[獨立寫作]Douceline 作業帖

DoucelineUID: 3560928

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1027_Douceline.docx (13.92 KB, 下载次数: 8)

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托福作文﹍1028_Douceline.docx (15.41 KB, 下载次数: 2)

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TPO1

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20140919 Douceline.docx (12.81 KB, 下载次数: 3)

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托福作文﹍0923_Douceline.docx (15.56 KB, 下载次数: 9)

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就拜托大家帮我修改喔!谢谢大家

9.16
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Does advice given by elderly people more valuable from people of your age.





I do not agree with the statement that advices given by elderly people are more valuable from people of our age.

First, elder people sometimes lack the understanding or acknowledge of the nowadays situation, therefore, their advices may not be suitable for now. Many people consider and weigh the advices from elder people for the presumption that elder people have more life experience so they will have some deep and sincere touching. This assumption is partially true, however, they haven’t take other factors into consideration. Society changes quickly, what makes elder people success may not work well in nowadays. For example, in 1920s, getting a university diploma guaranteed a great and respected job, but in 2014 this is no longer a leverage.

Second, the value that elder people concern may be different from young generation. While people get older, naturally they will pursue or treasure other goals or satisfaction, for instance, interest, health and family. And while elder people give job advices which are based on their social status, it may not fit the need and ambition that young people should have. For example, elder people may give job advices of searching for job which is more secure, near home town and regular time schedule. These are good advices but will decrease the ambition of young people, which make they lose the treasure time of fighting for a bright future and lead they to a job which may not achieve any accomplishment or great contribution to society.

However, it doesn’t indicate that the advices given by people of same age are more valuable. Sometimes ,this type of advices are short-sighted due to lack of life experience. All in all, all the advices that provided from other people rather than yourself are always not completely suitable and valuable, since they has limited ideas and acknowledge of whom you are. Therefore the most valuable advise should be the advises from other people and filtered by yourself.

范春杰UID: 3537117

开头段statement之后的从句建议不要照抄题目，如果你有时间和能力稍微转述一下，效果会更好。
L3 the nowadays situation中的the去掉，名词用形容词修饰就不用加the了
L4 the advices 中的the去掉，名词复数前不加the。
L5中的for the presumption 建议把for 改为due to或者 because of 之类的，因为你重复用for表达因为的意思。
L6 elder people have more life experience so they will have some deep and sincere touching这个因果表达可以这样写since elder person have more life experiences（经历是可数名词）,  they may（削弱作用）have deep and sincere touching.
L7 what makes elder people success may not work well in nowadays. what making elder people success yesterday may not work well today.
L8 in 1920s, in 1920
L11 for instance 改为 such us
L12  And while elder people give job advices which are based on their social status 改为And also, as the old are giving job advices, they may base on social situation. This may not fit..
L13 For example, elder people may give job advices of searching for job which is more secure, near home town and regular time schedule. For instance, elder people may give job advices which are near hometown, more regular working time and more secure.

DoucelineUID: 3560928

范春杰 发表于 2014-9-16 18:16
开头段statement之后的从句建议不要照抄题目，如果你有时间和能力稍微转述一下，效果会更好。
L3 the nowa ...

THX U SO MUCH!谢谢你耶~

DoucelineUID: 3560928

9.17
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? it is more important for universities to spend money on facilities such as libraries and laboratories than hiring famous teachers.

Some students have the myth of being taught by famous teacher will elevate their study. I strongly disagree with this myth, and I believe that instead of wasting lots of money to hire famous teacher, universities should put this cost on facilities such as libraries or laboratories. Teacher is important, they can help student to study and help they answer complicated questions, however, hiring famous teacher is not necessary.

First, universities have limit budget, and the choice of hiring famous teachers is way higher and wasteful than providing resources to students. From an efficient perspective, spending money on purchase new books or equipment is usable for many years and by many different students, but hiring famous teacher is a one-time deal. In university, a famous teacher only teach one or two classes a semester, but the university has to pay the salary, money for research room, health insurance and retirement fee. The amount of students that famous teacher could approach is so few that this may not be worth for this expense.

Second, in university, students need to study independently, instead of leading by teachers. University has a great difference from senior high schools that student should pursue what area or subject they like and interiorized to their own theory rather than accepting all the handed details or arguments. Therefore, students require correspondingly resource to help they pursue and accomplish their own independent study. For example, I did a research in my senior year, studying how the relationship between companies affects the social welfare policy. There are few teachers had done research of this issue, so I rely on library for information. Also I got a fund from our department for focus group interview. With this financial help, I would had not fulfill my research.

Finally, students are in their key moment of life journey in the period of studying in universities, and they need to have the resources and opportunities to find out whom they are and whom they want to be. Usually, people go to university around 18-23, and any decision made in this age period has great influence for their life, for example, what kind of job, getting married and start their own business. And these advices may not be provided by famous teachers, who usually famous due to their spectacular research or projects. Instead, through independent study, reading and doing research, it’ll lead them to find out the directions.

In conclusion, the cost of hiring famous teachers is too high and the influence is limited, but the expense on facilities could provide students to do independent study which would help them to start their own research and find out what they want to be through the process. With all these advantages, I believe that universities should spent more money on facilities rather on hiring famous teachers.

剪时光UID: 3513415

lz我改好以word的形式上传了~
文章不错~
不过以后还是传word文档上来吧~:）

vccUID: 3558746

加油！

Hitchock7UID: 3301285

同学写的好好，向你学习

Rachel吴UID: 3522167

9.22（修改by Rachel吴B）.docx (10.79 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2014-9-23 11:35:02 上传

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错误少，但我都认真看了

Cecilia_chuiUID: 3546190

小伙伴 我改好啦~
9.22_Douceline revised by Cecilia.docx (11 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2014-9-23 13:11:44 上传

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小tips 楼主写完作业后记得在占位贴那粘一下你作业的地址噢 不然我今早在占位贴那看了几次没发现你更新 以为你木有上传呢~

wq1104UID: 3561952

对不起，来的有点晚，给你看完了，具体看里边的说明吧

还有，LZ你是台湾人吗？没别的意思，觉得你作文的用词和风格和我们这边不一样

wq1104UID: 3561952

9.23，改完了

LaurentQiUID: 3562382

已改，如有疑问可以argue

LaurentQiUID: 3562382

已改，请楼主参考

包括之前的作业，如果有疑问可以反馈给我，在这里讨论

wq1104UID: 3561952

9.24

如果你老考20出头，你可能有两个问题

1.integrate writing 写的不好，里边有漏点或者语言不行（语言不行的可能性很小，套模板就行了）

2.你的独立写作字数太少，建议你看看戴云的讲义，网上有

还有一种可能，小概率事件，你可能把一个很重要的词拼错了，我第一次作文考了21，因为我忘了academic怎么拼，然后写成了acadamic