issue3 欢迎指正

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

第二篇，劳烦各位了：）小女子在此谢过

题目：
“It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations.”

I am amazed when I hear people saying it is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations. I think this saying would be make human being bog down in the sea of problems.

At first, we had to acknowledge there are a lot of problems now existing in our society, and we should be face them in time. Many people are poor, and many people are in famine in the world. Meanwhile, in many zones, some persons have been away from their home for many years because of wars or racial segregation. All these are at the sense necessary to need us to spend money solving them. Even in developed country-America, since "9.11", the government has allocated more and more money in secure in order to abase Americans' sense of fear. Then, in many developing countries, it is more important to spend money in economy and stability of society.

But, in the other hand, we don't deny it is the same significant to allocate money for long-time research that might help future generations.
We should be realize the future problem will be immediate and existing problem to our offspring, even more, and if we didn't notice it, it will advance quickly and become our immediate problem after many years. At that time, we maybe need too more money than nowadays we spend on long-time research. For example, we all know many countries allocate a lot of money for the environment protection and bringing the pollution under control. If we only cost money in stopping pollution, but not in protection, only because it is the problem of the future generation, not of us, maybe this is the essential reason that we can't eradicate the environment pollution. We always think we don't to face this directly, and the world is better now.

In addition, there will be more problems existing of our generations than of our society, and they need more money to solve them. They will spend little in these problems if we now pay attention to and think about them, and then they will spend their money on the other fields. Just like this, human being can be in a good recycle.

Of course, we can’t imagine spending much money on some research for future, such as cure of many diseases, even if there are much people are in famine and trouble. So I want to say we should be find a balance in allocating money because for any society it is limited, so we can't waste it. We should find the efficient way to face and root out problems facing us, and make a deeply research in some fields which is benefit or harmful to our generations in the future.

mack1983UID: 183345

牛粪同志原来是女儿身？

非常感动帮我改作文，这篇我改了！！占坐先
下午要打比赛，晚上再说好了:-) 晚上不说明天说好了，明天不说。。。。FT，快期末了，真烦人。。。。。。

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

呵呵，现在离期末还早吧，你可要早，早，早地帮我改改哦。

mack1983UID: 183345

首先声明，一过期中就感觉到期末的氛围了，不信你到水木清华上发帖子问问:-)

“It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations.”

I am amazed when I hear people saying it is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations. I think this saying would be （去掉be）make human being（去掉being） bog down in the sea of problems.
没太读懂你的论点，首先，你肯定了应该将钱投入到现在的问题中去，但是，最后一句的意思是说这种说法会使人陷入问题的汪洋大海？？？？晕了
而且从你下面的论证来看，实际上你是认为两者的重要性相当，但论点没有表现出来啊。

At first, we had to acknowledge there are a lot of problems now existing in our society, and we should face them in time. Many people are poor, and many people are in famine in the world. Meanwhile, in many zones, some persons have been away from their home for many years because of wars or racial segregation. All these are at the sense necessary （没见过at the sense necessary 这种表达，不知去哪里看的？）to need us to spend money solving them. Even in developed country-America, since "9.11", the government has allocated more and more money in secure （是security）in order to abase Americans' sense of fear. Then (用at the same time, meanwhile之类的过渡词好些，两者是并列关系), in many developing countries, it is more important to spend money in economy and stability of society.

But, in the other hand, we don't deny it is the same significant to allocate money for long-time research that might help future generations.

We should be（去掉好了） realize the future problem will be immediate and existing problem to our offspring, （even more, and if we didn't notice it, it will advance quickly and become our immediate problem after many years）（这句话重复了，去掉）. At that time, we maybe need too（much） more money than nowadays we spend on long-time research. For example, we all know many countries allocate a lot of money for the environment protection and bringing the pollution under control. If we only cost money in stopping pollution, but not in protection, only because it is the problem of the future generation, not of us, maybe this is the essential reason that we can't eradicate the environment pollution. We always think we don't to face this directly, and the world is better now. （例子没太读懂，但大概意思有了）

首先，你这段时要表述的东西是将钱用于将来也很重要，但是，题目的意思是more important，因此，这里你就有必要将钱用于将来的，但现在没有的好处写出来，即比较着写，我刚开始也犯这个错误，直到写了十几篇后才意识过来。可以见imong的特训，里边说得很清楚的。上一段也是这个问题。
第二，关于控制污染和保护环境问题，我认为不如将保护环境说得更明白些，例如保护环境涉及到栽树啊blabla，这样就不会让人感觉到控制污染和保护环境和保护环境是一个意思了。
第三，我觉得句的例子的说服力不够充分。为什么不直接说资源短缺这些future problem，这样不是更好吗？

In addition, there will be more problems existing of our generations than of our society, and they need more money to solve them. They will spend little in these problems if we now pay attention to and think about them, and then they will spend their money on the other fields. Just like this, human being can be in a good recycle.


Of course, we can’t imagine spending much money on some research for future, such as cure of many diseases, even if there are much people are in famine and trouble （没读懂，关联词好像用错了）. （用上面一句话得不到下面的so，逻辑不够严谨）So I want to say we should be（去掉be） find a balance in allocating money because for any society it is limited, so we can't waste it （用于什么方面恐怕和浪费的关系不大）. We should find the efficient way to face and root out problems facing us, and make a deeply research in some fields which is benefit or harmful to our generations in the future.

结尾处
整体来看，内容有效回应了题目要求，但是主要问题有：
1。没有比较
2。语法问题比较多，突出的一点是为什么很多动词原型前都加了be？

牛粪妹妹还须要加油了！什么时候考啊？我觉得上个AW班比较好。言辞过激，还望海涵。

个人意见，纯属参考。

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

多谢多谢，mack ，不过如果你是1983的，就要叫姐姐了：）
唉，我习惯了，总是should be ，这个问题要注意！我思维上还是换不过来，总是觉得自己比了，但结果还是没比。我寒假会去北京上新东方的，以后还是要多请mack 指点啊。我也是3.11考，在上外。

黄金仓鼠UID: 175716

I am amazed when I hear people saying it is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations. I think this saying would be make human being bog down in the sea of problems.

At first, we had to acknowledge there are a lot of problems now existing in our society, and we should be face (用face 或be in face of )them in time. Many people are poor, and many people are in famine in the world. Meanwhile, in many zones, some persons have been away from their home for many years because of wars or racial segregation. All these are at the sense necessary to need us to spend money solving them. Even in developed country-America, since "9.11", the government has allocated more and more money in (用to) secure(用security) in order to abase Americans' sense of fear. Then, in many developing countries, it is more important to spend money in economy and stability of society.

But, in the other hand, we don't deny it is the （删去）same significant to allocate money for （用to) long-time research that might help future generations.
We should be realize the future problem will be immediate and existing problem to our offspring, even more, and if we didn't notice it, it will advance quickly and become our immediate problem after many years. At that time, we maybe need too more money than nowadays we spend on long-time research. For example, we all know many countries allocate a lot of money for the environment protection and bringing the pollution under control. If we only cost money in stopping pollution, but not in protection, only because it is the problem of the future generation, not of us, maybe this is the essential reason that we can't eradicate the environment pollution. We always think we don't to face this directly, and the world is better now.

In addition, there will be more problems existing of our generations than of our society, and they need more money to solve them. They will spend little in(用on) these problems if we now pay attention to and think about them, and then they will spend their money on the other fields. Just like this, human being can be in a good recycle.

感觉论据和论点很平，没什么新意。而且论据有些泛。这种事实论题我觉得如果有些数据和具体事实，研究结果作论据比较好。语法错误改了一些。
牛粪姐姐寒假到北京上新东方啊，黄金仓鼠会热烈欢迎的。

mack1983UID: 183345

不远万里跑到北京，感动ing，武汉和上海没有吗？
你上走读还是住宿啊？

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

北京正好找到了地方住，所以报了走读的，在中关村那里的。呵呵，再说也想看看北京的雪，杭州每年都是那么飘两朵小雪花。
对了，看来关于MORE的主题，有几个问题想请教，是不是把利，弊分开说就不能算比了？

mack1983UID: 183345

好啊好啊,不过北京很久没下过很正点的雪了,特别是过年的时候.
对了,你是几校区的,搞不好还可以一块去,我原来是2校区,离学校太远了,想换成一教了
看了你和xiaohe同志感言,使我顿开茅塞,决定以一个乐观的心态面对issue了,呵呵...

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

同学帮我报的，具体哪个班我还不太清楚呢，不过因为我住在中关村那边，所以应该是距离比较近的那个班。呵呵，想想北京的糖葫芦，我就会笑出声来的，如果有大雪纷飞的话，那真是太有感觉了。当考过后想想曾经的那个冬天，我曾为了一个梦想而奋斗过，哇，振奋哦：）
就是怕大年夜挺可怜的，毕竟是第一次没和父母一起过年。

黄金仓鼠UID: 175716

北京的雪....?可以忽略不计了吧。冬天风大又干燥，实在没什么感觉。明年寒假我也留在北京上新东方，没法回家看中国最美丽的雪。
不过偶尔一场小雪还是能让人稍稍感动一下的，去年第一场雪时候我去圆明园拍雪景，洁白的雪花落在斑驳的废墟上，夕阳一点点坠下...