issue104 文化利用formal education作祟，又是写了好久

treesUID: 82785

恩那，第3篇issue终于在。。。我决定不放弃本次考试之后，出炉了

这次没有选取比较“新”的结构，想乖乖的写一篇八股文～主要是估计一限时我都得“发挥”成八股文。可惜这篇本来想限时的，结果写了。。。N久。算了，先不管时间，彻底明白怎么写了我再限好了：）

paisley姐姐在前一篇提到的“兴”还是不知道怎么实际利用到文章里:(姐姐能不能再详细一点说明呢？

请大家拍拍砖吧。

文章结构：
观点：同意教育主要手段，同意culture对它favor的使劲飘扬，认为对它畏惧的根据具体情况采取不同态度
1。同意culture对它favor的的态度
2。讨论对它fear的不同情况
3。教育作为主要手段的重要原因

issue 104
It is primarily through formal education that a culture to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears.


Formal education, the educating system mainly pointing to training and fostering people in schools, is one of the most important methods for politicians infusing what they want the public to believe. And a number of ideas and information brought from schools stands for the culture of a country, which expects the perceptions it favors to be extended and held, and always has the different attitudes on what it is afraid of.

Every culture owns some spirit and thinking it enjoys, such as the patriotism in most of countries, especially in the Asia. When people in their early ages, the teachers and other adults tell them the history of the country and use various forms to display what they should do after growing up, as some samples, heroes and heroines. It is good for the solidarity of citizens of a nation, and when they fall into an emergency or face to the enemies who want to destroy their hometown, the unity of them will show a big power to take part in these kinds of situations. Take Korean as an example, after the Japanese government denied apologizing for its behaviors in the World War II, the Korean people began to announce all compatriots not to use the products made in Japan. And accordingly, all persons, including pupils, perform like that. The unity showing from the activities shakes the world humans strongly. And this vivid illustrates that the culture always perpetuates what it favors and the formal education plays a significant role for it.

However, the conceptions which the culture fears are appeared difference in distinct country with various beliefs. Still using the instance of the World War II, several decades after this big war, the history texts still show lots of untrue situations about this war in Japan, most of the students believed the reason why the Japanese army went to other countries of Asia was all of them threatened their nation and the army only battled for its survival. But in fact, these behaviors are aggression for others. The politicians in Japan try to use the educating system to conceal the history they are afraid of. Comparatively, the government of German shows a different attitude on this. At the commemoration for executed people in World War II of Poland in 2004, the Germany president went to Warsaw and showed their genuine excuse to the Polish, and then the action as this is mentioned in the class of German, which will make the students memorize the attitude for World War II from their country and the importance of the world peace. Thus some culture conceals what it fears as others face to them.

It is true that formal education is not the only way to show and protect the attitudes of a culture for different events, but it is the foremost and most meaningful one. There are two main reasons for it. Firstly, as the definition we make as the beginning of this article, the formal education is an educating system. Almost all citizens study in it more or less, especially at a young age. The children do not have as much thinking as the adults, therefore they are the group which most easily be taught. And the belief and tenet forming at the early age is hardly changed after the growth. Secondly, with spreading of the globalization, other methods, as media, always bring so many different ideas and some of them are not obedient with the local culture. But the notion tabled from the formal education is mostly the essential one from the culture. So the formal education is always the best and most significant method to present the culture.

Consequently, a culture always expects what it agrees to be kept forever and has different attitudes on what it fears through the main way, formal education.

CHERRYlbyUID: 170649

Formal education, the educating system mainly pointing to training and fostering people in schools, is one of the most important methods for politicians infusing what they want the public to believe. And a number of ideas and information brought from schools stands for the culture of a country, which expects the perceptions it favors to be extended and held, and always has the different attitudes on what it is afraid of.

Every culture owns some spirit and thinking it enjoys, such as the patriotism in most of countries, especially in the Asia. When people in their early ages, the teachers and other adults tell them the history of the country and use various forms to display what they should do after growing up, as some samples, heroes and heroines. It is good for the solidarity of citizens of a nation, and when they fall into an emergency or face to the enemies who want to destroy their hometown, the unity of them will show a big power to take part in when facing? these kinds of situations. Take Korean as an example, after the Japanese government denied apologizing for its behaviors in the World War II, the Korean people began to announce all compatriots not to use the products made in Japan. And accordingly, all persons, including pupils, perform as itlike that?. The unity showing from the activities shakes the world humans strongly.团结动摇了世界的人类？看不懂，欢迎讨论 And this vivid illustrates that the culture always perpetuates what it favors and the formal education plays a significant role for it.

However, the conceptions which the culture fears are appeared difference in distinct country with various believes beliefs?. Still using the instants instance? of the World War II, several decades after this big war, the history texts still show lots of untrue situations about this war in Japan, most of the students believed the reason why the Japanese army went to other countries of Asia was all of them threatened their nation and the army only battled for its survival. But in fact, these behaviors are aggression for others. The politicians in Japan try to use the educating system to conceal the history they are afraid of. Comparatively, the government of German shows a different attitude on this. At the commemoration for executed people in World War II of Poland in 2004, the Germany president went to thethe去掉 Warsaw and showed their genuine excuse to the Polish, and then the action as this is mentioned in the class of German, which will make the students memorize the attitude for World War II from their country and the importance of the world peace. Thus some culture conceals what it fears as others face to them.

It is true that formal education is not the only way to show and protect the attitudes of a culture for different events, but it is the foremost and most meaningful one. There are two main reasons for it. Firstly, as the definition we make as the beginning of this article, the formal education is a an educating system. Almost all citizens study in it more or less, especially at a young age. The children do not have as much thinking as the adults, therefore they are the group which most easily be taught. And the belief and tenet forming at the early age is hardly changed after the growth. Secondly, with spreading of the globalization, other methods, as media, always bring so many different ideas and some of them are not obedient with the local culture.这个例子是的反面观点吧，不能证明TS。个人认为 So the formal education is always the best and most significant method to present the culture.

Consequently, a culture always expects what it agrees to be kept forever and has different attitudes on what it fears through the main way, formal education.
个人意见，仅供参考，有时间的话看看我的吧。呵呵。http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=214338

treesUID: 82785

谢谢cherry!!!
我已经把一些基本的错误改正了。
后边的那个确实1句话不能证明主题，那我加上和它对比formal education如何如何是不是就好些呢：）

CHERRYlbyUID: 170649

如何?
我觉得如果加上formal education is more acceptable than media.,会不会好些．
：）

treesUID: 82785

恩那！！！
没想到。汗。这样好些，像我那么写有些强拿论点当论据了
：）QQQ

forjdUID: 152186

我是新手，但很怀疑trees的提纲是不是偏题了？

It is primarily through formal education that a culture to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears.
很明显，强调primary through formal education

是不是应该论证formal是不是主要的，还是只是一部分，要其它补充
至于favor还是discredit，，则只是一个附带内容而已，几乎不用去管它。
即使改成别的:
It is primarily through formal education that a culture to perpetuate sth and discredit sth
写法也几乎不变，不是吗？

强烈请教，不知我说的是否正确，总感觉着提纲有偏题倾向

treesUID: 82785

我个人觉得这个是题目切入点选择的问题？不同的切入点都可以吧

DriverEntryUID: 143979

issue 104
It is primarily through formal education that a culture to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears.


Formal education, the educating system mainly pointing to 这段可以去掉 training and fostering people in schools, is one of the most important methods for politicians政治家？这个不太好吧？题目说的主体词是culture啊。或者再解释一下：政治是CULTURE的重要组成部分。 infusing what they want the public to believe. And a number of这个好象只能接可数名词吧，和后面饿information不搭配，可以把information去掉 ideas and information brought from schools stands for the culture of a country, which expects the perceptions it favors to be extended and held, and always has the different attitudes on what it is afraid of.
different attitudes 这个描述比较VAGUE，不适合做TS，最好能换个明确点的说法

Every culture owns some spirit and thinking it enjoys, such as the patriotism in most of countries, especially in the Asia这个ESPECIALLY怎么得出的？美国或西方的爱国主义教育不如亚洲吗？. When people in their early ages, the teachers and other adultsother adults和formal education有关吗？没关的话，最好去掉，否则白白给人把柄 tell them the history of the country and use various forms to display what they should do after growing up, as some samples, heroes and heroines. It is good for the solidarity of citizens这个可以去掉 of a nation, and whenif they fall into an emergency or face to the enemies who want to destroy their hometown, the unity of them will show a big power to take part inovercome these kinds of situations. Take Korean as an example, after the Japanese government denied apologizing for its behaviors in the World War II, the Korean people韩国人民来宣布吗？感觉好象是政府对ANNOUNCE比较好。此外，这个和FORMAL EDUCATION有直接的关系吗？ began to announce all compatriots not to use the products made in Japan. And 去掉accordingly, all persons, including pupils, perform as it 不如改成reject Japan commodities. The unity showing from the activities shakes the world humans这里感觉还是PEOPLES比较好 strongly. AndAND， BUT 这样的词最好少用在开头 this vivid illustrates that the culture always perpetuates what it favors and the formal education plays a significant role for it.
这段好象在说爱国的思想的重要作用。但是正规教育对爱国思想的作用没体现出来啊？那些韩国人都上过学吗？除了学校外，他们的家人，朋友等其他民间因素没有对他们的爱国起到重要作用吗？到底是正规教育？还是非正规的教育在起主导因素？

However, the conceptions which the culture fears are appeared difference in distinct country with various believes这句也比较VAGUE。怎么个不同呢？. Still using the instants of the World War IITAKE 。。。 FOR EXAMPLE比较好, several decades after this big war, the history texts still showTEACH lots of untrueFALSE situationsFACTS about this war in Japan, 这2句之间没连词，应该用分号。most of the students believed the reason why the Japanese army went to other countries of Asia was all of them threatened their nation and the army only battled for its survival. But in fact, these behaviors are aggression for othersthey invaded other countries. The politicians in Japan try to use the educating system to conceal the history they are afraid of. ComparativelyIn contrast, the government of German shows a different attitude on thisthis 指代什么？不过清楚. At the commemoration for executed被处决的？就用DEAD好了 people in World War II of Poland in 2004, the Germany president went to the Warsaw and showedSHOW这个词用的多了点 their genuine excuse to the Polish, and then the action as this is mentioned in the class of German, which will make the students memorize the attitude for World War II from their country and the importance of the world peace. Thus some culture conceals what it fears as others face to them.
这段里到是有正规教育，但是例子感觉不够恰当。一个文化害怕的观点是什么？日本人害怕被人说成是战争贩子吗？好象不是“害怕”吧？而是一种狭隘的沙文主义。我觉得一个民族害怕的思想有这些，比如：恐怖主义，拜金主义，封建主义等。你可以再想想


It is true that formal education is not the only way to show and protect the attitudes of a culture for different events, but it is the foremost and most meaningful one. There are two main reasons for it. Firstly, as the definition we make as the beginning of this article, the formal education is a educating system. Almost all citizens study in it more or less, especially at a young age. The children do not have as much thinking as the adults, therefore they are the group which most easily be taught. And the belief and tenet forming at the early age is hardly changed after the growth. Secondly, with spreading of the globalization, other methods, as media, always bring so many different ideas and some of them are not obedient with the local culture. So the formal education is always the best and most significant method to present the culture.
这段写的还可以，不过第2个分论点不是很有力。为什么其他媒体来的信息不如正规教育好呢？那个BEST的得出太仓促了些。另外我觉得这段完全可以提前到第2段的位置。

Consequently, a culture always expects what it agrees to be kept forever and has different attitudes on what it fears through the main way, formal education.
结尾没什么实际内容，可以这样写：所以我们要重视正规教育，多花些钱在上面，HOHO

总的来说：BODY 3写的还可以的。一个TS，2个分论点。如果每个BODY都这样写就好了！
其他一些地方需要改进。
1、审题：同意forjd的说法，你的论证感觉有点偏。
2、思想和论证的方法。任何一个ISSUE题目都是带有争议性的，你要把他当作一个辩论赛的题目，在写自己的观点时，最好能想想如果别人反驳你的话，他们会怎么说。这样树立了一个假想敌之后，再论证起来就比较清楚，目的性也强。另外论证的时候，不用急着举例子，例子举完后的解释也很重要。建议多看看精华区的文章。

3、语言：感觉CHINLISH还是有点明显。很多句子读起来比较罗嗦，动词的用法也差点火候，另外重复的词稍微多了点。比如USE，SHOW。建议看下ELEMENTS OF STYLE。精华区有

觉得如果这篇文章是限时完成的话，还可以理解。没有限时写成这样，后面要好好加油了！写完其实可以自己改的，一个词一个词的看，每看一句话就问自己几个问题：1）我想说什么？2）这句和整篇文章的中心是什么关系？ 这句和本段的中心什么关系？这句和前后的句子存在什么样的逻辑关系？另外多看下别人的讨论。快考试了，加油！

imongUID: 140258

最初由 forjd 发布
[B]我是新手，但很怀疑trees的提纲是不是偏题了？

It is primarily through formal education that a culture to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas..

以下省略...... [/B]

没看懂你的意思——你自己版本的response又是什么呢？

题目提出it is primarily through A that culture do B and do C

trees的thesisi同意primarily through A that B，反对primarily though A that C，我想这个回应应该相当到位吧。（文章我没看）

gdhdannyUID: 125843

Formal education, the educating（education） system mainly pointing（毕竟又出来一个并列的主语，建议用从句） to training and fostering people in schools, is one of the most important methods for politicians infusing what they want the public to believe. And a number of ideas and information brought from schools stands（stand） for the culture of a country, which expects the perceptions it favors to be extended and held, and always has the different attitudes on what it is afraid of（and后面的句子表述不是很清楚，事实上不是根他们害怕的东西意见相左，而是去回避）.
这个开头很准确的抓住了题目的关键，不过是观点又没看出来，太遗憾了，不然是个非常漂亮的opening

Every culture owns some spirit and thinking it enjoys, such as the patriotism in most of countries, especially in the（不用冠词） Asia. When people in their early ages（Early in their childhood）, the teachers and other adults tell（told） them the history of the country（their motherlands） and use（时态） various forms to display what they should do after growing up, as some samples, heroes and heroines（还是意思表述得不清楚。什么英雄？干什么的？有什么事迹？想说明什么问题？太含糊了）. It is good for the solidarity of citizens（删掉of citizens） of a nation, and when they fall into an emergency or face to the enemies who want to destroy（破坏，用的词太大了） their hometown, the unity of them will show a big power to take part in（take part in?） these kinds of situations. Take Korean as an example, after the Japanese government denied apologizing for its behaviors in the（删掉冠词） World War II, the Korean people began to announce all compatriots not to use the products made in Japan. And accordingly, all persons, including pupils, perform like that. The unity showing from the activities shakes the world humans strongly. And this（and this->, which） vivid illustrates that the culture always perpetuates what it favors and the formal education plays a significant role for it.
意思很清楚，看上去像让步。例子之所以好，在于把Favors和discredit两方面的意思都讲了，很全面。

However, the conceptions which the culture fears are appeared（用主动语态） difference in distinct country with various believes. Still using（这个词多余） the instance of the World War II, several decades after this big war, the history texts still show lots of untrue situations about this war in Japan, most of the students believed the reason why the Japanese army went（意思太轻了） to other countries of Asia was all of them threatened their（好多they,用Japan啊） nation and the army only battled for its survival. But in fact, these behaviors are aggression for（be aggressive to） others. The politicians in Japan try to use the educating system to conceal the history they are afraid of. Comparatively, the government of German shows a different attitude on（toward） this. At the commemoration for executed people in World War II of Poland in 2004, the Germany president（the president of Germany） went to Warsaw and showed their genuine excuse to the Polish, and then the action as（like） this is mentioned in the class of German, which will make the students memorize the attitude for World War II from their country and the importance of the world peace. Thus some culture conceals what it fears as others face to them.
这段就有问题了。However转折相对于前面一段通过formal education教育应该是通过其它手段不管是什么来教育，而不是不教育！对吧。 很明显的off the topic。

It is true that formal education is not the only way to show and protect the attitudes of a culture for different events, but it is the foremost and most meaningful one. There are two main reasons for it. Firstly, as the definition we make as the beginning of this article, the formal education is an educating system（a system? A form of system）. Almost all citizens study in it more or less, especially at a young age（stage）. The children do not have as much thinking as the adults, therefore they are the group which most easily be taught. And the belief and tenet forming at the early age is hardly changed after the growth. Secondly, with spreading of the globalization, other methods, as media, always bring so many different ideas and some of them are not obedient with the local culture. But the notion tabled from the formal education is most the essential one from the culture. So the formal education is always the best and most significant method to present the culture.
最后这段应该是文章的重点吧。不管怎么说，正面论证都是很重要的，放在这里好像晚了一点。

Consequently, a culture always expects what it agrees to be kept forever and has different attitudes on what it fears through the main way, formal education.
结尾可以在充实一下。

问题主要是第二个Body的转折，逻辑上有问题，再想想

forjdUID: 152186

wu,,在研究一下。。

最后一段，是我最想论证的。。l。

当中是说favor，和discredit.

问题就在于，比如拿日本教科书举例，他就成功地通过formal education fear部分discredit了，至于事实是什么，那与issue题目无关。

或者真想根据favor, fear分开写的话，主体还应扣在是不是primary 上

如favor的,formal 起主要作用

但fear的，，formal只能起一部分作用

同时，再论证主要作用时，应该突出比较，

为什么主要，同样要保存文化，别的方法质能做到什么程度，而fomal可以到什么程度。。

等等。。。。

imongUID: 140258

思路很发散，idea也很有意思，就是仍然没有自己的thesis.

自己先写一写吧！光说的话恐怕看不出来自己能否well-rounded立论的.