issue214 反面教材：注意文章的整体组织 by imong

gra cie0213UID: 157500

这几天细看了imong的追星剑计划，好有收获。就是不知道是否已经能付诸实践了：）
不知道大家的作业和相关讨论都在哪里，只好另开新话题。恳请各位多多指教，谢谢啦~

ISSUE214 Society should identify those children who have special talents and abilities and begin training them at an early age so that they can eventually excel in their areas of ability. Otherwise, these talents are likely to remain undeveloped.

Should society identify and train the children who have innate talents at their early age to ensure their excellence in certain fields? Although I concede that innate talents should be nurtured during early childhood, in my view, it is not necessary to train these children specially nor is it society that should take charge of this task.

Special attention given by society to selected children will do harm not only to individuals but also the society as a whole. I make this statement depending on two reasons. Firstly, the special training will be harmful rather than beneficial to the development of talented children as well as ordinary children. As for talented children, special training might entice their arrogance. They may consider themselves as distinctive persons from even look down upon children who cannot gain special training, which may make them disdain to discussion with ordinary children and then miss the opportunity to learn from these children. In fact every person has advantages and disadvantages and so-called talented children may only have innate abilities in a certain field while be similar even inferior to other children in other fields, therefore rejection of talented children to absorb knowledge from ordinary children will be harmful to their development. What’s more, too much expectation of society and family imposing on talents students may give unnecessary pressure to them, which may cause nerves, anxiety and even abnormal actions, according to researches of psychologists. As for ordinary students, they may think of themselves to be inferior compared with talents children and are very likely to lack confidence when they grow up. Since self-worth plays an important role in all one’s life, lacking this disposition will be a disaster for any one. In sum, training talented children specially is not of benefit to all of the children.

Secondly, it is not wise for the society to devote time, attention and resources to training talented students especially even if special training is helpful to the development of children. On the one hand, not all of the children who have special talents and abilities will be excellent in a certain field after training. Many factors such as interest, support of parents may play as important part as innate talents and training in people’s success. Without interest, the talented children may distract during study, which will cumber achievement; without support of parents, they may need to spend a large part of their time on other things, say housework even part-time work. On the other hand, it is not guaranteed that all of the experts who benefited from special training of society when they were young will contribute greatly to the society. In the contrast, they may apply what they have learned to hamper the harmony and prosperity of the society. One needs to look no further than the example of Nazi scientists, most of who were trained by the society while worked for Nazis to imperil the peace of the whole world. In conclusion, society may not gain recompense for contribution to the training of talented children.

However, I must concede that unless being cultivated during early childhood, certain innate talent will be dormant forever, which will be loss of our society. A great many of people excellent in music, sports, arts and the like are trained from early age. Deng Yaping, a famous ping-pong athlete whose world ranking had remained NO.1 for 8 years, began to learn how to play ping-pong when she was only five years old, and she attributed her success partly to early training. Yet, the task to nurture these talents should be left to parents and ordinary teaching of school rather than the special attention of society. Referring to Deng Yaping, her first ping-pong coach is her father, an amateur. What’s more, the curricula of schools should be diversity which provides talents of student chances to be identified and nurtured.

In sum, even though it is necessary for innate talents to be identified and cultivated during early childhood, suggesting that talented children receive special attention of society goes too far. It is parents and ordinary education rather than society that deserve to take charge of this task.

imongUID: 140258

接一个。其实我说的“同主题写作”就是希望写的人多一点然后就可以互相讨论起来了呢.....

seat taken.

Should society identify and train the children who have innate talents at their early age to ensure their excellence in certain fields? Although I concede that innate talents should be nurtured during early childhood, in my view, it is not necessary to train these children specially nor is it society that should take charge of this task. （好像是这个意思：需要训-nurture-，不需要特训-special-，不需要社会-society-这里有点麻烦了：到底这个society后面的task指代的是哪个？nurture还是special？如果是后者逻辑上比较怪——都没了还否定什么——如果是前者则句法上比较怪——为啥nor到了special的后面？）

Special attention given by society to selected children will do harm not only to individuals but also the society as a whole. I make this statement depending on two reasons. Firstly, the special training will be harmful rather than beneficial to the development of talented children as well as ordinary children. As for talented children, special training might entice their arrogance. They may consider themselves as distinctive persons from even look down upon children who cannot gain special training, which may make them disdain to discussion with ordinary children and then miss the opportunity to learn from these children. In fact every person has advantages and disadvantages and so-called talented children may only have innate abilities in a certain field while be similar even inferior（有点乱） to other children in other fields, therefore rejection of talented children to absorb knowledge from ordinary children will be harmful to their development. （in fact这句话似乎毫无征兆的就从上一句的另一个focus of discussion Divert掉了）What’s more, too much expectation of society and family imposing（变成ed，或者删掉） on talents students may give（exert） unnecessary（extraordinary?） pressure to（？） them, which may cause nerves（？）, anxiety and even abnormal actions, according to researches of psychologists.（这个片断似乎习惯放在开头的说） As for ordinary students, they may think of themselves to（前面of后面to be吗？） be inferior compared with talents children and are very likely to lack confidence when they grow up. Since self-worth plays an important role in all one’s life, lacking this disposition will be a disaster for any one. In sum, training talented children specially is not of benefit to all of the children.（论证不是太well-rounded。transition做得不够好。缺乏实例，都是在泛泛的谈——哪怕你编一个：我们家旁边的幼儿园开展了special training之后弄得整个社区如何如何鸡犬不宁云云....）

Secondly, it is not wise for the society to devote time, attention and resources to training talented students especially（esp去掉） even if special training is helpful to the development of children. On the one hand, not all of the children who have special talents and abilities will be excellent （用remain excellence什么的？）in a certain field after training. Many factors such as interest, support of（from?） parents may play as important part（倒不如来个overshadow什么的了） as innate talents and training in people’s success. Without interest, the talented children may distract（主谓搭配？or distract what?） during study, which will cumber achievement; without support of（from，不要把“的”统统翻译成“of”！记住了！介词的用法永远是随机应变！） parents, they may need to spend a large part of their time on other things, say housework even part-time work. On the other hand, it is not guaranteed that all of the experts who benefited from special training of society when they were young will contribute greatly to the society. In the contrast, they may apply what they have learned to hamper the harmony and prosperity of the society.（晕倒） One needs to look no further than the example of Nazi scientists, most of who were trained by the society while worked for Nazis to imperil the peace of the whole world. （他们都是超常儿童？？？）In conclusion, society may not gain recompense for contribution to the training of talented children.（前一段还算平稳点，后面的论证未免太过危了，好歹也得来个多少岁的超常儿童小时候or长大如何如何犯罪杀人放火洗钱+最好是一堆孩子集体出动etc.......-_-|||）

However, I must concede that unless being cultivated during early childhood, certain innate talent will be dormant forever, which will be loss of our society.（觉得把顺序放反了。题目是结论句在前，支持句在后，可你的展开不能就这么相应的平行吧？如果是我写可能是放到前面小小承认一下） A great many of people excellent in music, sports, arts and the like are trained from early age. Deng Yaping, a famous ping-pong athlete whose world ranking had remained NO.1 for 8 years, began to learn how to play ping-pong when she was only five years old, and she attributed her success partly to early training. Yet, the task to nurture these talents should be left to parents and ordinary teaching of school rather than the special attention of society. Referring to Deng Yaping, her first ping-pong coach is her father, an amateur.（这段的论证一个比一个单薄） What’s more, the curricula of schools should be diversity which provides talents of student chances to be identified and nurtured.（这里一个should连支持都没有了）

In sum, even though it is necessary for innate talents to be identified and cultivated during early childhood, suggesting that talented children receive special attention of society goes too far. It is parents and ordinary education rather than society that deserve to take charge of this task.

（这篇文章能拿到4分，但是整体的组织和分析水平都有不少需要注意和提高的地方。
另外能不能自己再认识认识超常儿童教育呢？哪怕从常理推断，想的再深入一些也好。这几个论点都是老的没牙可掉的cliche了。到底好还是不好，应不应该，多几个角度分析比较一下，brainstorm and contrast analysis，再看看你的结论。

我写过这篇，绝对支持原题的。）

gra cie0213UID: 157500

Bow一下先，承蒙imong指点，万份荣幸：）不胜感激的说～
另外没想到问题这么多，真是汗颜。

“Although I concede that innate talents should be nurtured during early childhood, in my view, it is not necessary to train these children specially nor is it society that should take charge of this task. （好像是这个意思：需要训-nurture-，不需要特训-special-，不需要社会-society-这里有点麻烦了：到底这个society后面的task指代的是哪个？nurture还是special？如果是后者逻辑上比较怪——都没了还否定什么——如果是前者则句法上比较怪——为啥nor到了special的后面？）”如imong所说，我的观点就是“支持训nurture但是不需要特别的训练，更不需要社会的参与”，task指的是nurture,都没留意到有歧异，汗～

“（这段的论证一个比一个单薄） What’s more, the curricula of schools should be diversity which provides talents of student chances to be identified and nurtured.（这里一个should连支持都没有了）”
当时写的时候有觉得要支持一下，但是想是让步是不是可以写得简略一点。嗯，这段需要重新写一下

另外，我的确需要重新认识一下天才儿童教育问题 :)

伞下UID: 170129

这篇文章语言上的毛病我也找不出比imong更多的了。只是觉得论点确实很单薄。第一段集中在孩子本身，有点危言耸听，其实即使这样，也可以多扩展一点，比如说过早的专项教育不利于他们接受更广泛的知识，也不利于他们发现其他的才能，同时对个性培养不利（这个你光提到傲慢一点也不够，还可以造成孤僻自我主义等等）；第二段讲到社会收益与付出的问题，特别是提到Nazi，这一段有点武断。既然对培养孩子的能力有好处（段中第一句就有提到，那又为什么必然会让社会做无用功呢？）你可以在这一段加一个判断标准问题，如果认定了这个潜力能为社会所用，那加强培养自然是好的啦。而且要说这个，可以说儿童专长多样化，社会无法保证如此多的钱去投资去教育，这笔开支可能太大。而第三段终于讲了点好处，在这种布局下可以放到第一段去。那如果邓亚萍不是他爸爸教她，这种天才是不是就浪费了呢？那和你的论点又有冲突了，所以这一段不知道你什么意思。总之呢，先不要急着动笔，多看点提纲，想好先，加油8-）

gra cie0213UID: 157500

谢谢伞下姐姐的评改，提出很多观点供参考～ :)

六翼小宇UID: 162533

imong说的对啊，整体组织和有些论据的确有点问题~~~

看来写issue之前一定要想好整体:)

mondiaUID: 193825

只能厚着脸皮了,
下午刚改出来的,希望牛人也能看一下,谢谢了!!!!


Such case is not difficult to recollect around us that for the short of the special identification and training some neighbor's child with  talents and abilities in some areas, such as music or I-go ,doesn't have their gift developed or get ahead in those fields at last. How pity is the miss of the God's gift! If the society helps detecting those children and fostering them at an early age (so that they may eventually excel in their areas of abilities),it will be an invaluable gift for those little angels in their lives, and also for our society who is in great need of person with ability, although the good gift is not so easy to prepare.

Different kid gets different gifts from the God. Among these gifts, without special training, with the growth of the physiological and metal state of children most of their special abilities and talents will fade away little by little. Practically the discovery and cultivation of those gifts at an early age appears quit necessary. The first good example comes from the fields of music. If Beethoven's father hadn't detected and fostered his genius of music, maybe we will not have the opportunity to appreciate those masterpieces today. Secondly, as for gymnastics, we know that Chinese gymnasts (like Lan Sang) are all picked out at an early age about five or six years old through some select ways, and then begin to get the special training of the ability. Missed this best period , with the grownth of their bones, they will lose the best flexility and ability of balance, and become not suitable for this sport any longer.

However some problems lead us to thing all-sided of the notion above. Coincidentally, the first problem is also related to our gymnasts. Let's transfer our view to their life out of commission , disappointedly we will learn that most of our gymnasts are short of basic knowledge and living skills more or less. Sometimes the medal becomes the only guarantee of their rest life when they become too older for the sports inescapably. Another example easily found in everyday life is the football player, whose bad character is always the hot topic in our conversation. These problems above shows us the pity result of our not all-sided training and education we practiced towards them from their early age. In addition, the basic education of ethics, psychology and culture that we neglected before are absolutely necessarily for the grownth of them, for their nonage, especially for the time they become out of commission ultimately. After all, the star like Ali is we need and love indeed.  

In my comparison, society should be a good gardener, identify the unique secret of the seeds, cultivate it carefully, and help them open the charm and bonny faces to the God. Indeed it will be a pity if the seed does not open the beautiful flower blessed, however, a beautiful flower with deformity in its heart is also mournful. Help detecting and fostering the abilities and talents of our little angels and also give them integrated education, then the God may smile.