issue22 再接再厉 请指教

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

"Many people believe that a few individuals or small groups (family, friends, teachers, celebrities, for example) have caused them to think and behave in the way they do. Yet it is always society as a whole that defines us and our attitudes, not a few individuals."

What is the reason that cause people's way of think and behave? Some people believe a few individuals or small groups have caused them to think and behave in the way they do. The other people consider society as a whole to define them and them attitudes, not a few individuals. I agree the later opinion.

I presume that the former opinion is right, the way of human's think and behave is caused by individuals or small groups, for example, by a teacher. Then, I want to ask a question, that who define this teacher's attitude. According to the former opinion, it should be defined this teacher's teacher or other individuals, and who define these men's attitude? We can deduce a lot of people have been involved in the group caused the way in which people think and behave. All these men are not only small groups, but an important part of our society. Therefore we can conclude the former presumption is wrong.

Why does the society as a whole define us and our attitudes? Now let us down to some fundamentals and find out the right result of this question. Firstly, we compare the attitude of different people, the same times, in different countries, such as Chinese and American. Chinese are always shy to express their love to anyone, concluding their parents or lover. However, on the contrary, Americans are good at saying "I love you". Individuals or small groups in both countries do not cause this phenomenon. Actually, it is a result of history development, and caused by different culture and society background. America is a society where people pressure freedom and have open mind, so it is easy for them to express their love. But in China, it is such an old east country, the society with more obligation and orders, that Chinese have no habit to express their feelings.

Secondly, let us compare the people of different times in the same country. For instance, in China, people, before the reformation and open, paid more attention to their words, and were proud of being the poor, wearing black or dark blue clothes. They always thought, whatever they do, everyone acquire equal pay. Even more, they thought labor was greater than knowledge and technology. But, nowadays, people's thought have been changed more and more. A lot of people realize it is so necessary to compete in our new society. In order to win in competition, they have to learn more knowledge and technology that they looked down on many years ago. Meanwhile, we consider we do with a few people of rich personality and original ideas. These opinions and attitudes have advanced, not for the reason of individuals or small groups, but of the development of society we live in. All these have not happened until the government applied new policy- reformation and open. The society's change caused the attitude's change.

From these two examples, we find that anyone or any group are not able to define us and our attitude except our society where we live. Only when society went ahead, our way of think and behave should have some changes.

跳梁小丑UID: 157249

一楼同学你的语法错误多了点啊
能告诉我怎么才能将修改的内容用红线表示出来么？

mack1983UID: 183345

呵呵，被小河mm抢改了。明天我来好了

xiaoheUID: 162707

mack，更正一下，如果你是1983年生的，得叫我JJ哟。我DD比你还大一些呢。：]

韩愈说得好：“无长无少，道之所存，师之所存也”，所以我还得请你和版上的其他G友指导呀。

xiaoheUID: 162707

最初由 跳梁小丑 发布
[B]一楼同学你的语法错误多了点啊
能告诉我怎么才能将修改的内容用红线表示出来么？ [/B]

用版上置顶的变色龙工具，我也是刚开始用，很不习惯，所以上面改得有点乱。sorry about that.

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

哎呀，哎呀，小丑说的我都不好意思起来了，唉，俺们的语言还是弱啊，一天两天也进步不大，还劳烦各位，真是感激之心无以言表。但是我一定会改得能见人一些在贴上来的

跳梁小丑UID: 157249

最初由 一朵盛开的牛粪 发布
[B]哎呀，哎呀，小丑说的我都不好意思起来了，唉，俺们的语言还是弱啊，一天两天也进步不大，还劳烦各位，真是感激之心无以言表。但是我一定会改得能见人一些在贴上来的 [/B]

不好意思阿，我说话向来不知道如何客气，见谅见谅

mack1983UID: 183345

"Many people believe that a few individuals or small groups (family, friends, teachers, celebrities, for example) have caused them to think and behave in the way they do. Yet it is always society as a whole that defines us and our attitudes, not a few individuals."

What is the reason that ［直接用what就好了］cause people's way of think ［thinking］and behave ［behaving］? Some people believe a few individuals or small groups ［have caused them to think and behave in the way they do，改为do就行了］,[while] The other people consider society as a whole to[去掉to, 改为that] define［改为defines］ them and them［their］ attitudes, not a few individuals. I agree the later［latter］ opinion.

I presume that the former opinion is right, the way of human's think and behave is caused by individuals or small groups,［这句话可以这样写：I presume that the former opinion--- the way of human's think and behave is caused by individuals or small groups--- is right,］ for example, by a teacher. Then, I want to ask a question［a question comes ］ that who define this teacher's attitude. According to the former opinion, it should be defined [by] this teacher's teacher or other individuals, and who define these men's attitude? We can deduce a lot of people have been involved in the group caused the way in which people think and behave. All these men are not only small groups, but an important part of our society. Therefore we can conclude the former presumption is wrong.
我觉得这段论证好像有点问题，首先你想说明的是我们的性格不是由周围的人所影响的，然后你的逻辑是一个老师的性格［是］由周围人所影响，然后周围的人的性格又由这些人周围的人所影响。。。。这样推下去，最终的结果是这个人的性格实际上由所有人共同影响。这里就涉及到一个问题，所谓的影响是指直接的还是间接的，因此，你最好在写之前先定义一下。否则，你的第一个假设“一个老师的性格［是］由周围人所影响”就同你想要论证的东西矛盾了。

Why does the society as a whole define us and our attitudes? Now let us [get] down to some fundamentals and find out the right result of this question. Firstly, we compare the attitude of different people, the same times, in different countries, such as Chinese and American[没读懂这句话]. Chinese are always shy to express their love to anyone, concluding ［including］ their parents or lover. However, on the contrary, Americans are good at saying "I love you" ［这样表达不太好。其实，我觉得你是要表达中国人含蓄而美国人比较直爽的意思，这样的话，直接用implicit 和 explicit 就好了］. Individuals or small groups in both countries do not cause this phenomenon［我觉得用被动句比较好一点］. Actually, it is a result of history development, and caused by different culture and society background. America is a society where people pressure［emphasize］ freedom and have open mind, so it is easy for them to express their love. But in China, it is such an old east country, the society with more obligation and orders, that Chinese have no habit to express their feelings.

Secondly, let us compare the people of different times in the same country. For instance, in China, people, before the reformation and open, paid more attention to their words, [wear black or dark blue clothes] and were proud of being the poor. They always thought, whatever they do［不管他们付出多少可以这样表达：however amount of labor they contribute］, everyone [should] acquire equal pay. Even more [我没见过这种表达，是不是用moreover好一点], they thought labor was greater than knowledge and technology. But, nowadays, people's thought have been ［gradually］changed more and more［more and more可以不用了］. A lot of people realize it is so necessary to compete in our new society. In order to win in competition, they have to learn more knowledge and technology that they looked down on many years ago. Meanwhile, we consider we do with a few people of rich personality and original ideas[hehe, 读晕了]. These opinions and attitudes have advanced, not for the reason of individuals or small groups, but of the development of society we live in. All these have not happened until the government applied new policy- reformation and open. The society's change caused the attitude's change.
这两段的论述角度很不错，向你学习，但语言欠火候，把你的思想给遮蔽了。语言上还是要下些功夫才行

From these two examples, we find that anyone or any group are［is］ not able to define us and our attitude except our society where we live. Only when society went ahead, our way of think and behave should have some changes.
呵呵，我还是我，我觉得这种文章中用还是比较好写的，向你第二段的那个东东如果不先说明白的话，是很容易被认为跑题的。
这篇文章的亮点在于你的论证角度。大概ETS最重视的就是这点，但话又说回来，虽然他的评分标准中语言只占了一条，但你的思维是靠语言表示的，所以语言的好坏成了作文的必要条件了。


mack1983UID: 183345

sign....改颜色未遂

一朵盛开的牛粪UID: 182912

呵呵，我自己再看都给看晕了，劳烦mack了，当时写的比较快，所以很多写法很生硬，唉，不像你们，语言的提高可是不会立杆见影的啊。但是既然选择了，就不能逃避，啃……