Issue207,关于ritual and ceremony，限时，大家看看，谢谢

sniper613UID: 147372

Issue207"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."

In human's culture, there are distinct rituals and ceremonies, which were developed from the ancient time. Different people have their own cultures, which includes various ceremonies and rituals. By understanding and defining their rituals and ceremonies, people can have a sense of what they are. Moreover, cultures also contain many other comments, which also can help individuals and societies define their cultures.


In the first place, different cultures have distinct rituals and ceremonies. As is known to all, cultures are developed through the growing of human. Different people or societies in the world have their own different cultures. Meanwhile, different rituals and ceremonies have existed in the cultures. Take the South Korea for example. In the beginning of a new year, people in the country have a ritual to celebrate their Spring Festive, while people in western countries have Christmas Day. In the ritual, people have the habit to eat some delicious food, wear new clothes, buy something which can foresee the fortune in the next year, and so on. Also, in the western countries, people have ceremonies in the wedding. People choose to go to churches to hold these ceremonies of wedding. But in the eastern countries, people do not like to hold the ceremonies of wedding in churches. Therefore, there are various rituals and ceremonies in different cultures on the Earth.


By understanding the rituals and ceremonies in people's cultures, societies or groups can know what they are. People, especially the youth, need to understand their own rituals and ceremonies in order to get the knowledge of their cultures. Japanese is a good instance to prop up the point of view. In the recent years, Japanese, especially the young people, do not know well of their traditional rituals or ceremonies. In every April, people in Japan usually to recall in mind their family members, who are already dead. This ritual is the typical one in the world. But many Japanese forget this ritual, and they gradually forget their culture. It is said that Japanese, who forget this ritual, are not real Japanese. At the same time, every university has a distinct ceremony when some students graduate. Harvard University has a special ceremony, where many students has a speech of their past and future. When students in Harvard University remember this ceremony, they can know they are the students in Harvard and feel proud. Thus, rituals and ceremonies can help people, societies, or groups understand what they are.


Moreover, cultures also contain other something else to help people to have a sense of what they are. It is a common sense that cultures contain other things, such as music, painting, language, novel, poem, movie, and so on. By studying and understanding these factors, people can better understand their cultures and have a sense of what they are. In order to understand the gist of the statement, it is necessary to see two examples. Austria is famous for its music, and people living in this country hear much and different music everyday. Meanwhile, movie is very popular in USA, such as Gone With the Wind, Die Another Day, etc. In order to understand the American culture, there is a need to watch and study its movies. As a result, by understanding the other factors except rituals and ceremonies in different cultures people can have a better sense of what they are.


To sum up, different cultures have various rituals and ceremonies. Through studying and understanding these rituals and ceremonies, people can know what they are. Also are there other important comments in different cultures, and societies or groups can have a sense of what they are by studying and understanding these comments.

lovebrianUID: 157127

Issue207"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
207． 典礼和仪式有助于确立一种文化，否则人们的社会或群体的角色归属感削弱。

1。不同的文化有不同的仪式和典礼
In the first place, different cultures have distinct rituals and ceremonies. As is known to all, cultures are developed through the growing of human. Different people or societies in the world have their own different cultures. Meanwhile, different rituals and ceremonies have existed in the cultures. Take the South Korea for example. In the beginning of a new year, people in the country have a ritual to celebrate their Spring Festive, while people in western countries have Christmas Day. In the ritual, people have the habit to eat some delicious food, wear new clothes, buy something which can foresee the fortune in the next year, and so on. Also, in the western countries, people have ceremonies in the wedding. People choose to go to churches to hold these ceremonies of wedding. But in the eastern countries, people do not like to hold the ceremonies of wedding in churches. Therefore, there are various rituals and ceremonies in different cultures on the Earth.通过列举例证 说明形式不同


By understanding the rituals and ceremonies in people's cultures, societies or groups can know what they are（我不明白这个句子 they是指什么？）. People, especially the youth, need to understand their own rituals and ceremonies in order to get the knowledge of their cultures. Japanese is a good instance to prop up the point of view. In the recent years, Japanese, especially the young people, do not know well of their traditional rituals or ceremonies. In every April, people in Japan usually to recall in mind their family members, who are already dead. This ritual is the typical one in the world. But many Japanese forget this ritual, and they gradually forget their culture（后半句这个推论 得出的很牵强 论证不充分）. It is said that Japanese, who forget this ritual, are not real Japanese. At the same time（用来衔接日本和大学 不太合适阿）, every university has a distinct ceremony when some students graduate. Harvard University has a special ceremony, where many students has a speech of their past and future. When students in Harvard University remember this ceremony, they can know they are the students in Harvard and feel proud. Thus, rituals and ceremonies can help people, societies, or groups understand what they are.例子好像不支持ts啊 日本人虽然丢掉了一些习俗 被作者成为丢掉了文化 然后呢？他们对自己的认识呢？作者在最后一句强调help people, societies, or groups understand what they are 但是没说出来是怎么help的 总之 我觉得例证偏了 例子不错 角度出了问题

3。 递进 补充
Moreover, cultures also contain other something else to help people to have a sense of what they are. It is a common sense that cultures contain other things, such as music, painting, language, novel, poem, movie, and so on. By studying and understanding these factors, people can better understand their cultures and have a sense of what they are. In order to understand the gist of the statement, it is necessary to see two examples. Austria is famous for its music, and people living in this country hear much and different music everyday. Meanwhile, movie is very popular in USA, such as Gone With the Wind, Die Another Day, etc. In order to understand the American culture, there is a need to watch and study its movies. As a result, by understanding the other factors except rituals and ceremonies in different cultures people can have a better sense of what they are.
Body3很漂亮


To sum up, different cultures have various rituals and ceremonies. Through studying and understanding these rituals and ceremonies, people can know what they are. Also are there other important comments in different cultures, and societies or groups can have a sense of what they are by studying and understanding these comments.

大思路清楚
1。不同文化有不同典礼
2。典礼仪式影响认识
3。其他因素补充

body2是最关键的 可是写得不够convincing和to the point  论据和ts不统一 或者说是论据分析点偏离ts

我是这么感觉的
一家之言~~

莫名NUID: 146481

Issue207"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."

In human's culture, there are distinct rituals and ceremonies, which were developed from the ancient time. Different people have their own cultures, which includes （including） various ceremonies and rituals. By understanding and defining their rituals and ceremonies, people can have a sense of what (who) they are. Moreover, cultures also contain many other comments, which also can help individuals and societies define their cultures. (which从句太多了,哪怕用两个分词或者是that换换形式也好呀)


In the first place, different cultures have distinct rituals and ceremonies.（这句话和本文第一句重复了） As is known to all, cultures are developed through the growing of human. Different people or societies in the world have their own different cultures.(这句话和第一句话重复了) Meanwhile, different rituals and ceremonies have existed (exist) in the cultures. Take the South Korea for example. In the beginning of a new year, people in the country (Koreans) have a ritual to celebrate their Spring Festive, while people in western countries have Christmas Day. (举Korean的例子，干吗把西方人一起带进来？) In the ritual, people have the habit to eat some delicious food, wear new clothes, buy something which can foresee the fortune in the next year, and so on. （我不太明白你为什么要举Koreans而不举Chinese过春节的例子，虽然说中国的例子要少举，但那是因为老美不熟悉，而中国人过春节，只要有点文化的老美应该都知道吧？再说了，这是自己国家的ritual,再怎么说都比较好写吧） Also, in the western countries, people have ceremonies in the wedding. （直接说wedding ceremonies） People choose to go to churches to hold these ceremonies of wedding (wedding ceremonies). But in the (some) eastern countries, people do not like to hold the ceremonies of wedding in churches (我觉得这里用like不好，一些东方人只是没有这个习惯，不能说他们不喜欢，现在一些MM很向往在教堂里结婚呢). Therefore, there are various rituals and ceremonies in different cultures on the Earth.（又一次了。。。）


By understanding the rituals and ceremonies in people's cultures, societies or groups can know what(who) they are. People, especially the youth, need to understand their own rituals and ceremonies in order to get the knowledge of their cultures. Japanese is a good instance to prop up the point of view.(??我不知道举小日本的例子好不好，反正在reading里面，ETS对于小日子给的全是负评价) In the recent years, Japanese, especially the young people,（和people, especially the youth类似了） do not know well of their traditional rituals or ceremonies. In every April, people in Japan usually to recall in mind their family members, who are already dead. This ritual is the typical one in the world. But many Japanese forget this ritual, and they gradually forget their culture.（不祭祖宗就忘记文化吗？文化有很多个方面哟） It is said that Japanese, who forget this ritual, are not real Japanese. At the same time, every university has a distinct ceremony when some students graduate. Harvard University has a special ceremony, where many (every) students has a speech of their(his or her) past and future. When students in Harvard University remember this ceremony, they can know they are the students in Harvard and feel proud. Thus, rituals and ceremonies can help people, societies, or groups understand what(who) they are.(从你举的例子里看不出societies通过rituals对于自身的认识)


Moreover, cultures also contain other something else to help people to have a sense of what they are. It is a common sense that cultures contain other things（和第一句重复了）, such as music, painting, language, novel, poem, movie, and so on. By studying and understanding these factors, people can better understand their cultures and have a sense of what（who） they are. In order to understand the gist of the statement, it is necessary to see two examples. Austria is famous for its music, and people living in this country hear much and different music everyday. Meanwhile, movie is very popular in USA, such as Gone With the Wind, Die Another Day, etc. In order to understand the American culture, there is a need to watch and study its movies. As a result, by understanding the other factors except rituals and ceremonies in different cultures people can have a better sense of what (who)they are.（我觉得你可以多举些例子，什么绘画啊，诗歌啊，都可以的，然后最后在来一个分析加总结，现在Austria的例子等于是浪费了，因为只是一个现象，没有实质的分析，而和后面美国的例子联系不大）


To sum up, different cultures have various rituals and ceremonies. （又一个。。。）Through studying and understanding these rituals and ceremonies, people can know what（who） they are. Also are there other important comments in different cultures, and societies or groups can have a sense of what（who） they are by studying and understanding these comments.
整体感觉，文章的思路蛮清楚的，但就是用词和句式太单一了，以至于你的分析都没法深入彻底下去，例子方面应该很好收集的，加强点分析就更好了，加油！！

sniper613UID: 147372

谢谢lovebrian。的确如你所言，从日本丢掉some rituals推出文化的丧失有些牵强。对自己的认识上面论述不够。这个我觉得比较难，你有什么好的ideas吗？
Q:我不明白这个句子 they是指什么？they 指的是主语poeple, society.

lovebrianUID: 157127

最初由 sniper613 发布
[B]谢谢lovebrian。的确如你所言，从日本丢掉some rituals推出文化的丧失有些牵强。对自己的认识上面论述不够。这个我觉得比较难，你有什么好的ideas吗？
Q:我不明白这个句子..

以下省略...... [/B]

你也改过我的文章 呵呵 不必言谢了

我觉得是不是在中间加上一句话~~~不过可能会显得赘了  呵呵

sniper613UID: 147372

谢谢莫名N。我现在就是句式变换上觉得很困难。
我也觉得不举中国的例子对不起自己的良心啊，但是因为ETS, 所以把中国的春节和清明强加到韩国和小日本上了。
还有就是例子我能找到，就是不知道举完例子之后如何把它发展或者是升华一下，你能给我一写建议吗？

莫名NUID: 146481

加在韩国和小日本身上完全没有必要，特别是小日本身上，那个靖国神社假借祭祖之名已经很让人愤恨了
句式上也不要重复那么多遍吧，我是觉得看来看去都是一个，可以用点强调，倒装，从句，换一下
举例子只是列举现象，但现象列举完一定要分析，不然就是堆砌例子了，这方面你可以看一下别人的文章，自己体会一下，我在这方面也不是很擅长，而且觉得这种东西是意会出来的：P

鱼的宝贝UID: 150861

个人认为
body 2的例子写得不好，不仅仅是因为小日本的参拜神社活动让人讨厌，而且是因为你没有叙述清楚，况且与其说what they are，不如说who they are或者what identities they are

body3的例子看不出来和主题有什么关系， 要是从音乐，美术（图腾totem）来讲应该不只限于你说的那几个例子。敦煌的壁画里有多少记载庆典和仪式的精品阿，都可以说说的。他所留下的文化底蕴带给人的好处还是很多的嘛

中国的例子我觉得就在这篇文章里好写，不要以为老美不懂中国文化，很多精髓的东西他们比我们还要清楚

说起来这篇文章的确不好写，再看看，加油：）