谢谢!辛苦了!意见很中肯。好多词是当时不会字典查的。。等我改完马上给你互评。。
我把第一点又改了下。去掉了上瘾,直接说承认电影电视中的暴力场景可能会对青少年有影响,但不能禁止青少年看电视,所以需要分级制度。
Indeed, there are a few dross in the material and a minority of teenagers are likely to be affected by pornographic picture, horrible or bloody violence scenes on television and movies. Nonetheless, we cannot deny that watching TV or movies are one of the most important recreational activities not only among the teenagers, but adults. So we cannot simply ban some TV shows or movies. Instead, those problems can be easily solved by involving strict supervision of parents and government. For instance, movie and TV rating system are conducted in many countries. It is adopting rating system that protects teenagers from being affected by those negative content.
谢谢!结构确实很混乱,我一大缺点就是一点不能论证详尽,论述过于跳跃。谢谢指正!
发展公共交通一段加了个例子:
For example, more than ten new bus lines and three new subways lines were put into operation in the city I live at the beginning of 2014. I feel that I am less likely to get stuck in traffic jam throughout the year. And the city enjoys more days of good air quality than last year.
第三段也加了一个例子:
Cleaner sources of power has been put into use in majority of developed countries in northern Europe, such as windmills and natural gas. We rarely meet air quality problems in those countries.