[备考小组] 5月26日同主题练习 Argument 32 [复制链接]

dingka
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发表于 2015-5-25 23:27:00 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-5-27 00:54 编辑

我来提前交26号的作业，求批改！

https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=2453299

如果老师觉得麻烦，也可以在本页直接修改

=============我是分隔线===============

写了assumption 和 alternative explanation两种写作要求的主旨句。当assumption的要求先入为主，所以写alternative explantion要求的时候觉得很是费劲。
求点评批改！尤其是针对写作要求，多谢！

32) The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

2 列出argument的结论和主要证据

claim或结论：
In order to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents and increase productivity, Quiot Manufacturing should shorten workshifts to insure employees get adequate sleep.

证据01
Nearby Panoply Industries plant has shorter shifts and less on-the-job accidents.

证据02
Expert suggests fatigue and sleep deprivation contributes to on-the job accidents.

Assumption
第一段
In the memo, the vice president suggests that in order to reduce the number of on-the job accidents and increase productivity, Quiot Manufacturing should shorten workshifts, citing evidence about nearby Panoply Industries’ shorter shifts and less accident, and experts’ opinion on the relations between sleep deprivation and on-the-job accidents. However, to evaluate this argument, we need to look into a number of assumptions about comparability of Quiot and Panoply, existence of sleep deprivation among employees in Quiot, and whether shorten shifts will lead to an increase of employee’s rest time.

existence这个词以及后面用的exist 我觉得要换一下暂时没有想到换什么
这里的重点不是是否存在睡眠缺乏而在于睡眠缺乏是否导致意外的原因
我觉得你找的第二点不够准
你可以参考一下我写的

中间第一段
The vice president firstly assumes Quiot and Panoply are similar and it is the length of work shifts lead to different accident rate. However, there Panoply may be very different from Quiot in many other aspects that lead to the low accident rate.
P工厂也许使用了更先进的机器，能够进行安全和更高效的生产（这也解释了为何shifts更短），对工人的职业保护做的更到位，等等。

中间第二段
It is also assumed in the memo that sleep deprivation actually exists in Quiot Manufacturing, however, for a 3 shifts factory, employees may only have to work no more than 8 hours and does’t need to sacrifice their bed time for work.
题目中提到了Q工厂目前采用三班倒，按说工人不需要工作超过8个小时时间。虽然专家说缺乏睡眠可能导致事故增多，并没有证据显示，Q工厂的工人一定是缺乏睡眠的。

中间第三段
Even if sleep deprivation is the major cause for accidents, the vice president simply assumes that one hour will be effectively replenish the employee’s sleep, and that can’t be guaranteed.
即使Q工厂确实是因为工人缺乏睡眠导致事故增多，把每个shift缩短一个小时对于严重缺乏睡眠工人不一定足够，工人也不一定会把多出来的一个小时用于睡觉，也有可能用来休闲、玩乐，也许更加影响睡眠。

================================================
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

第一段
In the memo, the vice president suggests that in order to reduce the number of on-the job accidents and increase productivity, Quiot Manufacturing should shorten workshifts, providing facts about nearby Panoply Industries’ shorter shifts and less accident, and experts’ opinion on the relations between sleep deprivation and on-the-job accidents. However, there can be other explanations to the facts about comparability of Quiot and Panoply, existence of sleep deprivation among employees in Quiot, and whether shorten shifts will lead to an increase of employee’s rest time.

中间第一段
Firstly, The vice president thinks Quiot and Panoply are similar and it is the length of work shifts lead to different accident rate. However, another explanation could be Panoply being very different from Quiot in many other aspects that lead to the low accident rate.
P工厂也许使用了更先进的机器，能够进行安全和更高效的生产（这也解释了为何shifts更短），对工人的职业保护做的更到位，等等。

中间第二段
Secondly, alternative explanations also exists when it comes to whether sleep deprivation actually exists in Quiot Manufacturing. For a 3 shifts factory, employees may only have to work no more than 8 hours and does’t need to sacrifice their bed time for work.
题目中提到了Q工厂目前采用三班倒，按说工人不需要工作超过8个小时时间。虽然专家说缺乏睡眠可能导致事故增多，并没有证据显示，Q工厂的工人一定是缺乏睡眠的。

exist这里要换一下 may be proposed

中间第三段
Even if sleep deprivation is the major cause for accidents in Quiot, there could be other explanations on whether one hour will be effectively replenish the employee’s sleep.
即使Q工厂确实是因为工人缺乏睡眠导致事故增多，把每个shift缩短一个小时对于严重缺乏睡眠工人不一定足够，工人也不一定会把多出来的一个小时用于睡觉，也有可能用来休闲、玩乐，也许更加影响睡眠。

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[备考小组] 5月26日同主题练习 Argument 32 [复制链接]