argument145大呼噜与长肥!限时,请批啊

chindychenUID: 157468

因为时间有限, 论证只能说一点点, 不知道有没有做到 imong 所说的论证充实. 谢谢大家批评.

145. A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are peopl who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The inter ruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed -and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise .Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.



Based on a new study, the arguer concludes that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than those who don't and recommends them to eat less and exercise more. To substantiate this conclusion, a chain of reasoning seems to be well stated. Yet, a closer look reveals how fallacies the conclusion is.

The conclusion is drawn upon the assumption that people who snore exercise less than those who don't snore. However, there is no evidence indicates that. Under this circumstance, we can't naturally follow that the reason why those who snores are easily gain weight is the lack of exercise as a result of sleep apnea, which occurs when one snore. And the possibility that the people who snore during sleep may take more exercise is not ruled out in this argument. Since there are still other factors that contribute to people’s gaining weight, such as high fat and sugar in diet, the arguer can't simply ascribe gaining weight to snoring during sleep.

Moreover, the new study, primarily upon which the conclusion based, is unconvincing, because there are insufficient evidences to support its validity. The arguer vaguely cites the study by only indicating its result that people who snore are more likely to get weight, without any details about how the study is conducted, how the data is collected and how many people are involved in this study, etc. Therefore, the credibility of the study is dubious. And the conclusion deduced from the study is undoubtedly unpersuasive.

In sum, in order to establish the causal relationship between snoring and gaining weight, the arguer should have cited the study in details and further investigation to prove that people who snore exercise less during the day should be carried out. Unfortunately, all of these have been ignored, thus the conclusion is unconvincing.

chindychenUID: 157468

不要不理写argument的嘛, 拿够用的分靠issue,while 拿好用的分靠argu!!!
大家说对不?

小狗圆圆UID: 155823

recommendation: to eat less and exercise more in order to prevent gaining weight.
针对结论,你怎么知道snore可以增肥,作者只提供了一个没有说服力的研究结果,结果本身有问题,令一方面两者是巧合吗,如果不是巧合那么究竟是什么因素导致了增肥,作者也没有交待清楚.

中间那两句看起来没有什么联系,一堆废话就是说,snore导致apnea, apnea导致tired. too tired to excise,这里又有n多个驳斥点,凭什么说snore导致apnea,没有证据呀,也没有统计;怎么定义这个tired呀,如果是研究的话,调查对象的主观的描述不可靠吧;究竟是不是snore导致tired的呀,别的因素呢?比如精神压力大,白天的劳动量大,睡眠的时间等;然后就是你的第一个body的了,谁说的exercise少呀;什么原因呀,谁说tired就不exercise了它因,没有健康的观念,没有习惯,没有时间.

提建议的时候考虑一下对象,有必要anyone吗,这就涉及到一个有多少人是snore的受害者的问题;还有建议的评价,有没有什么负面影响呀,granted eat less loss weight, is it advisable? 多伤身体呀. 还有没有什么别的更好的建议,好的饮食习惯,睡眠的调理等.

以上是我对这篇argument的理解,我知道的也不多,不知道对你四轮的展开有没有什么帮助,我觉得刚刚开始把文章写的充实一点,你的文章真的不够丰满,^_^!先别着急看时间,把argu的论述也好好研究一下,一点建议!语言的东西我不敢改,我还不如你那.哼唧,如果可能有思路了不妨重新驳一驳,期待下文哟!
加油哟!

小狗圆圆UID: 155823

自己顶一下,改了n多了,都没有回复,伤自尊呀!!

paisleyUID: 64183

小狗圆圆，多谢你的热心哦！

我对那些作文被人改，又没反应的人比较吃不消：（

chindychenUID: 157468

谢谢,小狗圆圆. 感谢你的思路. 因为马上要考了,不敢不掐时间啊! 想说的话一大堆,没时间打啊!
我再充实充实就发上来!
paisley, 谢谢你的关心, 我明白你的意思. 可是我没法一直挂在网上,见谅!

chindychenUID: 157468

Based on a new study, the arguer concludes that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than those who don't and recommends them to eat less and exercise more. To substantiate this conclusion, a chain of reasoning seems to be well stated. Yet, a closer look reveals how fallacies the conclusion is.

The conclusion is drawn upon the assumption that people who snore exercise less than those who don't snore. However, there is no evidence indicates that. Under this circumstance, we can't naturally follow that the reason why those who snores are easily gain weight is the lack of exercise as a result of sleep apnea, which occurs when one snore. And the possibility that the people who snore during sleep may take more exercise is not ruled out in this argument. Since there are still other factors that contribute to people’s gaining weight, such as high fat and sugar in diet, the arguer can't simply ascribe gaining weight to snoring during sleep.

Moreover, the new study, primarily upon which the conclusion based, is unconvincing, because there are insufficient evidences to support its validity. The arguer vaguely cites the study by only indicating its result that people who snore are more likely to get weight, without any details about how the study is conducted, how the data is collected and how many people are involved in this study, etc.  Therefore, the credibility of the study is dubious. And the conclusion deduced from the study is undoubtedly unpersuasive.

In addition, the arguer has indicated that the interruption of breathing wakes the person so briefly that it hardly to be noticed. Well, if the interruption is subtle, I wonder how the arguer notices it. Unless the arguer shows some irrefutable evidence to prove that the waking can be perceived by some equipment, the reasoning that the interruption wakes the person is doubtful. Even if the arguer has indicated the interruption indeed wakes the person, does it really make him/ her tired? A series of further study must be carried out before the arguer draws this conclusion.

In sum, in order to establish the causal relationship between snoring and gaining weight, the arguer should have cited the study in details and further investigation to prove that people who snore exercise less during the day should be carried out. Unfortunately, all of these have been ignored, thus the conclusion is unconvincing.


其实就是加了一段, 我原来是想问分论点的论证充不充实, 每个论点有没有论证清楚.
我觉得argument不一定要找出所有错误,抓住主要的说清楚就可以了, 你觉得呢? 小狗圆圆?