issue22 what define you and your attitude. say something if possible. thanks

pearlshellUID: 168500

2."Many people believe that a few individuals or small groups (family, friends, teachers, celebrities, for example) have caused them to think and behave in the way they do. Yet it is always society as a whole that defines us and our attitudes, not a few individuals.


What shape one’s personality and attitude can not be simply classified as that defined by “ a few individuals or defined by a society. Yes, both small groups around and the society one lives in do play roles in the formulation of his or her personality and attitude, but what make one to be an identical personality is fairly a big complex which involved many elements which too vary at different time and different stages.

Generally, people can be divided into 3 different phrases of life stage, that is ,  pre-mature period, sub-mature period and mature period. What influence people and how they react are quite different while some consistence is maintained as well which I will discuss more in the following paragraphs.

Let’s talk about the pre-mature period first, which includes the babyhood and childhood. People at this stage usually can only take advice and follow instructions of their parents or those who take care of them. They do not possess the ability to analyze and judge, and the independent ideas yet waited to be formulated, so at this stage, they are only influenced by the small group around. And this kind of influence can be very important too, for many people who keep many of that formulated early such as religion beliefs and eating habits throughout all their life.   

The sub-mature period refers to the stage when people obtain basic ability to analyze and judge, that is to say , youngsters between 7-16, at this stage, with the horizon is relatively enlarged, basic knowledge about the world learned and circle to be broadened, people usually have their fundamental attitude and opinions toward the outside world and themselves. They don’t only listen to the people who used to give instructions, they want to do everything by their own or what they believed right to follow, they observe, they search, and they imitate. Every excitement in the outside world could sting them easily. And they only take those interested them according to their rebellious spirit. This is not rare and many of this age youngsters even admitted crimes due to vulnerable personality and lake of proper guidelines. So more positive instructions should be given in order to lessen negative attitude and to prevent the would-be wrongdoings.
Sure , Mature people usually have their more fixed habits, attitude and personality. They think and make decisions independently according to their belief, which formulated along with their life evolvement. However this kind of formulation can be adjusted or even altered completely as well when there is possibilities. In an era full of changes and new ideas, belief shifting is very often to happen to an adult. For example, in early 20th century, so many Chinese youths abandoned their rich family and went to join the revolutionary army in order to free those who were suffering from the unfair laws and system, which actually benefited these pioneers and their families, and we can see the similar examples all over the world.

Certainly, the society, in which everyone lives, plays an important role in shaping his or her attitude and belief.  However, this kind of influence is only maintained in a primary and indirect way, and can only take in effect after a long time or in a big sense. While we cannot live outside a society at one side, we still are able to go beyond what outlines us and to give it our own views. After all, we are creature that are born to think independently and are imbued with analyzing and creative ability.

In sum, the power that shape and define people is composed of different elements and the shaping procedure is dynamic as well, we cannot simply attributed to a certain reason as those mention above in the statement.

hattyUID: 141246

段落之间要空行，这样谁看起来都舒服些。。。

也算一种基本格式吧~~（今天下午我怎么写些同样的呢？。。。）

语言比较清楚，论证比例也很恰当，大体框价十分清晰。 ：）

具体的，我会详细的再重点改一遍的，等一等，我改的比较慢  :p

imongUID: 140258

题号不对！

hattyUID: 141246

另外，楼主的题号错了吧

我搜索了一下， 应该是22。。。

这样方便后来人搜索 ：）

hattyUID: 141246

最初由 imong 发布
[B]题号不对！ [/B]

老大，你怎么总是这么快啊？？？ :eek:

pearlshellUID: 168500

有网络通用顺序是吗，下次改正，谢谢大家提点。

hattyUID: 141246

22."Many people believe that a few individuals or small groups (family, friends, teachers, celebrities, for example) have caused them to think and behave in the way they do. Yet it is always society as a whole that defines us and our attitudes, not a few individuals.


What shape one’s personality and attitude can not be simply classified as that defined by “ a few individuals or defined by a society. Yes, both small groups around and the society one lives in do play roles in the formulation of his or her personality and attitude, but what make one to be an identical[？什么意思？] personality is fairly a big complex which involved many elements which too vary at different time and different stages.

Generally, people can be divided into 3 different phrases of life stage, that is , pre-mature period, sub-mature period and mature period. What influence people and how they react are quite different while some consistence is maintained[问一句，这个说法地道么？] as well which I will discuss more in the following paragraphs.

Let’s talk about the pre-mature period first, which includes the babyhood and childhood. People at this stage usually can only take advice and follow instructions of their parents or those who take care of them. They [do not] possess the ability to analyze and judge, and the independent ideas yet [waited ][你这个好象不是被动语态什么的，即使是，短语也不对]to be formulated, so at this stage, they are only influenced by the small group around. And this kind of influence can be very important too, for many people who keep many[换个词] of that[？上文呢？] formulated[还是时态问题] early such as religion beliefs and eating habits throughout all their life.

The sub-mature period refers to the stage when people obtain basic ability to analyze and judge, that is to say , youngsters between 7-16[youngsters between 7-16做什么成分？不太对劲], at this stage, with the horizon is relatively enlarged, basic knowledge about the world learned and circle to be broadened, people usually have their fundamental attitude and opinions toward the outside world and themselves.[这一长句中间缺连词] They don’t only listen to the people who used to give instructions, [正规的英语这里应该加连词，下面n处同理]they want to do everything by their own or what they believed right to follow, they observe, they search, and they imitate.[或者每句后面用句号，更好些] Every excitement in the outside world could sting them easily. And they only take those interested them according to their rebellious spirit. This is not rare and many of this age youngsters even admitted crimes due to vulnerable personality and lake[lack] of proper guidelines. So more positive instructions should be given in order to lessen negative attitude and to prevent the would-be wrongdoings.
Sure , Mature people usually have their more fixed habits, attitude and personality. They think and make decisions independently according to their belief, which formulated along with their life evolvement. However this kind of formulation can be adjusted or even altered completely as well when there is possibilities[单复数]. In an era full of changes and new ideas, belief shifting is very often to happen[这种说法地道么？还是often happen 反而比较好？ 讨论中] to an adult. For example, in early 20th century, so many Chinese youths abandoned their rich family and went to join the revolutionary army in order to free those who were suffering from the unfair laws and system, which actually benefited these pioneers and their families, and we can see the similar examples all over the world.[如果举一个外国的例子更好一些，其实，他们也有很多革命的。]

Certainly, the society, in which everyone lives, plays an important role in shaping his or her attitude and belief. However, this kind of influence is only maintained in a primary and indirect way, and can only take in effect after a long time or in a big sense. While we cannot live outside a society at one side, we still are able to go beyond what outlines us and to give it our own views. After all, we are creature that are born to think independently and are imbued with analyzing and creative ability. [继续深入，个人可以影响社会。个人认为比较好，但是有点担心，题目说哪个影响更大的问题，a few 还是 society，这里讨论的却是被影响者反过来的作用，不知道有没有跑题之嫌？]

In sum, the power that shape and define people is composed of different elements and the shaping procedure is dynamic as well, we cannot simply attributed to a certain reason as those mention [mentioned]above in the statement.

结构很喜欢，语言也很流畅。顺便多问一句，限时了么？

楼主很勤勉的说，今天已经看到帖了3篇了。 ：）

hattyUID: 141246

最初由 pearlshell 发布
[B]有网络通用顺序是吗，下次改正，谢谢大家提点。 [/B]

不仅仅是网上，都这样用吧，孙的出也是

讨厌下雨UID: 163095

传说中的行为类？！让我看看！原来是社会...差点激动过度..的说

我也占

讨厌下雨UID: 163095

What shape one’s personality and attitude can not be simply classified as that defined by “ a few individuals or defined by a society. Yes不要这样用，没见过的说, both small groups around and the society one lives in do play roles in the formulation of his or her personality and attitude 1.Can personality&attitude be "formulated"? 2.Should these two conceptions be mentioned in the same breath?, but what make one to be an identical personality is fairly a big complex啥意思？ which involved many elements which too 好别扭...vary at different time and different stages.

Generally, people can be divided into 3 different phrases of life stage, that is , pre-mature period, sub-mature period and mature period.有新意） What influence people and how they react are quite different while some consistence is maintained as well彻底不明白的说，what和how本来就不可能一样啊，consistence是什么请指教 which I will discuss more in the following paragraphs.

Let’s talk about the pre-mature period first, which includes the babyhood and childhood. People at this stage usually can only take advice用复数 and follow instructions of their parents or those who take care of them. They do not possess the ability to analyze and judge, and the independent ideas yet waited to be formulated总觉得你的formulate用的不太..这些和公式化阐述有关吗？, so at this stage, they are only influenced by the small group around. And this kind of influence can be very important too, for many people who keep many of that formulated earlykeep的object的在哪？ such as religion beliefs and eating habits throughout all their life.

The sub-mature period refers to the stage when people obtain basic ability to analyze and judge, that is to say , youngsters between 7-16, 断句！不然肯定错。太长了又把握不好就会乱at this stage, with the horizon isis去掉 relatively enlarged, basic knowledge about the world learned and circle to be去掉to be broadened, people usually have their fundamental attitude and opinions toward the outside world and themselves. They don’t only listen to the people who used to give instructions, they want to do everything by their ownby themselves or what they believed right to follow, 又一个该断没断的句子they observe, they search, and they imitate. Every excitement in the outside world could sting这个词用的好绝啊，长大太不易了，全身红肿，呵呵。应该是stimulate！ them easily. And they only take those interested them according to their rebellious spirit绝对了点儿. This is not rare and many of this age youngsters even admitted crimes认罪？？ due to vulnerable personality and lake of proper guidelines. So more positive instructions should be given in order to lessen negative attitude and to prevent the would-be问：可以这么用吗？ wrongdoings.
Sure, Mature people usually have their去掉their more fixed habits, attitude and personality. They think and make decisions independently according to their belief, which formulated along with their life evolvementevolvement？好像猩猩变人的过程耶（玩笑哦，我不知道这里用的准否）. However this kind of formulation can be adjusted or even altered completely as well when there is possibilities. In an era full of changes and new ideas, belief shifting is very often to happen to an adult. For example, in early 20th century, so many Chinese youths abandoned their rich family and went to join the revolutionary army in order to free those who were suffering from the unfair laws and system, which actually benefited these pioneers and their families, and we can see the similar examples all over the world.为革命抛弃富裕家庭，解救劳苦大众推翻旧社会，呵呵，讲给老美听，他会不会想：噢，chinese Mao！

Certainly, the society, in which everyone lives, plays an important role in shaping his or her“everyone”是非限定性从句里出现的，可以在这里指代吗？我的语法不好，讨论一下啊 attitude and belief. However大大的转折才好用however的说, this kind of influence is only maintained in a primary and indirect way“主要而且间接的”，表绕嘛, and can only take in effect after a long time orand in a big sense. While we cannot live outside a society (at one side), we still are able to go beyond what outlines us and to give it our own views. After all, we are creature that are born to think independently and are imbued with analyzing and creative ability.

In sum, the power that shape and define单数动词加s people is composed of different elements and the shaping procedure is dynamic as well, we cannot simply attributed to a certain reason as those mentionmentioned above in the statement.

我觉得你的语言功底还是不够的，有些应该能把握的复杂句总出问题
还有，好奇的问一句，是不是把formulate当成form来用了？平时斟酌用词，准确之后再追求变化
另外对你的思路比较佩服，这样分阶段讨论有意思，只是被语言妨碍了，而且没有相应的总结

文章得求精，一天写三篇可是太多了：）一起加油吧

ggxinxinUID: 161010

what you said is so good, and so many people give you advices. I have one thing want to ask wether you have look at the " foreiner 280", there is an article that has the same train of though: from the younger to the older, maybe you can have a look, and when you look at it you can focus on the expression. hehe.HOLD on.

hattyUID: 141246

最初由 ggxinxin 发布
[B]what you said is so good, and so many people give you advices. I have one thing want to ask wether you have look at the " foreiner 280", there is an article tha..

以下省略...... [/B]

thx 4 the information

我也翻翻280去，借鉴一下 ：）

pearlshellUID: 168500

谢谢大家的修改和建议。我重新读了一遍，确实发现存在不少问题。在一一纠正以前，我先回答大家的问题。看看我的说法是不是正确， 这篇文章我没有限时，大概花了近2个小时。我没有看表，因为中间停顿大修了一次。把原先的那个思路给否了。

To Hatty:

1）identical personality 句是说使一个人成为有别于他人的个体。这儿有点儿咬文嚼字。 我想identity是标识、身份证的意思， identicial 有同一的意思， 所以就用identical personality指代“one”，意思他们是一样的，不知道妥当不妥当， 刚才我想了一小会，没有想到更好的词。如果你知道，告诉我好吗？
2）关于“What influence people and how they react are quite different in each period while some consistence is maintained”我是想说在每个阶段影响人们个性的因素和他们对这些影响如何反映是不同的，尽管有一些共性的东西会一直保留下来，maintain 有保留的意思，所以我就用了，我不知道是不是地道。请问， 如果按照这个汉语意思， 我应该怎样好一点的表达呢？我想了半天，也没想出来。不好意思。
3）waited. 用错了， 是wait.谢谢我总是不注意时态的统一。谢谢提醒。
4）many 换为a lot好不好？
5）youngsters between 7-16 是对前句的补充说明。
6） offen to happen 改为often occur to怎么样？
7）不是一天写了三篇是从7月1号开始复习以来一共写了三篇。不勤勉啊.
8）顺便问一句，你考完作文了吗？要是没有，什么时候考呢？我的单词背的很慢（刚背了18个lists.第一遍）数学也很差，我很着急噢，想考10g呢。但还没报名。

to "讨厌下雨”：

1.yes改为 true, 可以吗？
2. 关于formulation, 我查了辞典，它是define的同义词， 我是想说form 来着， 可是form的名词形式？我想用好一点的词，你知道更好一点的词吗？
3.关于“What influence people and how they react are quite different in each period while some consistence is maintained”我是想说在每个阶段影响人们个性的因素和他们对这些影响如何反映是不同的，尽管有一些共性的东西会一直保留下来，maintain 有保留的意思，所以我就用了，我不知道是不是地道。请问， 如果按照这个汉语意思， 我应该怎样好一点的表达呢？我想了半天，也没想出来。不好意思。
4.advice如果做“建议”讲是不是单复一体？
5.长大是不容易呢，我刚查了词典了，sting有刺激激励的意思。不过当我写的时候是想用stimulate来着， 但没想起来， 下次记着。
6. admitted crime 应为commited crime。 不好意思， 我的单词、句式、时态是很差噢，唉， 短时间内有提高的可能吗？
7. would-be 是“准”的意思， 比方说， a would-be teacher, a would be lawer在本句的意思里是可能存在的 ， 也许用possible 好一些。
8.  primary 应为elementary，初级的，基本的， 不是想用主要的意思。 错了， 当时没想起来。
9.其实思路一直是困扰我的问题， 当然语言也是大问题。写作文对我来说是很吃力的事情。 我一直没有办法把时间控制在45分钟之内。 唉。这真是太糟糕了。
10。不是一天写了三篇， 我没有那么勤奋， 是10天写了三篇，我从7月1号开始复习，一共只写了三篇作文，：（ 都贴了。要是我一天能写三篇作文，那就美死啦。
11，一起努力吧， 哪天把你的作文也给我看一看啊。

to ggxinxin,

I am happy too that my article was reviewed by many warm-hearted partners. I guess I am lucky. I just downloaded the foreigner 280, and haven't look through it yet, could u please tell me where I can find the same topic article, on which page?

hattyUID: 141246

最初由 pearlshell 发布
[B]youngsters between 7-16 是对前句的补充说明[/B]

句子结构是错的，楼主可以分析一下结构，这个，以及后面的东西不做任何成分的。

pearlshellUID: 168500

真漂亮啊！xh, xh:)