Issue3 习作

sdc10UID: 111416

Issue 3   
It is more important to allocate money for immediate,existing social problems than to spend it on long term research that might help future generations.

  Modern economics defines itself as a subject of how to make optimum profits out of limited investment.When it comes to government,the issue of how to allocate money between immediate,existing problems and long term research that might help future generations is quite an economic one and any issue involved in economics,in my view,should be examined with facts and information to get a proper conclusion.

  Some social problems,because of their urgent nature,should always come in priority.A case in point is the SARS disease that spread over China last year.When the plague started,the situation became so urgent and more and more people were reported to suffer or even die day by day.At that time,everyone felt threatened and “Anti-SARS” seemed the only topic everywhere.To get the situation under control,Chinese government and local governments took quick and resolute actions,spending a lot of money on medical equipment,medicine and relevant items as well as building special treatment centers.Meanwhile the money for exploration and manufacturing of effective vaccines also reached a considerable amount.Moreover,to prevent the disease from further communicating,China stopped many businesses and among them the catering trade and tourism industry suffered the most impact.Pertinent reports indicated that more than billions of US dollars were lost in the tourism trade,and Chinese business,as a whole,lost as much as hundreds of billions of US dollars.The amount of money for overcoming the SARS crisis was perhaps the biggest investment in a single engagement in recent years,even if the finical loses not included.

  The case above may be an extreme one.In most circumstances in which existing problems donot call for a quick resolution and a large amount of money,long-term research should never be neglected.Instead,once any social issue so severe that it influences social stability is resolved,more attention should be paid on long-term research as far as money allocation is concerned.Only through long term scientific research can a nation has a long-term developing power and can it hold a stable position in the world.Furthermore,long-term research are often in a larger scale beneficial to our humane race as a whole.An inevitable problem is that the earth is destined to be a barren place unable to accommodate living things sooner or later.At that time our descendents will have to emigrate to another planet to survive.That is why we are interested in the moon exploration and spend a lot of money on it which may seem to be “burned out” to someone with an opposite view.

  In fact,most immediate problems are the result of long neglect of methodical steps to solve them.Consider the moon exploration example again,if we donot put it in our long-term research list,it will be too late when emigration out of earth becomes an urgent and immediate problem for human continuity.
  
All in all,a wise government should base their budget on accumulate information and facts to gain maximum and lose minimum,for both the present and future.In this sense,government leaders are real economists.

imongUID: 140258

下次记得注意发帖格式，看看公告里面怎么讲的。不空行看起来很零乱，别人看着不舒服就未必愿意帮你忙的。got it？  另外issue和3之间不要空格。

提醒完毕。占个座，等着。

Modern economics defines itself as a subject of how to make optimum profits（optimum和profits不搭配） out of limited investment.When it comes to government,the issue of how to allocate money between immediate,existing problems and long term research that might help future generations is quite an economic one（罗嗦，quite economic就可以，看得出来中文痕迹延续到了表达） and any issue involved in economics,in my view,should be examined with facts and information to get a proper conclusion.

When the plague started,the situation became（前面when引导这里用became好像这个状态/过程的感觉不太对头？） so urgent and more and more people were reported to suffer or even die day by day.At that time,everyone felt threatened and “Anti-SARS” seemed the only topic everywhere.这句话比较垃圾。两句话整合补充用一个句子把整体情况的urgency表达出来是上策。看范文里面类似的情况，人家的“一句话例子”。每日一评也提到过。

其实sars这个例子还是比较到位的，而且在b1结尾的时候完全可以扩展到类似的公共卫生事件，突发事件，这样一来你的说服力不就上去了嘛。而看到你的b2是打算说完全对立的long term方面——b2和b3中间没有很有效的衔接。英语里面重形和，要学会用连结词effectively organize your cluster of ideas，做到coherent。

探索月球的例子比较牵强。Instead,once any social issue so severe that it influences social stability is resolved,more attention should be paid on long-term research as far as money allocation is concerned.Only through long term scientific research can a nation has a long-term developing power and can it hold a stable position in the world.后面这里完全是空泛的口号，人家需要你用specific example来说明问题。为什么only through long term。。呢？拿什么来支持你的这个“口号”？论据说话，或者是进行分析。Furthermore,long-term research are often in a larger scale beneficial to our humane race as a whole.An inevitable problem is that 。。。在这里，你的核心观点是beneficial to human race as a whole，但这一观点和前面的承接在哪里？coherent这一点做得不好，逃离地球这个例子显得尤其突兀。参见我写的coherence一文。

这篇文章我给4.5~5分。确保拿到5分并不困难，关键是你要把b2做大的调整。aw不是想到什么写什么，下笔为整体的思想和逻辑服务。说服力和内在强逻辑关系永远在第一位。

希望你也可以给别人看看文章，互相交流，提高更快，呵呵，虽然暂时版面上会有几天的淡季，不过估计很快又要热起来的。

sdc10UID: 111416

第一次把习作贴在论坛上，能得到imong的诚恳点评十分感谢。

bluelegend66UID: 161638

呵呵

Modern economics defines itself as a subject of how to make optimum profits out of limited investment.(pursue the maximum profits这样好象通一点）When it comes to government,the issue of how to allocate money between immediate（currently),existing problems and long term research that might help future generations is quite an economic one and any issue involved in economics,in my view,should be examined with facts and information to get a proper conclusion.(chiglish~~too complex ,if the sentence can be divided into several independent ones ,the judge may feel more comfortable about what u wanna say)

Some social problems,because of their urgent nature,should always come in priority.A case in point is the SARS disease that spread over China last year.When the plague started,the situation became so urgent and more and more people were reported to suffer or even die day by day(chiglish ,it may be express as"since the plague started , newly infected and dead groups have be reported again and agian via mass media) .At that time,everyone felt threatened and “Anti-SARS” seemed(to be) the only topic everywhere（CHIGLISH）.To get the situation under control,Chinese( central) government(去掉） and local governments took quick and resolute actions,spending a lot of money on medical equipment,medicine and relevant items as well as building special treatment centers.Meanwhile the money for exploration and manufacturing of effective vaccines also reached a considerable amount（WELL DONE）.Moreover,to prevent the disease from further communicating,China stopped many businesses and among them the catering trade and tourism industry suffered the most impact.Pertinent reports indicated that more than billions of US dollars were lost in the tourism trade,and Chinese business,as a whole,lost as much as hundreds of billions of US dollars.The amount of money for overcoming the SARS crisis was perhaps the biggest investment in a single engagement in recent years,even if the finical loses not included.

The case above may be an extreme one.In most circumstances in which existing problems donot call for a quick resolution and a large amount of money,long-term research should never be neglected.Instead,once any social issue （WHICH IS）so severe that it influences social stability is resolved,more attention should be paid on long-term research as far as money allocation is concerned.Only through long term scientific research can a nation has a long-term developing power and can it hold a stable position in the world.（这里也许可以提一下SUSTAINABLE POLICY需要钱）Furthermore,long-term research are often in a larger scale beneficial to our humane race as a whole.An inevitable problem is that the earth is destined to be a barren place unable to accommodate living things sooner or later.At that time our descendents will have to emigrate to another planet to survive.That is why we are interested in the moon exploration and spend a lot of money on it which may seem to be “burned out” to someone with an opposite view.

In fact,most immediate problems are the result of long neglect of methodical steps to solve them.Consider the moon exploration example again,if we donot put it in our long-term research list,it will be too late when emigration out of earth becomes an urgent and immediate problem for human continuity.

All in all,a wise government should base their budget on accumulate information and facts to gain maximum and lose minimum,for both the present and future.In this sense,government leaders are real economists.（尾巴很好，朴实有力）
DD 平时多接触口语，可能看中语言的流利，改的不好，多多原谅）全文的句子可能有过于求长的嫌疑~~个人意见，如有雷同纯熟巧合）

ssbxUID: 156070

逗号后要空格， 不信你拉到word 里瞧瞧