ISSUE241 说教却未说理——反面教材 木耳点评

bennywu320UID: 157820

ISSUE241

Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough is both misleading and potentially harmful.

Encouragement is quite helpful to not only the professions but also the laymen as well. Sometimes the best helping hand you can get is a good, firm push. However, it is always a hard job for experts to lead the newcomers entering the major field. Problems, like in what kind of method to give a hand or how to guide a young man, are the significant and even hard.

As we all know, human usually transfer the knowledge generation-by-generation, and the young man mostly makes new improvement and contribution in the right time and right place. For example, most scientists completed their masterpieces and discoveries before their mid-age, like Nyquist, Newton, Einstein and Maxwell. All of them made their achievement in twenties. Because, during that age, they are full of energy, creativity, inspiration and knowledge, which greatly help them to catch up the new information and stand on the cutting edge of the science and technology. Lively just as fresh blood into a body. As Newton once said as gratitude, he just stood on the giant ancestors. Therefore, young people need more care and support during this golden time.

Encouragement is always helpful and warm hearted to the young man, but they could only walk the career route by themselves. As the famous saying told us, you can take the horse to the river, but you cannot oblige it to drink the water. Usually tutors or supervisors could not directly be involved in your work. They just open the door for you like a watch, and new comers should experience their own world and solve their own problems. That means all the difficulties will be coming to you and you must equip them by themselves. Generally speaking, it is better for the layman to try the simple method with basic skills to do the first, and then turn to the next for more progress and development. While sometimes it seems they are lonely, interesting is the only friend accompanying. But, as a matter of fact, it is their own diligent work that results in attaining your sweet fruit finally.

Spiritual support is always necessary and humanity, but boosting selfishness is in some degree useless and even harmful. So that young man should be self-awareness and clarify their current situation, whether he or she can accomplish the things and make great achievements on the coming project. Sometime, difficult always exists in the way. You cannot move it by the emotion way. For instance, the Sydney Opera House is really a hard project for that young architect. Because of the funds and time limited, together with the traditional technology in that period. At first, no one knows when the building will be finished and what will it be looked like. At last, it is in fact not the original shape of the design. Seems, the encouragement is quite misleading. But later the architect becomes more and more experienced and successful, maybe learning a lot from that bitter lesson.

In conclusion, human are always willing to transfer more, guide more and even encourage more to the younglings, who will be the sunset of the new epoch. This behavior is certainly worthy and foreseeing, if using more considerate way instead of just praising them in the idealism. Otherwise it will cause negative effect probably invalid and potentially harmful.

木耳UID: 123036

开头不错。不过第二人称you用得不好

第二段的例子主要是在讲伟大的科学家的研究成果主要是在青年时作出，可结论却是Therefore, young people need more care and support during this golden time. 感觉很突兀，似乎和你前面的论证没什么关系：Because, during that age, they are full of energy, creativity, inspiration and knowledge, which greatly help them to catch up the new information and stand on the cutting edge of the science and technology.这都是他们自身的优秀品质，没有体现什么encourage.

第三段的问题一是人称混乱：but they could only walk the career route by themselves. As the famous saying told us, you can take the horse to the river, but you cannot oblige it to drink the water

Usually tutors or supervisors could not directly be involved in your work. They just open the door for you like a watch, and new comers should experience their own world and solve their own problems

各种人称不是不可以使用，但一定要统一要合适。还有像you这样的第二人称最好少用。你要怎么样怎么样更像是说教而不是说理。

还有一个问题是论点。我感觉这一段和文章题目的本意还有你的主题关系不大。

第三段
necessary and humanity。第一眼就觉得这个humanity用的不对劲。
Seems, the encouragement is quite misleading这句话从何说起？是别人encourage他这样做的还是他自己原本的主意？文中没有讲。

看到这一段我觉得你真的是跑题了。

整篇文章开头的论点很不错。但后面的几个分论点阐述得比较乱。还是对题目的理解不够深入。

注意题目中的几个关键词：
1 Encouraging
2 believe
3 great things
4 try hard

找一找你在文中体现了其中的几个？你的行文是这样的（我按每段的论据所体现的意思来讲）：
1 很多伟大的科学家的伟大成就都是在他们年富力强的时候创造出来的--〉2 虽然鼓励很重要，但真正的路要年轻人自己去走；而且在这其间会遇到很都困难，年轻人要选择合适自己的方式方法--〉3 要有自知之明，时刻清楚自己所处的状态（说实话，这一段我没怎么看懂）

除了人称的问题，你的文笔还是不错的。但思路逻辑上我就不敢恭维了。这个问题是很严重的。首先要做到不跑题，其次再不跑题的前提下要抓住重点严谨有序，而这两点你做得都有比较大的欠缺。

还有在理解题目上多下功夫。建议多些提纲，多看别人的思路。
believe that you can accomplish great things if they try hard!

bennywu320UID: 157820

感谢木耳的修改,你读得非常仔细,点到的问题也都是我写完后有些担心的.

you 的使用主要是,因为名人名言的引用.

文章的重点其实应该是最后两个词misleading and potentially harmful.

思路问题,确实有一些牵强,以后要多多少少留心.跟紧题目.