大家来解释一下OG上的范文

佑愚UID: 3466694

今天看OG上独立写作的范文，看到提供的5分范文，实在不了解为什么会得5分
文章贴在下面，
先说我的几个疑惑：
1.开题就很远，扯到关系中的各种因素，扯了140字才扯到主题，感觉很有模版的嫌疑
2.只是在凭空说说没有讲到具体的例子
3.道理上也讲的不完整、不合理。
In that case how can I ever believe or trust that person again? How can I ever believe that
this person has enough confidence in me to forgive him/her and carry on with the
relationship from there. So if I cannot trust a person anymore, if the person doesn’t
think I can handle the truth, there’s no point to continuing that relationship.
这些讲得太偏激，体现不了思维的深度。

总之，个人水平有限，感觉这篇有些地方还不及下一篇4分的好，只是4分那篇语言确实差点，不理解。。。。
请各位指教

     There are certain considerations or factors that everyone takes into account in a relationship. People may look for honesty, altruism, understanding, loyalty, being thoughtful etc! Everyone would more or less wish that the person s/he is dealing with, has some of these virtues above. Putting them in an order according to their importance, however can be very subjective and relative.
     When someone asks him/herself the question “What do I consider to be the most important thing in my relationship?” the answer depends on a lot of factors such as how his/her earlier relationships were.
     After stating that everyone’s opinion can be different about this, for me honesty, in other words, always telling the truth is the most important consideration in a relationship. Opposite of this is unarguably lying and if someone needs to lie, either s/he is hiding something or is afraid of telling me something.
     In any relationship of mine, I would wish that first of all, the person I’m dealing
with is honest. Even though s/he thinks that s/he did something wrong that I wouldn’t like, s/he’d better tell me the truth and not lie about it. Later on if I find out about a lie or hear the truth from someone else, that’d be much more unpleasant. In that case how can I ever believe or trust that person again? How can I ever believe that this person has enough confidence in me to forgive him/her and carry on with the relationship from there. So if I cannot trust a person anymore, if the person doesn’t think I can handle the truth, there’s no point to continuing that relationship.
     Although I would like to see altruistic, understanding, thoughtful and loyal behavior from people, an instance of the opposite of these behaviors would not upset me as much as dishonesty would. Among all the possible behaviors, dishonesty is the only one for me that terminates how I feel about a person’s reliability. Therefore honesty would be my first concern and the most important consideration in a relationship.

佑愚UID: 3466694

感觉很重要的问题呀，有没有哪位指点一下，不要沉下去。。。

logicallyUID: 3447866

佑愚 发表于 2015-2-10 18:45
感觉很重要的问题呀，有没有哪位指点一下，不要沉下去。。。

因为这篇文章的语言表达很好，思路也比较流畅。

你不要用GRE作文的那种思维方式来评价托福作文的好坏。一篇托福的作文可能逻辑不是很严谨，有些论点甚至有可能有漏洞，但这些都没关系，只要作者能够将自己的意思清晰的通过英语表达出来就可以了。再说，很多托福作文的题目的回答本身就有可能因人而异，两个不同的考生完全有可能持相反观点，但这都没关系。

另外，虽然这篇文章是5分，但并不代表5分的文章都必须这样写。你完全可以按照自己的习惯来分段、思考，比如 开头亮明自己观点+理由1+理由2+对反面观点的让步， 都可以。这篇5分范文向考生传达的最重要信息就是“语言表达的准确、流畅在托福作文评分中起着很大作用”

佑愚UID: 3466694

logically 发表于 2015-2-10 20:31
因为这篇文章的语言表达很好，思路也比较流畅。

你不要用GRE作文的那种思维方式来评价托福作文的好坏。 ...

谢谢斑竹~  理解啦
曾经在G版也见到过逻辑君~