GRE作文6分教学博客

littledevil009UID: 3714811

tesolchina 发表于 2015-2-24 16:54
4) Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or refor ...

老师，我今天修改了昨天写的作文，主要是修改了语法，词汇，还有内容的充实性，另外有意地注意了一下段落内部的连贯性。可能还是有很多不完善的地方，希望得到您的指点！

With the rapid development and wide use of media, scandals are coming into being and then spreading out every day especially of politicians, athletes and entertainment stars. Some people hold the view that scandals are useful because they attract attention on problems more efficiently than speaks and all other types of propagandas. In my opinion, I agree with this view to a large extent even though there exists some deleterious influences of scandals.

Scandals indeed could be applied to focus audience’s attention on some important problems waiting for us to solve urgently. From the perspective of psychologists, negative information tends to attract more attention from people than positive information because negative information implies that if we don’t pay enough attention to the problem, something dangerous and harmful may happen and cause a serious damage to us. After a plenty of years’ evolution, people become so risk-sensitive and risk-aversive that they will deal with the negative information including scandal more arduously than positive news. That is to say, scandals are inherently more appealing to people’s eyes than other types of propaganda. In addition, from the perspective of sociologist, scandals are resulted from the apex of conflict. To be more specific, the process of scandal engendering is: after being overlooked for an amount of years, the problem becomes more serious and someone who can’t stand it any longer reveals the problem in front of the eyes of the public. Scandal is closely associated with high severity and urgency of the problem, which is another reason why scandal can attract people’s attention to the problem to a high extent.

Nevertheless, using the scandal way to arouse public’s attention to a problem will also cause some other problems though these problems might not be as important and urgent as the problem hidden behind the scandal. These problems include social instability, wrong focus of the public and exaggeration of the problem. For example, in the Water Gate Event, the outrageous behavior of President Nixon leaded to people’s organized parade on a large scale which caused the society to be unstable. Also, considering the Clinton Scandal with Lewinski, the public paid much attention to the detail of how Clinton and Lewinski made love and even whether oral sex could be counted as sex instead of to whether the president should keep to the basic moral standards and be honest to the public. It is meaningless if the scandal focus people’s attention on the problem in this way. Furthermore, when more and more people concentrate on the problem, the severity and urgency of the problem might be exaggerated, such as for the air pollution problem. In order to protect the fresh air on the earth, countries all over the world will probably hold a meeting together to discuss how to take measures to protect the precarious air pollution, and developed countries may ask developing countries to stop using coal and gasoline as the main energy source and supplant the noxious energy source with other more environmental-friendly and sustainable sources, such as the alcohol, gas and wind power. If one developing country breaks up the rule and uses the prescribed energy sources secretly, this disobedience will become a scandal, and the harmful outcome of this country’s behavior will be exaggerated after the spreading public concern and result in much pressure on this country, and often in this case this country has to sacrifice its economic development to accept the punishment and blame from other countries and take over the unaffordable responsibility to relinquish the use of the obsolete energy resources thoroughly.

In conclusion, scandal is like a sword with two sides -- focusing the public’s attention on the problem at the same time causing other problems. Nonetheless, if we can predict the possible problems in advance, take some steps to overcome these side effects, and use scandals in a rational and controlled way, scandals can serve as an productive tool to focus people’s attention on the problem waiting to be solved.

littledevil009UID: 3714811

tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-13 18:50
Issue 38

It is primarily through our identification with social groups that we define ourselves ...

老师最近是不是在忙着科研呢？作为真诚地想提高作文分数的考生的我还在和issue斗争着。非常希望老师能给我一点指导和点评。今天又练习了一篇issue 38，本来想写成1＋3模型那种的，但是这个主题实在想不出三个point，所以只好从正反两方面来论述了。另外，依然存在严重超时的问题。

It is primarily through our identification with social groups that we define ourselves.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

22:00—22:50 583 words

Development of science and technology leads to the fact that people know more and more about animal and other people, for example, through the facing reading technology which is researched and applied widely nowadays. However, people know far less about themselves. How do people answer the mysterious question -- “who I am”? Some people argue that it is primarily through our identification with social groups that we define ourselves. To me, I admit that the identification with certain groups is an important approach, but there is another significant method that should not be ignored–observing our own behaviors.

There is no doubt that people could define themselves through group identification. As social animals, we human beings are searching for specific groups to belong to all the time. And once we identify ourselves as members of the groups, we paste corresponding tags to ourselves. For example, we born in a country and our hometown, and naturally we develop the basic group identification: nationality and citizenship. As a group member, we may take part in some activities to increase our identification with this group, such as celebrating some national festivals and learning the language. Through participating in these activities, we tend to have higher identification to the group and more likely to define ourselves as one of the group confidently, proudly and without hesitation. Besides groups people are born to belong to, identification of other later joining groups could also help people to form their self definitions. To illustrate, university students will participate in some interest societies and form their identification towards them, and subsequently develop their self definitions according to their different identification with different societies. Students who identify the value and tenets of the charity society will define themselves to be kind, loving and enthusiastic to help others out of trouble and sufferings. While students who identify the goal of the fitting society will consider themselves to be energetic, vitalized and holding positive attitudes to life.

Nevertheless, except from identification of social groups, there is an essential and widely used way for people to define themselves that I have to mention. That is self-observation of behaviors. According to the research findings of psychologists, people lack self-knowledge to the extant beyond our expectation and are usually uncertain about how to define themselves. As mentality, often likened as a black box, is indemonstrable and unobservable, psychologists have to infer psychology from observable behaviors. The same logic is applied to common people’s self definition. That is to say, they define themselves by observing their own behaviors. For example, in psychological experiments, the experimenters take control of a group of participants and make them to donate a larger amount of money to charity than other groups, and find that this group of participants are also more willing to volunteer in a charity service activity than other groups in a subsequent study. This result suggest that this group of people define themselves as generous and helpful through the donating behavior and in order to keep the self identity consistent, they tend to be more enthusiastic to volunteer in another charity activity. That is to say, past behavior is more likely to be repeated because people develop self definition through behaviors and once the self definition is set up, people will behave accordingly to keep the self definition constant.

To sum up, not only identification with social group is a primary way for people to define themselves, but observing of their own behaviors is also an equivalently important way.

提纲：
开头：科学技术的进步使得人们更多地了解动物及其他人，比如通过表情识别术（read face），但人类对于自身往往是缺乏了解的。人们通过什么回答“who i am”这样的问题的呢？some people argue that it is primarily through...to me , i admit that identification with social group is a significant way, but there is another important method which should not be ignored. that is, ...behavior...

主体：
1.人们可以通过对群体的认同来定义自己：a.对国家／家乡的认同来定义自己是一个爱国／爱家乡的人－－有集体荣誉感；b.在学校里，对一些兴趣社团的认同，给自己贴上标签：音乐热爱者，健身爱好者－－热爱生活；
2.心理学的研究证明，人们不仅通过群体认同感来定义自己，在很大程度上，还通过自己的行为来定义自己；人们对自身缺乏清晰的定义，如果你问一个人了不了解自己，很难得到确定的答复。心理就是一个黑匣子，而行为是可以观察的，心理学家通过观察行为来推测心理，普通人也是通过观察自己的行为来定义自己。比如：a. 通过实验的方法控制被试，引导他们去捐款，在下一次招募志愿者的实验中，被引导去捐款的被试更愿意担任志愿者，因为。。。b.也就是说，做过一次的行为或多次的行为下次继续做的可能性更大，因为这些行为已经不仅仅是行为本身，还成为了构成人们self definition的重要的部分。比如故地重游，也许第一次行为只是一次偶然，但是不管怎样，这种行为久成为了人们自我定义的一部分。

总结；identification with social group 是很重要的一种方式，因为人是社会性动物，离不开各种各样的relationship生存；但行为也是很重要的一个方面。"

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

littledevil009 发表于 2016-7-23 22:58
老师最近是不是在忙着科研呢？作为真诚地想提高作文分数的考生的我还在和issue斗争着。非常希望老师能给我 ...

从内容来看 通过自我观察来界定自己的身份 这个思路我不太看好 因为自我观察可以更好的了解自己 但是身份的界定还是需要通过某种更加稳定的途径  

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

littledevil009 发表于 2016-7-23 15:32
老师，我今天修改了昨天写的作文，主要是修改了语法，词汇，还有内容的充实性，另外有意地注意了一下段落 ...

说几个明显的问题
第一观点不明确 骑墙
第二 段落太长
第三 没有具体的例子和分析

forcyljUID: 3646491

出分3.5，前来感谢

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

forcylj 发表于 2016-7-30 14:14
出分3.5，前来感谢

不错，继续努力！

rebettamnUID: 3654381

好赞啊，好好加油，像大神看齐

yaaaaaaoUID: 3740441

老师，这是我按照之前issue1+3模型写的issue 话题11的提纲，烦请过目，谢谢！
Issue topic 11:

People’s behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your positin.

Outline:

People’s beahvior is not only influenced by the external environments but also their own minds. Firstly, it is conceded that both physical restrictions and legal regulations originating from external environments always exert influence on deciding people’s behavior. For instance, human beings need to breathe for adequate oxygen and are also required to follow the traffic laws in order for better traffic efficiency. Moreover, besides the external restrictions, people’s own minds also affect greatly when people take actions. We arrange our schdules daily and distribute limited time and energy on different missions in order based on the levels of their priority.  Similarly, we also make different decisions according to our willingness at dfferent stages of our life: which carrers we will be engaged in, what kind of life we need to strive for and so forth. Before making all these decisions, we conduct our own thinking.

In terms of physical restrictions, our behavior are decided by them all the time. Human are basically a diurnal species, which means most of us work in the daylight and sleep in the evenings. Thus, it is reasonable to say that our normal activities are arranged by time. 这里主要指出人的行为会不可避免地受到一些外在的“生理限制”的影响。举例可以是人需要呼吸以供氧，人们的出行方式也会受到天气的影响，人们的行程安排也会受到外在因素的影响，譬如：没有办法在一个小时之内从上海到纽约，如要及时赶到会场，要提前买票，飞往目的地。因而，人们的某些行为不可避免地是有这些外在的限制所决定的

As for legal regulations, in order for ensuring society operation efficiency and defending collective interests, there are diverse laws released for achieving that. Accordingly, it is compulsory for every citizen to obey those rules, during which their behavior is influenced inevitably. E.g. Sarbanse — Oxley Act, as a result of Anron bankruptcy. Moreover, family environment is also a good example when demonstrating how external forces exert influence on people’s behavior. Children who received better family education are more likely to behave reasonably and perform better in their future carrer life. 这里还是在写外界因素对人们行为的影响，分别从法律规定和家庭教育两方面来写。法律规定是强制性规定，通过遵守法律，人们知道哪些事情是社会所允许的和不允许的，并且在遵守法律的过程中，逐渐地人们的观念也在其变化，自然地人们的行为也在发生变化。至于家庭教育，其影响主要体现在孩子日后的行为表现上。幼时接受过好的家庭教育和没有接受过好的家庭教育的孩子，二者的思想品质，性格等等都会不一样，其具体表现就是行为举止不同。

Although the external environments exert great influence on determining people’s behavior, their own mind is also an important factor. We not only need to arrange our daily schdules but may even make significant decisions at different stages of our life based on our own willingness. For instance, Mohandas Gandhi, once a lawyer, became a politic leader later leading the Indian Independence Revolution. In addition, learning is also influential to our behavior by changing our thinking. For instance, a person might support atomic energy research because of its energy efficiency. However, after knowing about the destruction power of atomic weapon via books, he may resist previous atomic research. 这里转述人们自己的思想对其行为的影响作用。一方面我们日常生活中每天都要思考、规划的行程且在不同的人生阶段还要做出重大的决定。所有的这些的决定是基于我们自己的思考而不是对外界限制的反应，这就是自己思想对行为影响的好的例证。举例是甘地的事迹。另一方面，指出学习可以通过改变我们的思想从而达到改变我们行为的目的。举例就是某人对原子能的态度前后转变。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

eclipse_king 发表于 2016-8-4 13:45
王老师您好，我想从今天开始，列提纲，您可以帮我看一下吗？

不能保证 你加我微信tesolchina 我有时间可以看看

Honghao_LinUID: 3717237

王老师，这是我参考您ISSUE 50仿写的文章。问： 其中，第一个论点关于Tibet的例子不知是否会敏感？如果有文章需要改正的地方 请您指导。谢谢您！
50) Government officials should rely on their own judgment rather than unquestioningly
carry out the will of the people they serve.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the
recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and
supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation
would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

In a democratic society, government officials should respond to their decisions {be responsive}. If they fail to satisfy their constitutions or perform their duty well, they would lose their next election. Therefore, some may argue that government should make decisions relying on the opinions of people rather than their own judgement. As far as I am concerned, I do not think that government should always be led by people's will. When formulating important polices concerning people's livelihood, they should consult people's opionions.  When citizens' opinions are severely divided when it comes to contadictory moral issues and significant foreign affairs,  on the contrary, it is more reasonable for government officials to make decisions by their own judgment. 

On the first stage, with the developing of modern politics, people's will have became one of the most important reference for  of policy-making on livelihood issues. And I believe that in the realm of livelihood policies, government should always take into acount the people's opinions in order to better meet the need of people. For instance, when Chinese government planned to set up a nuclear power station in Tibet, they spent three years to collect locals' opinions  on this project. A better understanding on people's thinking can inform the policy-making process. Furthermore, listening to people's voice in the process of policy formulation will facilitate government enforce the policies. The nuclear power station in Tibet, for example, will be finished soon because Tibetans have reached an agreement with the government, and they would be able to get enough financial compensation for resettlement. {Xiamen}

Nevertheless, it is unrealistic to expect government to blindly follow people's will in every field, considering that people's opinions can opposite to each other in some contradictory moral issues. For example, there is no dearth of news that conservetive groups attack homosexual couples in the United States. While increasing number of people accept the same sex marriage in recently years, some conservetive groups still pit themsevlvs strongly against homosexual marriage. Thus no matter which side the American government take, it will face strong opposition from the other. Ultimately, the government officials should weigh these issues by considering the big picture because it is not feasible to take into account everyone's will. 

Another reason that government officials should not make decision merely based on people's will is that public tend to be ill-informed and nationalistic in some significant issues, especially when it comes to foreign affairs. In Cuba Missile Crisis, it would be the end of the world, if the government of Soviet Union and United States were kidnapped by patriotism in their own country to wage a nuclear war. Therefore, considering the consequencial effect of this decision for US-Soviet diplomatic relations and world peace, it would be a grave mistake to follow domestic populists to make a choice in the field of forieign affairs.

In conclusion, despite that government should always take into account public opinion when formulate those policies are close related with citizen's interests, they should not carry out people's will without questioning, since the public is often divided and ill-informed over morallly contradictory issues and diplomatic conflicts. The government officials should untimely rely on their own judgment and experience, rather than being kidnapped by people's will.    

苗蒙UID: 3646208

有没有老师考满分的习作:lol

tl545716730UID: 3699436

MARK~感谢老师的分享

neowebUID: 3722767

考前两天开始看AW（没错就是这么任性），由学姐推荐直接看王老师的博客，学习了写作思路以及部分题库最后直接4.0 :lol 多谢王老师啦~~~

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

neoweb 发表于 2016-8-18 04:12
考前两天开始看AW（没错就是这么任性），由学姐推荐直接看王老师的博客，学习了写作思路以及部分题库最后直 ...

恭喜 可否介绍下考场上的思路 以及 看我的博客有哪些具体的收获
另外你的V应该也不错吧 感觉很多时候作文还是靠实力

neowebUID: 3722767

tesolchina 发表于 2016-8-18 09:44
恭喜 可否介绍下考场上的思路 以及 看我的博客有哪些具体的收获
另外你的V应该也不错吧 感觉很多时候作 ...

我写作文水平应该还凑合（托福作文28），V的话还是跪掉了（150），很多词都不认识是裸考的硬伤……
8月9号北美考场
issue 57 The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now
are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.
当时刷题库看了这个题目直接过去了，没想到就考到了啊……
感觉自己的思路有点偏，主要是讲的学习历史对人还有很多其他好处，分成三点（政治，商业，科研），没直接说对人们生活的影响。
argument 32
The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
"During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep."
当时题目要解释其他可能性，我还是写的三个方面（安全管理，员工身体素质和设备老化），感觉这个写的还算是比较切题。
两篇文章都写了450词左右吧，提前几分钟写完的，自己练习时可是50分钟写400词不到的，看来紧张了点是好事:lol
我觉得博客中的解题思路还是非常有效的，拿到题以后先明确题目要求，然后可以再找到一个点进行讨论，这样基本上都有东西可写。看例文也是极其有用的，帮我开了下脑洞也积累了些素材:lol很多王老师的思路让我眼前一亮，积累下来遇到相近的就直接用上了。
除了思路以外，有些比较地道的表达方式还是要去积累，而且最好能做到手到擒来。我觉得自己这一点可能比别人做的好一些，加上思路也还说得过去，最后就幸运地得了个4.0:lol