Issue159 人和机器大比拼 火爆！

GITERUID: 138732

Issue 159
——提纲——
科学的研究随着对历史的探索和知识的积累和总结，使我们的社会高速发展。机器帮助人脑完成了一些人脑难以想象的工程，并且促进了我们的发展。但是机器只是一种辅助性的工具，没有人脑协助的机器就是废铁，是人创造了伟大的文明并且续写着未来。
Body1: 机器的飞速发展并不意味这机器可以脱离人而独立，机器通过人的程序运转为人解决负担。机器没有思维，这种依靠人类灌输的模式决定了机器的局限性。
Body2: 机器超越人类只是在机器的发展中，人类造成恐慌而产生的一种幻觉。事物的因果关系即便Einstein的超时空理论中也同样不能倒置。机器能辅助人，但不能主宰人。
Body3: 人类滥用机器，尤其武器，造成的影响是我们的智慧无能为力的。
------题目------
The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds.
------正文------
Nowadays, with the integral wisdom of the human being developing, it is no doubt that great inventions such as machines and some other tools gradually disentangled people from the high level working and make our life more comfortable. All the prosper spectator in the current time indicate that man could manage their way of life under the help of machines. However, machines are just products with the trend of the epoch growing, and the wisdom of people will perpetually occupied their supreme position of our own.

Machines, developing with a high-speed that far outstrip the imagination we could reach, however, still under the control of human being. Why does the progress of mechanical industry doom so large in the modern world? It is convinced that they could provide people more convenience in helping them do something hard to surpass in the past. Taking the example of the computer science to illustrate the perpetual fulfilled idea, people recently developed a kind of methodology that is so-called Distributed Computing to calculate and evaluate the possibility of some scientific puzzle depending on the global Internet and the vacant computer resource. During the process of this inquiring, people could attain some marvelous and extraordinary ideas that help people solve puzzles which maybe still at issue around world. And Computers, under the procedure design by human, help people release from the heavy burden in calculation.

Meanwhile, the rapidly development of the machine sometimes give people a kind of illusion that machine will ultimately become the overlord, and substantiate the dominate position that occupied by the human being and became the dictator of our planet. Sometimes the trend runs so deep that even exert a wider crisis and panic. As a matter of fact, there is a general principle that could applied to the most area of the natural science about the causal relationship of event, which even the theory of generalized relativity, asserted by Einstein in the 1915, with a more advanced idealism to explain the relation and interaction between the time and dimension still hard-pressed to make it runs reversely. One thing could not shaken is the reason of one event will forever comes before the result even in the speed of light. Without the general principle that protected the fundamental conception and conviction of human being, the world will lost into confusion without sequence that prevent ourselves developing in a harmonious atmosphere. For instance, although in the dawn of the last century, the breaking new was reported that the most wisdom genius in the chess, Kasparov, was defeated by a super computer named the "most blue", which was reported by the mass media with a more exaggerate tone that the result of competition formally announce that machine will play a more significant role in the growing of human history other than ourselves, while ignoring the mere fact, that is the speed of calculation and the restore of them. Computer, in some way higher, no more than a useful and capable implement in helping people deal with the sophisticate databases and summarize the basic principle of them without some essential creation. Based on this fact, the intrinsic idea under the darkness of this contest, just an individual versus a series of operational machines collected all the wisdom even its opponent opposite to itself. So whether the win or lose is meaningless on the precise sense of an unjustified competition. Humanity, from the first time assists us in casting off the chain of primates, prove that the solely way may defeat us is the strong power unleashed by science and engulf all humanity ourselves.

Admittedly, in a higher status, sometimes the fallacies made by people itself may lead a catastrophe. It is one partial way to demonstrate that the failure always owing to the human while the achievement belongs to itself. One thing is that when machines used in a sacrificed way, maybe the most solid structure will be shaken and extinct our civilization without control, the end of all things, which the Bible called, Armageddon.

In conclusion, people should always maintain their obligation and put emphasis on the way of make own life in a harmonious pathway but not with the constant warfare. In that case, machines should enact as appropriate implement of human being and thrive on the development of world, instead of becoming the unfortunate victim of adverse circumstance.

jackygaussUID: 147842

Issue 159
——提纲——
科学的研究随着对历史的探索和知识的积累和总结，使我们的社会高速发展。机器帮助人脑完成了一些人脑难以想象的工程，并且促进了我们的发展。但是机器只是一种辅助性的工具，没有人脑协助的机器就是废铁，是人创造了伟大的文明并且续写着未来。
Body1: 机器的飞速发展并不意味这机器可以脱离人而独立，机器通过人的程序运转为人解决负担。机器没有思维，这种依靠人类灌输的模式决定了机器的局限性。
Body2: 机器超越人类只是在机器的发展中，人类造成恐慌而产生的一种幻觉。事物的因果关系即便Einstein的超时空理论中也同样不能倒置。机器能辅助人，但不能主宰人。
Body3: 人类滥用机器，尤其武器，造成的影响是我们的智慧无能为力的。
------题目------
The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds.
------正文------
Nowadays, with the integral wisdom of the human being developing, it is no doubt that great inventions such as machines and some other tools gradually disentangled(去掉d) people from the high level working and make our life more comfortable. All the prosper spectator（复数） in the current time indicate that man could manage their way of life under the help of machines. However, machines are just products with the trend of the epoch growing, and the wisdom of people will perpetually occupied their supreme position of our own.开头的用词很好，观点也较鲜明！

Machines, developing with a high-speed that far outstrip the imagination we could reach, however, （少了一个系动词are）still under the control of human being. Why does the progress of mechanical industry doom so large in the modern world? It is convinced that they could provide people more convenience in helping them do something hard to surpass in the past. Taking the example of the computer science to illustrate the perpetual fulfilled idea, people recently developed a kind of methodology that is so-called Distributed Computing to calculate and evaluate the possibility of some scientific puzzle depending on the global Internet and the vacant computer resource. During the process of this inquiring, people could attain some marvelous and extraordinary ideas that help people solve puzzles which maybe still at issue around world. And Computers, under the procedure design by human, help people release from the heavy burden in calculation.这段的中心句是machines仍然在人类控制之中，而论证过程都在写它们的作用和好处。偏离论证中心了。

Meanwhile, the rapidly development of the machine sometimes give people a kind of illusion that machine will ultimately become the overlord, and substantiate the dominate position that occupied by the human being and became（时态！） the dictator of our planet. Sometimes the trend runs so deep that （it） even exert（s） a wider crisis and panic. As a matter of fact, there is a general principle that could  （be）applied to the most area of the natural science about the causal relationship of event, which even the theory of generalized relativity, asserted by Einstein in the 1915, with a more advanced idealism to explain the relation and interaction between the time and dimension still hard-pressed to make it runs（原形） reversely（没有这个词。）. One thing could not shaken is the reason of one event will forever comes before the result even in the speed of light.（这是个病句！） Without the general principle that protected the fundamental conception and conviction of human being（复数）, the world will lost into confusion without sequence that prevent ourselves developing in a harmonious atmosphere. For instance, although in the dawn of the last century, the breaking new was reported that the most wisdom genius in the chess, Kasparov, was defeated by a super computer named the "most blue", which was reported by the mass media with a more exaggerate tone that the result of competition formally announce that machine will play a more significant role in the growing of human history other than ourselves, while ignoring the mere fact, that is the speed of calculation and the restore of them. Computer, in some way higher, no more than a useful and capable implement in helping people deal with the sophisticate databases and summarize the basic principle of them without some essential creation. Based on this fact, the intrinsic idea under the darkness of this contest, just an individual versus a series of operational machines collected all the wisdom even its opponent opposite to itself. So whether the win or lose is meaningless on the precise sense of an unjustified competition. Humanity, from the first time assists us in casting off the chain of primates, prove（单数） that the solely way may defeat us is the strong power unleashed by science and engulf all humanity ourselves.不错的段落！

Admittedly, in a higher status, sometimes the fallacies made by people itself may lead a catastrophe. It is one partial way to demonstrate that the failure always owing to the human while the achievement belongs to itself. One thing is that when machines （are）used in a sacrificed way, maybe the most solid structure will be shaken and extinct our civilization without control, the end of all things, which the Bible called, Armageddon.

In conclusion, people should always maintain their obligation and put emphasis on the way of make（动名词） （their）own life in a harmonious pathway but not with the constant warfare. In that case, machines should enact as appropriate implement of human being and thrive on the development of world, instead of becoming the unfortunate victim of adverse circumstance.
全文用了很多“高级词汇”，羡慕！语法错误也很多哦，要注意下。此外，第一论证段有些偏，没有论证充分，有些隔靴搔痒。你是限时写了这么多吗？足足700多啊！

seeseafastUID: 127774

example in your second paragraph
【Taking the example of the computer science to illustrate the perpetual fulfilled idea, people recently developed a kind of methodology【发展了一种方法学？？】 that is so-called Distributed Computing to calculate and evaluate the possibility【计算和估计可能性？】 of some scientific puzzle【puzzles】 depending on the global Internet and the vacant computer resource. During the process of this inquiring, people could attain some marvelous and extraordinary ideas that help people solve puzzles which maybe still at issue around world.】
据我所知，分布计算只是一种利用网络上的空闲计算机参与运算的资源利用方式，可以加速运算速度。这和你的people could attain some marvelous and extraordinary ideas 的关系不密切。也许你要说的是through the DC technology, people could attain the data for demonsrating their ideas.

GITERUID: 138732

To: jackygauss
实在是见笑了,很感谢你的修改,里面小错误很多,其实我已经改一遍了。 :)

其实我已经限时了，只是没有算上改作文的时间。现在发现自己写完以后对写过的东西没什么印象，五分钟时间check能把拼写错控制在三个就不错了，三个就0.5呢！~~本来也得不了几个0.5的说~~

实际上我听很多人都说，英语的用词最难掌握的是动词，动作的细节很复杂，无论看中文还是英文解释都比较难掌握。而我就是觉得自己动词很单调的说。我们现在写的是学术性的文章，能用词组和单词的地方都用词组。

名词是什么就是什么比较好记，形容词和副词都是人的感情色彩，自我感觉人的情感有多样性，只要是词性不反描述得体的话，不容易被抓住什么把柄！呵呵！~~

写出来的东西自己都汗！如果是两个以上的复杂词出现尤其是动词那肯定是偷来的。J.Kennedy的文章我就看过三篇，一个是关于the cuban missile crisis的讲话，一个是在Wise University的the Moon Speech,还有他最经典的inaugural address, 内容基本覆盖科学、教育、政府、法律、哲学什么的，绝对不比新概念4差，而且还符合老美的口味，只要是自己的内容就可以了！科学和我们的生活相关，容易联系，自然写的多。哲学的理论又抽象，人名还复杂，自己写出来都不知道说的什么 :)

One thing could not shaken is the reason of one event will forever comes before the result even in the speed of light.（这是个病句！）

我这里想说的是事物的原因先于结果的道理即便在光速条件下也同样成立。那你说应该最好怎么讲呀？

GITERUID: 138732

To seeseafast:
非常感谢你对偶这个关于distributed  computing的分析！~~偶不是CS的，只是略知皮毛，希望多提意见！~ :cool:

people recently developed a kind of methodology【发展了一种方法学？？】

这个我写的时候也没多想，不过好象Google上有Distributing Computing methodology的说法。

that is so-called Distributed Computing to calculate and evaluate the possibility【计算和估计可能性？】

这里确实有些问题，其实和我文章里说的道理差不多，机器主要还是analyze datas，不过你像现在从事的那个分析地球有记载以来气候变化的分布式，不也是想从地球因素，而非人为因素的角度展望我们未来的气候变化吗？偶觉得好象也和估计可能性有点关系
至于计算可能性，我想到的就是UC Berkeley开发的，也是Distributed Computing在Search for Extraterrestrian Intelligence所执行的工作，不也是通过宇宙各方向的脉冲波分析智能信号，通过频率什么的参数计算确定高级生命存在的可能性吗？ :(
其实也不是随着网络的发展才开始的，1967年Jocelyn Bell 和Hewish发现pulsar star的时候其实就是在找这种地外信号的时候发现的，这个也算是下面的developing的一个证据吧！不过可惜Nobel Prize有点性别歧视，1974年发奖的时候只给了Hewish :mad:

这和你的people could attain some marvelous and extraordinary ideas 的关系不密切。也许你要说的是through the DC technology, people could attain the data for demonsrating their ideas.

这点你分析的太对了！不过科学进步的过程中，一些发现是难以预料的，所以应该是demonstrating和developing更好

jackygaussUID: 147842

你看这样行不行？
The self-evident truth is that the reason of one event will always come before the result even in the speed of light.

莫名NUID: 146481

Nowadays, with the integral wisdom of the human being developing, it is no doubt that great inventions such as machines and some other tools gradually disentangled people from the high level working and make our life more comfortable. All the prosper spectator in the current time indicate that man could (can) manage their way of life under the help of machines. However, machines are just products with the trend of the epoch growing, and the wisdom of people will perpetually occupied their supreme position of our own.

Machines, developing with a high-speed that far outstrip(s) the imagination we could(can?不明白为什么你喜欢用could) reach, however, still under the control of human being. Why does the progress of mechanical industry doom so large in the modern world? It is convinced that they could（can） provide people more convenience in helping them do something hard to surpass in the past. Taking the example of the computer science to illustrate the perpetual fulfilled idea, people recently developed(develop) a kind of methodology that is so-called Distributed Computing to calculate and evaluate the possibility of some scientific puzzle depending on the global Internet and the vacant computer resource. During the process of this inquiring, people could attain some marvelous and extraordinary ideas that help people solve puzzles which maybe still at issue around world. And Computers, under the procedure design by human, help people release from the heavy burden in calculation.(第一句是你的主题句吗？你想写机器仍然是在人们的控制之下吗？但我读下来觉得整段都在说机器能够帮助人们，你觉得是否可以改一下第一句呢？)

Meanwhile, the rapidly（rapid） development of the machine sometimes give (gives) people a kind of illusion that machine will ultimately become the overlord, and substantiate the dominate position that occupied by the human being and became (become) the dictator of our planet. Sometimes the trend runs so deep (deeply) that even exert (exerts) a wider crisis and panic. As a matter of fact, there is a general principle that could (can) applied (apply) to the most area of the natural science about the causal relationship of event, which even the theory of generalized relativity, asserted by Einstein in the 1915, with a more advanced idealism to explain the relation and interaction between the time and dimension still hard-pressed to make it runs reversely（？）.(不好意思啊，我始终没找出来which从句里的谓语动词在哪里？) One thing could not shaken is（双谓语？） the reason of one event will forever comes（？） before the result even in the speed of light. Without the general principle that protected the fundamental conception and conviction of human being, the world will lost into confusion without sequence that prevent ourselves developing in a harmonious atmosphere.（两个without?能否换一下？） For instance, although in the dawn of the last century, the breaking new（s?） was reported that the most wisdom genius in the chess, Kasparov, was defeated by a super computer named the "most blue", which was reported by the mass media with a more exaggerate tone that the result of competition formally announce that machine will play a more significant role in the growing of human history other than ourselves, while ignoring the mere fact, that is the speed of calculation and the restore of them. Computer, in some way higher, no more than a useful and capable implement in helping people deal with the sophisticate databases and summarize the basic principle of them without some essential creation.（觉得和上一段机器能帮助人重了） Based on this fact, the intrinsic idea under the darkness of this contest, just an individual versus a series of operational machines collected all the wisdom even its opponent opposite to itself.（不好意思啊，还是没找到谓语，是collected吗？如果是，就应该在collected之前用逗号隔一下，不过我怎么觉得不是collected啊？） So whether the win or lose is meaningless on the precise sense of an unjustified competition. Humanity, from the first time assists us in casting off the chain of primates, prove that the solely way may defeat us is the strong power unleashed by science and engulf all humanity ourselves.(这段写的不错)

Admittedly, in a higher status, sometimes the fallacies made by people itself may lead a catastrophe. It is one partial way to demonstrate that the failure always owing to the human（that后面应该是从句吧？owing to是介词短语！！！） while the achievement belongs to itself. One thing is that when machines used in a sacrificed way, maybe the most solid structure will be shaken and extinct our civilization without control, the end of all things, which the Bible called, Armageddon.（呵呵，不错啊，BIBLE里的词都能用上，赞一个！）

In conclusion, people should always maintain their obligation and put emphasis on the way of make own life in a harmonious pathway but not with the constant warfare. In that case, machines should enact as appropriate implement of human being and thrive on the development of world, instead of becoming the unfortunate victim of adverse circumstance.

我觉得你可以重新组织一下第二三段，重新分一下层，因为第一段说到了帮助，第二段又提到了，再者，个人认为第三段太长了，鉴于以上两点，建议你重新组织一下逻辑：）
总体来说，不错，继续努力！！！

GITERUID: 138732

谢谢莫名，问题实在太多，不好意思！~~
还有十天，该仔细改一下了

Machines, developing with a high-speed that far outstrip(s) the imagination we could(can?不明白为什么你喜欢用could) reach, however, still under the control of human being.

Machines, developing with a high-speed that far outstrips the imagination we can, assist people in rendering facilities and becoming more and more manifest in our life.
ps. 这里能把动作的结果和产生的影响并列起来吗？~~如果分开的话用什么连接词比较好呀？

As a matter of fact, there is a general principle that could (can) applied (apply) to the most area of the natural science about the causal relationship of event, which even the theory of generalized relativity, asserted by Einstein in the 1915, with a more advanced idealism to explain the relation and interaction between the time and dimension still hard-pressed to make it runs reversely（？）.(不好意思啊，我始终没找出来which从句里的谓语动词在哪里？)

句子写长了自己都ft了 :( ，应该是在倒数第二行...between the time and dimension is still hard-pressed to make it runs reversely.
后面这里有问题吗？我it想指代是顶上的casual relationship of events.

Based on this fact, the intrinsic idea under the darkness of this contest, just an individual versus a series of operational machines collected all the wisdom even its opponent opposite to itself.（不好意思啊，还是没找到谓语，是collected吗？如果是，就应该在collected之前用逗号隔一下，不过我怎么觉得不是collected啊？）

这里是想说后者的智慧包含了前者的因素，collected前面短开以后会不会指代不清楚呀？

Computer, in some way higher, no more than a useful and capable implement in helping people deal with the sophisticate databases and summarize the basic principle of them without some essential creation.（觉得和上一段机器能帮助人重了）

看到这里发现如果第一段改第一句有问题，因为主要是说人把握着机器，如果改成现在这样是不是说开头就变成让步了？因为body2的核心是支持。
你看这样改行吗？
把上面的内容直接插入在Meanwhile, the rapidly（rapid） development of the machine sometimes give (gives) people a kind of illusion that machine will ultimately become the overlord, and substantiate the dominate position that occupied by the human being and became (become) the dictator of our planet. Sometimes the trend runs so deep (deeply) that even exert (exerts) a wider crisis and panic.这个大TS后面

:( 发现自己实在是没有逻辑了！好象有点正反来回说(其实我觉得body1机器对人的帮助，也不能算做是反对human mind be superior to machine，就是一个交代背景吧！)
Body3作为让步，body2和body3相反，好象还是不容易重新分层的说~~
再次谢谢莫名的说，偶只是想透彻的弄明白这个结构上的问题 :)

莫名NUID: 146481

1。觉得这样用可以，我觉得读得蛮通的
2。explain是谓语吗？前面有to啊？是make it run不是make it runs，下次注意了哦：）
   句子不要追求过长，我经常写着写着也昏头了，所以后来就干脆把重心放在逻辑和结构上了，我觉得不管你把句子写的有多长，最最主要的是不能在意思表达上有障碍
3。用逗号不会不清楚的，我一开始还以为collected是machines的分词呢
4。你有没有想过改成机器帮助人以后是：先递进再让步？我觉得这种逻辑关系可以的

GITERUID: 138732

看来问题越来越明朗了，只是说body1和body2没有构成递进的关系，反而是让步+递进，body3又是对body2的让步, 这样的循环说你以前写过吗？我觉得从逻辑上讲倒也是没有什么说不通的 :)

davidjackyUID: 135962

晚上1：00的时候摸了一下issue50，才泄了456，郁闷，改了一下变成500但是感觉很不爽，你方便的时候再帮我看看，谢谢，加油你，这么短时间写这么多，我真的汗汗汗。这篇文章我也写过，不知道让谁再看，等待中。。。2：31－3：30修改此文！【】是我改的
——提纲——
【我的提纲也给你看看，互相探讨一下，这道题是老题又是高频题值得推敲：一断To begin with, since the era of industrial revolution characterized by the wide use of the advanced machines, the progress of science and technology overwhelmingly influenced a motley collection of such fields as manufacturing, communication, and medicine.二断However, it is human beings who create and utilize the machines that involve some simple tools invented in the primary society and some sophisticated machines which are represented the collective wisdom of the contemporaries.三断Admittedly, nonetheless, in the past years advanced machines had created innumerable miracles in the every area】
Issue 159科学的研究随着对历史的探索和知识的积累和总结，使我们的社会高速发展。机器帮助人脑完成了一些人脑难以想象的工程，并且促进了我们的发展。但是机器只是一种辅助性的工具，没有人脑协助的机器就是废铁，是人创造了伟大的文明并且续写着未来。
Body1: 机器的飞速发展并不意味这机器可以脱离人而独立，机器通过人的程序运转为人解决负担。机器没有思维，这种依靠人类灌输的模式决定了机器的局限性。【＋】
Body2: 机器超越人类只是在机器的发展中，人类造成恐慌而产生的一种幻觉。事物的因果关系即便Einstein的超时空理论中也同样不能倒置。机器能辅助人，但不能主宰人。【＋】
Body3: 人类滥用机器，尤其武器，造成的影响是我们的智慧无能为力的。【－】
------题目------
The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds.
------正文------
Nowadays, with the integral wisdom of the human being developing, it is no doubt that great inventions such as machines and some other tools gradually disentangled(去掉d) people from the high level working and make our life more comfortable. All the prosper spectator（复数）【这个地方不知道怎么回事，他们ignore了？我觉得prosper spectator->prosperous prospect】 in the current time indicate that man could manage their way of life【easily handle their life style，还是manage好一些，control比较生硬，】 under the help of machines. However, machines are just products with the trend of the epoch growing, and the wisdom of people will perpetually occupied their supreme position of our own.开头的用词很好，观点也较鲜明！【学习中】
机器仞在人类控制下
Machines, developing with a high-speed that far outstrip the imagination we could reach, however, （少了一个系动词are）still under the control of human being.【这个地方你注意一下，知道千万给我回消息，我也喜欢用human beings，金山糍粑human being是一个人，我们在这种情况下应该是s吧】 Why does the progress of mechanical industry doom so large in the modern world?威慑么机械工业doom呢？ It is convinced that they could provide people more convenience in helping them do something hard to surpass in the past. Taking the example of the computer science to illustrate the perpetual fulfilled idea, people recently developed a kind of methodology that is so-called Distributed Computing to calculate and evaluate the possibility of some scientific puzzle depending on the global Internet and the vacant computer resource. During the process of this inquiring, people could attain some marvelous and extraordinary ideas that help people solve puzzles which maybe still at issue around world. And Computers, under the procedure design by human, help people release from the heavy burden in calculation.这段的中心句是machines仍然在人类控制之中，而论证过程都在写它们的作用和好处。偏离论证中心了。【赞成，还有那个高深的方法我也不知道是什么，不过时间紧迫，等考完了再讨论不迟，机器在人类控制中我用的那个例子不知道合适，推荐给您，不要拿砖砸我就可以了Take the Spirit rover as an example. In the beginning of 2004, the NASA successfully launched a spacecraft named Spirit to the Mars, which was one of the most significant steps to explore the Mars in which the scientists suspected that life might be found. Unfortunately, uncertain reasons made scientists fail to contact with Spirit approximately two days. We finally know that because the scientists emitted a signal with formatting the operating system installed within the Spirit "brain", the advanced craft just recovered itself. Consequently, without the intervening of scientists, the delicate machine would never find itself because of its seriously damaged control center.这个地方有些错物，不详改了，赶紧下一断3：15了】

机器快速发展的错觉让人觉得机器要统治人类成为人类主宰
Meanwhile, the rapidly【rapid/booming/ballooning/soaring/prompt我吐完血了】 development of the machine【s】 sometimes give people a kind of illusion that machine【s，记住，加s比不加好，加了后面你有意识写are，动词忘了s的话正好前面有了复数主语，这是我百般无奈的一个方法，呵呵】 will ultimately become the overlord, and substantiate the dominate position that occupied by the human being and became（时态！） the dictator of our planet. Sometimes the trend runs so deep that （it） even exert（s） a wider crisis and panic. As a matter of fact, there is a general principle that could （be）applied to the most area of the natural science about the causal relationship of event【s】, which even the theory of generalized relativity, asserted by Einstein in the 1915, with a more advanced idealism to explain the relation and interaction between the time and dimension still hard-pressed to make it runs（原形） reversely（没有这个词。）【有这个词，】. One thing could not 【be】shaken is the reason of one event will forever comes【s不要】 before the result even in the speed of light.（这是个病句！）【我也没有看懂】 Without the general principle that protected the fundamental conception and conviction of human being（复数）, the world will lost into confusion without sequence that prevent ourselves developing in a harmonious atmosphere.【强大无比的排比，学习中】 For instance, although in the dawn of the last century, the breaking new was reported that the most wisdom genius in the chess, Kasparov, was defeated by a super computer named the "most blue",【FT，是不是你造的，这个例子我也用了，你看是不是这样说的a chess-playing computer called Deep Blue not simply beat but thoroughly humbled Garry Kasparov, the world champion at that period.疯狂英语阅读版上超的】 which was reported by the mass media with a more exaggerate tone that the result of competition formally announce that machine will play a more significant role in the growing of human history other than ourselves, while ignoring the mere fact, that is the speed of calculation and the restore of them. Computer, in some way higher【美见过，什么意思，实说从根高的角度说？真的不懂，你下次恢复的时候告知一下出去，如果正确不妨学学，应该能用】, no more than 【is谓语没有了】a useful and capable implement in helping people deal with the sophisticate databases and summarize the basic principle of them without some essential creation. Based on this fact, the intrinsic idea under the darkness of this contest, just an individual versus a series of operational machines collected all the wisdom even its opponent opposite to itself. So whether the win or lose is meaningless on the precise sense of an unjustified competition. Humanity, from the first time assists【to assist】 us in casting off the chain of primates, prove（单数） that the solely【sole】 way may defeat us is the strong power unleashed by science and engulf all humanity ourselves.不错的段落！【好难的句子和结构】336

Admittedly, in a higher status【前面那个是不是些错了】, sometimes the fallacies made by people itself may lead a catastrophe. It is one partial way to demonstrate that the failure always owing to the human while the achievement belongs to itself. One thing is that when machines （are）used in a sacrificed way, maybe the most solid structure will be shaken and extinct our civilization without control, the end of all things, which the Bible called, Armageddon.

【pfpf，文章结构总体讲，一个字“难“。没有过硬的功夫卡时是写不出来的，注意单复数问题，很严重，第一断论述骗了比较重地，只是很多难得语言搞得我没怎么看懂，结尾很值得我学习,344文章太难了，期待下一片共同学些进步】
全文用了很多“高级词汇”，羡慕！语法错误也很多哦，要注意下。此外，第一论证段有些偏，没有论证充分，有些隔靴搔痒。你是限时写了这么多吗？足足700多啊！

我的今晚较失败的模考，细节你没有时间看就算了，总体框架告诉我怎么扩展一下，我实在不想看自己写的垃圾了：
David’s issue50                times:45mins                words:458508
Increasingly influenced by the soaring proceeding of the education reform, the author asserts that all faculties at the university or college should be required to spending time engaging in a job in the society. Some critics of this idea argue that by doing so teachers might ignore the teaching schedule. As for me, however, I will contend that regardless of some side-effects in their teaching, all teachers or educators should participate in some professions relevant to their courses they teach in that work experience may not simply broaden their horizon but also improve the quality of instructions, both of which are beneficial to students and society as a whole.

To begin with, working in related jobs benefits teachers a lot because it will broaden their knowledge ken. As we all know, knowledge involved in all kinds of books is very limited and while students are always creative and have the great ability of imagination. In order to answer a motley collection of questions from these students, teachers or educators should firmly master not only the knowledge from the books, but also some information from the real life. As a result, teachers or educators have widened their knowledge ken to some extent. For example, books never tell students the specific procedure and practical problem of a certain pharmaceuticals, but teachers who are working in this company can easily address them to students in detail. Presumably, if they only depend on the books, the teachers are little possible to handle these questions. As a result, working outside of the academic field, they may enrich their horizon, mature their outlook, and make a good understanding of some specific knowledge.

In addition, working experience in the practical world also help teachers to test and ameliorate their courses according to the needs of the professional fields. One of the purposes of education is to maximize the students' knowledge. In modern society, however, what they students should learn is not stuffed with banal knowledge from some outdated textbooks, but rather is predominately decided by the professional requirements. Therefore, the teachers should usually have immediate concern on the needs of the specific career; being effective teachers they should always modify or adjust their courses to make students learn the most worthy and practical knowledge which greatly contributes to students and society as a whole.

Admittedly, devoting too much time to working outside the academic world, there will undoubtedly come some harmful consequence. The chief reason is that teachers will not have enough time and energy to prepare for their subjects in class, let alone tutor their students after class. Consequently, we should take some effective actions to ensure a regular schedule in teaching.

In conclusion, due to analyses and reasons mentioned above, I hope that teachers are required to engage in some jobs outside of the academic fields is necessary and indispensable at least for two factors-enriching their horizons and enhancing their teaching syllabus or specific contents. With regard to some disadvantages, we should strive for a balance between teaching in school and working outside.

GITERUID: 138732

耽误你那么长时间修改，而且还是半夜，汗！~~偶来解释一下一些问题的说~~ :D

All the prosper spectator（复数）【这个地方不知道怎么回事，他们ignore了？我觉得prosper spectator->prosperous prospect】

这个是我的问题，偶可没高深到什么省略的程度，就是想表达你的意思！

Machines, developing with a high-speed that far outstrip the imagination we could reach, however, （少了一个系动词are）still under the control of human being.【这个地方你注意一下，知道千万给我回消息，我也喜欢用human beings，金山糍粑human being是一个人，我们在这种情况下应该是s吧】

同意的说！~你可以用google搜一下，偶以前没有注意过！~

Why does the progress of mechanical industry doom so large in the modern world?威慑么机械工业doom呢？

这里应该是loom so large的说！~~（偷用的新概念4里面knowledge and progress的说法，这篇讲科学进步的对于写科学性的文章比较有启发，你也可以借鉴一下，如果你手头没有我这里有分类好的电子版 :cool:

这段的中心句是machines仍然在人类控制之中，而论证过程都在写它们的作用和好处。偏离论证中心了

我的TS写的有问题，Machines, developing with a high-speed that far outstrips the imagination we can, assist people in rendering facilities and becoming more and more manifest in our life.改成这个，body1就是写机器的好处，不过只是铺垫，也没提机器和人谁more superior，你看可以嘛？

赞成，还有那个高深的方法我也不知道是什么，不过时间紧迫，等考完了再讨论不迟，机器在人类控制中我用的那个例子不知道合适，推荐给您，不要拿砖砸我就可以了Take the Spirit rover as an example. In the beginning of 2004, the NASA successfully launched a spacecraft named Spirit to the Mars, which was one of the most significant steps to explore the Mars in which the scientists suspected that life might be found. Unfortunately, uncertain reasons made scientists fail to contact with Spirit approximately two days. We finally know that because the scientists emitted a signal with formatting the operating system installed within the Spirit "brain", the advanced craft just recovered itself. Consequently, without the intervening of scientists, the delicate machine would never find itself because of its seriously damaged control center.这个地方有些错物，不详改了，赶紧下一断3：15了】

这个例子不错，其实我也很关心这个事情，经常去Caltech的Jet Propulsion Laboratory看看新的进展。Spirit虽然是活过来了，可是失败还是不少，我们人类对空间科学的投入和获得的回报还是很不成比例的。可以说人就是dictator，什么结果都是人造成的，当控制不了了，灾难也就来了！~~
感兴趣就给你回顾一下人类的成功和失败
人类探测火星活动大事年表
1962年11月，前苏联发射了“火星1号” (Mars 1)探测器，探测器掠过火星表面进行探测活动。但“火星1号”在飞离地球1亿公里时与地面失去了联系，从此下落不明。作为人类发射的第一个火星探测器，它被普遍认为是人类火星之旅的开端。

1964年11月，美国向火星发射“水手4号” (Mariner 4)飞船。1965年7月15日，美国的“水手4号”飞船接近火星，从距离火星1万公里处拍摄了21幅照片，发现火星上存在大量环形山，火星大气密度只有地球的1％，火星既没有熔化的铁核也没有磁场。

1965年：前苏联发射探测器2号(zond 2)，探测情况没有公布。

1969年，美国“水手4号”发回75张照片。同年，美国“水手5号”和“水手6号”飞船再次掠过火星。它们拍摄的200多幅照片表明，火星表面的温度比预想的更低，火星大气中二氧化碳含量高达95％，水蒸气几乎难以寻觅。当年，美国水手7号(mariner 7)探测器发回126张照片。

1971年11月，美国发射的“水手9号” (mariner 9)飞船进入火星轨道，成为火星的第一颗人造卫星，环绕火星轨道进行长期考察。“水手9号”成功拍摄了火星全貌，发回7329张照片，确认火星上并不存在运河，火星的一个半球上有许多环行山，外貌很象月球，另一个半球则比较平坦。

1971年5月19日和28日，前苏联的“火星2号” (mars 2) 和“火星3号” (mars 3)
飞船相继发射升空，希望在火星着陆。“火星2号”同年11月投下一个探测仪器，但摔毁在火星表面；“火星3号”的登陆舱同年12月在火星上软着陆，但仅送回22秒钟信号就永远停止了工作。

1974年，前苏联火星5号 (mars 5) 探测器沿着火星轨道飞行了数天。同年，前苏联火星6号 (mars 6) 和火星7号(mars 7) 探测器在火星着陆，探测结果没有公布。

1975年，美国向火星发射“海盗1号”、 “海盗2号”宇宙飞船。1976年7月和8月，美国“海盗1号” (viking 1)
、“海盗2号” (viking 2)飞船的着陆器分别在火星成功着陆。这两个着陆器携带了许多精密仪器，分析了火星的土壤，测量了风速、气压和温度，并确定了火星的大气成分。把火星探测活动推进了一步。在此后几年中，两艘飞船几乎拍摄了火星的整个表面，并向地球发回了异常清晰的火星照片51539张以及大量的探测数据。1978年7月，“海盗2号”停止工作。1980年8月，“海盗1号”也结束了它4年的观测使命。

1989年，前苏联福波斯1号 (phobos 1) 和福波斯2号 (phobos 2) 探测器在前往火星的途中失踪。

1992年9月25日，美国“火星观察者”号 (mars observer)探测器发射升空，但这个探测器在1993年8月进入火星大气层前与地面失去联系。

1996年，俄罗斯“火星—96”航天器 (mars-96) 发射失败。

1996年11月6日，“火星环球观测者” (mars global surveyor)飞船发射升空。这次探测的目的是收集有关火星大气、外表和内部结构的各种数据，拍摄火星两极和火星上弯弯曲曲的“运河”，以帮助科学家了解火星上是否曾存在河流。1996年12月4日，携带“旅居者”火星车的“火星探路者”号(mars pathfinder)飞船启程。经过长达4.94亿公里、历时7个月的长途旅行后，它于1997年7月4日在火星阿瑞斯平原着陆。这次探测的主要目的是让有轮子的“旅居者”在地面工作人员的遥控下在火星上行驶，以实现对火星较大范围的移动考察。这次探测活动使人类对火星地表景观有了直观的认识。“火星探路者”发回了数千张火星地表照片，其中包括许多特写镜头和360度彩色全景照片。人们从这些照片得知，火星阿瑞斯平原看起来就像地球上的荒漠；同地球一样，火星上也有山脉，有丘陵，有沟谷，甚至还有陨石坑。旅居者号火星车上有一台阿尔法－质子－Ｘ射线光谱仪，能现场分析岩石的化学成分，并将分析结果传回地面控制中心。
分析结果表明，火星同地球一样，有多种不同种类的岩石，有的岩石在化学成分上与地球上的岩石非常相似。从火星车留下的车辙看，火星表面的一层虚土，下面则是坚硬的壳层。“火星探路者”还获得了许多有重大价值的信息，分析整理这些信息需要几年时间。1998年3月，“火星探路者”号飞船及其携带的火星车停止工作。“火星探路者”共向地面传回了26亿比特的科学信息、1.6万幅图片以及对火星岩石和土壤进行了15份完整的化学分析结果。
由于“火星探路者”的成功探测，科学家们将进行下一步火星探测，即派遣一个自动取样飞船前往火星，把火星上的多种样品带回地球供分析研究。1998年12月和1999年1月，美国宇航局先后发射两个火星无人探测器—“火星气候探测器”(mars climate orbiter) 和“火星极地着陆者” (mars polar Lander) 。“火星气候探测器”

1999年9月在进入火星大气层时被烧毁。“火星极地着陆者”也于同年12月在预定着陆时间后下落不明。后查明原因为起减速作用的火简发动机关闭过早。接连两次探测火星的失败严重影响了美国宇航局的火星考察计划，并使其一度中断。

2001年4月7日，美国“奥德赛”火星探测器(mars odyssey spacecraft)
发射升空。“奥德赛”将对火星进行为期两年半的地理勘探，主要任务仍然是在火星上寻找水，以确定这颗红色行星上是否存在生命。这次发射标志着美国火星探测计划重新启动。

2003年6月10日，携带“勇气”号火星车的“火星探测流浪者”号探测器飞向太空。按计划，探测器将于2004年1月飞抵火星轨道，随后将通过降落伞和气囊缓冲方式，向火星“古谢夫环形山”投下“勇气”号，以寻找那里是否有水的踪迹。“勇气”号火星车的“孪生兄弟”“机遇”号火星车7月7日成功升空，也踏上去火星找寻水和生命存在踪迹的漫漫旅途。

扯远了，继续讨论

Meanwhile, the rapidly【rapid/booming/ballooning/soaring/prompt我吐完血了】

再给你加几个，the accelerating/facilitating/advancing/ boosting development of... :cool: 不要吐了

machine【s】 sometimes give people a kind of illusion that machine【s，记住，加s比不加好，加了后面你有意识写are，动词忘了s的话正好前面有了复数主语，这是我百般无奈的一个方法，呵呵】

好方法！学到的说

One thing could not 【be】shaken is the reason of one event will forever comes【s不要】 before the result even in the speed of light.（这是个病句！）【我也没有看懂】

我这里想说的是事物的原因先于结果的道理即便在光速条件下也同样成立

",【FT，是不是你造的，这个例子我也用了，你看是不是这样说的a chess-playing computer called Deep Blue not simply beat but thoroughly humbled Garry Kasparov, the world champion at that period.疯狂英语阅读版上超的】

我随便写的居然你也能找到的说！~不过和我的观点有一点不同。这里有点贬低Kasparov的意思，我觉得人类的互相讽刺是没有意义的，他失败了，但是还是“棋王”！我是想说电脑成功的背后的事实是存储优势overwhelm创造的优势，其实还是受到着幕后人的操作，只能说是the collective wisdom defeat the individual.

Computer, in some way higher【美见过，什么意思，实说从根高的角度说？真的不懂，你下次恢复的时候告知一下出去，如果正确不妨学学，应该能用】,

这个应该没错！扔给你一句原文，不过这里是后缀的用法 :cool: It is difficult for any of us in moments of intense aesthetic experience to resist the suggention that we are catching  a glimpse of a light that shinning down to us from a different realm of existance, different and, because the experience is intensely moving, [U]in some way higher[/U]
中文的意思是想说，无论是谁，再强烈感受到美的时刻，心中总会不禁产生一种遐想：我们似乎瞥见了从另一个世界射来的一缕阳光，这个世界不仅不同于我们的世界，而且由于美感的强烈感染，比我们的世界更加美好。其实就是一个递进的关系，你也可以用哩！ :)

btw, 你下面说的什么344是什么意思呀？有什么问题我们可以再继续讨论的说 :rolleyes:

davidjackyUID: 135962

引用:Why does the progress of mechanical industry doom so large in the modern world?威慑么机械工业doom呢？

这里应该是loom so large的说！~~（偷用的新概念4里面knowledge and progress的说法，这篇讲科学进步的对于写科学性的文章比较有启发，你也可以借鉴一下，如果你手头没有我这里有分类好的电子版{谢谢，我回去看看书}

引用:这段的中心句是machines仍然在人类控制之中，而论证过程都在写它们的作用和好处。偏离论证中心了

我的TS写的有问题，Machines, developing with a high-speed that far outstrips the imagination we can, assist people in rendering facilities and becoming more and more manifest in our life.改成这个，body1就是写机器的好处，不过只是铺垫，也没提机器和人谁more superior，你看可以嘛？
{挺好的，我也是也是这样，写完文章改TS，呵呵}

{谢谢的历史，现在没注意看，我觉得时间很紧，这几天模写都不好，字数很少456，472argument99/109采写了400，荤菜，打字速度一下有优势的我居然----}
引用:Meanwhile, the rapidly【rapid/booming/ballooning/soaring/prompt我吐完血了】  

再给你加几个，the accelerating/facilitating/advancing/ boosting development of...  不要吐了{其实我没有血了，心碎了！}


引用:One thing could not 【be】shaken is the reason of one event will forever comes【s不要】 before the result even in the speed of light.（这是个病句！）【我也没有看懂】  {好}

我这里想说的是事物的原因先于结果的道理即便在光速条件下也同样成立

引用:Computer, in some way higher【美见过，什么意思，实说从根高的角度说？真的不懂，你下次恢复的时候告知一下出去，如果正确不妨学学，应该能用】,  {谢谢}

这个应该没错！扔给你一句原文，不过这里是后缀的用法  It is difficult for any of us in moments of intense aesthetic experience to resist glimpse of a light that shinning down to us from a different realm of existance, differethe suggention that we are catching a nt and, because the experience is intensely moving, in some way higher
中文的意思是想说，无论是谁，再强烈感受到美的时刻，心中总会不禁产生一种遐想：我们似乎瞥见了从另一个世界射来的一缕阳光，这个世界不仅不同于我们的世界，而且由于美感的强烈感染，比我们的世界更加美好。其实就是一个递进的关系，你也可以用哩！  

btw, 你下面说的什么344是什么意思呀？有什么问题我们可以再继续讨论的说{没什么，记得给我留基金，}