Issue 7 自己改了一次 望多多指教

zzfalconUID: 175235

Issue 7 the video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documenting than written record.


This sentence mainly concerns whether video camera is a more important form of documenting than written record. It is hard to make an absolute choice between them, for both of them are still being used for daily activities. But according to the concerns of accuracy and convenience, I personally think that video documenting form will play a more important role in the coming future.


First I must admitted that some people like written records, for they enjoy the feeling when turning paper, and still, writing severs as one of the major ways of documenting, but we cannot overlook the vitality of the video camera, for it helps join the word and help reduce the money as well as the time used in documenting.


Video camera is one kind of new inventions thanks to the progress we made in the electronics. Nowadays, more and more people use video camera to record their life and even some machineries of government use it as a mechanism to protect citizens. First, documenting by video camera is quite convenient; we can record the important information when the action is happening, which can be termed as one kind of live recording. And it really saves plenty of time used in writing or typing words. Second, video camera documenting can preserve larger sums of information than the written from. Because we all know it may take a whole paragraph to describe maybe one second of excitement, and even sometimes we may find things hard to be changed into words. But with advent of the video camera, we don’t have to bother in thinking the accurate words and just show the whole process in a much more impressive way.


We still can find the advantage of video camera not only in the process of preserving information but also in the information exchanging form. In market, we are now finding there are more and more books with CDs as an auxiliary form for information exchanging within which video information is stored. Obviously we need video camera to produce them. Obviously, we produce books by paper which originally comes from woods. Nowadays, we concern ourselves more with environmental problems, and the information preserving form by CDs is a brilliant choice to help resolve the environment problems for CDs are not made of woods and another advantage is that they can last longer with no preservative. And it is a quite hard task to move books globally for its weight, which is considered as barrier for the modern globalization; but when using video camera, we can easily exchange the recording, for CDs and tapes are lighter than books with equal mount of information, and with the help of internet, it is now becoming faster and faster to communicate with others in an impalpable way.


The documenting way by using video camera is growing dramatically; in the coming future we can see another kind of "pens” as well as new "books". With advantages listed above and new ways to resolve problems and flaws within present video cameras, I can foresee a better tomorrow that is why I support the statement that the video camera becomes a more important form of documenting.

DendisUID: 158017

粗略看了一下
First I must admitted 这种低级错误请不要再犯

Obviously, we produce books by paper which originally comes from woods？？？words吧

P1 P3感觉说服力不足，论述不充分

而且首段的论证更多应该围绕documenting的问题，而非其他

zzfalconUID: 175235

非常感谢