issue73 将比较进行到底

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

又一次比较题，不知道这次在结构上是否合适？
再请教，其实有时候自己都不知道自己是不是真的有点笨啊！每次都厚着脸皮请大家帮我改作文，可是自己的作文好像总是不尽如人意。但是，真的，我每次都努力在改进。

[B]"In most professions and academic fields, imagination is more important than knowledge."[/B]

Nowadays, people believe more knowledge will lead to enormous benefits in their fields, so many people pursuer to master all kinds of knowledge. But in my opinion, without imagination, any knowledge is only knowledge that doesn’t impel our society to advance.

All of us should know that imagination is the impetus to make our society go ahead. Filling with creative and initiative, it can give our world beautiful wings to make our life wonderful. Just because of human's imagination, the world has been colorful like today, which we can't visualize before. About 100 years ago, the world is very different from now, and many people imagine to change their life: they hope to hear or see their friends far away from him, and now we have phone or vision-phone; they hope to fly in the sky like birds or run in the earth as fast as cheetah, and then they invent planes and cars; they hope to something can work or think like man, and today computer are prevalent in our daily life. All these are caused by imagination, only if we have new ideas, we will make them to be true.

In science, imagination is especially important. For one thing, science itself is characterized with imagination. Any scientists may be called a scientist because they have new ideas nobody is able to conceive, and their ideas will change our custom life. In history, we find a lot of famous scientists are brave to imagine anything that may be absurd to normal people. But their minds have been tested or been true now. Knowledge teaches us how to recognize this world, however imagination help us how to change this world. So I think imagination is more important than knowledge.

In addition, in art field, such as films, music, drawings and so on, imagination is also more important than knowledge. For example, when you only master the knowledge of drawing or painting, you are just a drawer or painter, but only if you draw or paint with creations or imaginations, we will call you artist or famous artist. And only these works with creations and imaginations may be contribution to our society and human.

But in the other hand, we must admit in some certain fields, knowledge is the same important. If we need a technological worker or a craftsman, knowledge now is more important than imagination. These work require the skill and technology more than invention. Even more, our imagination is to be true, which must depend on knowledge, and enough knowledge can create more new ideas. In mobile-phone production, we can find more new types are produced with the development of people's knowledge about it. In addition, a lot of scientists have new creative ideas which is not from air but for they think continually and have enormous knowledge.

In summary, I think knowledge is like oil of the car, but imagination is like engine, the most important part to the car. So a car, which wants to run fast, must have a good engine and full of oil.
It is the same that if you want to be successful in most profession and academic fields, you must realize the importance of imagination just like an engine. Without it, more oil can’t make a car run. Meanwhile, even the best engine needs oil to cause it run.

foreverlovesUID: 166930

But in the other hand, we must admit in some certain fields, knowledge is the same important. If we need a technological worker or a craftsman, knowledge now is more important than imagination. These work require the skill

找一个小毛病吧,第一句是不是应该改成but on  the other hand we must admit in certain fields
我也是一个菜鸟，呵呵

lqqmUID: 180532

Nowadays, people believe (that) more knowledge will lead to enormous benefits in their fields, so many people pursue(r) to master all kinds of knowledge. But in my opinion, without imagination, any knowledge is only knowledge that doesn’t impel our society to advance. 这句话很不顺眼
可以写成knowledge contributes little to the advance of our society等等

All of us should know that imagination is the impetus to make our society go ahead. Filling with creative and initiative, it can give our world beautiful wings to make our life wonderful. Just because of human's imagination, the world has been colorful like today, which we can't visualize before. About 100 years ago, the world is very different from now, and many people imagine to change their life: they hope to hear or see their friends far away from him, and now we have phone or vision-phone; they hope to fly in the sky like birds or run in the earth as fast as cheetah, and then they invent planes and cars; they hope to something can work or think like man, and today computer are prevalent in our daily life. All these are caused by imagination, only if we have new ideas, we will make them to be true.
这一段的例子虽然很多，但都有点过于简单了。其实也不用举太多，用太多的排比用处不大。虽然字数多了。

In science, imagination is especially important. For one thing, science itself is characterized with imagination. Any scientists may be called a scientist because they have new ideas nobody (else) is able to conceive, and their ideas will change our custom life. In history, we find a lot of famous scientists are brave to imagine anything that may be absurd to normal people. But their minds have been tested or been true now. Knowledge teaches us how to recognize this world, however imagination help us how to change this world. So I think imagination is more important than knowledge.
这一段虽然说了imagination在科学中的作用，但没有进一步表明它要比knowledge重要，所以最后一句的结论显得有些没有根据。

In addition, in art field, such as films, music, drawings and so on, imagination is also more important than knowledge. For example, when you only master the knowledge of drawing or painting, you are just a drawer or painter, but only if you draw or paint with creations or imaginations, we will call you artist or famous artist. And only these works with creations and imaginations may be contribution to our society and human.
我觉得这一段写的最好，条理很清楚

But in the other hand, we must admit in some certain fields, knowledge is the same important. If we need a technological worker or a craftsman, knowledge now is more important than imagination. These work require the skill and technology more than invention. Even more, our imagination is to be true, which must depend on knowledge, and enough knowledge can create more new ideas. In mobile-phone production, we can find more new types are produced with the development of people's knowledge about it. In addition, a lot of scientists have new creative ideas which is not from air but for they think continually and have enormous knowledge.
这一段的两个例子最好再重新考虑一下，例子一定要充分支持该段的论点，不是说随便罗列一些就可以了。

In summary, I think knowledge is like oil of the car, but imagination is like engine, the most important part to the car. So a car, which wants to run fast, must have a good engine and full of oil.
It is the same that if you want to be successful in most profession and academic fields, you must realize the importance of imagination just like an engine. Without it, more oil can’t make a car run. Meanwhile, even the best engine needs oil to cause it run.
有些罗嗦了，结尾要简洁明了，况且考场也没时间罗嗦这么多在结尾。

总体上，我的感觉是：整体框架不错，总分总，最后的让步的结构都很好。
但是在语言上，还不是很符合gre作文的规范语言。我本来想一句一句的改的。但是我的功底也不行。看着不顺，但也想不出更好的。多看看范文吧
还有一点最重要，这片文章除了in addition那段，力度都不够，imagination到底怎么比knowledge要重要了？写完之后，先想想自己能不能说服自己，呵呵。
加油加油！

乒乓球爱上九月UID: 162925

"In most professions and academic fields, imagination is more important than knowledge."

Nowadays, people believe more knowledge will lead to enormous benefits in their fields, so many people pursuer to master all kinds of knowledge. 这是一个病句，逗号后面应该有一个连词。这句话的意思可以用一句表达清楚：nowadays so many people try to(pursue不妥) master as much knowledge as possible for they believe……But in my opinion, without imagination, any knowledge is only knowledge that doesn’t impel our society to advance. 题目说的是more，你这句话是说两个一样重要，还是imagination更重要？从这个角度来说你没有表达你的观点。

[U]All of us should know that[/U]删  imagination is the impetus to make our society [U]go ahead[/U] 太口语了to our society's development. Filling with creative creativityand initiative, it can give our world beautiful wings to make our life wonderful. 且来谈谈这个句子，从中文的角度：赋予翅膀何以让生活更加好？比喻如果不能一针见血就让人费解了。gre作文如果有好的比喻是非常有效也是很省力的，个人认为其前提是有一个适度的论证，后面你也是一直在说人类在怎样想象，至于为什么能给世界带来改变呢，似乎没有提。再从语法角度来说，这个独立主格结构让句子的意思变的晦涩很多，去掉filling就好，with的用法很灵活，楼主看文章时多多领会。Just because of human's imagination, the world has been colorful like today, which we can't visualize before. About 100 years ago, the world is very different from now, and many people imagine to change their life: they hope to hear or see their friends far away from him, and now we have phone or vision-phone; they hope to fly in the sky like birds or run in the earth as fast as cheetah, and then they invent planes and cars; they hope to something can work or think like man, and today computer are prevalent in our daily life. [B]All these are caused by imagination, only if we have new ideas, we will make them to be true. [/B]  整个一大段都在说人类的想象，至于如何起到impetus的角色就用最后一句话不太明显的提了一下，没有论证。

In science, imagination is especially important. For one thing, science itself is characterized with imagination. Any scientists may be called a scientist because they have new ideas nobody is able to conceive, and their ideas will change our custom life. In history, we find a lot of famous scientists are brave to imagine anything that may be absurd to normal正常？？ people. But their minds have been tested or been true now. Knowledge teaches us how to recognize this world, however imagination help us how to change this world. [U]So I think imagination is more important than knowledge.[/U]  [B]删[/B]
缺乏例子
这一段从科学角度讲想象的重要性，和上段一样，你反复强调想象能够带来改变，而核心部分是要你说明为什么。

In addition, in art field, such as films, music, drawings and so on, imagination is also [B]more [/B]  终于看到more了important than knowledge. For example, when you only master the knowledge of drawing or painting, you are just a drawer or painter, but only if you draw or paint with creations or imaginations, we will call you artist or famous artist. And only these works with creations and imaginations may be contribution to our society and human.
艺术方面imagination是最好讲了，可惜篇幅太少。
But in the other hand, we must admit in some certain fields, knowledge is the same important. If we need a technological worker or a craftsman, knowledge now is more important than imagination. These work require the skill and technology more than invention. Even more, our imagination is to be true, which must depend on knowledge, and enough knowledge can create more new ideas. In mobile-phone production, we can find more new types are produced with the development of people's knowledge about it. In addition, a lot of scientists have new creative ideas which is not from air but for they think continually and have enormous knowledge.
根据你的观点，我个人认为，gre要求你的是论证能力，也就是把自己的有说服力的表现出来，而不是十全十美，本身这个题目就是一个是与否的问题，既然选择了一个方向，就要完整有力，其实不必让步。仔细看老外280的很多文章都是不让步的，一气呵成很痛快。
In summary, I think knowledge is like oil of the car, but imagination is like engine, the most important part to the car. So a car, which wants to run fast, must have a good engine and befull of oil.
It is the same that if you want to be successful in most profession and academic fields, you must realize the importance of imagination just like an engine. Without it, more oil can’t make a car run. Meanwhile, even the best engine needs oil to cause it run.


这是一篇典型的走题的文章，题目要求你回应哪个比较重要比较，不是让你论述某一个特质如何重要。建议楼主重新立提纲。
语言角度来说，句子语法错误还是比较严重的，试试用简单句往往会更好。个别词语不准确。

个人意见，欢迎讨论。

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

多谢九月，我要好好想想，等我改正好后还要请你再帮我看看啊。