issue67 写得很不顺，求砖

apolloxpUID: 156355

Issue67 "College should require students to engage in public-service activities in order to assure that each student receives a balanced, well-rounded education."

The speaker asserts that students should be required to participate in public-service activities so that they can receive a balanced, well-rounded education. I agree with the speaker and endeavor to clarify some misconceptions and support this statement through the following analysis.

It is hold by some people, especially in my country, that the most important thing for students is the academic study in colleges and universities. This is a superficial assessment to say the least. Students in the colleges now will become the backbone in the society in the future. They study in the colleges the necessary knowledge and basic skills so as to prepare themselves for individual success and social thriving. However, should this goal be attain if the students were isolated from the society and knew little about the world? No. Just imagine a person who has received college education in politics but have no knowledge about he political system of the nation, and we will see that such person will not be able to put what he/she has learned into practice. Nor can he/she achieve success in his/her field. Our society needs qualified, competent and responsible college graduates who can contribute to a brighter future for the society, not the ones that know little about the society and have no idea how to integrate what have learned with what are to be done.

The objectors to the students' taking part in public-service may argue that public-service activities detract the students’ energy and do harm to their study. Although I concede that it makes some sense in this statement, it is not right as a whole. Adequate amount of public-service actually benefits the students in their majors. On the one hand, participating in social activities develops the students’ capacity for communication and teamwork, which are the essential skills to attain success in the contemporary society. When they take part in social activities, they do not do it by their own. Instead, they do things with others. No significant tasks can be fulfilled without the effort of teamwork and teamwork is based on the communication and mutual understanding with other members in the same team. Besides, participating in public-service activities actually aware the students of the social responsibilities they will take. On the other hand, contemporary students are not in such a case that they are too busy with their academic study to engage themselves in anything else. Taking adequate amount of social service, for example 3 or 4 hours a week does little harm to their study and may serve as a break for the students.

In conclusion, as college students are the future backbones of our society, they should be educated to be a qualified and competent citizen for the sake of their individual successes and social thriving. Consequently, they should be required to take part in public-service activities to increase the sense of responsibility, get the knowledge of the social reality and gain some practical experience from these activities.

yifengUID: 159612

占个座，明天看。:p
The speaker asserts that students should be required to participate in public-service activities so that they can receive a balanced, well-rounded education. I agree with the speaker and endeavor to clarify some misconceptions and support this statement through the following analysis.

It is hold by some people, especially in my country, that the most important thing for students is the academic study in colleges and universities. This is a superficial assessment to say the least. 和上句不太连接，有些突兀，你觉得呢？Students in the colleges now will become the backbone in the society in the future. They study in the colleges the necessary knowledge and basic skills so as to prepare themselves for individual success and social thriving. However, should this goal（will）be attain if the students were isolated from the society and knew little about the world? No. Just imagine a person who has received college education in politics but have no knowledge about he political system of the nation, and we will see that such person will not be able to put what he/she has learned into practice. Nor can he/she achieve单数 success in his/her field. Our society needs qualified, competent and responsible college graduates who can contribute to a brighter future for the society, not the ones that know little about the society and have no idea how to integrate what have learned with what are to be done.觉得有些笼统，不具体，ETS喜欢细节（据新东方的老师说）。

The objectors to the students' taking part in public-service may argue that public-service activities detract the students’ energy and do harm to their study. Although I concede that it makes some sense in this statement, it is not right as a whole. Adequate amount of public-service actually benefits the students in their majors. On the one hand, participating in social activities develops the students’ capacity for communication and teamwork, which are the essential skills to attain success in the contemporary society. When they take part in social activities, they do not do it by their own. Instead, they do things with others. No significant tasks can be fulfilled without the effort of teamwork and teamwork is based on the communication and mutual understanding with other members in the same team. Besides, participating in public-service activities actually aware the students of the social responsibilities they will take.这句话太上不着天下不着地了。 On the other hand, contemporary students are not in such a case that they are too busy with their academic study to engage themselves in anything else. Taking adequate amount of social service, for example 3 or 4 hours a week does little harm to their study and may serve as a break for the students.没总结句，而且第二个理由论述太少，我觉得和上一段一样的毛病，没有让人信服的例子，数据或者名言。

In conclusion, as college students are the future backbones of our society, they should be educated to be a qualified and competent citizen for the sake of their individual successes and social thriving. Consequently, they should be required to take part in public-service activities to increase the sense of responsibility, get the knowledge of the social reality and gain some practical experience from these activities.结尾我就不说了，我也头疼。

apolloxpUID: 156355

谢谢yifeng，欢迎占座

apolloxpUID: 156355

sigh，写得时候就思路混乱，
后来自己改的时候还是混乱
chaos+chaos=more chaos :)
欢迎更多砖头

yanbaiokUID: 140103

Issue67 "College should require students to engage in public-service activities in order to assure that each student receives a balanced, well-rounded education."

The speaker asserts that students should be required to participate in public-service activities so that they can receive a balanced, well-rounded education. I agree with the speaker and endeavor to clarify some misconceptions and support this statement through the following analysis.

It is hold by some people, especially in my country, that the most important thing for students is the academic study in colleges and universities. This is a superficial assessment to say the least. Students in the colleges now will become the backbone in the society in the future. They study in the colleges (放在后面好像好一点)the necessary knowledge and basic skills so as to prepare themselves for individual success and social thriving. However, should this goal be attain  if the students were isolated from the society and knew little about the world? No. Just imagine a person who has received college education in politics but have no knowledge about he political system of the nation, and we will see that such person will not be able to put what he/she has learned into practice. Nor can he/she achieve success in his/her field.(能不能换个例子，比如法律，工商等，政治理论不好实践吧) Our society needs qualified, competent and responsible college graduates who can contribute to a brighter future for the society, not the ones that know little about the society and have no idea how to integrate what have learned with what are to be done.

The objectors to the students' taking part in public-service may argue that public-service activities detract the students’ energy and do harm to their （school）study. Although I concede that it makes some sense in this statement, it is not right as a whole. Adequate amount of public-service (public service) actually benefits the students in their majors. On the one hand, participating in social activities develops the students’ capacity for communication and teamwork, which are the essential skills to attain success in the contemporary society. When they take part in social activities, they do not do it by their own. Instead, they do things with others. No significant tasks can be fulfilled without the effort of teamwork and teamwork is based on the communication and mutual understanding with other members in the same team(好像没有论证你的观点benefits the students in their majors). Besides, participating in public-service activities actually aware the students of the social responsibilities they will take. On the other hand, contemporary students are not in such a case that they are too busy with their academic study to engage themselves in anything else. Taking adequate amount of social service, for example 3 or 4 hours a week does little harm to their study and may serve as a break for the students.

In conclusion, as college students are the future backbones of our society, they should be educated to be a qualified and competent citizen for the sake of their individual successes and social thriving. Consequently, they should be required to take part in public-service activities to increase the sense of responsibility, get the knowledge of the social reality and gain some practical experience from these activities.
不错，以上只是我个人观点，你自己在看一下
如果限时的话，那就更好的很好了，加油啊

apolloxpUID: 156355

最初由 yanbaiok 发布
[B]能不能换个例子，比如法律，工商等，政治理论不好实践吧
[/B]

有道理，写的时候没好好推敲例子

最初由 yanbaiok 发布
[B]No significant tasks can be fulfilled without the effort of teamwork and teamwork is based on the communication and mutual understanding with other members in the same team(好像没有论证你的观点benefits the students in their majors)
[/B]

没错，是句废话

限时的，后来又改过
anyway，谢谢yanbaiok的批改和鼓励

needleUID: 158900

Issue67 "College should require students to engage in public-service activities in order to assure that each student receives a balanced, well-rounded education."

The speaker asserts that students should be required to participate in public-service activities so that they can receive a balanced, well-rounded education[露了重要的主语college]. I agree with the speaker and [will] endeavor to clarify some misconceptions and [两个and很别扭，改一改] support this statement through the following analysis.

It is hold by some people, especially in my country,[是不是应该说出来是哪里，更有说服力呢] that the most important thing [matter] for students is the academic study in colleges and universities. This is a superficial assessment to say the least. Students in the [去掉the] colleges now will become the backbone in [of] the society in the future. They study in the [去掉the] colleges [前一句已经限定了students，这里简化为there] the necessary knowledge and basic skills so as to prepare themselves for individual success and social thriving. However, should this goal be attain [attained][Would this goal be attained] if the students were isolated from the society and knew little about the world? No. Just imagine a person who has received college education in politics but have no knowledge about he [the] political system of the nation[学政治学为什么不知道国家政治体制？这二者没有对立关系。], and we will see that such [a] person will not be able to put what he/she has learned into practice. Nor [这是个连词，主句呢？用Neither,副词] can he/she achieve success in his/her field. Our society needs qualified, competent and responsible college graduates who can contribute to a brighter future for [of] the society, not the ones that know little about the society and have no idea how to integrate what have [been] learned with what are to be done [这一段可以说跟TS中的public service activities一点关系都没有，至少语言上没有提到任何联系。只说了学生只要学习好的观点不对，但在说怎么光学习好不行的时候完全抛开了题目，而且举的例子很站不住脚].

The objectors to the students' taking part in public-service may argue that public-service activities detract the students’ energy and do harm to their study. Although I concede that it makes some sense in this statement, it is not right as a whole. Adequate amount of public-service actually benefits the students in their majors. On the one hand, participating in social activities [可以和public-service等同吗？扩大了范围] develops [could/might/would…] the students’ capacity for communication and teamwork[这个不一定], which are the essential skills to attain success in the contemporary society. When they take part in social activities, they do not do it by their own.[一定吗？] Instead, they do things with others. No significant tasks can be fulfilled without the effort of teamwork and teamwork is based on the communication and mutual understanding with other members in the same team. Besides, participating in public-service activities actually aware [aware就是一个adj.不是v., be aware of,而不是aware sb. of sth.!] the students of the social responsibilities they will take. On the other hand, contemporary students are not in such a case that they are too busy with their academic study to engage themselves in anything else[又是没有证据的结论]. Taking adequate amount of social service [变成享受社会服务了？] , for example 3 or 4 hours [这个数据太容易被攻击了，谁证明这就是前面说的adequate amount?这个时间无害，如果它不adequate，那么更长的（组以保证adequate）的，是不是也无害？who knows.] a week does little harm to their study and may serve as a break for the students[无证据！].

In conclusion, as college students are the future backbones of our society, they should be educated to be a qualified and competent citizen for the sake of their individual successes[做“成功”不可数] and social thriving[这个句子也……句子最重要的3个部分用词完全重复上文]. Consequently, they should be required to take part in public-service activities to increase the sense of responsibility, get the knowledge of the social reality and gain some practical experience from these activities.[唉！多好的一句TS被用在了结尾。]
[要是楼主能把结尾的那句话当作TS来分解开来具体写public-service的好处，我相信文章会比现在好很多。

对于public service楼主没有做出任何解释和举例，可见理解不深刻。应当注意到题目中a balanced, well-rounded education这个重要的提示，要支持，一定要说到如何就balanced和well-rounded的了。可惜文中都没有提到。]

apolloxpUID: 156355

The speaker asserts that students should be required to participate in public-service activities so that they can receive a balanced, well-rounded education. I agree with the speaker and endeavor to clarify some misconceptions and support this statement through the following analysis.

It is hold by some people, especially in my country, that the most important thing for students is the academic study in colleges and universities. This is a superficial assessment to say the least. 和上句不太连接，有些突兀，你觉得呢？偶的意思是想批驳一下这种看法，加个However会不会好点Students in the colleges now will become the backbone in the society in the future. They study in the colleges the necessary knowledge and basic skills so as to prepare themselves for individual success and social thriving. However, should this goal（will）偶用了虚拟语气be attain if the students were isolated from the society and knew little about the world? No. Just imagine a person who has received college education in politics but have no knowledge about he political system of the nation, and we will see that such person will not be able to put what he/she has learned into practice. Nor can he/she achieve单数 success in his/her field. Our society needs qualified, competent and responsible college graduates who can contribute to a brighter future for the society, not the ones that know little about the society and have no idea how to integrate what have learned with what are to be done.觉得有些笼统，不具体，ETS喜欢细节（据新东方的老师说）。说得没错

The objectors to the students' taking part in public-service may argue that public-service activities detract the students’ energy and do harm to their study. Although I concede that it makes some sense in this statement, it is not right as a whole. Adequate amount of public-service actually benefits the students in their majors. On the one hand, participating in social activities develops the students’ capacity for communication and teamwork, which are the essential skills to attain success in the contemporary society. When they take part in social activities, they do not do it by their own. Instead, they do things with others. No significant tasks can be fulfilled without the effort of teamwork and teamwork is based on the communication and mutual understanding with other members in the same team. Besides, participating in public-service activities actually aware the students of the social responsibilities they will take.这句话太上不着天下不着地了。汗~~~被看出来，这句本来要另起一段当TS的。可惜时间有限，不过删了好像有点可惜，毕竟是一个支持主题理由 On the other hand, contemporary students are not in such a case that they are too busy with their academic study to engage themselves in anything else. Taking adequate amount of social service, for example 3 or 4 hours a week does little harm to their study and may serve as a break for the students.没总结句，而且第二个理由论述太少，我觉得和上一段一样的毛病，没有让人信服的例子，数据或者名言。偶其实江郎才尽，据不出合适的例子啊。 :( 偶的作文论据还在整理中呢

In conclusion, as college students are the future backbones of our society, they should be educated to be a qualified and competent citizen for the sake of their individual successes and social thriving. Consequently, they should be required to take part in public-service activities to increase the sense of responsibility, get the knowledge of the social reality and gain some practical experience from these activities.结尾我就不说了，我也头疼。

apolloxpUID: 156355

Issue67 "College should require students to engage in public-service activities in order to assure that each student receives a balanced, well-rounded education."

The speaker asserts that students should be required to participate in public-service activities so that they can receive a balanced, well-rounded education(露了重要的主语college)啊呀，真不应该，低级失误. I agree with the speaker and (will) endeavor to clarify some misconceptions and (两个and很别扭，改一改)后一个改成to怎样？ support this statement through the following analysis.

It is hold by some people, especially in my country,(是不是应该说出来是哪里，更有说服力呢)对 that the most important thing (matter) for students is the academic study in colleges and universities. This is a superficial assessment to say the least. Students in the (去掉the) colleges now will become the backbone in (of) the society in the future. They study in the (去掉the) colleges (前一句已经限定了students，这里简化为there) the necessary knowledge and basic skills so as to prepare themselves for individual success and social thriving. However, should this goal be attain (attained)(Would this goal be attained) if the students were isolated from the society and knew little about the world? No. Just imagine a person who has received college education in politics but have no knowledge about he (the) political system of the nation(学政治学为什么不知道国家政治体制？这二者没有对立关系。)看来偶还是少说不熟悉的领域为好, and we will see that such (a) person will not be able to put what he/she has learned into practice. Nor (这是个连词，主句呢？用Neither,副词) can he/she achieve success in his/her field. Our society needs qualified, competent and responsible college graduates who can contribute to a brighter future for (of) the society, not the ones that know little about the society and have no idea how to integrate what have (been) learned with what are to be done (这一段可以说跟TS中的public service activities一点关系都没有，至少语言上没有提到任何联系。只说了学生只要学习好的观点不对，但在说怎么光学习好不行的时候完全抛开了题目，而且举的例子很站不住脚).

The objectors to the students' taking part in public-service may argue that public-service activities detract the students’ energy and do harm to their study. Although I concede that it makes some sense in this statement, it is not right as a whole. Adequate amount of public-service actually benefits the students in their majors. On the one hand, participating in social activities (可以和public-service等同吗？扩大了范围) develops (could/might/would…) the students’ capacity for communication and teamwork(这个不一定), which are the essential skills to attain success in the contemporary society. When they take part in social activities, they do not do it by their own.(一定吗？) Instead, they do things with others. No significant tasks can be fulfilled without the effort of teamwork and teamwork is based on the communication and mutual understanding with other members in the same team. Besides, participating in public-service activities actually aware (aware就是一个adj.不是v., be aware of,而不是aware sb. of sth.!) the students of the social responsibilities they will take. On the other hand, contemporary students are not in such a case that they are too busy with their academic study to engage themselves in anything else(又是没有证据的结论). Taking adequate amount of social service (变成享受社会服务了？) , for example 3 or 4 hours (这个数据太容易被攻击了，谁证明这就是前面说的adequate amount?这个时间无害，如果它不adequate，那么更长的（组以保证adequate）的，是不是也无害？who knows.) a week does little harm to their study and may serve as a break for the students(无证据！).汗~~~整段都是unwarranted assumption，整个一argument的素材了 :D

In conclusion, as college students are the future backbones of our society, they should be educated to be a qualified and competent citizen for the sake of their individual successes(做“成功”不可数) and social thriving(这个句子也……句子最重要的3个部分用词完全重复上文). Consequently, they should be required to take part in public-service activities to increase the sense of responsibility, get the knowledge of the social reality and gain some practical experience from these activities.(唉！多好的一句TS被用在了结尾。)哎，想到这句的时候只剩一分钟了
(要是楼主能把结尾的那句话当作TS来分解开来具体写public-service的好处，我相信文章会比现在好很多。

对于public service楼主没有做出任何解释和举例，可见理解不深刻。应当注意到题目中a balanced, well-rounded education这个重要的提示，要支持，一定要说到如何就balanced和well-rounded的了。可惜文中都没有提到。)

关于文章的结构，偶想通过对错误看法的澄清和批驳来立论，不知道这样是不是可行。
偶对public service的理解仅限于义务劳动等等
不知道是不是理解对了，或者有没有别的理解？

apolloxpUID: 156355

衷心感谢yifeng和needle的板转！
难得一篇自认为不错的限时issue，写完了还自我陶醉了一下，现在看来其实问题还真不少。

needleUID: 158900

楼主对于public service哪怕是理解为义务劳动也应该写进去啊！应该举点具体的例子说明它的重要性。

精神上的作用楼主忽略了，humanity，呵呵，或者说to be humane


结构。。。边立边驳应该也可以，但是不好把握。尤其对题目理解不深，慎用。很容易写的一锅粥。

apolloxpUID: 156355

最初由 needle 发布
[B]楼主对于public service哪怕是理解为义务劳动也应该写进去啊！应该举点具体的例子说明它的重要性。

精神上的作用楼主忽略了，humanity，呵呵，或者说to be humane


结构。。。边立边驳应该也可以，但是不好把握。尤其对题目理解不深，慎用。很容易写的一锅粥。[/B]

很受启发
//bow

kaventUID: 154493

先占个座~

fishergirlUID: 152325

大家一起占啊！

BTW，needle改过语法了，我们就没有太多必要仔细看语法问题了咯：）

讨论思路如何啊？