Argument 53/144/151 healthful lifestyles manifested through survey on eating hab

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1 抄题

53. The following appeared in a health magazine.

"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

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"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


2 列出argument的结论和主要证据
claim或结论：The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles.   

证据01 Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago.
证据02 Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol  
证据03 This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat.

3 写第一段
TS (pt1, pt2, pt3): The author of the health magazine article asserts that the Forsythe residents are living healthier lives than ever before, through citing the results of a recent survey which compares the dwellers’ eating habits and the governmental nutritional guide, the consumption of kiran-contained food and eating of sulia. Although her argument seems logical and acceptable, after examining the reasoning line, the reader needs more pieces of evidence to judge whether her conclusion is valid.

through citing --> based on
survey并没有compare
after examining the reasoning line的主语是谁？


4. 写出中间段的主题句（英语）用汉语解释主要讨论的点
中间第一段
ts (pt1): In the first place, the writer should provide more details about what the Forsythe citizen eat and what the government recommends. 文中作者的描述十分模棱两可，让作者不知当地居民是如何改善他们的饮食习惯的，是从质上还是量上有了改变，改变了多少。如果她能提供居民饮食和政府推荐的细节，那么读者就对问题的实质一目了然了。比如政府建议20-40岁的成年居民，每人每天最好吃少于100克的油炸食品，十年前，当地该年龄段居民平均每人每天吃了200克油炸食品，如今每人每天只吃50克，那么的确有所改善。另外，作者需说明十年内政府的建议变化没有，是如何变化的。例如十年前政府建议20-40岁的成年居民，每人每天最好吃少于100克的油炸食品，十年后，政府将推荐摄入量改为了150克，而十年来当地居民平均每人每天一直吃150克。那么实际摄入量和政府建议的接近，并不能反映居民采纳了更健康的生活方式。


这段的重点应该是survey的设计以及可靠性 包括取样 参加者的诚实度等等
讨论the governmental nutritional guide的变化是不合适的 因为健康饮食标准不会变



中间第二段
ts (pt2): Next, the author needs to elucidate the effect of the intake of kiran. 这里起码得有三方面的证据。其一，就算有a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, 每种食物的kiran含量必须得说明。例如，过去人们每天吃100克每1000克含4克kiran 的食物A，现在每天吃400克每1000克含1克kiran 的食物B，那么kiran 摄入量就是原地踏步，谈不上变化。其二， a scientific study has shown kiran reduces cholesterol 是不具有说服力的，作者得提供成百上千的研究结果，才能说明kiran到底有没有效果。 最后，就算kiran的确 reduces cholesterol， 作者还得证明当地居民需要reduces cholesterol。如果当地居民本来就缺乏 cholesterol，再吃kiran降低cholesterol，那么就过上了一种更不健康的生活，与作者结论相悖。

我发现你找点很不准
有种钻牛角尖的趋势

fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol  
首先是含有kiran的食物 也许还含有其他不健康的成分啊 比如糖分 脂肪 或者其他化学成分
其次是这个Kiran降胆固醇 其实是不用质疑的 但是也许还有其他不好的作用啊 比如可能会上瘾 或者 导致失眠等等
再就是 销售增4倍不代表所有的人都进食量增加啊 不均匀的分布会影响结论


中间第三段
ts (pt3): Last, the decline of sulia selling and the residents’ health levels entail more relevant evidence. 首先，作者要说明为何sulia的销量减少，是因为居民知道它不健康所以不买，还是由于天灾人祸导致它产量减少、价格升高，因而迫使人们不买，一旦产量回升，人们加倍购买。前者支持结论，后者反驳结论。其次，the most healthy citizens描述模糊，作者得说明他们的健康源于何处，是锻炼多还是饮食习惯所致。唯有饮食习惯造成的健康人士，才有可能证明少吃sulia是一种健康习惯。最后，就算sulia是 a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat，也不一定能说明sulia销量下降是健康生活的保障。作者必须提供从问卷调查、面试等得到的证据来说明饮食习惯造成的the most healthy citizens的确认为sulia不健康，所以不吃。否则，有可能饮食习惯造成的the most healthy citizens认为sulia很利于健康，但其价格高到他们不能承受，因此他们只好诉诸其它食物保持健康。如果能得到饮食导致最不健康的人一段时期内吃多少sulia，那更能说明问题：饮食导致最不健康的人多吃sulia，支持结论；饮食导致最不健康的人比饮食造成的the most healthy citizens还要少吃sulia，反驳结论。作者最好引用是一份对sulia的医学研究报告，彻底澄清它的作用。一旦确认它的确是对人们的健康有很大负面影响，那么就证明了自己的结论。


Last, the decline of sulia selling and the residents’ health levels entail more relevant evidence.这句话表达有问题
你提出要问为什么销量减少 是不错的 但是后面说什么天灾人祸就不靠谱了
你可以提出 也许有其他替代品 而这个替代品更便宜 但也不健康啊
然后你说什么要问卷调查、面试 这就太扯了
sulia 的一个特点是 a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat. 但是这是否代表这个东西不健康呢  这一点你好像也有提到

总的来说我觉得你在提出不同的攻击点时 找的位置不太对

tesolchinaUID：2191404

今天交了论文来看

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以下是根据老师的指点修改的提纲，还请老师继续指教，多谢！

53. The following appeared in a health magazine.

"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

1 抄题

2 列出argument的结论和主要证据
claim或结论：The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles.   

证据01 Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago.
证据02 Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol  
证据03 This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat.

3 写第一段
TS (pt1, pt2, pt3): The author of the health magazine article asserts that the Forsythe residents are living healthier lives than ever before, based on the results of a recent survey which mentions the dwellers’ eating habits and the governmental nutritional guide, the consumption of kiran-contained food and eating of sulia. Although her argument seems logical and acceptable at first glance, the reader needs more pieces of evidence to judge whether her conclusion is valid or not after examining the reasoning line of the essay.

4. 写出中间段的主题句（英语）用汉语解释主要讨论的点
中间第一段
ts (pt1): In the first place, the writer should provide more details about the recent survey conducted in Forsythe. 文中作者的描述十分模棱两可，让作者不知该survey的问题是否设计得科学合理，参与survey的人是否能代表所有当地居民，以及他们的回答是否反映了他们的真实饮食情况。第一，如果调查的问题是这样设计的，列了数十种政府所推荐的健康食物，而只列了几种不健康的食物，然后问：“你一个月中吃过以下哪种食物？”一个每月二十多天固定吃一些列表上没有的非健康食物、只有几天偶尔吃一些列表上有的健康食物的人，自然勾选了许多健康食物，然而她的回应自然不能揭示真实情况。唯有问题设计得如“你一个月一般摄入哪些食物？各摄入多少？”一般，让参与调查的人自己列出食物和吃的量，而后研究人员再比对哪些健康、哪些不健康，得出的结果才能反映现实。第二，参与者如果都是老人或者都是青年，那么自然不能证明结论，唯有对各年龄段分层抽样才具代表性。第三，这些居民可能因为自己的饮食习惯不健康，所以不敢回答自己的真实饮食情况，所提供的虚假健康食物列表也许误导了研究。作者需要提供证据来证明他们的回答是诚实的，否则结果无效。
中间第二段
ts (pt2): Next, the author needs to elucidate the effect of the intake of the food that contains kiran. 这里起码得有三方面的证据。其一，就算有food products containing kiran增加, 每种食物的含量必须得说明。例如，有一种食物只含1克kiran，但含10克糖分和20克脂肪，或者其它增加cholesterol的成分，而所增加的cholesterol是1克kiran所不能消解的，那么这种食品的销量提升，对健康有害无益。其二， 就算a scientific study has shown kiran reduces cholesterol，作者得提供成其他研究结果，说明kiran没有其它副作用，如导致上瘾、失眠等，否则整体效果还是损害健康。 最后，就算kiran的销量经历了a fourfold increase， 作者还得证明这种增加在当地居民之中是均匀的，而不是10%的人疯狂购买并食用这些食物拖动了平均值的提升，而其他90%的人没有增加购买这些食物，否则对于所有居民来说，就不是过上了一种更健康的生活，与作者结论相悖。
中间第三段
ts (pt3): Last, the relationship between sulia selling and the residents’ health levels entails more relevant evidence. 首先，作者要说明为何sulia的销量减少，是因为居民知道它不健康所以不买，还是由于有了更便宜且一样不健康的替代品致使他们不买。前者支持结论，后者反驳结论。其次，the most healthy citizens描述模糊，作者得说明他们的健康源于何处，是锻炼多还是饮食习惯所致。唯有饮食习惯造成的健康人士，才有可能证明少吃sulia是一种健康习惯。最后，就算sulia是 a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat，也不一定能说明sulia销量下降是健康生活的保障。有可能饮食习惯造成的the most healthy citizens认为sulia很利于健康，但其价格高到他们不能承受，因此他们只好诉诸其它食物保持健康。如果能得到饮食导致最不健康的人一段时期内吃多少sulia，那更能说明问题：饮食导致最不健康的人多吃sulia，支持结论；饮食导致最不健康的人比饮食造成的the most healthy citizens还要少吃sulia，反驳结论。作者最好引用是一份对sulia的医学研究报告，彻底澄清它的作用。一旦确认它的确是对人们的健康有很大负面影响，那么就证明了自己的结论。

ee_stoneUID：3573213

The following appeared in a health magazine.

"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

------------------------- 题目分割线

In the magazine, based on the survey results on eating habits and the sales data of "good" and "bad" food,  citizens are thought to have adopted more healthful lifestyles. However, there are some other key evidence we need to investigate so that we can be more convinced or suspicious of the argument, such as the details of the survey, the characters of kiran, sulia and related food mentioned.

First evidence to investigate is the details of the survey on eating habits, which are missing in the letter but can determine the credibility of the results. For example, how the sample population is distributed on ages, genders, and educational levels can have great impact on the survey results. Generally, females and old people are more sensitive to the health information and more active in applying the governmental guidance. And educated people are surely more exposed to the public media and have more chances to learn the recommendations. If the percentage of aged and more educated people in the recent survey is higher than 10 years before, the results can naturally be better and may not reveal the actual improvement of lifestyles.

Besides, the characters of kiran and related food sales should be evaluated. It is mentioned that a study shows kiran can help to reduce cholesterol. But how much should be taken by a man to trigger the effect? Is this study supported by other studies? Are there any side effects? How much does the food products contain the substance? If the percentage of kiran in the food is so limited to take effect or the study is the only one to make the assertion, the rising sales of kiran containing food doesn't help to corroborate the argument. Also, the sales may grow due to the total population growth rather than the increased consumption by each people. Hence, the sales data should be studied in more details.

On the other hand, we need to evaluate the root cause why sulia is rarely eaten by healthy citizens and why the sales drop recently. To support the argument, it should be convincing that sulia is harmful to health. However, the drop of sales may be due to the shortage of supply, prohibiting prices or the unique smell and taste.  Moreover, the previous sales may be mainly for export and the drop may be blamed on global competition or the embargo. If some of these reasons are validated, the argument will be greatly weakened.

In short, by evaluating more evidence above, we may find extra details to corroborate that the citizens are living a more healthful life. Or we may find alternative explanations of the data of the survey and sales, which will weaken the argument.

tesolchinaUID：2191404

ee_stone 发表于 2015-1-25 23:18
The following appeared in a health magazine.

"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthf ...

先看看我写的 对比一下有什么问题
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... ge=14#pid1779160129

ee_stoneUID：3573213

感觉找的点好像跟范文差不多, 但是行文的时候总是在驳斥原文的论点, 而不是试图找到其他证据去支持论点。老师的范文就比较平衡，不知道这是不是关键问题。

tesolchinaUID：2191404

ee_stone 发表于 2015-1-27 22:24
感觉找的点好像跟范文差不多, 但是行文的时候总是在驳斥原文的论点, 而不是试图找到其他证据去支持论点。老 ...

First evidence to investigate is the details of the survey on eating habits, which are missing in the letter but can determine the credibility of the results. For example, how the sample population is distributed on ages, genders, and educational levels can have great impact on the survey results. Generally, females and old people are more sensitive to the health information and more active in applying the governmental guidance. And educated people are surely more exposed to the public media and have more chances to learn the recommendations. If the percentage of aged and more educated people in the recent survey is higher than 10 years before, the results can naturally be better and may not reveal the actual improvement of lifestyles.

你这一段主要讨论的是sampling的问题 是否具有代表性 而我这一段除了讨论是否具有代表性 还涉及到十年前和当下的比较问题  以及问卷的问题设置等问题 所以你的内容明显不够丰富  


We need more information about the survey to decide if the results can support the conclusion. For one thing, how the survey was designed and conducted would affect the reliability of the data collected. Did the survey ask the respondents about their eating habits now as well as ten years ago? For their current eating habits, did the survey designers include questions phrased in different ways to check the consistency of the respondents? For the eating habits of people ten years ago, did the survey ask the respondents to recall their eating habits or consider the data collected a decade earlier? Answers to these questions would provide evidence for us to decide if the survey itself was well-designed and could produce useful and reliable data. Another issue is the representativeness of the respondents. We need to evaluate the sampling methods of the survey critically to see if the respondents sampled can truly represent the Forsythe citizens. If the respondents were mainly from a particular socioeconomic class or age group, for example, the survey results could not be generalzed to the entire population in Forsythe.



Besides, the characters of kiran and related food sales should be evaluated. It is mentioned that a study shows kiran can help to reduce cholesterol. But how much should be taken by a man to trigger the effect? Is this study supported by other studies? Are there any side effects? How much does the food products contain the substance? If the percentage of kiran in the food is so limited to take effect or the study is the only one to make the assertion, the rising sales of kiran containing food doesn't help to corroborate the argument. Also, the sales may grow due to the total population growth rather than the increased consumption by each people. Hence, the sales data should be studied in more details.

注意你的开头第一句和我的开头第一句对比 我的更准确概括了后面整段的内容
关于side effect你也提到了 但是我提出了一个很具体的可能性
另外我提到含有kiran的食物可能还含有不健康的食材  这个点也是很重要的
并不是我的就是标准答案 而是你需要学会多方面的探索其他可能性 这是写argument的关键所在


More information is also required to understand the nature of Kiran and the reasons why the sales have increased. According to the magazine article, Kiran can help reduce cholesterol. But that does not mean the substance is necessarily healthful. Maybe it is a mood booster that can help the people to feel good but may become addictive in the long term. We need more information about Kiran to determine whether having more of this is healthful. Also, we need to consider the food products that contain kiran. Maybe the food products, in addition to having kiran, also have other unhealthy ingredients such as sugar or grease. This is related to another question: why are the food products so popular? Maybe they are popular for reasons unrelated to kiran such as the delicious taste as a result of sugar or grease or effective marketing strategies of the manufacturers and retailers. If this is the case, the data would not support the claim that Forsythe citizens are leading a more healthful life.

感觉你的行文挺好 或许要在找讨论的点以及如何组织方面再下功夫
读我的文章和ETS范文都要再细致一些  

ee_stoneUID：3573213

tesolchina 发表于 2015-1-30 23:43
First evidence to investigate is the details of the survey on eating habits, which are missing i ...

嗯嗯，再找一篇练习。