argument第三类同主题写作 8月24-25日

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Comparison of A and B (10<21, 23>, 31, 85<87>)  

8月24日、25日两天的任务，除了选取上面的argument写一个开头段和一个中间段外，还需要按以下指引做改错练习。

在我的修改文档里搜索以下字串，然后找出一个问题个案，然后尝试修改。

1）在我的修改文档里搜索以下任何一条字串：

improve the thesis statement by clarifying your position
improve the thesis statement by summarizing your main points
revise your topic sentence to address the keywords in the issue statement
revise the topic sentence to better summarize the body paragraph
choose a better position or point
need more appropriate examples
Strengthen the argument with better reasoning
improve the summary of the argument
do not assume that the argument is flawed
revise the topic sentence to better summarize the body paragraph
Inappropriate alternative scenario
Use hedging appropriately

2）将该字串和相关的作业段落及完整题目复制粘贴

3）指出这里的问题并尝试修改这一段落  


你也可以选择检查你自己的习作，找出上述字串指出的问题。希望各位能够通过在批改文档里搜索上述字串看到这些问题的实例，并且引以为鉴。写作的提高需要每个同学不断反思自己的写作过程，而不是指望老师来告诉你问题在哪里。我还没有批改到的同学，欢迎你根据我之前批改的记录理解我的批改思路后再结合自己的写作体验进行思考后提出问题和我讨论。对于这种自己有想法需要点拨的同学，我是非常乐意帮助的，因为和这样的同学的交流过程中我自己也在学习和进步。我的联系方式在链接里可以找到，只要你自己思考过，我一定会尽力帮你。  

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

经过这两天的批阅，同学们作业里常见的问题已经逐渐浮出水面。正如我在楼上所讲，写作的提高需要自己对自己写作过程的反省。这种元认知对于做好很多工作都是很有用的，写作也不例外。其实相比起背单词来讲，写作所需要的思考更加费力，因此，很多人都想回避，甚至幻想坐在那里等老师来指点，写作就能提高。

研究GRE写作这么多年，我愈来愈相信，这个考试并没有什么捷径。每一道题都需要我们认真的思考，去想各种角度各种例子，有时候先有观点再去找例子，找不到合适的例子，就得换一个观点。有时候想到好的例子，再通过分析例子去提炼观点。这个过程本身是有趣的，我很希望和更多的版友一起去思考去探索各种立论的可能。我想这才是开展GRE写作教学的魅力所在。  

但是，能到达这个阶段的同学毕竟是少数。还有很多同学还陷在一些基本的思路、立论和语言表达问题上停滞不前。比如，很多同学的主旨句和主题句还未能明确的回应原命题的关键词，还有些同学写argument仍然在讲各种谬误。更不用说那些惨不忍睹、不明觉弱的语言表达问题了。

我一直在努力，希望能通过视频和网络教学等手段帮助更多的同学在写作的基本范式和语言表达方面能够达到基本的要求。这样大家才能把更多的时间、精力用来开拓思路、增加知识面并写出具有洞见的作文。我想这也是每个有志留美深造同学最终的归宿-在自己的专业领域成为一个能够独立思考、能够用英语自如的书面表达和具有自己的独到见解的专业人士。希望GRE写作的训练能为各位实现上述的宏伟目标打下基础。

LuckleUID: 3584133

tesolchina 发表于 2017-8-23 21:11
经过这两天的批阅，同学们作业里常见的问题已经逐渐浮出水面。正如我在楼上所讲，写作的提高需要自己对自己 ...

各位加油 十号风球也打不褪各位坚持至今的努力 也许停下多思考再写也是一个好的选择~
祝愿8.25各位拿到自己想要的成绩！
在此也感谢王老师的辛勤批改。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Luckle 发表于 2017-8-24 00:25
各位加油 十号风球也打不褪各位坚持至今的努力 也许停下多思考再写也是一个好的选择~
祝愿8.25各 ...

辛苦Luckle了

东扯扯UID: 3763369

31) The following appeared in a letter to the editor of Parson City's local newspaper.

In our region of Trillura, the majority of money spent on the schools that most students attend the city-run public schools comes from taxes that each city government collects. The region's cities differ, however, in the budgetary priority they give to public education. For example, both as a proportion of its overall tax revenues and in absolute terms, Parson City has recently spent almost twice as much per year as Blue City has for its public schools even though both cities have about the same number of residents. Clearly, Parson City residents place a higher value on providing a good education in public schools than Blue City residents do.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


claim: Parson City spends a higher proportion of its overall tax revenues
data: Parson City has recently spent almost twice as much per year as Blue City has for its public schools
warrant: overall tax revenues are nearly equal in both cities
evidence: the tax rates of two cities respectively

claim: both cities have the same number of students
data: both cities have about the same number of residents
warrant: age structure of both cities is the same
evidence: age structure and the school-attending proportion of children of school age

claim: Parson City residents place a higher value on providing a good education in public schools than Blue City residents do.
data: Parson City has recently spent almost twice as much per year as Blue City has for its public schools
warrant: the expenditure on public schools recently reflect long-term occasion
evidence: the total amount of money spend on public schools already and the future plan of public schools construction


Intro
According to the letter, given that Parson Cities, with the nearly same number of citizens, has recently given a higher budgetary priority which reflects in the amount of money expenditure, it is concluded that residents of this city attach more importance to offer a good-quality education in public schools than those of another one in the same region, namely Blue City. However, in order to fully evaluate this argument, it requires more evidence about the features of each city such as tax rate, age structure and the school-attending proportion of children of school age. In addition to that, previous records and future plans of budget for public schools also reflect the value residents place. With the extra evidence, the argument could end up being much weaker than it seems, or it might actually be quite valid.

Ts2
In addition to tax rate of each city, age structure and the school-attending proportion of children of school age is likewise significant evidence which affects the spending on public education. In other words, although Parson City has the same number of residents as Blue City, it does not mean one has students whose number decides the expenditure of public education as many as the other and explains nothing without specific evidence of these two features. If Parson City has more children with an expansive population pyramid and higher school-attending rate, it will be inevitably to invest more money on public schools because of the lager number of students. In such case, the claim that Parson City residents place a higher value on providing a good education in public schools than Blue City residents does not make sense. However, if they have about the similar number of students based on this evidence, then the argument is strengthened from this perspective.

批改练习

61.People should undertake risky action only after they have carefully considered its consequences.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

思路：第二种-different perspective 我把它作为应然性题目，即取决于是否有足够时间、能否考虑清楚、

Into paragraph
As we all know, living as a human being means that we must accept every consequence caused by our actions. Inevitably, we sometimes take a lot of consideration WC before we undertake the actions. But should we consider carefully before the ultimate decision every time? I think it depends on different conditions. improve the thesis statement by summarizing your main points
TS1
On the one hand, if there is any situation that allows you to carefully think,  especially those signficant situation, do it RP .
Example: personal attitude    1. apply for graduate school\jobs\majors
                governmental attitude    2.any regulations closely related to people's life
Focus on one example

TS2
One the other hand, if we couldn't find enough time or we could't find any possiblity, we may not waste the time on it.
Example: 1.Emergency conditions like earthquake\fireman
                2. some things we won't even find the roughly answer, such as whether the theoretical scientifc research.

conclusion:
After all analysis above, I persist WC that we should take carefully thinking RP as long as we have the time or we can get a roughly answer. In some other conditions, do as the first intuition.

批改如下
问题在于thesis statement只是回应了instruction，应该再补充outline statement，即概括主体段的内容。
根据作者列的outline，在不改变大意的前提下，我个人尝试修改的intro段如下
It is universally acknowledged that people should be responsible for their own actions, which means that risky action usually require a full consideration before being undertaken. However, I  do not agree that such full consideration is the compulsory prerequisite of any risky action. As far as I am concerned, we should take actions depending on specific conditions, namely whether we have time to think twice and whether we are able to assess the potential risk which are two important factors affecting our decision.

个人认为该作者列的提纲展开写全文的话可能不是很好写，首先点有点泛，其次分为正反两点，正面说完反过来说，略显单调，比较难展开。个人建议找三个角度，会比较好操作，时间有限的情况下也好展开。

本来打算标注是哪位同学的，这样他能看到是自己的被修改，能有借鉴意义，或许能从中受益。但鉴于没提前跟他打个招呼，这样比较冒犯，好像不大好就算了。我个人觉得别人帮忙看自己文章，常常能提供自己想不到的思路，发现自己不容易意识到的问题，可以学到很多。在此谢谢曾经给过我意见的小伙伴们。

ChiuChiKwanUID: 3828648

一、
Arg 21 Dr. Field anthropologist

10) Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia. Using an observation-centered approach to studying Tertian culture, he concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. Recently another anthropologist, Dr. Karp, visited the group of islands that includes Tertia and used the interview-centered method to study child-rearing practices. In the interviews that Dr. Karp conducted with children living in this group of islands, the children spent much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. Dr. Karp decided that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture must be invalid. Some anthropologists recommend that to obtain accurate information on Tertian child-rearing practices, future research on the subject should be conducted via the interview-centered method.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.




Intro:
   Dr. Karp visited the group of islands that includes Tertia and used the interview-centered method to study child-rearing practices. And he found that children in Tertia were reared by their own biological parents rather than by an entire village, which is against Dr Field’s view. Thus, some anthropologists recommend that to obtain accurate information on Tertian child-rearing practices, future research on the subject should be conducted via the interview-centered method. However, there are several questions the passage fail to answer. Whether Dr Karp’s view and the interview-centered method are accurate need more discussing.
   
Claim:
Children in Tertia were reared by their own biological parents rather than by an entire village, which is against Dr Field’s.
Evident:
   Dr. Karp conducted with children living in this group of islands, the children spent much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village.
Warrant:
   The way Dr.Krap asked and the characters of interviewers are failed to offer in the passage.



Claim:
Dr. Karp decided that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture must be invalid.

Evident:
   Dr. Karp, visited the group of islands that includes Tertia and used the interview-centered method to study child-rearing practices.And he obtained another opposed conclusion.
Warrant:
The rearing practice is a part of Tertian culture, but it is the all.


Claim:
Some anthropologists recommend that to obtain accurate information on Tertian child-rearing practices, future research on the subject should be conducted via the interview-centered method.
Evident:
From the different view of two anthropologists.
Warrant:
Not every aspect is fit for this method. Whether the local are willing to be interviewed or tell the truth is failed to answer in the article.


TS3:
    From the differences of two conclusions put forward above, some anthropologists recommend that to obtain accurate information on Tertian child-rearing practices, future research on the subject should be conducted via the interview-centered method. However, some questions failed to answer in this passage so whether this method can be used in every aspect needs more discussing. Initially, what if people in Tertia try to lie or avoid talking something to show their respect for something holy? Just assume all of them are honest and they are open to talk about everything. Whether the  result is accurate depends on the way of interview. There is no denying that the way anthologists ask will effect the way the local answer. What is more, just assume that the interview is completely perfect and precise, there are many aspects in Tertia culture, not only in social, but also nature and geography. Even the local never know some natural culture and as we know, it is impossible to interview plants, animals, or geographic features. Thus, from what have been discussed above, it is hard to judge whether the interview-centered method could apply in every way.

二、修改：

1、Some people believe that our ever-increasing use of technology significantly reduces our opportunities for human interaction. Other people believe that technology provides us with new and better ways to communicate and connect with one another.（132）

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第3种，对其进行分类（classification）。具体来说，把technology分成3类：e-mail(support), skype(support) and wechat(or QQ)(oppose).

要注意对例子的归纳和总结 举例的意义在于从具体推导出一般性规律  


我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
Human interaction, including informal communication like chatting among friends and families and formal communication like business negotiation, is widely and deeply influenced by technology. E-mail, Skype and Wechat, three typical examples of technology applications, have strikingly changed our interaction way.

improve the thesis statement by clarifying your position : 主旨句没有明确的立场 没有回应原命题

我的修改：
       首先，这个没有明确的立场，只说是剧烈地改变，应该把框架里面的简述，相当于总分的总，另外最好再概括一下题目,而且感觉具体的例子应该是在文中详述而不是写在开头
        修改如下
    Human interaction, including informal communication is widely and deeply influenced by technology. Some people think it provides us with new and better ways to communicate and connect with one another, while others hold a pessimistic view.  As far as I am concerned, the convenience it brings overweighs the bad side, although technology is a double-edge sword.      

卿本悠悠UID: 3817355

9、The following appeared in an article written by Dr. Karp, an anthropologist.（21）

Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia and concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. However, my recent interviews with children living in the group of islands that includes Tertia show that these children spend much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. This research of mine proves that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture is invalid and thus that the observation-centered approach to studying cultures is invalid as well. The interview-centered method that my team of graduate students is currently using in Tertia will establish a much more accurate understanding of child-rearing traditions there and in other island cultures.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


Claim: children in Tertia were reared by an entire village
Data: Twenty years ago, Dr. Field visited the island of Tertia and concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents.
Warrant: Dr. Field concluded it from his observation twenty years ago
Evidence:
1. Dr. Field’s observation was objective and valid enough
2. There were distinction between children raised by a village or by parents to measure children’s behavior

Claim: children talk about their parents more than others in the village
Data: my recent interviews with children living in the group of islands that includes Tertia show that these children spend much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village.
Warrant: my recent interview show that children in islands including Tertia spend more talking about their parents
Evidence:
1. My interview results about Tertia are the same with these islands in general
2. Questions adopted in these interviews is objective and not relate to family aspects

Claim: Dr. Field’s both conclusion about Tertia and research approach to studying culture are invalid
Data: This research of mine proves that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture is invalid and thus that the observation-centered approach to studying cultures is invalid as well.
Warrant: my interviews’ results are different with his.
Evidence:
1. The culture in Tertia haven’t change in the past twenty years
2. My research is valid and my results are different with his
3. Dr. Field’s research can represent the observation-centered approach’s correctness

Claim: the interview-centered method can studying child-rearing tradition and other culture more accurately
Data: The interview-centered method that my team of graduate students is currently using in Tertia will establish a much more accurate understanding of child-rearing traditions there and in other island cultures.
Warrant: my research on these islands and Tertia present a better result than Dr. Field’s
Evidence:
1. The way to research child rearing tradition can apply to other culture
2. The results of interview-centered method are accurate

Introductory paragraph
On the basis of Dr. Karp, an anthropologist, his interview-centered method applied in the group of islands that includes Tertia can establish a more accurate understanding of child-rearing traditions in Tertia and in other island cultures. According to the comparison of research results between Dr. Karp and Dr. Field, who studied child-rearing traditions in Tertia twenty years ago, Dr. Karp concluded that his method is more valid. A number of evidences have been made in this argument about the validity of the interview-centered method, the stability of Tertian culture and the accuracy of interview results. These evidences need to be examined carefully to evaluate the strength of the argument.

Middle paragraphs (the first)

To start with, the evidence that the interview-centered method Dr. Karp adopted in the study of child rearing tradition in the group of islands is accurate and his interview results about Tertia are the same with these islands in general need to be provided. While the results of the group of islands indicate that children spend more time talking about their parents than other adults in the village, it does not follow that the results in Tertia are the same. Maybe the results in Tertia are contrary to the whole, but its influence has been neglected for its minor proportion. What's more, the validity of the interview-centered method should be assessed carefully like whether questions adopted in these interviews is objective and not relate to family aspects. If these questions in interview are not objective enough and lead to more family-related trends, the results and conclusions of Dr. Karp's study may not be convincing.

点评10楼
1.第二个claim-data-warrant的claim和warrant不适合。主要是warrant部分感觉说服力不足。
2.introduction部分提出了观点，也呼应了写作指导部分，但是没有将下文各段的主要观点概括出来。
3.第一段中，“in observation-centered approach”介词不适合。
4.P1中，“The first question is,”后接一整句话，我只听过口语中这样表达，但是语法正确性上有存疑。“Kinds of factors”改成many factors或者lots of factors更合适，因为主要强调的是数量，不是种类。
5.后面的几个问句中，形式应改为“Did…”或者“What if”。

wanghaitao199391UID: 3704441

Argument 10/21/23
Arg 21 Dr. Field anthropologist

10) Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia. Using an observation-centered approach to studying Tertian culture, he concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. Recently another anthropologist, Dr. Karp, visited the group of islands that includes Tertia and used the interview-centered method to study child-rearing practices. In the interviews that Dr. Karp conducted with children living in this group of islands, the children spent much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. Dr. Karp decided that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture must be invalid. Some anthropologists recommend that to obtain accurate information on Tertian child-rearing practices, future research on the subject should be conducted via the interview-centered method.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

开头段：
In the article, Dr. Karp thinks that children in Tertia actually are raised by their biological parents rather than by an entire village as Dr. Field thought 20 years ago. What’s more, he implies that this is because the new theory based on the beneficial of interview-centered methods, which is better than the method of observation-centered. However, close scrutiny of this argument reveals a great lack of critical evidence and we are therefore unable to evaluate the conclusion.
中间段：
To start with, we should consider the rearing model changes happened in Tertia and the surrounding island during the 20 years between the two observations separately led by Dr. Karp and Dr. Field. It has been 20 years since Dr. Field conducted his study, it is possible that with opening to outside world during the intervening 20 years, Tertia has changed significantly. For example, if there is evidence that Western visitors took their unclear family structure into Tertia , it would certainly weaken Dr. Karps argument. And the different conclusion of the two anthropologists are both reasonable due to the difference of time.

修改老师改过的argument
问题：
According to the passage, the Palean baskets is a special type originally thought to be produced uniquely in the prehistoric village of Palea, were found in Lithos, so the purportedly 'Palean' basket are not solely Palea. Because archaeologists discovered such a 'Palean' basket in Lithos, a village across the Brim River from Palea. SF Since the Brim River is too deep and broad to be crossed and no Palean boats have been found, so-called Palean baskets were developed independently in both Palea and Lithos. improve the summary of the argument - a bit too long There are some evidence SS should be used to scrutinize the argument critically, to assess the strength of the argument. 
修改：
To support this argument, the writer emphasizes that as Palea and Lithos are divided by the broad and deep Brim River, the only means of transportation between them is by boat. Since boats have not been found in Palea thus far, the basket could not have been transported across the river. Although the presence of an alleged Palean basket in Lithos may indeed suggest that Lithos also produce similar baskets, more evidence is needed to help us evaluate the author’s conclusion.
问题：
In addition, overlooking water fluctuation (RP/ MI) , the argument assumes that the river has not changed in so many years. We need to take the possibility of fluctuation (RP) of the Brim River into account. It is possible that the Brim River was not as deep and broad as it is today when people could easily deliver the pattern on woven baskets to Lithos from Palea. To go across a shallow river, the ancient people didn’t (WC/ use hedging appropriately) need boat. If more geographic evidence be evacuated, this assumption may be questioned.
修改：
We need evidence about if the Brim River has always been deep and broad and could only have been crossed by boat. Thus far, this assertion does not receive any support and could possibly be wrong, since Earth’s geologic features could have changed over thousands of years. A long and continuous record of river sediment may help us determine the Brim River’s history. If it shows that the Brim River was indeed broad and inaccessible when civilizations in Palea and Lithos first developed and thrived, the author’s argument will be undoubtedly strengthened. If, however, it turns out that the Brim River was a shallow creek or even did not exist at all when humans first settled in this region, then we must reject the assertion that Palea baskets could only have reached Lithos by boat.  

AngelyyyUID: 3625119

今日修改材料是自己之前的第二类，有点不好意思
(RP – refer to the sources twice)
do not assume that the argument is flawed

1. Palean Basket unique

Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a 'Palean' basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

(RP – refer to the sources twice)
do not assume that the argument is flawed

According to the description of the research of the Palea basket, the author made the conclusion   that the basket is not unique in Palea.However, as far as I am concerned, it would be untenable to concede that. For the assumption made by the description, it would be presumptuous to say the river is so deep that people can’t cross without a boat. I doubt that if the river is as deep as the author depicted at that time.On the other hand,whether there are boats in Lithos?We should not to ignore the possibility that people in Lithos could cross the river to learn the skill from the Palea.And I would address the details of my arguments.

回想当时为何会写成这样，主要是因为重点关注在model上而忽略了基本写作要求,，自我拍砖，自我检讨
修改：
According to the description of the research, the author made the conclusion that the basket is not unique in Palea. The archaeologists once believed that the basket have been made only by the Palean people. However,Lithos found the basket.The fact is that Brim River is very deep and broad that people can’t cross it without boat.Meanwhile,no boats have been found in Palea. Based on these evidence,the author made the conclusion.For the assumption implied by the description, there are several parts needed consideration,for example,it would be presumptuous to say the river is so deep that people can’t cross without a boat. I doubt that if the river is as deep as the author depicted at that time.On the other hand,whether there are boats in Lithos?We should not to ignore the possibility that people in Lithos could cross the river to learn the skill from the Palea.And I would address the details of my arguments.

31.The following appeared in a letter to the editor of Parson City's local newspaper.

In our region of Trillura, the majority of money spent on the schools that most students attend the city-run public schools comes from taxes that each city government collects. The region's cities differ, however, in the budgetary priority they give to public education. For example, both as a proportion of its overall tax revenues and in absolute terms, Parson City has recently spent almost twice as much per year as Blue City has for its public schools even though both cities have about the same number of residents. Clearly, Parson City residents place a higher value on providing a good education in public schools than Blue City residents do.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

letter to the editor of Parson City's local newspaper.
Claim: Parson City presidents place a higher value on providing a good education in public schools than Blue City residents do.
In Trillura the majority of money spent on the schools that most students attend the city-run public schools comes from taxes that each city government collects.
The region's cities differ, in the budgetary priority they give to public education.
For example, both as a proportion of its overall tax revenues and in absolute terms, Parson City has recently spent almost twice as much per year as Blue City has for its public schools.
Both cities have about the same number of residents.

第一段
According to the letter to the editor of Parson City's local newspaper,the author made his conclusion that the Parson City presidents place a higher value on providing a good education in public schools than Blue City residents do. To support his claim,he described the facts that both as a proportion of its overall tax revenues and in absolute terms,Parson City has spent almost twice as much per year as blue City has for its public schools.Meanwhile,both cities have about the same number of residents,and have the same majority money support from government collects.However,there are several absent evidence needed to support the author’s claim.For example,whether the money spent on the promotion project to assist the public schools’ construction?If the consumption is appropriate?Whether the education level of Blue city already good?How about the education situation in two city-run schools now?So we also need the evaluation of the teaching resource from the city-run schools from two cities.Besides,the consumption lists of the schools are needed to make sure the support.

主题段1
To begin with,the assumption of the author is that all the budget used to the promotion of schools’ educational resource,but we can’t see it clearly in the letter. A good education should be decided on the excellent teaching ability of teachers as well as the ancillary study equipment.The possibility could be that the public schools in Parson city concerned a lot on the health of students so they spent greatly on the diet.Also,the budget could be used to build new classrooms,if this action could improve the education level is needed consideration.Thus,in order to make sure the extent of the promotion,the consumption lists are needed.

丽丽酱香饼UID: 3764419

Argument 10/21/23
Arg 21 Dr. Field anthropologist

10) Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia. Using an observation-centered approach to studying Tertian culture, he concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. Recently another anthropologist, Dr. Karp, visited the group of islands that includes Tertia and used the interview-centered method to study child-rearing practices. In the interviews that Dr. Karp conducted with children living in this group of islands, the children spent much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. Dr. Karp decided that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture must be invalid. Some anthropologists recommend that to obtain accurate information on Tertian child-rearing practices, future research on the subject should be conducted via the interview-centered method.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

CLAIM：children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents.
DATA: Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia. Using an observation-centered approach to studying Tertian culture,
WARRANT: N/A (just an overview of one point)

CLAIM: Dr. Karp decided that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture must be invalid.
DATA: Recently another anthropologist, Dr. Karp, visited the group of islands that includes Tertia and used the interview-centered method to study child-rearing practices.
WARRANT: In the interviews that Dr. Karp conducted with children living in this group of islands, the children spent much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village.
QUESTIONS: Did the child-rearing practices in Tertia changed after 20 years?
Is there any strong connection between the time children spent with has and the rearing practices?

CLAIM: Some anthropologists recommend that to obtain accurate information on Tertian child-rearing practices, future research on the subject should be conducted via the interview-centered method.
DATA: Dr. Karp decided that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture must be invalid.
WARRANT: Dr. Karp is correct and interview-centered method is suitable for future research on the subject
QUESTIONS: Can this case of study from Dr. Karp apply to future research on the subject?

INTRO:
Some anthropologists proposed using interview-centered method to study child-rearing practices on Tertian in future because they though this method of Dr. Karp overturned Dr. Field's conclusion that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village in observation-centered approach. However, considering the information we gain so far, it is not enough to adopt this suggestion. There are some questions need to be answered, which would be helpful to evaluate the reason of the recommendation.

P1
The first question is, is there any strong connection between whom children talked more about and who reared them? Dr. Karp gave us the answer from interview without any explanation. How to interpret such answer to the evidence of that their biological parents raised them is unknown. Kinds of factors influence children’s talk, like their various emotions, the questions they were asked, and what something around them implied. If they talked more about their biological parents just because they missed them? If the questions were about their parents? If their biological parents were accompany with them when they were interviewing? Any positive answers to these question would definitely weaken Dr. Karp’s conclusion and likewise invalid his interview-centered method.

修改练习
3 The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

improve the thesis statement by clarifying your position ：
Throughout history, innovations and progresses in different fields enable human being to discover crucial findings and understand the society from distinctive points of view. While adventures and technology advancement in astronomy lead to important findings that gradually crack the riddles of the universe, economists invent new theories to explain people’s ordinary behaviors in the social context. So, one may ask what do these new progresses come from, an interest in ordinary things in our society or a passion about elusive phenomena? I think the answer is not definite; it depends on different fields. I will discuss this issues on three fields: literature, economics, and astronomy.
修改后：
Throughout history, innovations and progresses in different fields enable human being to discover crucial findings and understand the society from distinctive points of view. So, one may ask where are those new progresses come from,  interests of something ordinary or strong passion about elusive phenomena? Answers are various in different situations. While economists invent new theories to explain people’s production and consumption in specific social context, writers compose fascinating stories from observations of people’s ordinary behaviors. It is the enthusiasm of commonplace things that engage prosperity of economics and literature. However, astronomy development results from people’s curiosity of the whole universe beyond our lives.  


݇参考范文后的疑问
看了老师的范文ARG21、31，G-C-A模型与claim-data-warrant模型有什么区别呢？觉得G-C-A模型理解与操作起来都更上手一些。
练习claim-data-warrant时，问题有点多：
我认为claim和data的区分度在于看问题的视角，比如ARG31，最后一句之前的句子全可以认为是data也可以认为是author的claim。
找warrant是个难点，要绞尽脑汁给作者找理由，虽然warrant出来了AQE也出来了，但是没有什么线索和方向可以帮助去思考warrant，比如什么样的关键词去找哪些方面的支持或削弱。
估计是我学艺不精，有的时候列出来data和claim也很难找到合适的warrant，反而是看了范文，才发现，提到年份、时间段的时候就可能会需要更严谨的关于时间的warrant，于是就会更注意这种关键词，从而导致写claim-data-warrant的时候更像是把已有的东西套进去，而不是一个辅助分析的过程。
望老师指点迷津。

下面附上一个老师参考答案ARG26里的片段，说一下我的困惑：
claim: the use of salicylates as preservatives leads to more consumption of the
chemical
data: Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several
decades, food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods
as preservatives.
warrant: the preservatives will be consumed
evidence: about whether the preservatives will be consumed
由文章的data，我是非常难以找到这个claim的。反复阅读老师的warrant并联系上下文，才能稍微理解一下这个意思。
因为argument是一个整体，一般在文末提出论点，所以我觉得每一句话找claim-data-warrant常常摸不到头脑，反而有走弯路的感觉。

盼即赐复~

点评7楼卿本悠悠
框架：
1.        私以为第一句话是一个事实，没有提到人和论据，不需要讨论warrant，文章重点也在第二个观点。
2.        第二个claim应该也是data
3.        INTRO可以详细地说一下哪几个方面需要更多证据
语言：
1.        WC：The results of interview-centered method are accurate，accurate——correct/ broadly representative
On the basis of Dr. Karp, 以人为基础？
2.        RP：A number of evidences have been made in this argument about the validity of the interview-centered method, the stability of Tertian culture and the accuracy of interview results.
While the results of the group of islands indicate that children spend more time talking about their parents than other adults in the village, it does not follow that the results in Tertia are the same. It是啥？

战G进行时UID: 3727585

Arg 21 Dr. Field anthropologist

10) Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia. Using an observation-centered approach to studying Tertian culture, he concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. Recently another anthropologist, Dr. Karp, visited the group of islands that includes Tertia and used the interview-centered method to study child-rearing practices. In the interviews that Dr. Karp conducted with children living in this group of islands, the children spent much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. Dr. Karp decided that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture must be invalid. Some anthropologists recommend that to obtain accurate information on Tertian child-rearing practices, future research on the subject should be conducted via the interview-centered method.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.


Claim: Dr. Field's conclusion that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents is invalid.
Data: the children spent much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the interview
Warrant: the more intimate, the more time children spend talking about them.
Assumption: the interviews are reliable;
Evidence: reliability of the interviews; proof that can vindicate who rears them is directly related to whom they talk more
Assumption: the condition in Tertia is not changed during the twenty years
Evidence: the sustainability of the situation in Tertia
Assumption: the conclusion is based on the research in Tertia instead of other islands
Evidence: the place where the research is conducted

Claim: future research on the subject should be conducted via the interview-centered method.
Data: Some anthropologists’ recommendation
Warrant: their recommendation is authoritative
Assumption: the result of the interview-centered method is reliable; the anthropologists are authoritative
Evidence: whether the result of the interview-centered method is reliable and the anthropologists are authoritative

开头段：
According to the anthropologists’ opinion, the result that Dr. Karp concludes is more reliable than that of Dr. Field, thenceforth the interview-centered method should be applied in the future research. However, if we delve into the research conducted by Dr. Karp, there are some questions that need to be answered in order to vindicate the reliability of the recommendation and the argument where it is based.
中间段：
To begin with, we need to answer whether the result of Dr. Karp’s research is reliable. Since Dr. Field’s visit to Tertia is twenty years ago, it needs to be answered whether the tradition in Tertia has changed during the twenty years. Perhaps the convention has changed from village-rearing to parents-rearing due to the input of modern culture. Therefore, to strengthen the conclusion, Dr. Karp has to prove that the convention in Tertia is sustainable since Dr. Field’s research. If the convention has changed after Dr. Field’s research, then Dr. Field’s conclusion is probably correct.


批改
26.The luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

TS 1: Technology advancement, for example the invention of social media, considerably affects and alters consumers’ purchasing behaviors, beguiling them with fancy but deceivable advertisements and celebrity endorsement.
e.g
-Exploring women’s obsession with beauty, advertisement about cosmetic products usually exaggerate their functions.
-Celebrity endorsement urge consumers to purchase cloths that may not suitable for them.

revise your topic sentence to address the keywords in the issue statement ： 主题句的内容要更精准的回应题目 这里没有提及luxury和convenience的概念

修改版
The prevailing influence of mass media overwhelms consumers with dazzling advertisements about how charming you will be with certain luxury or how much convenience a product may bring to your life. Absorbed in the luxuries and conveniences, some consumers gradually lose their ability to think dependently.

心玉夕颜UID: 3829123

21) The following appeared in an article written by Dr. Karp, an anthropologist.

Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia and concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. However, my recent interviews with children living in the group of islands that includes Tertia show that these children spend much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. This research of mine proves that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture is invalid and thus that the observation-centered approach to studying cultures is invalid as well. The interview-centered method that my team of graduate students is currently using in Tertia will establish a much more accurate understanding of child-rearing traditions there and in other island cultures.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.



开头段：
The author refutes Dr. Field's conclusion about the child-rearing traditions in Terita that children spend much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. To bolster his statement, he explicates his recent interviews as evidence and then claims that Dr. Field's observation-centered approach is unreliable. It might seem logical and valid at first glance, however, it is not persuasive as the author expects. In order to thoroughly evaluate this conclusion, more additional evidence is needed.


中间段：
The first piece of evidence needed to evaluate the validity of Dr. Karp's conclusion is whether the culture and custom of other islands except Tertia are at large the same as Tertia's. Tertia is the only object studied by Dr. Field whereas Dr. Karp study a group of islands. Since the sample and scale of the two investigations are different, deviation of outcomes cannot be avoided. But if samples are largely similar or even control variables, the deviation will be reduced as much as possible. Consequently, without data about other islands' cultures, customs, population and so on, it is unsubstantiated to claim that Tertia's children are prone to spend much more time talking about their biological parents.


——————————————————————————————————————————————————————
修改和点评待增加

拒绝失学UID: 3827856

Arg 31 government spending and residents attitudes on public schools -o
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of Parson City's local newspaper.
In our region of Trillura, the majority of money spent on the schools that most students attendthe city-run public schoolscomes from taxes that each city government collects. The region's cities differ, however, in the budgetary priority they give to public education. For example, both as a proportion of its overall tax revenues and in absolute terms, Parson City has recently spent almost twice as much per year as Blue City has for its public schoolseven though both cities have about the same number of residents. Clearly, Parson City residents place a higher value on providing a good education in public schools than Blue City residents do.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

Claim: Parson City residents place a higher value on providing a good education in public schools than Blue City residents do.
Data1: Parson City has recently spent almost twice as much per year as Blue City has for its public schools even though both cities have about the same number of residents.
Warrant1: the attitude of government equals to that of the residents
Warrant2: spending more money amounts to placing a higher value on education
Warrant3: the same number of residents means the same number of students
Warrant4: Parson City always spends more money than Blue City

Intro
In the letter, the author claims that residents in Parson City put a higher value on public education than Blue City residents. To corroborate this claim, the author offers the information that Parson City has recently spent more money than Blue City for its public school, and both of them have about the same number of residents. Indeed, the claim seems compelling on the surface. Yet, there still exist something to clarify in a further way.

中间段
To begin with, the author mentions that the two cities have almost the same number of residents. However, we do not know the demographic structure of them. That is to say, the same number of residents does not necessarily mean the same number of students. It is possible that there are more students in Parson City, although the population is almost the same. If this is the case, then for Parson City, the money spent on per student could be the same, even lower than the Blue City. So, the author should offer the accurate number of students of the two cities.

前意识的斑点UID: 3383834

Arg 31 government spending and residents attitudes on public schools -o

The following appeared in a letter to the editor of Parson City's local newspaper.

In our region of Trillura, the majority of money spent on the schools that most students attend the city-run public schools comes from taxes that each city government collects. The region's cities differ, however, in the budgetary priority they give to public education. For example, both as a proportion of its overall tax revenues and in absolute terms, Parson City has recently spent almost twice as much per year as Blue City has for its public school seven though both cities have about the same number of residents. Clearly, Parson City residents place a higher value on providing a good education in public schools than Blue City residents do.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

What is the previous spending, infrastructure
Have the same number of residents does not mean the students number are the same
Can residents make the decision
Does the policy have good result

In this argument, the author concludes that Parson city residents care more about having good education in public schools than Blue City residents do. Although the two cities have equal number of residents, Parson city spent more money than Blue City. However, the author fails to give out details about the past, the number of the students in the city, the powerful of residents and the result of the money.

To begin with, the author assumes Parson City and Blue City had spent roughly the same number of money in the past. Evidence, which could reflect the previous infrastructure of the two cities, might different from this assumption. Blue city, for instance, might spent a lot of more money than Blue city over the past decade. Thus, the public school of Blue City might have better utilities and more advanced technology than Parson City’s. In fact, the Parson spent a lot of money recently because it’s public school system was extremely bad previously. Since maintaining the equipment cost less than building up new infrastructure, Blue City spent less money than Parson on education system.

What’s more, the number of residents is not closely related to the number of students in the city. For instance, Parson city might have more students than Blue city because they are known for high ranked public school educational system. Thus, a lot of youngsters, from the nearby town, commute to school every day. Since there are more students show up to the public school, Parson city must put more budget on education. An evidence related to the actual number of students might weaken the argument, which claims Parson cares more about education.

Even if Parson City and Blue city have the same level of infrastructure and students, the level of residents’ participation is unknown. It is possible that the policy of those cities does not allow residents to speak up their opinions. Or perhaps, most people in the cities are too lazy to vote for certain policy. Thus, the decision, which are made by the city, might not present opinions of most residents holistically. If the author could demonstrate that people in Parson and Blue City actively vote and propose policies, which are accepted by the government, it could strengthen the claims about the residents of two cities.

In conclusion, the author claims that the residents of Parson City care about public education system more than Blue City based on the budget, the number of residents as well as the participation rate of residents. However, h/she need more evidences that are intertwined with the number of students, previous infrastructure, as well as the level of residents’ participation.



分析自己
To begin with, the author assumes that since more children participated in youth-league sports, there would be an increasingly number of youngsters joined the competition again. H/she ignores the fact that things will change throughout times. It might be different after one year. A lot of youngsters participated in sports might only because there was a huge sports competition going on. Since there is such kind of sport events going on, the number of young athletics might decline again.
感觉分析的不够，应该继续扣题目说没有这种情况，这种事情不会发生，在回去写一下题目
但是小伙伴，这要咋分析，我不太会呀

mzlgjgUID: 3804664

10.Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia. Using an observation-centered approach to studying Tertian culture, he concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. Recently another anthropologist, Dr. Karp, visited the group of islands that includes Tertia and used the interview-centered method to study child-rearing practices. In the interviews that Dr. Karp conducted with children living in this group of islands, the children spent much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. Dr. Karp decided that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture must be invalid. Some anthropologists recommend that to obtain accurate information on Tertian child-rearing practices, future research on the subject should be conducted via the interview-centered method.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

Claim: Children are reared by an entire village rather than by their parents.
Data: Observation centered approach is used.
Warrant: Children get more interaction with village people than with their parents.
Question: Is the observation well qualified to yield this conclusion.

Claim: Dr. Field’s conclusion is invalid.
Data: Interview centered method is used.
Warrant: Children talk more about their parents than other adults.
Question: Has children-rearing practice changed during the past twenty years? Is the interview’s topic centered bialy on children’s parents? Had Karp interviewed enough children to represent the islands’ culture? Is children’s talking more about their parents equal to their not being reared by the village?

Claim: Interview-centered method is better.
Data: Interview-centered method is recommended by anthropologists.
Warrant: Interview-centered method is more accurate.
Question: Is interview-centered method better than other methods?

Introduction:
Dr. Field and Dr. Karp reached contradicting conclusion using different approaches about how children on island of Tertia are reared. Several questions have to be answered about their methods’ qualification, the time gap and the recommendation in evaluating this argument. These questions are of essence in fully validating this argument.

TS2: Dr. Karp reached his conclusion that Dr. Field’s research was invalid because his method--interview-centered method yielded that children talked more about their parents than other adults. However, we are not sure whether the interview questions were objective or bialy towards family. If the latter was the case, of course he wouldn’t obtain the same as Dr. Field did. Moreover, is the number and diversity of children interviewed by Karp enough to represent the culture of rearing in Tertia? Too small or particular a sample wouldn’t result in convincing conclusion. Besides, has the tradition of children rearing changed during the last twenty years, if so, then the results Karp and Field got was no longer contradicting. Answers to these questions have to be provided to examine the qualification of Karp’ s interview-centered method, thus validating this argument.

By the way老师那个修改文档好像打不开...
我修改的是issue61的TS，下为原文
TS:Risky actions, whose influence is probably to get you “rich” in a night or to reduce you to "homeless", usually force people to vacillate. I think nobody, except the iconoclastic mavericks, will doubt the importance of consideration before risky action is taken. From individual, corporation and nation’s perspective, this principle applies.
choose a better position or point 感觉老师说的很有道理，有一些按照中文习惯的句子写成英语让人看不懂，或者很别扭...尤其是一些省略和指代不明会是常见的错误，还有妄想用一些比喻...感觉还是功力太差很难驾驭。

Risky actions, whose negative consequences may cost great damage, usually force people to hesitate before they take the action or not. I think nobody will doubt the importance of consideration before risky action is taken because nobody wants to suffer the cost once they fail. From individual, corporation and government’s perspective, this principle applies.