是这样评分的呀，谢谢。