issue236 还有8天就要考了，很少发文章，麻烦各位提点一下，谢谢

eaglezhouUID: 156651

236. Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough is both misleading and potentially harmful

When faced with some obstacles which seem hard to be conquered, many people will probably consider encouragement to be the most desirable thing they can get. However, someone deems encouraging young people to have such faith that they can achieve great things as long as they try hard enough to be misleading and potentially harmful. As far as I concern, that point of view seems not reasonable.

One of the reasons why somebody holds such a view may be traced back to the idea that somebody is born a leader while others may only deserve the work of something not that great.  In that case, encouraging one who is not suitable for achieving great things will only result in a waste of his/her time.  However, these people overlooked a fact that young people are in a stage when their personalities are formed and potential abilities are unearthed.

Almost every one is born the same, only through the environment they are in and the people they contact will their unique personality be shaped and ability be developed.  Some scientists once did such an experiment that they traced many twins who were donated by families with totally different background, as a result, they found the personalities and abilities of them diverged largely.  That revealed the ungroundedness of the point of view mentioned above which diverges people to different classes at the very beginning of their lives.

Young people should be encouraged to believe that they can achieve something great by hard work. With the faith established the goal will become clearer to youths and thus they can be filled with not only motivations but alto ambitions to win. Without the goal and ambition to be a general, how Napoleon could strive all the way from an artilleryman and make his place in France's and even human's history.  

Another reason makes people withhold their encourages probably is a fear that young people can not stand the frustrations and failures one after another will eventually ruin not only the future but the person himself/herself totally. Or put it another way, potentially harmful.

Again, that is not the case. As a saying goes, no pains, no gains. One can hardly recall a figure in history who made his/her success without failure. In one's life, frustration or failure can serve as a steppingstone to success. According to Edison himself, he was not knocked down by the failures in the course of inventing a light bulb, instead, the failures were considered valuable to him since he had found 1800 ways that could not build a light bulb. The optimism and the endurance can be achieved through the recoveries from falls.

Before I drew the conclusion, there is one more thing I want to say. That is, encouraging young people to have the faith that he/she can achieve something alone is not sufficient to help him/her. More encouragements are necessary afterwards to help young people go through the hard time in achieving his/her goal or recover from the failures he/she encounters.

To sum up, one should never hesitate to encourage young people to try out something, some of which can be labeled as great. In addition, he/she should give his/her encouragement in order to help young people more in their pursuits of dreams.

paisleyUID: 64183

When faced with some obstacles which seem hard to be conquered, many people will probably consider encouragement to be the most desirable thing they can get. However, someone deems encouraging young people to have such faith that they can achieve great things as long as they try hard enough to be（同一句话中前面已经用过to have，这里建议改为is） misleading and potentially harmful. As far as I concern, that point of view seems not reasonable.

One of the reasons why somebody（同一句话中后面也有somebody这个词，而且还指的是不同的人，建议改成this view may be traced back） holds such a view may be traced back to the idea that somebody is born a leader while others may only deserve the work of something not that great. In that case, encouraging one who is not suitable for achieving great things will only result in a waste of his/her time. However, these people overlooked （为什么突然用过去时？）a fact that young people are in a stage when their personalities are formed and potential abilities are unearthed.

Almost every one is born the same, only through the environment they are in and the people they contact will their unique personality be shaped and ability be developed. Some scientists once did such an experiment that they traced many twins who were donated by families with totally different background, as a result, they found the personalities and abilities of them diverged largely. That revealed the ungroundedness （groundlessness 才对，你这个词底下是有红线的）of the point of view mentioned above which diverges people to different classes at the very beginning of their lives.

Young people should be encouraged to believe that they can achieve something great by hard work. With the faith established the goal will become clearer to youths and thus they can be filled with not only motivations but alto（是also啦） ambitions to win. Without the goal and ambition to be a general, how Napoleon could（how could应该连在一起） strive all the way from an artilleryman and make his place in France's and even human's history应是问号.

Another reason makes people withhold their encourages（encourage不是名词） probably is （前半句别扭，建议改为another reason why people withhold their encouragement is probably out of the fear that... ）a fear that young people can not stand the frustrations 这里最好加个逗号and failures one after another will eventually ruin not only the future but the person himself/herself totally. 既然后面一句是没有主语的，这里应该逗号Or put it another way, potentially harmful.

Again, that is not the case. As a（应该用the） saying goes, no pains, no gains. One can hardly recall a figure in history who made his/her success without failure. In one's life, frustration or failure can serve as a steppingstone to success. According to Edison himself, he was not knocked down by the failures in the course of inventing a light bulb, instead, the failures were considered valuable to him since he had found 1800 ways that could not build a light bulb. The optimism and the endurance can be achieved through the recoveries from falls.

Before I drew the conclusion, there is one more thing I want to say. That is, encouraging young people to have the faith that he/she can achieve something alone is not sufficient to help him/her. More encouragements are necessary afterwards to help young people go through the hard time in achieving his/her goal or recover from the failures he/she encounters.

To sum up, one should never hesitate to encourage young people to try out something, some of which can be labeled as great. In addition, he/she should give his/her encouragement in order to help young people more in their pursuits of dreams.

写的不错啊。论理很全面，使人信服。语言也不错。句式的变化和词汇的选择都比较注意。
给你再补充一个论点，如果你有时间可以加进去。人们认为的“艰巨的事物，great things”往往是从发言者本人的角度出发，而错误地认为这些对年轻人来说也是艰巨的、困难的。殊不知年轻人所处的时代已经变化，他们往往更有知识和活力，而他们所处的世界也往往提供了更为便利的条件，使他们可以做到前人无法成功的事情。

当然这个论点已经发散得比较远，在你充分论证的基础上可以考虑。

《在本版找前人作文的方法》http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthr ... hlight=%CC%E2%BA%C5
另外，这个URL非常有用
各个ISSUE题目的理解讨论 https://bbs.gter.net/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=705

还是希望你多多帮别人改改作文哦！

祝你考试顺利！

eaglezhouUID: 156651

1。ungroundedness （groundlessness 才对，你这个词底下是有红线的）
我看到红线，但是一时没找到合适的词，谢谢paisley的提示
2。how Napoleon could（how could应该连在一起） strive all the way from an artilleryman and make his place in France's and even human's history应是问号.
这句话我是想写成陈述句的，记忆中好像是可以的，难道我记错了？
3。a fear that young people can not stand the frustrations 这里最好加个逗号and failures one after another will eventually ruin not only the future but the person himself/herself totally. 既然后面一句是没有主语的，这里应该逗号Or put it another way, potentially harmful.
谢谢指点，我老是搞不清楚什么时候插入要加逗号，汗啊！有什么地方有这种指导的啊？

sniper613UID: 147372

236. Encouraging young people to believe that they can accomplish great things if they try hard enough is both misleading and potentially harmful
（第一感觉，你的段落太碎，估计每段的发展也不会太深入）


When faced with some obstacles which seem hard to be conquered, many people will probably consider encouragement to be the most desirable thing they can get. However, someone deems encouraging young people to have such faith that they can achieve great things as long as they try hard enough to be misleading and potentially harmful. As far as I concern, that point of view seems not reasonable. （我觉得应该把自己的观点明确地提出来，你的that point of view seems not reasonable.到底是however前的还是后的呢？让人有点模糊）

One of the reasons why somebody holds such a view may be traced back to the idea that somebody is born a leader while others may only deserve the work of something not that great. In that case, encouraging one who is not suitable for achieving great things will only result in a waste of his/her time. However, these people overlooked a fact that young people are in a stage when their personalities are formed and potential abilities are unearthed.（证明？）

Almost every one is born the same, only through the environment they are in and the people they contact will their unique personality be shaped and ability be developed. Some scientists once did such an experiment that they traced many twins who were donated by families with totally different background, as a result, they found the personalities and abilities of them diverged largely. That revealed the ungroundedness（？） of the point of view mentioned above which diverges people to different classes at the very beginning of their lives.

Young people should be encouraged to believe that they can achieve something great by hard work. With the faith established the goal will become clearer to youths and thus they can be filled with not only motivations but alto ambitions to win. Without the goal and ambition to be a general, how Napoleon could strive all the way from an artilleryman and make his place in France's and even human's history.

Another reason makes people withhold their encourages probably is a fear that young people can not stand the frustrations and failures one after another will eventually ruin not only the future but the person himself/herself totally. Or put it another way, potentially harmful.

Again, that is not the case. As a saying goes, no pains, no gains. One can hardly recall a figure in history who made his/her success without failure. In one's life, frustration or failure can serve as a steppingstone to success. According to Edison himself, he was not knocked down by the failures in the course of inventing a light bulb, instead, the failures were considered valuable to him since he had found 1800 ways that could not build a light bulb. The optimism and the endurance can be achieved through the recoveries from falls.

Before I drew the conclusion, there is one more thing I want to say. That is, encouraging young people to have the faith that he/she can achieve something alone is not sufficient to help him/her. More encouragements are necessary afterwards to help young people go through the hard time in achieving his/her goal or recover from the failures he/she encounters.

To sum up, one should never hesitate to encourage young people to try out something, some of which can be labeled as great. In addition, he/she should give his/her encouragement in order to help young people more in their pursuits of dreams.
建议段落分配：
5段
开头----正文3段----结尾
每段对你的主题句必须做出论证，可以举例子，可以逻辑分析，可以假设
文中尽量少出I , we 之类的第一人称

eaglezhouUID: 156651

我的文章当中未必是一段讲一个意思的，这样写感觉舒服一点，是不是不适合GRE作文呢？

paisleyUID: 64183

2。how Napoleon could（how could应该连在一起） strive all the way from an artilleryman and make his place in France's and even human's history应是问号.
这句话我是想写成陈述句的，记忆中好像是可以的，难道我记错了？
这句话我觉得很难改成陈述句。不像汉语，语气转一转就可以在陈述句和文句之间转换。

3。a fear that young people can not stand the frustrations 这里最好加个逗号and failures one after another will eventually ruin not only the future but the person himself/herself totally. 既然后面一句是没有主语的，这里应该逗号Or put it another way, potentially harmful.
谢谢指点，我老是搞不清楚什么时候插入要加逗号，汗啊！有什么地方有这种指导的啊？

这个，我很难一言两语说清楚。语法书上并没有专门的章节。不过你的这个问题不大，记住这一次就可以了。