issue6

xiangUID: 138532

各位xdjm,本人实在汗颜,第一次考G以作文3.0 的成绩落败.此次卷土重来,发现作文仍旧使我心痛.4月6号就要再此上场了.今天花了半天才写出下面这篇文章.自知水平有限,希望各位在偷笑之余给我您宝贵的意见.小女子不胜感激!!

xqmelissaUID: 140370

楼主请看这里：规范一下发贴格式喽！

https://bbs.gter.net/announcement.php?s=&forumid=23

https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=172548

Thank you very much.

xiangUID: 138532

Issue6   
The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.

Is it the most effective way to understand contemporary culture by analyzing the trends of its youth ,as the author asserts ?I believe that it only can learn something ,if there is any ,about the future but not the contemporary culture of a country ,for the trends of the youth now will indicate the future development of culture of the society when the present youth will be the main force instructing and serving the society years away .Nevertheless ,when it comes to understand the contemporary culture ，I believe the most effective and convenient way is to analyze the contemporary arts ,which is the mirror of the national culture .

In the threshold position ,what aspect of the youth should we analyze now ,the trends of their action or thoughts ?As their action ,although young man are always eager to learn things interesting and fashionable , which ostensibly represents part of the modern culture . The fast variation of their enjoyment make us hard to realize the true trends of the cultural development .Their thoughts and feelings are much closer with the pioneer development of the society .But the less of experience make them too young to be thoughtful enough to represent the real essence of the culture .Furthermore ,many of the youth in our society , as students ,are not independent ,as a result , their actions and thoughts will be restricted by the circumstance around them ,such as family and school and so on .However , we can learn something from their present condition and imaging what will be like several years later when they grow up as the main constructor of the society .

In addition ,the most effective way to understand the contemporary culture is through the arts ,such as the films ,the poets ,the novels ,and so on .In any democratic society ,art can reflect the real social life ,embody the culture of the society freely ,which include the content of the culture such as the customary beliefs , social forms ,material traits of racial ;religious or social group . From the arts , novels ,for example ,one of the most direct forms reflecting the real society ,we can get to know certain groups of people ,in certain social statues ,they may poor or rich ;normal or famous .We have the chance to learn the thoughts of all the statues and their belief ,their religion ,and so on , which is the miniature of the real world .The essence of the culture has been artfully generalized in the novels . We can also learn a lot from other kinds of art ,some may concrete ,some may abstract ,however ,we can choose any kinds we like make our own understanding about the culture .

Some people may tell me that the arts is vented from the feelings of the artists and only can describe the moods and motion of the artist .Admittedly ,the work of art is composed some personal feelings .However ,we can not deny that all the artists are living in their own social , as a result , the thoughts of every artist are deriving from the real life .When different artists have their own understanding of the society ,the common features what they share are the essence which are just the culture we want to know .

In the sum ,we can not understand the temporary culture either from their actions or thoughts .The only thing we can learn from them is the trends of the development of the future .The most effective and convenient way to really understand the culture is learning and enjoying the contemporary arts .(字数607)

aerozxyUID: 142241

Is it the most effective way to understand contemporary culture by analyzing the trends of its youth ,as the author asserts ?I believe that it only can learn something ,if there is any ,about the future but not the contemporary culture of a country ,for the trends of the youth now will indicate the future development of culture of the society when the present youth will be the main force instructing and serving the society years away .Nevertheless ,when it comes to understand the contemporary culture ，I believe the most effective and convenient way is to analyze the contemporary arts ,which is the mirror of the national culture .（第一段不错，观点清晰明了）

In the threshold position ,what aspect of the youth should we analyze now ,the trends of their action or thoughts ?As their action ,although young man are always eager to learn things interesting and fashionable , which ostensibly represents part of the modern culture . （转折呢？应该和下面一句合成一句话吧）The fast variation of their enjoyment make us hard to realize the true trends of the cultural development .Their thoughts and feelings are much closer with the pioneer development of the society .But the less of experience （这样搭配合理吗？）make them too young to be thoughtful enough to represent the real essence of the culture .Furthermore ,many of the youth in our society , as students ,are not independent ,as a result , their actions and thoughts will be restricted by the circumstance around them ,such as family and school and so on .However , we can learn something from their present condition and imaging what will be like several years later when they grow up as the main constructor of the society .

In addition ,the most effective way to understand the contemporary culture is through the arts ,such as the films ,the poets ,the novels ,and so on .In any democratic society ,art can reflect the real social life ,embody the culture of the society freely ,which include the content of the culture such as the customary beliefs , social forms ,material traits of racial ;religious or social group . （为什么这里要用分号？）From the arts , novels ,（单数）for example ,one of the most direct forms reflecting the real society ,we can get to know certain groups of people ,in certain social statues ,they may poor or rich ;normal or famous .（要加连词吧，而且这种分号的用法好像在中文中才出现哦）We have the chance to learn the thoughts of all the statues and their belief ,their religion ,and so on , which is the miniature of the real world .The essence of the culture has been artfully generalized in the novels . We can also learn a lot from other kinds of art ,some may concrete ,some may abstract ,however ,we can choose any kinds we like make（to help是不是好一点） our own understanding about the culture .

Some people may tell me that the arts is vented from the feelings of the artists and only can describe the moods and motion of the artist .（注意单复数问题）Admittedly ,the work of art is composed （语法）some personal feelings .However ,we can not deny that all the artists are living in their own social , as a result , the thoughts of every artist are deriving from the real life .When different artists have their own understanding of the society ,the common features what they share are the essence which are just the culture we want to know .

In the sum ,we can not understand the temporary culture either from their （指代谁？）actions or thoughts .The only thing we can learn from them is the trends of the development of the future .The most effective and convenient way to really understand the culture is learning and enjoying the contemporary arts .(字数607)

文章整体不错，论证思路很清晰，
论述也很合理，就是语言上有一点瑕疵。
学习学习，欢迎批我的文章！

xiangUID: 138532

各位大侠
请不吝赐教

dezhiUID: 156141

有aerozxy大哥点评，呵呵，我就没有细看
写得不错，用词也挺丰富的
继续努力！

菜丸子UID: 158771

Is it the most effective way to understand contemporary culture by analyzing the trends of its youth ,as the author asserts ?I believe that it only can（应该是can only吧，呵呵，不要被汉语语序搞迷糊了） learn something ,if there is any ,about the future but not the contemporary culture of a country ,for the trends of the youth now will indicate the future development of （加THE） culture of the society when the present youth will be the main force instructing and serving the society years away .Nevertheless ,when it comes to understand the contemporary culture ，（这句不错！！！学习学习！WHEN IT COMES TO，学习！） I believe the most effective and convenient way is to analyze the contemporary arts ,which is the mirror of the national culture .（观点明确，表意简练，值得学习）

In the threshold position , whataspect of the youth should we analyze now ,the trends of their action or thoughts  ?（这句不太通吧？把WHAT改成WHICH是不是和后面的TRENDS 和THOUGHTS要对应一些）As their action （AS后面能这样跟吗？呵呵，你的意思是不是 WITH RESPECT TO THEIR ACTION呢？） ,although young man are always eager to learn things interesting and fashionable , which ostensibly represents part of the modern culture . .（注意转折） The fast variation of their enjoyment make us hard to realize.（REALIZE改成JUDGE或者ANALYZE是不是好一些）  the true trends of the cultural development .Their thoughts and feelings are much closer with the pioneer development of the society（不解，PIONEER在这里是什么意思，先锋？）  .But the less of experience （该成LACK OF EXPERIENCE吧） make （MAKES） them too young to be thoughtful enough to represent the real essence of the culture .Furthermore （用得好）  ,many of the youth in our society , as  （LIKE） students ,are not independent ,as a result , their actions and thoughts will be restricted by the circumstance around them ,such as family and school and so on （这句话太散了，能不能连贯一些，呵呵）  .However , we can learn something from their present condition and imaging （CAN后面，用IMAGE吧，何况你用AND连接的。）  what will be like several years later when they grow up as the main constructor  （MAIN CONSTRUCTOR用得好） of the society . （观点明确！不错不错）

In addition , （是补充吗？不是吧，前面那段只是反驳而已，这段才开始正面论证，用IN ADDITION不妥，我觉得该是IN MY OPINION吧） the most effective way to understand the contemporary culture is through the arts ,such as the films ,the poets （你是想说诗歌POEMS吧，可你写的是POETS诗人。）  ,the novels ,and so on .In any democratic society ,art can reflect the real social life ,embody the culture of the society freely ,which include the content of the culture such as the customary beliefs  （BELIEVES） , social forms ,material traits of racial ;religious or social group .  （小问题，呵呵，RELIGIOUS GROUP本身就属于SOCIAL GROUP的一种吧，我认为不用分开说） From the arts , novels , （你是想举ARTS和NOVELS两个EXAMPLES吧，我觉得应该改成 TAKE ARTS AND NOVELS FOR EXAMPLE，后面的ONE OF好象矛盾了，你举了两个东东啊，后面的ONE OF THE MOST DIRECT FORMS……也跟得很牵强，句子掐断了的感觉，呵呵） for example ,one of the most direct forms reflecting the real society ,we can get to know  （要加THAT，因为后面还有补充说明的THEY MAY POOR OR RICH……啊） certain groups of people ,in certain social statues ,they may poor or rich ;normal or famous  （句子断了啊，连词注意不要漏掉） We have the chance to learn the thoughts of all the statues and their belief ,their religion ,and so on , which is  （ARE） the miniature of the real world .The essence of the culture has been artfully  （ARTFULLY 通常作贬义用的，指狡猾的，有计谋的，应该是ARTISTICALLY吧，艺术地） generalized in the novels . We can also learn a lot from other kinds of art ,some may concrete ,some may abstract , （SOME MAY ……好！学习，但是注意最后要用句号） however ,we can choose any kinds we like make （MAKE前至少要加TO吧，而且这里改成TO ENRICH是不是好点）  our own understanding about the culture .

Some people may tell me that （TELL是不是不够地道，建议：SOME PEOPLE MAY ARGUE THAT）  the arts is vented  （VENT用得好） from the feelings of the artists and only can （CAN ONLY 呵呵）  describe the moods and motion  （为何不用MOTIONS和MOODS保持一致） of the artist 。Admittedly （让步用得好）  ,the work of art is composed  （BE COMPOSED OF） some personal feelings .However ,we can not deny that all the artists are living  （LIVES） in their own social ,  （要用句号断开，这已经不是第一次出这样的错误了，要注意喔） as a result , the thoughts of every artist are deriving  （DERIVES） from the real life .When different artists have their own understanding of the society ,the common features what they share  （WHAT可以去掉） are the essence which are just the culture we want  （WANT是不是改OUGHT好一些，更符合文意） to know .

In the sum （你真是SKILLFUL啊，呵呵不错，学习）  ,we can not understand the temporary （是CONTEMPORARY吧，TEMPORARY是短暂的暂时的意思，不要和CONTEMPORARY混淆了）  culture either from their （指代谁？）actions or thoughts .The only thing we can learn from them is the trends of the development of the future .The most effective and convenient way to really  （建议REALLY放后面好一些，或者改成TRULY） understand the culture is learning and enjoying the contemporary arts .(字数607)


总的来说，有很多漂亮的短语和句型都是很值得学习的！整个论证也严密到位，是不错的文章。
但是句型虽然丰富，却有很多衔接不正确、散句等现象发生。其他小错误，谁都有，就不说了。
不错！

springyUID: 122511

Issue6
The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.

Is it the most effective way to understand contemporary culture by analyzing the trends of its youth ,as the author asserts ?I believe that it（觉得这里是有问题的用法， 改为by this way people） only can learn something ,if there is any ,about the future but not the contemporary culture of a country ,for the trends of the youth now will indicate the future development of culture of the society when the present youth will be the main force instructing and serving the society years away（原来还可以这样表示，记之） .Nevertheless ,when it comes to understand the contemporary culture ，I believe the most effective and convenient way is to analyze the contemporary arts ,which is the mirror of the national culture .

In the threshold position ,what aspect of the youth should we analyze now ,the trends of their action (actions)or thoughts ?As their action （actions）,although young man are always eager to learn things interesting and fashionable , which ostensibly represents part of the modern culture . The fast variation of their enjoyment make us hard to realize the true trends of the cultural development .Their thoughts and feelings are much closer with the pioneer development of the society .But the less of experience make them too young to be thoughtful enough to represent the real essence of the culture .Furthermore ,many of the youth in our society , as students ,are not independent ,as a result , their actions and thoughts will be restricted by the circumstance around them ,such as family and school and so on .However , we can learn something from their present condition and imaging(与前面的learn不一致)what will be like several years later when they grow up as the main constructor of the society .

In addition ,the most effective way to understand the contemporary culture is through the arts ,such as the films ,the poets ,the novels ,and so on .In any democratic society ,art can reflect the real social life ,embody the culture of the society freely ,which include the content of the culture such as the customary beliefs , social forms ,material traits of racial ;religious or social group . From the arts (Among the arts), novels ,for example ,one of the most direct forms reflecting the real society ,we can get to know certain groups of people ,in certain social statues ,they may poor or rich ;normal or famous .We have the chance to learn the thoughts of all the statues and their belief ,their religion ,and so on , which is the miniature of the real world .The essence of the culture has been artfully generalized in the novels . We can also learn a lot from other kinds of art ,some may concrete ,some may abstract ,however ,we can choose any kinds we like (+to)make our own understanding about the culture .

Some people may tell me that the arts is vented from the feelings of the artists and only can describe the moods and motion of the artist .Admittedly ,the work of art is composed (+of)some personal feelings .However ,we can not deny that all the artists are living in their own social(society) , as a result , the thoughts of every artist are deriving from the real life .When different artists have their own understanding of the society ,the common features what they share are the essence which are just the culture we want to know .

In the sum ,we can not understand the temporary culture either from their actions or thoughts .The only thing we can learn from them is the trends of the development of the future .The most effective and convenient way to really understand the culture is learning and enjoying the contemporary arts .(字数607)

语言比较流畅，比我会用转折词。但是有一些动词用法错误。另外，觉得这个论题比较难写，觉得还能再深入一点。

xiangUID: 138532

谢谢各位大侠
特别谢谢springy   菜丸子和 aerozxy帮我修改
小女子这厢有礼拉:)

PhoebuswangUID: 158473

Issue6
The most effective way to understand contemporary culture is to analyze the trends of its youth.

Is it the most effective way to understand contemporary culture by analyzing the trends of its youth ,as the author asserts(多余，删去） ?I believe that it only can learn something ,if there is any ,about the future but not the contemporary culture of a country ,for the trends of the youth now will indicate the future development of culture of the society when the present youth will be the main force instructing and serving the society years away    （这个句子让人看的晕乎乎的，建议改成如下-- the trends of youth may represent the the future and development direction of our society for the reaons that the present youth will be the main force instructing and serving the society years ago)        .Nevertheless ,when it comes to understand   ( the understanding of )   the contemporary culture ，I believe the most effective and convenient way is to analyze the contemporary arts ,which is the mirror of the national culture .

In the threshold position ,what aspect of the youth should we analyze now ,the trends of their action or thoughts ?As their action ,although young man are always eager to learn things interesting and fashionable , which ostensibly represents part of the modern culture . The fast variation of their enjoyment make us hard to realize the true trends of the cultural development .Their thoughts and feelings are much closer with the pioneer development of the society .But the less of experience make them too young to be thoughtful enough to represent the real essence of the culture .Furthermore ,many of the youth in our society , as students ,are not independent ,as a result , their actions and thoughts will be restricted by the circumstance around them ,such as family and school and so on .However , we can learn something from their present condition and imaging what will be like several years later when they grow up as the main constructor of the society .( resonable analysis)

In addition ,the most effective way to understand the contemporary culture is through the arts ,such as the films ,the poets ,the novels ,and so on .In any democratic society ,art can reflect the real social life ,embody the culture of the society freely ,which include the content of the culture such as the customary beliefs , social forms ,material traits of racial ;religious or social group . From the arts , novels ,for example ,one of the most direct forms reflecting the real society ,we can get to know certain groups of people ,in certain social statues ,they may poor or rich ;normal or famous .We have the chance to learn the thoughts of all the statues and their belief ,their religion ,and so on , which is the miniature of the real world .The essence of the culture has been artfully generalized in the novels . We can also learn a lot from other kinds of art ,some may concrete ,some may abstract ,however ,we can choose any kinds we like make our own understanding about the culture .    (art is a too broad definition, the author should pinpoint the certain art and show enough proof about the art and contemporary culture, the author should also consider in history-continouse way to clarify the other aspect of art-- for the monumentle history.)

Some people may tell me that the arts is vented from the feelings of the artists and only can describe the moods and motion of the artist .Admittedly ,the work of art is composed some personal feelings .However ,we can not deny that all the artists are living in their own social , as a result , the thoughts of every artist are deriving from the real life .When different artists have their own understanding of the society ,the common features what they share are the essence which are just the culture we want to know .

In the sum ,we can not understand the temporary culture either from their actions or thoughts .The only thing we can learn from them is the trends of the development of the future .The most effective and convenient way to really understand the culture is learning and enjoying the contemporary arts .(字数607)

AThe content of the artical is eligible, but the author should pay more attention to the expression and in-depth analysis, just advice for reference..

PhoebuswangUID: 158473

https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=175164