14年秋季提纲互改小组-Issue113(28/94/120/121/127/145/147)

ClaretZUID: 3567572

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Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
相关题目：28，94，113，120，121，127，145，147
请回帖时按照这里的指引列出英语提纲并用汉语解释并根据指引点评楼上的提纲。 第一个回帖的同学不必点评。
指引：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1777364-1-1.html

ClaretZUID: 3567572

I disagree with both the claim and the reason. As for the claim, from my perspective, the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists are excellent indicators of a great nation because the achievements reflect the nation’s great development in policy, culture and art, as well as science and technology. And I disagree with the reason that the welfare of all its people is the surest indicator because the welfare of all its people is hard to be measured.
   First of all, the achievements of a nation’s rulers can reflects the nation’s success in policy.从成功的执政者角度来说，其成功意味着当前执政者对国家的发展状况进行了深入调查和研究，对国家目前的现状和未来发展趋势有着准确而深刻的认识；其成功也说明了执政者对如何把握国家发展有着高瞻远瞩的见解和执政计划，并且有丰富领导经验。从政治氛围来看，执政者的成功意味着该国政治体制发展得较为成熟，从而促成了领导者的成功。而成功的领导者又会进一步促进该国的政治环境发展，使得更多的领导者取得成就，形成良性循环。随着国家有更多的成功执政者，他们的成功管理和政策制定会使得国家更好地发展。举例：华盛顿总统规定总统任期不超过两届，使得美国政治稳定高效发展。
  What is more, the success of the nation’s artists indicates the nation’s great development in culture and art. 艺术家的成功反映了该国艺术氛围和艺术教育方法的成功，而新一代艺术家的成又可以进一步推动该国的艺术发展和文化发展。举例：巴黎为服装设计的圣地，培养和吸引了许多服装设计和奢侈品的品牌和艺术家，许多艺术家前往巴黎进行学习，法国的艺术领域由此得到发展；维也纳为音乐圣地，不断聚集音乐人才，匈牙利的音乐艺术水平由此不断提升。
  For the third point, scientists’ achievements can greatly reflect the nation’s development in science and technology. 科学家的成功往往需要其在拥有扎实学术知识的基础上有创造性思维，同时还要求国内有良好的学术氛围和对学术领域的尊重。因此科学家的成功意味着该国科技发展水平和学术水平已经发展到一定程度，同时国内有良好的学术氛围，国家对学术领域环境和科学家都较为尊重；高校的教育水平也能够做到对基础知识和创造性思维的培养并重。而科学家的成功又会进一步推动该国科技发展，同时科技的发展也会直接造福该国人的生活。举例：乔布斯对苹果产品的设计。
  Draw a conclusion to the three points mentioned above, the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists are excellent indicators of a great nation because the successes reflect the nation’s great development in policy, culture and art, as well as science and technology, which finally improve the nation’s development in economics.
  I disagree with the opinion that the welfare of all the national people is the surest indicator of a great nation since it is hard to decide how to measure the welfare. While efficiency and equivalence are both important for the development of a country, the index to measure the welfare of people has to include the two factors, which is usually very hard. For example, 当人均GDP 较高而基尼系数也较高时，从效率角度说国民福利很好，但从公平角度说国民福利不够好。At the same time, some welfare cannot be measured in figures, such as the happiness of the people.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

ClaretZ 发表于 2014-10-26 21:08
I disagree with both the claim and the reason. As for the claim, from my perspective, the achievemen ...

Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.




I disagree with both the claim and the reason. As for the claim, from my perspective, the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists are excellent indicators of a great nation because the achievements reflect the nation’s great development in policy, culture and art, as well as science and technology. And I disagree with the reason that the welfare of all its people is the surest indicator because the welfare of all its people is hard to be measured.

主旨句看上去不错

   First of all, the achievements of a nation’s rulers can reflects the nation’s success in policy.从成功的执政者角度来说，其成功意味着当前执政者对国家的发展状况进行了深入调查和研究，对国家目前的现状和未来发展趋势有着准确而深刻的 认识；其成功也说明了执政者对如何把握国家发展有着高瞻远瞩的见解和执政计划，并且有丰富领导经验。从政治氛围来看，执政者的成功意味着该国政治体制发展 得较为成熟，从而促成了领导者的成功。而成功的领导者又会进一步促进该国的政治环境发展，使得更多的领导者取得成就，形成良性循环。随着国家有更多的成功 执政者，他们的成功管理和政策制定会使得国家更好地发展。举例：华盛顿总统规定总统任期不超过两届，使得美国政治稳定高效发展。

从你的汉语来看 你想表达的不是政策 而是社会制度  感觉这个点要写好不容易 如果讲政策的话 不如具体说文化政策、科技政策
和后面两点合并 本来你的段落也多了 中间有四段  


  What is more, the success of the nation’s artists indicates the nation’s great development in culture and art. 艺术家的成功反映了该国艺术氛围和艺术教育方法的成功，而新一代艺术家的成又可以进一步推动该国的艺术发展和文化发展。举例：巴黎为服装设计的圣地，培养 和吸引了许多服装设计和奢侈品的品牌和艺术家，许多艺术家前往巴黎进行学习，法国的艺术领域由此得到发展；维也纳为音乐圣地，不断聚集音乐人才，匈牙利的 音乐艺术水平由此不断提升。

嗯 这里结合一个国家的政策来讲也不错  
the nation’s great development in culture and art 这个说法本身有些含糊


  For the third point, scientists’ achievements can greatly reflect the nation’s development in science and technology. 科学家的成功往往需要其在拥有扎实学术知识的基础上有创造性思维，同时还要求国内有良好的学术氛围和对学术领域的尊重。因此科学家的成功意味着该国科技发 展水平和学术水平已经发展到一定程度，同时国内有良好的学术氛围，国家对学术领域环境和科学家都较为尊重；高校的教育水平也能够做到对基础知识和创造性思 维的培养并重。而科学家的成功又会进一步推动该国科技发展，同时科技的发展也会直接造福该国人的生活。举例：乔布斯对苹果产品的设计。



  Draw a conclusion 语法 to the three points mentioned above, the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists are excellent indicators of a great nation because the successes reflect the nation’s great development in policy, culture and art, as well as science and technology, which finally improve the nation’s development in economics.

  I disagree with the opinion that the welfare of all the national people is the surest indicator of a great nation since it is hard to decide how to measure the welfare. While efficiency and equivalence are both important for the development of a country, the index to measure the welfare of people has to include the two factors, which is usually very hard. For example, 当人均GDP 较高而基尼系数也较高时，从效率角度说国民福利很好，但从公平角度说国民福利不够好。At the same time, some welfare cannot be measured in figures, such as the happiness of the people.


感觉这一段可以放到前面去 你提出不好measure的问题 这里还是要和greatness这个概念更紧密的结合讨论  
另外放到前面之后 你后面讨论的文化和科技成就 也要回应一下measure的问题 指出这些比较好measure  
这样你的全文才比较连贯

以后写汉语展开部分不必太详细了

raikkonen36UID: 2871931

Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

In the process of judging whether a nation is great, the welfare of its people is indeed an important indicator. Nonetheless, the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists also need to receive much attention in the process. In fact, concerning judging whether a nation is great, its performance in all aspects should be all included.

1.        When it comes to judge whether a nation is great, the welfare of its people is indeed an important indicator. 因为如果没有考虑人们的幸福，往往会导致亡国。举例：秦王朝的灭亡。

2.        Nonetheless, the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists also need to receive much attention in the process of judging whether a nation is great. 举例，丘吉尔带领英国取得二战胜利，他自己成为三巨头之一，英国也为此进入联合国五常。

3.        In fact, concerning judging whether a nation is great, its performance in all aspects should be all included. In other words, only examining its performance in a specific aspect is always not justifiable in the process of judging whether a nation is great. 如果仅仅考虑人们的幸福，也很难成为Great nation举例：瑞士、挪威等，虽然在艺术人文、科学研究、军事国防上没有令人瞩目的成就，但是国民却安居乐业，享受着政府所提供的高度完善的福利待遇。仅凭这一点它们还不能跨入国际大国的行列中。或者举例：希特勒的第三帝国，虽然他个人取得很大成就，但是给德国人们带来了巨大灾难。也不能成为great nation。举一个就够了还是两个都放上啊。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

raikkonen36 发表于 2014-11-2 14:16
Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or sci ...

Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

In the process of judging whether a nation is great, the welfare of its people is indeed an important indicator. Nonetheless, the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists also need to receive much attention in the process. In fact, concerning judging whether a nation is great, its performance in all aspects should be all included.

你的主旨句有两个问题
第一 没有按照题目的结构 也就是 claim和reason来回应题目 你应该明确指出 自己不同意claim但是同意reason 或者说尽管同意reason 但不同意claim

第二 题目认为A不重要因为B重要，你的观点是A和B都很重要  这样写出来的文章 容易观点不鲜明 大而无当 在具体论证的时候会出现困难

由你的具体中间段来看 你没有对国家的伟大这个概念有比较深入的分析  具体看下面的点评

1.        When it comes to judge whether a nation is great, the welfare of its people is indeed an important indicator. 因为如果没有考虑人们的幸福，往往会导致亡国。举例：秦王朝的灭亡。

这道题其实是提出量度国家伟大与否的两个标准
而你这里的例子却指向了亡国这个概念 和国家是否伟大的问题完全偏离了  



2.        Nonetheless, the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists also need to receive much attention in the process of judging whether a nation is great. 举例，丘吉尔带领英国取得二战胜利，他自己成为三巨头之一，英国也为此进入联合国五常。

你这里似乎假设了成为五常就是伟大的表现  这个思路其实是可以的 但是你应该在主旨句中更充分的解释  


3.        In fact, concerning judging whether a nation is great, its performance in all aspects should be all included. In other words, only examining its performance in a specific aspect is always not justifiable in the process of judging whether a nation is great. 如果仅仅考虑人们的幸福，也很难成为Great nation举例：瑞士、挪威等，虽然在艺术人文、科学研究、军事国防上没有令人瞩目的成就，但是国民却安居乐业，享受着政府所提供的高度完善的福利待遇。仅凭这一点它们还不能跨入国际大国的行列中。或者举例：希特勒的第三帝国，虽然他个人取得很大成就，但是给德国人们带来了巨大灾难。也不能成为great nation。举一个就够了还是两个都放上啊。

结合你上面的思路 你可以说小国家虽然人民安居乐业 但是对世界事务的影响较小 不能算伟大
至于希特勒的成就 我觉得这样讲非常不妥 残杀无辜生灵 怎么能用成就这个词 如果遇到犹太人考官会死的很惨

我其实不反对你说两个都是重要的indicator 注意原题用的是surest
我觉得这里的关键是如何理解great  你需要在文章一开始提出自己对great的界定  
如果理解为对当下世界政局的影响和作用 是否为五常 就可以有一番结论
如果理解为能得到世界各国人民的尊重和欣赏 则是另一番结论
如果理解为能否在历史上占据一席之地 则观点又不同  


或者你可以这样考虑

In order to decide what indicators should be used to assess the greatness of nations, we should first define  “greatness”.  In my opinion, a great nation should exert considerable influence on the world affairs in contemporary society and contribute to the progress of human society and civilization in a historically significant way.  Based on this definition, the surest indicator should be the achievements of rulers, artists and scientists. On the other hand, people in certain nations may enjoy high quality of life due to the abundant natural resources and geopolitical factors that are beyond human control.  These nations are lucky but not necessarily great.  

提纲留给你自己写吧

ikowUID: 3497152

I completely agree with both the claim and the reason. What kind of nation could be defined as great nation? It's a nation with prosperous in economy, democratic in politics and affluence in cultures.And the welfare of people, including the living condition, the social security system and the charity of the country is people’s satisfaction with those aspects. A country that don’t guarantee the welfare of its citizenry can’t be a great nation. So we can get the claim that the achievements of a great nation's rulers,artists, or scientists are not the surest indicator of it. But those achievements are important indicator of a great nation.
1、The overriding imperative of any democratic state is to enhance the gerneral welfare of its citizenry.例如，印度是世界第二大软件生产国，拥有核武器，有自己的卫星，但是国家的人民大多数人都生活在最低的生活水平下，国家还充满着宗教冲突和战争，人们每天为自己的生命安危所担忧，它并不能被称为a great nation.
2、Scientific achievements, artistic achievements and themolitary and diplomatic accomplishment of its leaders could neither be ignored in the general welfare of a nation.科技促进国家生产力的发展，艺术促进想象力和创造力，领导人确保了国家能有稳定发展的空间
3、All of those achievements of rulers, artists and scientists also need to enhance the welfare of all its people.科技提升人民的生活品质，艺术丰富人们的精神生活，领导人保证公民的各种权利和社会福利

喵了个咪仔UID: 3541306

由于作文基础不是很好，希望老师不吝批评能够指出我的问题。希望大家多拍砖！！

I disgree with the claim as well as the reason. Personally, either of them is too extreme and neither has take every aspects into consideration. Besides, I think a great nation is definited by all of them.


（1）First comes to the reason. I admit that the welfare of its people can reflect the success of a great nation at some degrees, but even at the most developed country----the U.S----we can't expect that every citizens all live a cozy life.
因为每个人的情况都不同，一个好的国家在我看来只是能提供大家一个公平的生存环境，并不能直接分钱给市民来过日子，我们需要自己去争取。可以举乞丐为例，他们不愿意努力工作只想坐享其成，最后只能变得生活困苦，如果用他们来衡量一个国家的好坏是不公平客观的。

（2）Now,let we move our attention to the claim. It is also untenable to asses a nation relie on the achievements of its rulers, artists or scientists.
因为rulers容易滋生腐败产生两级分化很难体现整体水平，而artists和scientists则是高尖领域的代表，平常人一生都可以达不到那种程度，同样不能体现整体水平。举例可以用梵高，他的艺术得不到当时人们的认可，所以尽管那个时候的荷兰出了一个梵高，可仍然不能说荷兰当时是一个艺术高度发展的国家。


（3）To sum up, the claim and the reason both stand on a controversible postulation. When evaluating whether a nation is great, we can't isolate the welfare of its people to the achievements of its rulers, artists or scientists, neither of which is dispensable.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

ikow 发表于 2014-11-4 22:49
I completely agree with both the claim and the reason. What kind of nation could be defined as great ...

Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.


I completely agree with both the claim and the reason. What kind of nation could be defined as great nation? It's a nation with prosperous in economy, democratic in politics and affluence in cultures.And the welfare of people, including the living condition, the social security system and the charity of the country is people’s satisfaction with those aspects. A country that don’t guarantee the welfare of its citizenry can’t be a great nation. So we can get the claim that the achievements of a great nation's rulers,artists, or scientists are not the surest indicator of it. But those achievements are important indicator of a great nation.

defined这个词用得不合适
with prosperous 词性不对
affluence这个词词性和用法有问题
charity 这个词用的不对
And the welfare of people, including the living condition, the social security system and the charity of the country is people’s satisfaction with those aspects. 整句话有问题
we can get the claim表达有问题

So we can get the claim that the achievements of a great nation's rulers,artists, or scientists are not the surest indicator of it. But those achievements are important indicator of a great nation.
不太确定你如何区分surest和important

你的主旨句和后面的主题句没有呼应的关系
请查看我的博客里关于1+3模型的讨论


1、The overriding imperative of any democratic state is to enhance the gerneral welfare of its citizenry.例如，印度是世界第二大软件生产国，拥有核武器，有自己的卫星，但是国家的人民大多数人都生活在最低的生活水平下，国家还充满着宗教 冲突和战争，人们每天为自己的生命安危所担忧，它并不能被称为a great nation.

这个主题句和题目里great nation及indicator都没有关系


2、Scientific achievements, artistic achievements and themolitary and diplomatic accomplishment of its leaders could neither be ignored in the general welfare of a nation.科技促进国家生产力的发展，艺术促进想象力和创造力，领导人确保了国家能有稳定发展的空间

和great 没有关系


3、All of those achievements of rulers, artists and scientists also need to enhance the welfare of all its people.科技提升人民的生活品质，艺术丰富人们的精神生活，领导人保证公民的各种权利和社会福利

不懂这句话的意思


感觉你写句子的能力很成问题 或许要尝试做一些写句子的练习
把我写的文章翻译成汉语 再翻成英文
另外你还没有学会1+3的模型

raikkonen36UID: 2871931

Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

While a great nation can be reflected from the indicator of the welfare of its people and the indicator of achievement of its rulers, artists, or scientists, respectively, both indictors cannot serve as the surest indicator of a great nation. In fact, the surest indicator of a great nation is the national comprehensive power.

1.        While a great nation can be reflected from the indicator of the welfare of its people, the indictor cannot serve as the surest indicator of a great nation. 历史上确实，很多的伟大国家，他的人民都过着幸福的生活，举例美国，德国。但是不能成为surest indicator举例：瑞士、挪威等，虽然在艺术人文、科学研究、军事国防上没有令人瞩目的成就，但是国民却安居乐业，享受着政府所提供的高度完善的福利待遇。仅凭这一点它们还不能跨入国际大国的行列中。
2.        Moreover, the indictor of achievement of its rulers, artists, or scientists cannot also be the surest indicator of a great nation, although a great nation can be reflected from the indicator. 历史上确实，很多的伟大国家，国家在这些领域都取得卓越成就，举例，丘吉尔带领英国取得二战胜利，英国也为此进入联合国五常。但是不能成为surest indicator。希特勒的第三帝国，虽然在科研取得很大成就，但是给德国人们带来了巨大灾难。也不能成为great nation。
3.        In fact, the surest indicator of a great nation is the national comprehensive power. 综合国力是衡量一个国家基本国情和基本资源最重要的指标， 也是衡量一个国家的经济、政治、军事、文化、技术实力的综合性指标。因为上面的只反映了伟大国家的一部分，所以应该全面综合考虑。我觉得这里不需要在举例说明了，上面已经详细说了，老师，你的意思呢？

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

raikkonen36 发表于 2014-11-7 17:35
Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or sci ...

While a great nation can be reflected from the indicator of the welfare of its people and the indicator of achievement of its rulers, artists, or scientists, respectively, both indictors cannot serve as the surest indicator of a great nation. In fact, the surest indicator of a great nation is the national comprehensive power.


1.        While a great nation can be reflected from the indicator of the welfare of its people, the indictor cannot serve as the surest indicator of a great nation. 历史上确实，很多的伟大国家，他的人民都过着幸福的生活，举例美国，德国。但是不能成为surest indicator举例：瑞士、挪威等，虽然在艺术人文、科学研究、军事国防上没有令人瞩目的成就，但是国民却安居乐业，享受着政府所提供的高度完善的福 利待遇。仅凭这一点它们还不能跨入国际大国的行列中。
2.        Moreover, the indictor of achievement of its rulers, artists, or scientists cannot also be the surest indicator of a great nation, although a great nation can be reflected from the indicator. 历史上确实，很多的伟大国家，国家在这些领域都取得卓越成就，举例，丘吉尔带领英国取得二战胜利，英国也为此进入联合国五常。但是不能成为surest indicator。希特勒的第三帝国，虽然在科研取得很大成就，但是给德国人们带来了巨大灾难。也不能成为great nation。
3.        In fact, the surest indicator of a great nation is the national comprehensive power. 综合国力是衡量一个国家基本国情和基本资源最重要的指标， 也是衡量一个国家的经济、政治、军事、文化、技术实力的综合性指标。因为上面的只反映了伟大国家的一部分，所以应该全面综合考虑。我觉得这里不需要在举例 说明了，上面已经详细说了，老师，你的意思呢？

你这个提纲做到了主旨句与主题句的呼应 在结构上是不错的
有两个问题你需要考虑
第一是如何理解great nation这个概念 为什么安居乐业而没有成就的国家就不算伟大呢  似乎需要解释 你对伟大的定义是什么
第二 你提出的综合国力的概念 如何与前面两段的内容紧密联系起来
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comprehensive_National_Power
CNP is notable for being an original Chinese political concept with no roots in either contemporary Western political theory, Marxism-Leninism, or pre-20th-century Chinese thinking.
由于这个概念来自中国，美国考官估计会很陌生，你需要界定这个概念，并联系题目提出的成就和福利，否则会有偏题的风险。

你可以试下写全文

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

喵了个咪仔 发表于 2014-11-5 19:12
由于作文基础不是很好，希望老师不吝批评能够指出我的问题。希望大家多拍砖！！

I disgree with the cla ...

由于作文基础不是很好，希望老师不吝批评能够指出我的问题。希望大家多拍砖！！

I disgree with the claim as well as the reason. Personally, either of them is too extreme and neither has take every aspects into consideration. Besides, I think a great nation is definited by all of them.

写主旨句的时候最好能直接讨论claim和reason的内容而不是仅仅说它们很极端之类的话 要具体讨论不要太空洞
另外，你的主旨句并没有提出正面的观点  只是否定了已提出的观点
那么surest indicator到底是什么
这个你需要回答


（1）First comes to the reason. I admit that the welfare of its people can reflect the success of a great nation at some degrees, but even at the most developed country----the U.S----we can't expect that every citizens all live a cozy life.
因为每个人的情况都不同，一个好的国家在我看来只是能提供大家一个公平的生存环境，并不能直接分钱给市民来过日子，我们需要自己去争取。可以举乞丐为例，他们不愿意努力工作只想坐享其成，最后只能变得生活困苦，如果用他们来衡量一个国家的好坏是不公平客观的。

你举的例子和题目要讨论的问题相去甚远
题目讨论的是伟大国家的indicator
你却在讲乞丐生活困苦的原因
或许你想说的是即使伟大的国家也会有穷人 但是我感觉你这样写会把问题引入一个死胡同



（2）Now,let we move our attention to the claim. It is also untenable to asses a nation relie on the achievements of its rulers, artists or scientists.
因为rulers容易滋生腐败产生两级分化很难体现整体水平，而artists和scientists则是高尖领域的代表，平常人一生都可以达不到那种程 度，同样不能体现整体水平。举例可以用梵高，他的艺术得不到当时人们的认可，所以尽管那个时候的荷兰出了一个梵高，可仍然不能说荷兰当时是一个艺术高度发 展的国家。


ruler这个点没弄懂你想说什么
艺术家和科学家作为精英 这个点 也没有看到很让人信服的推理 把他们和平常人比较本身就不太合理

这道题的核心其实要对比两种不同的对伟大国家的理解
你同时否定两种角度 又没有提出可行的角度 整个讨论缺少正面的观点和令人信服的理据


（3）To sum up, the claim and the reason both stand on a controversible postulation. When evaluating whether a nation is great, we can't isolate the welfare of its people to the achievements of its rulers, artists or scientists, neither of which is dispensable.


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寄托GRE考生背景调查

以前是否考过GRE作文，分数如何？托福作文？

下次考试日期？ 考前还可以写多少道题的提纲和全文？  

期待的分数？

谈谈对1+3模型的看法。

觉得自己的issue和argument最大的问题分别是什么？

对于我的指导有何期待或要求？

对于我在版面针对其他同学的批改、指导有何意见？

杨家齐UID: 3566396

Does the welfare of a nation's people rather than its individuals' achievements actually indicate the greatness of a nation? I would say no, for it ignores the relationship between the general welfare of a nation and the contribution of great minds' in that nation. In this sense, it dawns on me that it is the achievements of a nation's rulers, artists, or scientists that clearly indicates its success.

To begin with, previous rulers of make contributions to the nation in various fields such as time-tested constructions and liberal notions resulting from countless attempts, all of which are incarnated in human history as the glamorous symbol of a nation.历史建筑举例中国的长城，紫禁城，大大小小的陵园等；宣扬独立人权举例美国独立运动领袖华盛顿和印度之父甘地的非暴力不合作运动。

In addition, apart from ingenious leaders, artists are also worth being noticed for they demonstrate with their works the thorough understanding of life. Without those outstanding masterpieces, citizens cannot appreciate it evenif they were born in a good time, in a great nation.举例古希腊作为西方文明的发祥地，其文学、戏剧的辉煌成就被人们称颂千年。

Morever, scientists from assorted domain pushed forward the development of human civilization which in turns brought about the wellbeing of the citizenry.举例四大文明对人类进步起到的作用；工业革命的浪潮在19世纪被掀起，极大地改善了人类的生产和生活水平。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

杨家齐 发表于 2014-11-22 16:07
Does the welfare of a nation's people rather than its individuals' achievements actually indicate th ...

Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.



Does the welfare of a nation's people rather than its individuals' achievements actually indicate the greatness of a nation? I would say no, for it ignores the relationship between the general welfare of a nation and the contribution of great minds' in that nation. In this sense, it dawns on me that it is the achievements of a nation's rulers, artists, or scientists that clearly indicates its success.

注意题目是以reason+claim的形式提出两个观点的 因此你在回应的时候 也应该提及reason和claim
事实上 你的主旨句和主题句都没有解释为什么reason是错的  


To begin with, previous rulers of make contributions to the nation in various fields such as time-tested constructions and liberal notions resulting from countless attempts, all of which are incarnated in human history as the glamorous symbol of a nation.历史建筑举例中国的长城，紫禁城，大大小小的陵园等；宣扬独立人权举例美国独立运动领袖华盛顿和印度之父甘地的非暴力不合作运动。


rulers of make 语法
你这些例子都挺好 关键是 你要界定一下great 指出要有历史影响才算great


In addition, apart from ingenious leaders, artists are also worth being noticed for they demonstrate with their works the thorough understanding of life. Without those outstanding masterpieces, citizens cannot appreciate it evenif they were born in a good time, in a great nation.举例古希腊作为西方文明的发祥地，其文学、戏剧的辉煌成就被人们称颂千年。

这里的艺术成就究竟和国家的伟大之间有何关联 你似乎没有说清楚


Morever, scientists from assorted domain pushed forward the development of human civilization which in turns brought about the wellbeing of the citizenry.举例四大文明对人类进步起到的作用；工业革命的浪潮在19世纪被掀起，极大地改善了人类的生产和生活水平。

同上 要概括出科学家的成就和国家伟大之间的关联 需要有一些中间概念 比如对人类社会发展的影响 等等

你可以考虑压缩上面三段
然后指出某些国家可能因为先天条件而民众生活富足 但是却不能给社会与文明的发展做出很大的贡献 因此不能算伟大国家

杨家齐UID: 3566396

tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-22 16:22
Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists,  ...

Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.
Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.



Does the welfare of a nation's people rather than its individuals' achievements actually indicate the greatness of a nation? I would say no, for it ignores the relationship between the general welfare of a nation and the contribution of great minds' in that nation. In this sense, it dawns on me that it is the achievements of a nation's rulers, artists, or scientists that clearly indicates its success.

注意题目是以reason+claim的形式提出两个观点的 因此你在回应的时候 也应该提及reason和claim
事实上 你的主旨句和主题句都没有解释为什么reason是错的  


To begin with, previous rulers of make contributions to the nation in various fields such as time-tested constructions and liberal notions resulting from countless attempts, all of which are incarnated in human history as the glamorous symbol of a nation.历史建筑举例中国的长城，紫禁城，大大小小的陵园等；宣扬独立人权举例美国独立运动领袖华盛顿和印度之父甘地的非暴力不合作运动。


rulers of make 语法
你这些例子都挺好 关键是 你要界定一下great 指出要有历史影响才算great


In addition, apart from ingenious leaders, artists are also worth being noticed for they demonstrate with their works the thorough understanding of life. Without those outstanding masterpieces, citizens cannot appreciate it evenif they were born in a good time, in a great nation.举例古希腊作为西方文明的发祥地，其文学、戏剧的辉煌成就被人们称颂千年。

这里的艺术成就究竟和国家的伟大之间有何关联 你似乎没有说清楚


Morever, scientists from assorted domain pushed forward the development of human civilization which in turns brought about the wellbeing of the citizenry.举例四大文明对人类进步起到的作用；工业革命的浪潮在19世纪被掀起，极大地改善了人类的生产和生活水平。

同上 要概括出科学家的成就和国家伟大之间的关联 需要有一些中间概念 比如对人类社会发展的影响 等等

你可以考虑压缩上面三段
然后指出某些国家可能因为先天条件而民众生活富足 但是却不能给社会与文明的发展做出很大的贡献 因此不能算伟大国家



谢谢您的指点，我给主旨段加了一句话：

I agree with the reason that for any democratic nation, the overriding imperative is to ensure the welfare of its people, and yet does the welfare of a nation's people rather than its individuals' achievements better indicates the greatness of a nation? I would say no, for the claim ignores the relationship between the general welfare of a nation and the contribution of great minds' in that nation. In this sense, it dawns on me that it is the achievements of a nation's rulers, artists, or scientists that clearly indicates its success.
另外，您所指出的，我段落说理缺少与主旨的紧密联系，这点我很受教，感谢。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

杨家齐 发表于 2014-11-22 17:24
谢谢您的指点，我给主旨段加了一句话：
I agree with the reason that for any democratic nation, the  ...

嗯 这类回复 最好能附上 相关的习作和我的点评 否则 很难理解和进一步讨论