issue121 [color=#2400ff](拿什么拯救自己)

dallowayUID: 156640

121. At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.

提纲：
1 人类惹的祸，不可推卸
2 绝对要救
3 但不是除了救动物，啥事都不管了

The majority of people believe that quality of natural environment is declining and one distinct phenomenon is that endangered species largely mount up.  I agree with the author that we should not spend extraordinary efforts on endangered species, while which does not mean that we will do nothing to save them and take no responsibility for what we have done on them.


Firstly, it is true that during past geological period many species have become extinct and diminishing as a whole, such as disappearance of dinosaur, but the nature always keeps its own equilibrium at that time.  However, extinction is not new for our planet.  Prior to human history, the Earth has existed for billions of years and experienced five mass extinctions.  What is really new is the rate of extinction.  As intellectual creatures, human being knew little about the mechanism of nature and thus did little harm to nature at the very beginning.  With the rapid development of industrialization and increase in population these several hundred years, ecological environment is getting worse and worse.  In fact, humankind is at the centre of almost all development activities on Earth especially after Industrial Revolution.  Undoubtedly, it is just because human activities accelerate the process of extinct.  


Moreover, human society should make great effort to save endangered species. Excessive deforestation, exhaust and pollution as well as killing and poaching wildlife illegally result in environmental degradation, which is tested the predominant reason many species die out recent years.  Subtle alteration of natural environment will largely change the habits of animals and food chain.  It is vital to keep balance between human activities and nature since human and nature are coexistent.  What is more, humankind cannot abuse natural resources because boast of master of the resourceful Earth considering each species has a right to live for its own sake.  There is only one Earth.  Since extinction cannot be cured with a technological fix, what will hand down to the future generations?  

Last but not least, how to save the species on the verge of extinction?  No doubt that we should try our best to save endangered species but not at all costs and save every predicted extinction species.  Human society is confronted with existing social problems such as incessant poverty, war, disease, drugs, terrorism and so on.  If dedicating everything on endangered species, development of society requires to maintain itself will be obstructed in some ways.  Moreover, human race cannot save all of the species since that efforts will surpass the limits of any existing human knowledge.  


To sum up, it is not sensible to save endangered species at all costs regardless of anything else.  Human survival depends on ecosystems, which are healthy, balanced, and diverse. The best way to achieve sustainable development of human and human society is to keep intimate relationship all of creation.

我一定努力帮大家改作文，虽然本人水平有限:)
呃～～头像要爆了一样，有谁知道怎么治头疼吗？

eveningboatUID: 157918

对准南墙猛撞，我正准备这么干呢，我也快疯了。但愿考试前不要出现跟他们一样的瓶颈。

冷静一下，我在给你看啊，等等

看完了，你别受刺激啊
The majority of people believe that quality of natural environment is declining and one distinct phenomenon is that endangered species largely mount up. I agree with the author that we should not spend extraordinary efforts on endangered species, while which does not mean that we will do nothing to save them and take no responsibility for what we have done on them. 论点鲜明，着重在前半句，我们不应该付出太多，且让我往下看


Firstly, it is true that during past geological period many species have become extinct and diminishing as a whole, such as disappearance of dinosaur, but the nature always keeps its own equilibrium at that time. However,转折了，说明你下面写的才是更重要的 extinction is not new for our planet. Prior to human history, the Earth has existed for billions of years and experienced five mass extinctions. What is really new is the rate of extinction. As intellectual creatures, human being knew little about the mechanism of nature and thus did little harm to nature at the very beginning. With the rapid development of industrialization and increase in population these several hundred years, ecological environment is getting worse and worse. In fact, humankind is at the centre of almost all development activities on Earthon earth是究竟的意思 especially after Industrial Revolution. Undoubtedly, it is just because human activities accelerate the process of extinct. 晕，这一段的论点哪里去了？而且举的例子好像跟你的总论点对不上啊


Moreover, human society should make great effort to save endangered species.晕，这个论点不是跟你总论点相反了么？ Excessive deforestation, exhaust and pollution as well as killing and poaching wildlife illegally result in environmental degradation, which is tested the predominant reason many species die out recent years. Subtle alteration of natural environment will largely change the habits of animals and food chain. It is vital to keep balance between human activities and nature since human and nature are coexistent. What is more, humankind cannot abuse natural resources because boast of master of the resourceful Earth considering each species has a right to live for its own sake.别太依赖长句了，这句话我看了3遍才弄明白 There is only one Earth. Sincesince太多，考虑替换 extinction cannot be cured with a technological fix, what will hand down to the future generations?

Last but not least, how to save the species on the verge of extinction? No doubt that we should try our best to save endangered species but not at all costs and save every predicted extinction species. Human society is confronted with existing social problems such as incessant poverty, war, disease, drugs, terrorism and so on. If dedicating everything on endangered species, development of society requires to maintainmaintaining itself will be obstructed in some ways. Moreover, human race cannot save all of the species since thatthose efforts will surpass the limits of any existing human knowledge.这一段是让步啊，开头词就不对，跟论点又对不上，跟我的那篇110犯同样的毛病了吧？改总论点


To sum up, it is not sensible to save endangered species at all costs regardless of anything else. Human survival depends on ecosystems, which are healthy, balanced, and diverse. The best way to achieve sustainable development of human and human society is to keep intimate relationship all of creation.晕，结尾又扣回到总论点上了，中间和两头脱节了

主体部分过分强调动物的灭绝和环境的破坏是人类造成的，我们应该负责任。这样力度严重不足啊。应该论证一下动物的灭绝会给我们带来什么样的后果，因为人类和动物是一个chain上的啊。还有，对自然的破坏造成大自然对我们的报复——厄尔尼诺，臭氧空洞什么的。这篇要拿高分估计需要大改了。

dezhiUID: 156141

先占个位，嘿嘿
看完了：

121. At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.

提纲：
1 人类惹的祸，不可推卸
2 绝对要救
3 但不是除了救动物，啥事都不管了

The majority of people believe that quality of natural environment is declining and one不强调数量，用a如何？ distinct phenomenon is that endangered species largely mount up 这个词组用的帅，我还没见过，呵呵。不过，我觉得后半句用完成时态更好. I agree with the author that we should not spend extraordinary efforts on endangered species, while which 既然用了while，后面用it就行了，再用which不是画蛇添足吗？ does not mean that we will do nothing to save them and take no responsibility for what we have done on them.
我觉得首段末，最好明确提出观点，楼主的观点有些模糊。Anyway，这么写也行:)


Firstly, it is true that during past geological periods many species have become extinct and diminishing为何用现在分词？ as a whole前面的顺序是不是有问题？应该是have diminished as a whole or become extinct读起来更顺吧？, such as disappearance of dinosaur, but the nature always keeps its own equilibrium at that time. However, extinction is not new for our planet. Prior to human history, the Earth has existed for billions of years and experienced five mass extinctions. What is really new is the rate of extinction. As intellectual creatures, human being knew little about the mechanism of nature and thus did little harm to nature at the very beginning. With the rapid development of industrialization and increase in population these several hundred years, ecological environment is getting worse and worse. In fact, humankind is at the centre of almost all development activities 进步活动？ on the Earth especially after Industrial Revolution. Undoubtedly, it is just because human activities accelerate the process of extinct 是要用强调句吗？那用的有问题：it is just human activities that accelerate the process of extinction.
这个body有些头重脚轻，前面的论述应该都属于次要内容，却占去了不少篇幅，真正要引入正题的时候，却草草收尾，没来得及进一步展开
另外，TS出现了吗？如果有，应该放在首句比较好！


Moreover, human society should make great efforts to save endangered species. Excessive deforestation, exhaust and pollution as well as killing and poaching wildlife illegally result in environmental degradation, which is tested 测试？considered如何？ the predominant reason many species die out recent years. Subtle alteration of natural environment will largely change the habits of animals and food chain. It is vital to keep balance between human activities and nature since human and nature are coexistent. What is more, humankind cannot abuse natural resources because boast of master of the resourceful Earth considering each species has a right to live for its own sake. There is only one Earth. Since extinction cannot be cured with a technological fix, what will hand down to the future generations?

Last but not the least, how to save the species on the verge of extinction? No doubt that we should try our best to save endangered species but not at all costs and save every predicted extinction species. Human society is confronted with existing social problems such as incessant poverty, war, disease, drugs, terrorism and so on. If dedicating everything on endangered species, development of society that requires to maintain require doing！ itself will be obstructed in some ways. Moreover, human race cannot save all of the species since that efforts ？？ will surpass the limits of any existing human knowledge.
这个body可以再充实一下


To sum up, it is not sensible to save endangered species at all costs regardless of anything else. Human survival depends on ecosystems, which are healthy, balanced, and diverse. The best way to achieve sustainable development of human and human society is to keep intimate relationship all of creation.
这最后一段能很好的概括全文吗？

dallowayUID: 156640

谢谢大家先，还是头疼！先离开一会儿啊。

lovebrianUID: 157127

121. At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.

提纲：
1 人类惹的祸，不可推卸
2 绝对要救 提纲好怪
3 但不是除了救动物，啥事都不管了

The majority of people believe that quality of natural environment is declining and one distinct phenomenon is that endangered species largely mount up. I agree with the author that we should not spend extraordinary efforts on endangered species, while which does not mean that we will do nothing to save them and take no responsibility for what we have done on them. a distinct thesis is required


Firstly, it is true that during past geological period many species have become extinct and diminishing as a whole, such as disappearance of dinosaur, but the nature always keeps its own equilibrium at that time时态看着别扭~~后面不看语法啦~. However, extinction is not new for our planet. Prior to human history, the Earth has existed for billions of years and experienced five mass extinctions. What is really new is the rate of extinction. As intellectual creatures, human being knew little about the mechanism of nature and thus这是什么因果关系？ did little harm to nature at the very beginning. With the rapid development of industrialization and increase in population these several hundred years, ecological environment is getting worse and worse. In fact, humankind is at the centre of almost all development activities on Earth especially after Industrial Revolution. Undoubtedly, it is just because human activities accelerate the process of extinct. 没有论证~只有大量的无意义词`~~能作为论证过程吗？


Moreover, human society should make great effort to save endangered species. Excessive deforestation, exhaust and pollution as well as killing and poaching wildlife illegally result in environmental degradation, which is tested the predominant reason many species die out recent years前面这个句子更应该出现在body1. Subtle alteration of natural environment will largely change the habits of animals and food chain. It is vital to keep balance between human activities and nature since human and nature are coexistent. What is more, humankind cannot abuse natural resources because boast of master of the resourceful Earth considering each species has a right to live for its own sake这是什么理由啊？好容易看到一个because还说了这么一通. There is only one Earth. Since extinction cannot be cured with a technological fix, what will hand down to the future generations? 的确知道该写什么了~~但是怎么写还是问题

Last but not least, how to save跟你的提纲不对应~~如果扯到提纲上去就是两个意群 the species on the verge of extinction? No doubt that we should try our best to save endangered species这是回答how吗？同学问你这个题怎么做，你告诉人家：努力做~~？？？ but not at all costs and save every predicted extinction species. 失败阿，这段开头删了再写Human society is confronted with existing social problems such as incessant poverty, war, disease, drugs, terrorism and so on. If dedicating everything on endangered species, development of society requires to maintain itself will be obstructed in some ways. Moreover, human race cannot save all of the species since that efforts will surpass the limits of any existing human knowledge.


To sum up, it is not sensible to save endangered species at all costs regardless of anything else. Human survival depends on ecosystems, which are healthy, balanced, and diverse. The best way to achieve sustainable development of human and human society is to keep intimate relationship all of creation.

写之前把思路弄清楚，提纲写细点~~开始别怕时间长~~~先把写法弄明白

eveningboatUID: 157918

头痛好多了，现在给你看，看完了吃饭咯；一上午头痛什么都没干，后悔咯。
准备改在占座那里咯，下午我也要写两篇了咯。

zzdongzaiUID: 137645

The majority of people believe that quality of natural environment is declining and one distinct（noticeable/remarkable） phenomenon is that endangered species largely mount up. I agree with the author that we should not spend extraordinary efforts on endangered species, while which does not mean that we will do nothing to save them and take no responsibility for what we have done on（to） them.


Firstly, it is true that during past geological period many species have become extinct and diminishing as a whole, such as disappearance of dinosaur, but the nature always keeps its own equilibrium at that time. However（转折好像不太明显）, extinction is not new for our planet. Prior to human history, the Earth has existed for billions of years and experienced five mass extinctions. What is really new is the rate of extinction. As intellectual creatures（s去掉吧？）, human being knew little about the mechanism of nature and thus did little harm to nature at the very beginning. With the rapid development of industrialization and increase in population（explosion of population） these several hundred years, ecological environment is getting worse and worse. In fact, humankind is at the centre of almost all development activities on Earth especially after Industrial Revolution. Undoubtedly, it is just because human activities accelerate the process of extinct（是要强调human activities呢还是说human activities accelerate the process of extinct是正确的， 结构好像不太通）.


Moreover, human society should make great effort to save endangered species. Excessive deforestation, exhaust and pollution as well as killing and poaching wildlife illegally result in environmental degradation, which is tested （to be）the predominant reason many species die out recent years. Subtle alteration of natural environment will largely change the habits of animals and food chain. It is vital to keep balance between human activities and nature since human and nature are coexistent. What is more, humankind cannot abuse natural resources because boast of master of the resourceful Earth considering each species has a right to live for its own sake. （After all,）There is only one Earth. Since extinction cannot be cured with a technological fix, what will hand（be handed） down to the future generations?

Last but not least, how to save the species on the verge of extinction? No doubt that we should try our best to save endangered species but not at all costs and save every predicted extinction species. Human society is confronted with existing social problems such as incessant poverty, war, disease, drugs, terrorism and so on. If dedicating everything on endangered species, development of society requires to maintain itself will be obstructed in some ways. Moreover, human race cannot save all of the species since that efforts will surpass the limits of any existing human knowledge（since it is beyond what human can do with existing knowledge）.


To sum up, it is not sensible to save endangered species at all costs regardless of anything else. Human survival depends on ecosystems, which are healthy, balanced, and diverse. The best way to achieve sustainable development of human and human society is to keep intimate relationship all of creation.

写的很不错了，一些个人观点仅供参考

dallowayUID: 156640

to zzdongzai
谢谢啊，你点的几个地方我确实写的时候拿不准，头疼，先去吃饭了。

zzdongzaiUID: 137645

呵呵，大家都是头疼中人，经你一提醒，确实是该吃饭了
go先

dallowayUID: 156640

啊？又跑掉了？

eveningboatUID: 157918

改个开头就好了，跟我上次范了一个毛病

菜丸子UID: 158771

今天刚看了那个什么winged imigration,，关于小鸟迁徙的，还涉及到了人与自然的关系~好震撼啊，音乐也不错，最关键的是让我感慨万千啊。

fishergirlUID: 152325

还没有看文章，觉得头痛比较急一点：）

处方：阿司匹林＋睡眠。千万不要吃去痛片，治标不治本啊。

MM这两天是不是精神太紧张了？放松一点，考试只要尽力就好，不是吗？

dallowayUID: 156640

唉！老了，刚捡了次掉在地上的笔，两眼冒金星！

dezhiUID: 156141

注意锻炼
不要太拼命:)