issue51习作求批改或建议，老师同学都欢迎

alicechang94UID: 3676067

Young people should be encouraged to pursue long-term, realistic goals rather than seek immediate fame and recognition.

总：成功需要多年的努力
论点一：一个长期的目标会让你不断充实自己，在这不断努力的过程中不仅会实现自己的梦想，还会变成一个更好的人（拿自己举例论证）。
论点二：有着远大理想的人比名利场上的人更容易赢得大家的尊重（真人秀明星和伟人的对比论证）
合：当每一个年轻人都为自己树立一个远大的目标，这个社会会变得更好

Every year in all around the world, abundant of gorgeous young girls are chasing their dreams. From the studio in Hollywood to acting class in Beijing, these girls believe that ultimate fame and recognition could bring them happiness. But are those immediate fame is what we encourage youngsters to chase? Admittedly, spotlights on the stage, headlines on top of the magazine, fancy life with tons of look-ups could bring excitement for any individual, however when we look inside, without years of hard-working, that fantasy are just bubbles under the sun.

Firstly, a long-term goals stimulate us to continuously improve ourselves. It is almost admitted that a lifelong dream need us to be the best we can be to achieve, and that means we need to keep pushing us make more and more efforts. No matter how successful we consider ourselves to be, we still need to continue pushing our limits. Therefore, long-term, realistic goals simply help youngsters become a better person even they were not intended to be. In the process of study and fulfill oneself, the improvement happens inadvertently. Consider, for example, I set my lifetime goal as to be a journalist in Time magazine, although it seems impossible for me to achieve my dream in such an unsophisticated age, I would certainly give all my heart to try to get my dream job, I probably would read more complicated articles; do research in more areas; meet and learn from the other journalists, and while doing this, I make myself more professional and sociable, at the end, the improvement happens without me noticing. And that is what pursuing long-term, realistic goals can do, with every young people out there.

Another reason that the former suggestion would be beneficial is that it earns more respect from other people. Hardly no one would highly respect those unintelligent celebrities in Hollywood like Kim Kardashian, their fame and recognition wasn’t earned by years of effort or hard-working. Still, let’s take kardashian as an example, she wasn’t famous until her sex tape was released. we can’t deny she is well-known and quite successful in today’s fashion industry, however people only consider her as a “clown” because she lost her dignity while searching for a shortcut to fame. No wonder that those whom people give respect to are truly great individual in history, and they have one thing in common, is the attention they devoted to their life goals. No need to mention a long list of people such as George Washington, Einstein, mother Taresa, these people improve the society, the condition we live in, and ultimately, ennoble the spirit of all human, by searching liberty, knowledge and charity for the world. These are the reasons for the respect they earned from everyone. Even though we may not end up like them, have the effort and devotion we done for ourselves life goals, we will still be respect.

In sum, immediate fame and recognition seems flashy but it should not be what our young people be encouraged to seek, it is only when we young people all looking for better ourselves, devote ourselves in long-term goals, can we together change the world, make it a better society, that should be every individual’s obligation.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

写作指引没贴出来？ 分段请分清楚些。

alicechang94UID: 3676067

tesolchina 发表于 2015-12-2 22:42
写作指引没贴出来？ 分段请分清楚些。

老师您好，我重新修改了，请批阅