issue121 [color=#2400ff](拿什么拯救自己)

菜丸子UID: 158771

No.1 issue121(拿什么拯救自己)
121. At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species.

提纲：
1 人类惹的祸，不可推卸
2 绝对要救
3 但不是除了救动物，啥事都不管了

The majority of people believe that quality of natural environment is declining and one distinct phenomenon is that endangered species largely mount up（呵呵，这句话容易造成歧义啊：是越来越多的物种濒临灭绝，还是濒临灭绝的物种又重新繁衍变多了？）. I agree with the author that we should not spend extraordinary efforts on endangered species, while which does not mean that we will do nothing to save them and take no responsibility for what we have done on them. （我觉得这句话好暧昧啊，一方面又是不要付出额外的努力，一方面又是我们应该做些什么，来为我们造成的后果负责。最好界限更明确些）


Firstly, it is true that during past geological period many species have become extinct and diminishing as a whole, such as disappearance of dinosaur, but the nature always keeps its own equilibrium at that time. However, extinction is not new for our planet. Prior to human history, the Earth has existed for billions of years and experienced five mass extinctions. What is really new is the rate of extinction. As intellectual creatures, human being knew little about the mechanism of nature and thus did little harm to nature at the very beginning. With the rapid development of industrialization and increase in population these several hundred years, ecological environment is getting worse and worse. In fact, humankind is at the centre of almost all development activities on Earth especially after Industrial Revolution. Undoubtedly, it is just because human activities accelerate the process of extinct（你光分析人去了，虽然证明了人加速了灭绝，但是也应该强调一下，因为……，所以保护动物是人的RESPOSIBILITY）.


Moreover, human society should make great effort to save endangered species. Excessive deforestation, exhaust and pollution as well as killing and poaching wildlife illegally result in environmental degradation, which is tested the predominant reason many species die out recent years（怎么感觉这段开始到这里为止，和上一段的意思是一样的，甚至下面的意思也差不多）. Subtle alteration of natural environment will largely change the habits of animals and food chain. It is vital to keep balance between human activities and nature since human and nature are coexistent. What is more, humankind cannot abuse natural resources because boast of master of the resourceful Earth considering each species has a right to live for its own sake. There is only one Earth. Since extinction cannot be cured with a technological fix, what will hand down to the future generations?

Last but not least, how to save the species on the verge of extinction? No doubt that we should try our best to save endangered species but not at all costs and save every predicted extinction species. Human society is confronted with existing social problems such as incessant poverty, war, disease, drugs, terrorism and so on. If dedicating everything on endangered species, development of society requires to maintain itself will be obstructed in some ways. Moreover, human race cannot save all of the species since that efforts will surpass the limits of any existing human knowledge. （这段是附加的，着墨不必这么多，感觉只是分析了动物是怎么濒临灭绝的——人是杀手之一，但是你没有分析为什么要保护他们啊！同意二楼的，应该分析一下，那些动物是人类的朋友，共同构成了生物圈，一起维护生态平衡，应该保护我们的朋友。相反地，我们砍蚊子砍老鼠是因为它们对人类有害，而且数量实在太OVERWHELMING了，一个人追打蚊子肯定没有人会扁他吧？
另一个角度可以从生命的角度去考察，觉得人很爱惜他们的生命，可动物的生存同样值得我们尊重。）
To sum up, it is not sensible to save endangered species at all costs regardless of anything else. Human survival depends on ecosystems, which are healthy, balanced, and diverse. The best way to achieve sustainable development of human and human society is to keep intimate relationship all of creation.
总的感觉是，文字方面的工夫已经很深了，但论证不够放开，整个文章绕来绕去就那么个模糊的意思。

菜丸子UID: 158771

最初由 dalloway 发布
[B]唉！老了，刚捡了次掉在地上的笔，两眼冒金星！ [/B]

低血糖~~OR 贫血。
多吃点撒，不要为了身材太拼命了。 :D  :D

dallowayUID: 156640

总的感觉是，文字方面的工夫已经很深了，但论证不够放开，整个文章绕来绕去就那么个模糊的意思。

呀，好像是这么个感觉啊，谢谢菜丸子小姐先，待我仔细想想！

俺是身体一贯的不好，经不起折腾，也从不敢熬夜:(

kaventUID: 154493

和俺前两天那次吃一天泡面的症状一样~
最后得出结论：一定要善待自己！
希望大家杀g心切的同时，都保重好身体~

lovebrianUID: 157127

顶上去karen自己看看吧~~~先别忙着写新文了~~好好研究毛病 我改在占座的地方了
身体最重要~~~
我咳嗽了两个星期了快成哑巴了~~
后悔啊！

lovebrianUID: 157127

最初由 dalloway 发布
[B]总的感觉是，文字方面的工夫已经很深了，但论证不够放开，整个文章绕来绕去就那么个模糊的意思。

呀，好像是这么个感觉啊，谢谢菜丸子小姐先，待我仔细想想！

俺是身..

以下省略...... [/B]

文字看得出经过修饰了~~但是不地道~~嗯嗯~~有些地方罗索阿

dallowayUID: 156640

已经打印了，慢慢看
谢谢大家的意见阿，好好研究中...

文字看得出经过修饰了~~但是不地道~~嗯嗯~~有些地方罗索阿

这个是个系统工程哦，只能尽量避免低级错误了，现在，唉！

fishergirlUID: 152325

好像大家最近都有程度不等的身体不适啊，难道是临考症候群？

dallowayUID: 156640

头疼好了，ft，都快一天了
不管了，大不了重新来过
大家等着我的烂文啊

dezhiUID: 156141

　　已经把修改意见贴在前面了

　　用词很丰富，不错，不过有些句子很长，有些绕
　　论证思路不是很清晰，也就是说各个段落之间的界限不是很分明，比如body1，body2就完全可以写成一个body，而在body2中从另外一个角度阐述，比如物种多样化对人类有好处，可以拿来作科学研究，另一方面它们可以给人类带来乐趣等等。
　　全文的中心一定要明确，并且各个段落的展开都要围绕中心。首末两段要前后呼应，并能概括全文。
　　最好写文章之前就把提纲写好，并分析一下提纲写的是否有道理，是否容易展开论述。

　　继续努力，dalloway，相信你！

dallowayUID: 156640

谢谢dezhi
“全文的中心一定要明确，并且各个段落的展开都要围绕中心。首末两段要前后呼应，并能概括全文。”
嗯，我一直在检讨自己呢，努力改正！！！

你谁得太晚了啊！注意身体！
　　

yifengUID: 159612

为了一个GRE把身体搞坏了不值得，多注意下营养和休息吧。
人生中还要有更努力的事：）