Issue221 仍然脱不了跑题的干系ing

xqmelissaUID: 140370

Issue 221
The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.


With the development of society, people have more and more comfortable living conditions and mature ideologies, which are different from people living in other times in history. Although the nature of human is unchanged and many rules continue to use till now, people living in different periods are different even through the study of history.

People living in different societies and periods have different social conditions, which is one cause that they could not be similar. As we know, the living conditions have changed immensely comparing ancient times with nowadays. People, living in remote antiquities, wore spins of animals, fed on wild animals and plants, and lived in caverns. At that time, people can never imagine the life in modern times, when people wear various textures of clothes, feed on foods from farms, and live in buildings. Since attentions that people paid transmit from how to live to how to live better, it is not reasonable to say people in different periods are same. Industrial Revolutionary, for instance, an important milestone in the history, brought on immense changes in people’s daily life by more and more advanced technologies. The invention of the spinning machine let people have the capability to produce high quality and various styles of clothes, bringing more satisfaction for ordinary lives. The invention of the electric light let people come into a bright world even in the night, bringing more complex lives. The invention of the steam engine let people replace burdensome handworks by using machines, bringing more leisure time. As a consequence, people living in the times before and after Industry Revolutionary changed a lot.

People living in different societies and periods have different religions, which is another cause that they could not be similar. The influence of religion is so heavy that it could govern people’s understanding of the world which is the basis of social culture. Take Renaissance, happened from fourteen century to seventeen century in Europe, as an example. As we know, the belief that people were governed by God was an adamantine view before this transitional movement. It is Renaissance that accelerates the idea to a new one that people is the focus in the world. The consequence of this movement is let people gradually recognize the importance of themselves and begin to alter their densities through making great efforts to govern the world. Therefore, the religion before and after Renaissance has been overwhelmed along with altering of recognition of the world. The result of this change induces people to have significant differences.

The conclusions drawn from the research of history are not as objective as an event itself, inducing conclusions suspicious. Therefore, it is impossible to obtain fully correct viewpoints from the study of history which is more like a story rather than a reliable reflection of past events. Information that scholars adopted is not as genuine as we think since many regulators living in that period had motivations to alter historical archives in order to reveal their achievements and conceal their defects, whose consequence is people living in contemporary time always being deceived and falsely believing some incorrect documents. In addition, what the depiction of a same historical affair will be discrepant in different studies is histories written by historians often with their creative imagination. As a result, people always are confused when they read many studies of history, since they are not sure which one is true. Therefore, the study of history, as a premise, is not as creditable as people imaging and conclusions drawn from these studies are also dubitable.

To sum up, due to transition of living conditions and religions, people living in different periods are different. Although some studies of history show that people in different periods are similar, the illusion is not fully creditable.  (629 words)


嘿嘿，三天痛苦调整之后，终于出来了BT文章了
大家想念已久了吧，批吧！
写作耗时1个半小时，修改竟然用了50分钟！！！！
不过昨天和GG讨论提纲也用了1个小时
:mad:

eaglezhouUID: 156651

但还是有两点疑问：
The chief benefit of the study of history 这一点好像提得很少，过分将重心放在后面了，这样好吗？
再者，是不是应该最后让步一下，说说一些没有变化的，诸如人性中的弱点什么

dezhiUID: 156141

Issue 221
The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.


With the development of society, people have more and more comfortable living conditions and mature ideologies前一半比较级后一半又不用，感觉不太舒服, which are different from people living in other times in history. Although the nature of human is unchanged 主动语态表达更生动吧：the nature of human has not changed much and many rules continue to use 是否该用被动？make sense如何？ till now, people living in different periods are different even through the study of history.
开头不错

People living in different societies and periods have different social conditions, which is one cause that 是否该用why？ they could not be similar. As we know, the living conditions have changed immensely comparing ancient times with the society要不然少名词呀 nowadays. People, living in remote antiquities, wore spins of animals, fed on wild animals and plants, and lived in caverns. At that time, people can never imagine the life in modern times, when people wear various textures of clothes, feed on foods from farms, and live in buildings. Since attentions that people paid 这样如何：Since what people pay attention to transmit from how to live exist如何？ to how to live better, it is not reasonable to say people in different periods are the same. Industrial Revolutionary这是形容词呀：Revolution, for instance, an important milestone in the history, brought on immense changes in people’s daily life by more and more advanced technologies. The invention of the spinning machine let people have the capability 有些罗嗦，直接用the invention equipped people with the  capability如何？ to capability of doing/ability to do！ produce high quality and various styles of clothes, bringing more satisfaction forbring … to！ ordinary lives. The invention of the electric light let lead如何？如果用lead，同时去掉后面的come people come into a bright world even in the night, bringing more complex lives. The invention of the steam engine let people replace burdensome handworks by using machines, bringing more leisure time. As a consequence, people living in the times before and after Industry Revolutionary changed a lot.这一个段落的例子举得不错，但个人学得过多使用let不太好

People living in different societies and periods have different religions, which is another cause that they could not be similar. The influence of religion is so heavy that it could govern people’s understanding of the world which is the basis of social culture. Take Renaissance, which不能省 happened from the fourteenth century 直接the 1400s如何？ to seventeen century in Europe, as an example. As we know, the belief that people were governed by God was an adamantine view before this transitional movement. It is Renaissance that accelerates　用过去时，再就是这个词用得合适吗?能说把一个观点加速、促进到新的观点吗？用promote如何？ the idea to a new one that people is the focus in the world. The consequence of this movement is let people gradually recognize 前面这么说如何：the consequence of this movement made people gradually recognize the importance of themselves and begin to alter their densities密度？还是destiny through making great efforts to govern the world. Therefore, the religion before and after Renaissance has been overwhelmed along with altering of recognition of the world. The result of this change induces people to have significant differences.

The conclusions drawn from the research of history are not as objective as an event itself, inducing conclusions suspicious. Therefore, it is impossible to obtain fully correct viewpoints from the study of history which is more like which is more likely to be a story rather than a reliable reflection of past events. Information that scholars adopted is not as genuine as we think since many regulators living in that period had motivations to alter historical archives in order to reveal their achievements and conceal their defects, whose consequence is people living in contemporary times  仅仅是同时代吗？后代呢？ always being deceived and falsely believing some incorrect documents 这一句的结构不是很明朗. In addition, what the depiction of a the? same historical affair will be discrepant in different studies is histories written by historians often with their creative imagination. As a result, people always are前面两个词的顺序换一下吧 confused when they read many studies of history, since they are not sure which one is true. Therefore, the study of history, as a premise, is not as creditable as people imaging 这里不用加ing吧？ and conclusions drawn from these studies are also dubitable.
这一个段落是不是跑题了？题目说的是The chief benefit of the study of history，可这一段落反过来质疑历史研究的可靠性和客观性，合适吗？

To sum up, due to transition of living conditions and religions, people living in different periods are different. Although some studies of history show that people in different periods are similar, the illusion is not fully creditable. (629 words)

etteUID: 156102

作者想得太高深了,太宏观了!
可能可以多写些明显的生活上的不同(那也更好举例,很容易让人接受)
1)现代人被信息爆炸捆饶,而过去人却苦于信息闭塞!
2)过去人拼命建高楼大厦,向往城市生活;现代人却向往乡村的宁静
宏观的也有:
1)文艺复兴前人们更关注人性与神性的矛盾;现在更多矛盾在个性与同性

teachercaomingUID: 152124

The chief benefit ofIssue 221
the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.


With the development of society, people have more and more comfortable living conditions and mature ideologies, which are different from people living in other times in history. Although the nature of human is unchanged and many rules continue to use till now, people living in different periods are different even through the study of history.(the study of history 和living in different periods are different有联系吗)

People living in different societies and periods have different social conditions,（这样重复好吗连用那么多different） which is one cause that they could not be similar. As we know, the living conditions have changed immensely comparing ancient times with nowadays. People, living in remote antiquities, wore spins of animals, fed on wild animals and plants, and lived in caverns. At that time, people can never imagine the life in modern times, when people wear various textures of clothes, feed on foods from farms, and live in buildings. (这个例子不错啊)Since attentions that people paid transmit from how to live to how to live better,（语句错） it is not reasonable to say people in different periods are same. Industrial Revolutionary, for instance, an important milestone in the history, brought on immense changes in people’s daily life by more and more advanced technologies. The invention of the spinning machine let people have the capability to produce high quality and various styles of clothes, bringing more satisfaction for ordinary lives. The invention of the electric light let people come into a bright world even in the night, bringing more complex lives. The invention of the steam engine let people replace burdensome handworks by using machines, bringing more leisure time. As a consequence, people living in the times before and after Industry Revolutionary changed a lot.

People living in different societies and periods have different religions, which is another cause that they could not be similar. The influence of religion is so heavy that it could govern people’s understanding of the world which is the basis of social culture. Take Renaissance, happened from fourteen century to seventeen century in Europe, as an example. As we know, the belief that people were governed by God was an adamantine view before this transitional movement. It is Renaissance that accelerates the idea to a new one that people is the focus in the world. The consequence of this movement is let people gradually recognize the importance of themselves and begin to alter their densities through making great efforts to govern the world. Therefore, the religion before and after Renaissance has been overwhelmed along with altering of recognition of the world. The result of this change induces people to have significant differences.

The conclusions drawn from the research of history are not as objective as an event itself, inducing conclusions suspicious. Therefore, it is impossible to obtain fully correct viewpoints from the study of history which is more like a story rather than a reliable reflection of past events. Information that scholars adopted is not as genuine as we think since many regulators living in that period had motivations to alter historical archives in order to reveal their achievements and conceal their defects, whose consequence is people living in contemporary time always being deceived and falsely believing some incorrect documents. In addition, what the depiction of a same historical affair will be discrepant in different studies is histories written by historians often with their creative imagination. As a result, people always are （are always）confused when they read many studies of history, since they are not sure which one is true. Therefore, the study of history, as a premise, is not as creditable as people imaging and conclusions drawn from these studies are also dubitable.

To sum up, due to transition of living conditions and religions, people living in different periods are different. Although some studies of history show that people in different periods are similar, the illusion is not fully creditable. (629 words)(中体来说不错拉)

teachercaomingUID: 152124

你写的还行啊 单要提高速度啊

lionelUID: 51199

最初由 eaglezhou 发布
[B]但还是有两点疑问：
The chief benefit of the study of history 这一点好像提得很少，过分将重心放在后面了，这样好吗？
[/B]

我觉得,这个问题不大,论述可以有侧重点,  只要还是围绕着题目的范围就行。

dezhiUID: 156141

写的不错，用词非常丰富，快把我看晕了，hoho~~
个人觉得body3的观点不太好，不如做一下让步，另外开头说了Although the nature of human is unchanged and many rules continue to use till now,可后面没有论述，而且结尾的观点与开头的观点也不一致

同意ette的看法，另外ette的例子也不错，很贴近生活的说~~~:)

lovebrianUID: 157127

Issue 221
The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.
221． 研究历史最明显的好处就是消除了这样的错觉，某个时代的人们与历史上另
一个时代的人们有重大的差别。


With the development of society, people have more and more comfortable living conditions and mature ideologies, which are different from people living in other times in history. Although the nature of human is unchanged and many rules continue to use till now, people living in different periods are different even through the study of history.

不同社会和时期有不同的社会条件，导致这些人不同
People living in different societies and periods have different social conditions, which is one cause that they could not be similar. As we know, the living conditions have changed immensely comparing ancient times with nowadays. People, living in remote antiquities, wore spins of animals, fed on wild animals and plants, and lived in caverns. At that time, people can never imagine the life in modern times, when people wear various textures of clothes, feed on foods from farms, and live in buildings. Since attentions that people paid transmit from how to live to how to live better, it is not reasonable to say people in different periods are same. Industrial Revolutionary, for instance, an important milestone in the history, brought on immense changes in people’s daily life（pl.?） by more and more advanced technologies. The invention of the spinning machine let people have the capability to produce high quality and various styles of clothes, bringing more satisfaction for ordinary lives. The invention of the electric light let people come into a bright world even in the night, bringing more complex lives. The invention of the steam engine let people replace burdensome handworks by using machines, bringing more leisure time. As a consequence, people living in the times before and after Industry Revolutionary changed a lot.（大篇幅在讲生活条件不同，可是仍然没看出人的不同~~~作者的理论是：古人穿兽皮，现代人穿衣服，所以这两种人不同。这个推论是不是不够充分呢？后面都在讲生活条件改变，仍然没说明白人怎么样）

宗教信仰不同导致人不同
People living in different societies and periods have different religions, which is another cause that they could not be similar. The influence of religion is so heavy that it could govern people’s understanding of the world which is the basis of social culture. Take Renaissance, happened from fourteen century to seventeen century in Europe, as an example. As we know, the belief that people were governed by God was an adamantine view before this transitional movement. It is Renaissance that accelerates the idea to a new one that people is the focus in the world. The consequence of this movement is let people gradually recognize the importance of themselves and begin to alter their densities through making great efforts to govern the world. Therefore, the religion before and after Renaissance has been overwhelmed along with altering of recognition of the world. The result of this change induces people to have significant differences.（这一段比第一段就好得多了，应该能看出body1 body2的明显差别吧）

对历史的研究并不一定客观，结果也是可疑的
The conclusions drawn from the research of history are not as objective as an event itself, inducing conclusions suspicious. Therefore, it is impossible to obtain fully correct viewpoints from the study of history which is more like a story rather than a reliable reflection of past events. Information that scholars adopted is not as genuine as we think since many regulators living in that period had motivations to alter historical archives in order to reveal their achievements and conceal their defects, whose consequence is people living in contemporary time always being deceived and falsely believing some incorrect documents. In addition, what the depiction of a same historical affair will be discrepant in different studies is histories written by historians often with their creative imagination. As a result, people always are confused when they read many studies of history, since they are not sure which one is true. Therefore, the study of history, as a premise, is not as creditable as people imaging and conclusions drawn from these studies are also dubitable.（挺充分的说明了历史的不客观性，最好再往“人”上面扯一下就更好啦）

To sum up, due to transition of living conditions and religions, people living in different periods are different. Although some studies of history show that people in different periods are similar, the illusion is not fully creditable. (629 words)

总的来说很不错哦！哈哈~~继续努力撒~~~~偶也要写上600的说~
嗯嗯

coolwitsUID: 149150

我睡醒了，现在就批

sniper613UID: 147372

占个座先，先吃饭

coolwitsUID: 149150

Issue 221
The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.


With the development of society, people have[get动态一点] more and more comfortable living conditions and mature ideologies, which are different[differ好些] from people living in other times in history. Although the nature of human is[remains] unchanged and many rules continue to use[work] till now, people living in different periods are different even through the study of history.

People living in different societies and periods have different social conditions, which is one cause that they could not be similar.[这句好散，不如用so...that组织] As we know, the living conditions have changed immensely comparing ancient times with nowadays。[compared with those of ancient times] People,[这个逗号不好] living in remote antiquities, wore spins of animals, fed on wild animals and plants, and lived[inhabited] in caverns. At that time, people can never imagine the life in modern times, when people wear various textures of clothes, feed on foods from farms, and live in buildings. Since attentions that people paid transmit from how to live[survive] to how to live better[thrive], it is not reasonable to say people in different periods are [the]same. Industrial Revolutionary, for instance, an important milestone in the history, brought on immense changes in people’s daily life by more and more advanced technologies. The invention of the spinning machine let people have the capability to produce high quality and various styles of clothes[clothes of high quality and various styles ], bringing more satisfaction for ordinary lives. The invention of the electric light let people come into a bright world even in the night, bringing more complex[?????] lives. The invention of the steam engine let people replace burdensome handworks by using machines, bringing more leisure time[有歧义，a time that is more leisure]. As a consequence[consequently,能用一个词就不用多个], people living in the times before and after Industry Revolutionary changed a lot.
[这段ts说social conditions， 段中只是说了它的一个方面：living standards, 不妥]
[感觉这段论证还差点火候，只是集中说客观环境不同了，最少要从主观方面再说一说]
[语言方面感觉有点散，表现为喜欢用插入语，句中逗号太多。插入语用的时候要想想能不能收到效果，要用得适当]

People living in different societies and periods have different religions[这里是信仰的意思吧，那就不要用有歧义的词], which is another cause that they could not be similar. [原来你想三段都这样开头，那就都要改，不过不要和上段重复。个人感觉如果想收到排比的效果，形式一至是一方面，另一方面句子要简洁有力]The influence of religion is so heavy[好硬的一个词,不如a influences b so dramatically that ] that it could govern people’s understanding of the world which is[functions as] the basis of social culture. Take Renaissance, happened[ing] from fourteen century to seventeen century in Europe, as an example. As we know, the belief that people were governed by God was an adamantine view before this transitional movement. It is Renaissance that accelerates[replaced] the idea to[with] a new one that people is the focus in the world. The consequence of this movement [is删] let people gradually recognize the importance of themselves and begin to alter their densities[这个词不懂] through making great efforts to govern the world. Therefore, the religion before and after Renaissance has been overwhelmed along with altering of recognition of the world.[病句，自己改改]The result of this change induces people to have significant differences.
[这段论证还不错，语言上提个小建议，能用动词就不要用be(当然要分情况)]

The conclusions drawn from the research of history are not as objective as an event itself, inducing conclusions[them] suspicious. Therefore, it is impossible to obtain fully correct viewpoints from the study of history which is more [like删掉] a story[distortion如何] rather than a reliable reflection of past events. Information [that scholars adopted 改成adopted] is not as genuine as we think since many regulators living in that period had motivations to alter[modify] historical archivesin order to reveal their achievements and conceal their defects, whose consequence is people living in contemporary time always being deceived and falsely believing some incorrect documents.[这个从句太不爽了。which can always deceive and mislead contemporary people 就行了] In addition, what the depiction of a same historical affair will be discrepant in different studies is histories written by historians often with their creative imagination.[in addition, different historians can create diverse histories on just the same affairs because they always work at the presence of individual subjectivity and personal imaginations] As a result, people always are confused when they read many studies of history, since they are not sure which one is true. Therefore, the study of history, as a premise, is not as creditable as people imaging and conclusions drawn from these studies are also dubitable.
[这段也不错]

To sum up, due to transition of living conditions and religions, people living in different periods are different. Although some studies of history show that people in different periods are similar, the illusion is not fully creditable. [第三段结尾没有总结](629 words)

[好久没改作文了，效率好低
看一了下，限时的话很不错了
语言有点小毛病，加加油就好]

coolwitsUID: 149150

还有，xqmelissa人缘好，很多人愿意给她改文章，这是好事。
不过她的文章6，7个版本的修改，其他人没人问，总是不好吧，给人三六九等的感觉
毕竟这里是要人人平等的阿
另一方面，太多人改的话也没必要，很多重复劳动，浪费资源的说
还是不要超过3个版本把，毕竟还有很多朋友需要我们的修改

sniper613UID: 147372

刚才发错了

Issue 221
The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.


With the development of society, people have more and more comfortable living conditions and mature ideologies, which are different from people living in other times in history. Although the nature of human is unchanged and many rules continue to use(exist) till now, people living in different periods are different even through the study of history.

People living in different societies and periods have different social conditions, which is one cause(reason) that they could not be similar. As we know, the living conditions have changed immensely comparing ancient times with nowadays.(你比较的什么？是过去的条件和现在的条件比，还是过去和现在比？) People, living in remote antiquities, wore spins of animals, fed on wild animals and plants, and lived in caverns. At that time, people can never imagine the life in modern times, when people wear various textures of clothes, feed on foods （produced）from farms, and live in buildings. Since attentions that people paid transmit from how to live to how to live better, it is not reasonable to say people in different periods are same. Industrial Revolutionary, for instance, an important milestone in the history, brought on immense changes(换一个吧，transformation) in people’s daily life by more and more advanced technologies. The invention of the spinning machine let people have the capability to produce high quality and various styles of clothes, bringing more satisfaction for ordinary lives. The invention of the (electric) light let people come into a bright world even in the night, bringing more complex(?从何说起？) lives. The invention of the steam engine let people replace burdensome handworks by using machines, bringing more leisure time. As a consequence, people living in the times before and after Industry Revolutionary changed a lot.（语言很好）

People living in different societies and periods have different religions, which is another cause that they could not be similar. The influence of religion is so heavy（？profound） that it could govern people’s understanding of the world which is the basis of social culture. Take Renaissance, happened from fourteen century to seventeen century in Europe, as(for) an example. As we know, the belief that people were governed by God was an adamantine view before this transitional movement. It is Renaissance that accelerates the idea to a new one that people is the focus in the world. The consequence of this movement is let people gradually recognize the importance of themselves and begin to alter their densities through making great efforts to govern the world. Therefore, the religion before and after Renaissance has been overwhelmed along with altering of recognition of the world. The result of this change induces people to have significant differences.(你的TS是谈不同的宗教的影响，而例子却说得是改变宗教的影响？有点偏。你觉得呢？)

The conclusions drawn from the research of history are not as objective as an event itself, inducing conclusions suspicious. Therefore, it is impossible to obtain fully correct viewpoints from the study of history which is more like a story rather than a reliable reflection of past events. Information that scholars adopted is not as genuine as we think since many regulators living in that period had motivations to alter historical archives in order to reveal their achievements and conceal their defects, whose consequence is people living in contemporary time always being deceived and falsely believing some incorrect documents. In addition, what the depiction of a same historical affair will be discrepant in different studies is histories written by historians often with their creative imagination. As a result, people always are confused when they read many studies of history, since they are not sure which one is true. Therefore, the study of history, as a premise, is not as creditable as people imaging and conclusions drawn from these studies are also dubitable.（谈历史和故事的关系，我觉得有些跑题了）

To sum up, due to transition of living conditions and religions, people living in different periods are different. Although some studies of history show that people in different periods are similar, the illusion is not fully creditable. (629 words)


语言和句式都挺不错的，PFPF
但是正文的后两段我觉得有些问题，你说呢？

teachercaomingUID: 152124

对呀 别老是比他的啊 也改我的吧 哈哈哈哈哈