issue118 目标和过程 感觉还不错

papajohnsUID: 127722

118. "In any field of endeavor－the sciences, the humanities, the social sciences, industry, etc.－it is not the attainment of a goal that matters, but rather the ideas and discoveries that are encountered on the way to the goal."
Matter: To be of importance
在任何领域－科学、人文科学、社会科学、工业等－重要的不是达成目标，而是在通往目标的路上所获得的想法和发现。


My outline:

Each of us has goals, hopes, dreams and even fantasies to which we aspire. And in order for goals or dreams each of us is bound to experience a long journey. Then such question arises: which really matters, the achievement of goal or ideas and discoveries confronted in the course to goal? The statement contends that the answer is the latter. As far as I am concerned, while the discoveries on the way to goal is what really matters, the experience in the course, be delightful or painful, should also be valuable and the ultimate end should be cared about as well.


Surely, on an individual level, the attainment of a goal is the greatest affirmation that we are winners and that we have strengths and ability to solve problems. For a student, graduation from college marks a goal that has been achieved. It proves that he/she has ability to fulfill the requirement of that college. And it indicates that he/she can never quit and persevere in the face of obstacles or discouragement. Mountain Everest, which has the highest elevation in the world, becomes the greatest dream of every climber. Sir Edmund Hillary and other members successfully scaled that mountain in 1953 in the first time. This feat shows that human beings possess huge potential power when conquering the nature. Other fields are replete with this kind of case. Each person’s life will be like this: first set up a goal, and then struggle for that goal and thus achieve that goal. (maybe turn out to be a failure) Then start next circle. Each achievement is a step up to a new rung on the ladder. At last, we can climb to own desired summit.

On a societal level, fulfillment of each citizen' goals can benefit a society so much. Examples abound in human history. Without light bulb and alternating current, our world might remain in the dark. If not the accomplishment of Henry Ford, the automobile still is the exclusive luxury for the wealthy. It is the attainment of goals from generation to generation that collectively contribute to highly developed civilization.

But once we make it to our own desired summit, we have a tendency to forget the process of climbing that got us to the pinnacle. Actually, the ideas and discoveries met on the journey to a goal sometimes are more valuable than the eventual result. As commonly known, the discovery of penicillin is one of the great accidental triumphs in scientific history, perhaps rivalled only by Roentgen's discovery of the X-ray and Penzias and Wilson's discovery of the cosmic microwave background. Although those serendipitous discoveries are not expected, they are of great merits. Of course, this case is rare.

And more importantly, the struggles, the long lonely hours, and sometimes years, of experiences, tribulations, detours and disappointments in the journey can be the precious life experiences and thus the same significant for our lives as the actual goal. No matter which goal one has chosen, to get there, he/she work hard, even perhaps struggle, and very likely overcome various adversities. The real richness of achievement lies in the process of achieving. We haven't finished--we've just begun.

In conclusion, the goal and the process are of equal importance. The achievement of goal must require efforts and struggle in the process; and the process must be goal-oriented.

papajohnsUID: 127722

呵呵,xdjm看看吧.也许有收获亚.

sydUID: 151948

118. "In any field of endeavor－the sciences, the humanities, the social sciences, industry, etc.－it is not the attainment of a goal that matters, but rather the ideas and discoveries that are encountered on the way to the goal."
Matter: To be of importance
在任何领域－科学、人文科学、社会科学、工业等－重要的不是达成目标，而是在通往目标的路上所获得的想法和发现。


My outline:

Each of us has goals, hopes, dreams and even fantasies to which we aspire. And in order for感觉for 不大好，考虑in order to achieve these goals or to realize these dreams goals or dreams each of us is bound to experience a long journey. Then such question arises: which really matters, the achievement of goal or ideas andor discoveries confronteddeveloped in the course to thegoals? The statement contendsclaims that the answer is the latter. As far as I am concerned, while the discoveriessingle on the way tothe goal is what really matters, the experience in the course, be delightful or painful, should also be valuable and the ultimate end should be cared about as well.an explicit beginning


Surely, on an individual level, the attainment of a goal is the greatest affirmation that we are winners and that we have strengths and ability to solve problems. For a student, graduation from college marks the achievement of the pursuit to the truth and wisdom a goal that has been achieved. It also proves that he/shea student has ability to fulfill the requirement of that college. And it indicates that he/she can never quit and persevere in the face of obstacles or discouragementa bit gratuitous. 缺少转接词Mountain Everest, which has the highest elevationaltitude in the world, becomes the greatest dream of every climber. Sir Edmund Hillary and other members successfully scaled that mountain in 1953 in the first time. This feat shows that human beings possess huge potential power when conquering the nature. Other fields are replete with this kind of case. Each person’s life will be like this: first set up a goal, and then struggle for that goal and thus achieve that goal. (maybesometimes may turn out to be a failure) Then startgoes the next circle. Each achievement is a step up to a new rung on the ladder. At last, we can climb to own desired summit. This illustrates that the desire to fulfillment of certain goals is indispensable

On a societal level, fulfillment of each citizen' goals can benefit a society so much. Examples abound重复了，不如改为can be found in human history. Without light bulb and alternating current, our world might remain in the dark. If not forthe accomplishment of Henry Ford, the automobile still is the exclusive luxury onlyfor the wealthy. It is the attainment of goals from generation to generation that collectively contribute to highly developed civilization.

But once we make it to our own desired summit, we have a tendency to forget the process of climbing that got us to the pinnacle.good sentence Actually, the ideas and discoveries met on the journey to a goal sometimes are more valuable than the eventual result.这两句看看是不是换个位，把TS放到前面 As commonly known, the discovery of penicillin is one of the great accidental triumphs in scientific history, perhaps rivaled only by Roentgen's discovery of the X-ray and Penzias and Wilson's discovery of the cosmic microwave background.例子真丰富的说 Although those serendipitous discoveries are not expected, they are of great merits. Of course, this case is rare.why rare?

And more importantly, the struggles, the long lonely hours, and sometimes years, of experiences, tribulations, detours and disappointments in the journey can be the precious life experiences and thus the same significant for our lives as the actual goal. No matter which goal one has chosen, to get there, he/she work hard, even perhaps struggle, and very likely overcome various adversities. The real richness of achievement lies in the process of achievingto achieve. We haven't finished--we've just begun.断断续续的短句，感觉可以用长句搞定

In conclusion, the goal and the process are of equal importance. The achievement of goal must require efforts and struggle in the process; and the process must be goal-oriented.

总的来说不错，切题而且有一定深度。只是组织上还要加强，语言的variety 还可以改进。互勉。你多发，我多改，我发你改，互发互改。我30号考。
:p

papajohnsUID: 127722

谢谢syd的仔细评论.我有些意见交流一下吧;

1in order for +n=in order to+v
2confronted=encountered 当然你的 developed也行
3contend可以用. 用claim就是说不同意作者的观点.
4a goal that has been achieved 我是想强调毕业就意味着目标已经实现,所以用现在完成时态.而且上学不一定完全是追求真理和智慧,还有很多其他的收获.
5elevation有海拔的意思
6第一个主体段没有总结,谢谢指点
7Examples abound in 是说历史上充满了这样的例子.怎么重复呢
8有了exclusive不需要only,本身就是专门的意思.
9我觉得俩句不要调,前面一句是过渡句,后面的是ts.
10 Why rare?这不需说吧,偶然的发现毕竟占少数,不是每个人这么幸运.
11We haven't finished--we've just begun.有时候短句更有气势.长短结合文章才会不晦涩,也不会显得简单.
我也快考了,互相改真的不错.再次谢谢.

sydUID: 151948

1in order for +n=in order to+v 这个，我的确不大清楚
2confronted=encountered 当然你的 developed也行 个人认为用developed 可以体现出discoveries的发展过程，发现毕竟是需要努力而不是“碰到的”。
3contend可以用. 用claim就是说不同意作者的观点.contend可以，我的评论有误
4a goal that has been achieved 我是想强调毕业就意味着目标已经实现,所以用现在完成时态.而且上学不一定完全是追求真理和智慧,还有很多其他的收获. 我是认为我的改法感觉上要优美和生动一些，追求真理和智慧可以使文章增色，而且并不排斥追求毕业。
5elevation有海拔的意思 哦，这个我以前不知道。
6第一个主体段没有总结,谢谢指点。客气了。
7Examples abound in 是说历史上充满了这样的例子.怎么重复呢 汗，好像当时前面改了另一个人的文章里面用了很多这个结构，误以为你是你用的了…sorry.
8有了exclusive不需要only,本身就是专门的意思. NOD。
9我觉得俩句不要调,前面一句是过渡句,后面的是ts. 我还是建议把TS放在开头，虽然有些八股，但是，毕竟对判卷人有些正面的影响。
10 Why rare?这不需说吧,偶然的发现毕竟占少数,不是每个人这么幸运. 个人认为这些事例还是很多的，这可以说是科研的特色。
11We haven't finished--we've just begun.有时候短句更有气势.长短结合文章才会不晦涩,也不会显得简单. 有道理，但仍然觉得稍微多了些，在一个段落里也最好长短结合才是/
我也快考了,互相改真的不错.再次谢谢.

不客气，互助嘛，加油了，我也有些收获的说。：）