issue小白～求改作文！

一个人瑶啊瑶UID: 3664584

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. 

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the 2 most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position. 
丑闻是有裨益的，因为它们让人们注意到一些问题，任何演说家和改革家都无法做到的。 



论点：虽然丑闻能让我们注意到一些问题，但不能说丑闻是有益的，它可能会侵犯一些人的隐私，伤害一些人。我们能通过其他更加正大光明的方式注意问题。

    There is a statement claims that scandals are useful because they can reveal some problems and cause our attention, while no speaker or reformer can achieve such effect. In some extent, scandals do have function to show some problems that people did not notice before. It can reflect disadvantage in some aspect. However, we can not say that scandals are useful.

    The most issued and focused scandal recently is definitely the email scandal of Hilary. It reveals the careless of her working. It also reflects the loyalty of her toward U.S.A because the email maybe contain many secrets of the United State. If there is no such scandal, people maybe would not notice those disadvantage of Hilary. Even though how her competitors make effort to attack her in their speech, seldom people would believe that. In this aspect, scandals do have some function to reflect the problem. Scandals have advantage to limit the behavior of some politician. Scandals have some function to supervise the society.

    However, some scandals just violate personal private rights. Some scandals reveal the personal life of some famous people. Such scandals just satisfied the curiosity of public. For example, some reporters take shoot of stars' life. They crouch in the grass just to take photo about how those famous people living at their home. Maybe those famous people have some personal peculiarities. When such scandals are showed to public, there is no any benefit.  Or if the scandals are counterfeit that such scandals are just to satisfied the angry of some people who have aversion on the main character of the "scandals", or if the scandals are just the political ways to achieve some purpose, then the scandals lose their function of justice.

    Otherwise, though scandals have some good and effective aspect of causing people's attention on some problem, we cannot say they are useful. There are many other ways to make the society better and better. For example, we can strengthen the govern toward some aspect such as health institution, the safety of food issue, and so on. We can definitely prevent problems happens. If the society or people just rely on scandals, I think it is a symbol of decline of civilization.

zyzy_666666UID: 3500812

文章的观点在第一段没有充分展现，你要说的是丑闻有利有弊，但是第一段只说了为什么有利，留了非常突兀的最后一句，相当于把前面展示的观点全盘否决了。

第二段只有例子，没有充分分析例子所体现的内容。最后直接抛了结论，丑闻是有用的。 If there is no such scandal, people maybe would not notice those disadvantage of Hilary.这句是关键，沿着这句向下分析：所以我们需要丑闻来干嘛？这种揭示的实质是什么？第三段的分析远比这一段到位。

同理It reveals the careless of her working. It also reflects the loyalty of her toward U.S.A because the email maybe contain many secrets of the United State. 两句话讲的是同样的内容，删掉一句。而且句中的it是前一句的the email scandal，所以应该直接合并。
When such scandals are showed to public, there is no any benefit.这个结论没有分析原因，显得特别主观。

最后一句是个新观点，但是没有解释原因，与全文不符。最后一段直接强调论点就可以了。“升华”不能是提出一个新观点。

语言的话：can‘t的全写是cannot。而且那句话不是“我们”的观点，是对上文例子的评价，主语是“那个例子”
some scandals just violate personal private rights. Some scandals reveal the personal life of some famous people.两个some scandals 是相同的，合为一句。